Are there any shocking jokes?

Jesus and Sakyamuni had a boxing match. If you lose, let the other side bounce your head. Jesus always wins, and Sakyamuni is bounced all over his head. In the end, Sakyamuni won once. When Jesus saw that he lost, he said, "Wait for me for a while, and then hit me when you come back." Jesus never came back, so for thousands of years, Sakyamuni kept a hand ready to hit Jesus on the head. ...

A child selling tofu always thinks that a nun is a monk's daughter-in-law. One day, a nun went to buy tofu, and the child called her "monk's daughter-in-law" This made a nun very angry and left without giving tofu money.

Children cry when they sit on the ground. At this time, a monk happened to pass by, and the child grabbed him and said, "Your daughter-in-law doesn't give money for eating tofu!" " "

The monk asked, "Where can I have a daughter-in-law?"

"That's the nun!"

"You call her aunt and she will give you money."

The child went to the nun happily: "Aunt, please give me the tofu money."

Seeing that the child no longer called her "monk's daughter-in-law", the nun happily gave money and asked, "Who told you to call her that?"

Uncle!'

Late at night, after the last shift, a bus was ready to deliver. The driver looked back and saw a lady in white sitting in the last row. The driver continued to drive and looked in the rearview mirror. That woman is gone again. It's scary! Hurriedly braked and sat there again. The driver turned his head guiltily and continued to drive. He looked at the rearview mirror carefully again. That woman is gone again. What a shock! Hurry and brake again. Looking back, the woman appeared again. Facing the collapse, the driver turned his head in a cold sweat and continued driving. The third time, the driver looked at the rearview mirror. That woman disappeared again. The driver had collapsed and braked suddenly, but she didn't turn back. At this time, the woman slowly came to him, her hair was messy and her face was covered with blood. The driver's body was stiff, and she dared not turn her head to look at her ... The woman said in a very low voice, "I have enemies with you! When I squatted down to tie my shoelaces, you slammed on the brakes. When I squatted down, you braked again ... "

One summer, it was very hot.

A middle-aged man was going to bed on a business trip and checked into a small hotel. Suddenly the phone rang: "excuse me, this is the front desk." Our hotel has special services. Need it? "

"No, thanks." The man replied.

After putting down the phone, the man tossed and turned, unable to sleep, so he grabbed the phone and called the front desk and said, "Give me special service." Soon a young girl came in.

The man asked how much it was for a night. The woman said "a hundred".

The man said, "OK, take it off and sit on the sofa."

The woman took off her clothes and sat on the sofa.

The man went back to bed and lay down, and soon there was a loud voice. ...

At dawn, women can't bear to wake up men anymore. Why did you call me here?

"Hey hey!" The man said, "There are so many mosquitoes that I can't sleep ..."

When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a beautiful woman in the liberal arts class. Although I know her, I have no chance to get close to her. For a long time, I could only look at it from a distance. My deskmate and I have discussed many ways to approach beautiful women, but most of them are too shameless and few are feasible. Later, I came up with a simple idea, that is, I met her and took the initiative to strike up a conversation. The content of the conversation is: hey, what a coincidence, you are XXXX, too. The content of XXXX depends on the specific situation. For example, when we meet in the library, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also come to the library. When you meet at the station, you say, hey, what a coincidence, you also take this bus. Then we can start talking.

With this in mind, I want to meet her every day. Finally one day: I came out of the toilet and saw her washing her hands by the pool. I was so excited that I quickly went over and turned on the tap to wash my hands. She smiled at me, and I said excitedly, Hey, what a coincidence, did you … did you pee on your hand?

Well, Mr. Zhang. You can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, it's not even an expensive computer.

Once I took an IC card by bus and lined up to get on the bus. A man in front threw a coin, and my brain was short-circuited and I threw the IC card in. ...

My neighbor forgot his key, turned it over from my balcony, found the key in the house, turned it back, and opened his door. What's even more amazing is that I met on the balcony from beginning to end and didn't feel anything wrong. Alas, our heads must have passed through the same door. ...

One day, I found that my mobile phone was missing. I searched my bag and every corner of the house, but it didn't work. I sat on the ground depressed, took out my mobile phone from my pocket and sent a short message to everyone: I lost my mobile phone!

Since the telephone was installed in the dormitory, we have become "gentlemen". A gentleman talks but doesn't do it, and of course he's too lazy to move his legs. If anything happens, they would rather spend some phone bills than go out for a walk.

There is a young man named Li Lei in our family. He got a job in the summer vacation and worked as a programmer in a website. He went to work yesterday. Someone called him and I answered. I said that Li Lei was not here, and the other party asked him if he had gone back to his hometown? I said no, and the other person said, "Then tell him that I am his classmate. Please ask him to call me when he comes back. The phone number is XXXX. "

I wrote down my notes, and later I learned that it was actually a phone call diagonally opposite the dormitory, which was unfamiliar to us.

When Li Lei came back in the evening, I told him about the phone call. He said it might be from a high school classmate, so he called back the number. Li Lei is from Shaanxi. As soon as the phone rang, he asked, "Do you have any from Shaanxi?"

The person who answered the phone said, "we don't have it here, but we do." Wait a minute, I'll call you ... "Immediately, I heard someone shouting in the corridor:" Li Lei, you fellow villager, come and answer the phone! "

Li Lei paused and told us in Room 3 that I'm going to take a call, and you are here to watch for me. If you get through, just say I'll be back soon. Li Lei passed and Lao San picked up the phone.

Within a few seconds, there came the voice of "Hello". The third child immediately said, "He's out. Wait a minute!" " Then he pushed open the door and shouted, "Li Lei, this phone is connected. Come back quickly."

Li Lei waited there for a while, but when he saw no response, he hung up. He went back to the house and took the phone from the old man. He can only hear the "beep" after hanging up. "Strange!" He said gloomily, "Why didn't anyone answer?"

Then he picked up the note, remembered the number, and dialed the number again: "Do you have any from Shaanxi ..."

I remember when I was in high school, I met a close friend and bought a big cake outside the school gate. You know, when I was in high school, I was often hungry because I used too much brain. I immediately ran up and punched him, and then I took a bite of his big cake and swore, "It's really not enough. I don't want to buy a cake! " As a result, I didn't swallow a bite of cake, and when I looked up, I found that I was mistaken for someone else. That's enough. Later, I even said I was sorry and stuffed the pie I took a bite into the man's hand and ran away. The whole process is done in one go! ! !

I remember that when I ran back to the school gate and looked back, the man was still standing in front of the stall, holding a pie with a missing mouth. Sometimes you can't help beating yourself up when you think about it! ! ! !

When I was a freshman, I went to the cafeteria to pack my bags. But there is something wrong with the punch card machine. I rowed down to 3 yuan, 25 yuan. My brother, who sells steamed stuffed buns, couldn't add it back for a long time and said piteously, "Nothing, I remember you. Come here often in the future until I run out of extra money. " I have to agree.

Poor me, I ate steamed buns for a whole semester, and Brother Steamed Bun still owes me 2.3 yuan ... The most exasperating thing is that I haven't found a girlfriend after four years in college! !

Until graduation, one day I was walking on the campus tree-lined road, listening to a group of girls pointing behind me and whispering, "Yes, that's him! ! Don't find such a boyfriend in the future, and go to the second canteen to eat steamed buns every day without paying! ! "

Pinch the cock's neck but dare not go under the knife, hesitate for a long time, the chicken was strangled by me. ...

The first class in the afternoon is history class, and the teacher speaks enthusiastically in class.

A classmate nicknamed "San Mao" fell asleep at his desk. The teacher was very angry and called Sanmao up.

The teacher asked, "What do you think Wang Anshi and Ouyang Xiu have in common?" Sanmao blurted out, "They are all from the Song Dynasty."

The teacher then asked, "Tell me, what do they have in common with Emperor Taizong and Zhuge Liang?"

San Mao paused and replied, "They are all ancient people."

There was a burst of laughter in class, and the teacher made mistakes and just played them as games, which also enlivened the classroom atmosphere.

So he asked, "Do they have anything in common with Sun Yat-sen and Lu Xun?"

San Mao thought for a moment and said, "All men."

The teacher then asked, "What if you add Li Qingzhao and Cixi?"

San Mao was anxious: "He ... they are all from China."

The teacher smiled and asked, "Tell me again, what do Napoleon and Caesar have in common?"

"They are all emperors."

"What do they have in common with Darwin and Hitler?"

Sanmao replied that he had mastered the trick. He proudly replied, "All foreigners."

The teacher asked again, "What do they have in common with these people I mentioned earlier?"

Three burrs in the end: "all people."

The teacher asked again, "As far as I know, Zhuge Liang keeps chickens among these people, and Cixi and Caesar also keep dogs. Count all these animals. Do they have anything in common? "

When the teacher asked, Sanmao's head began to sweat: "This ... this ... they are all dead."

"Well, they are all dead." The teacher nodded his head.

San Mao sat down with a soft leg and thought, is this the end of the problem?

Unexpectedly, the teacher said, "You stand up, and there is one last question-if they are still alive, can you find the similarities?"

Sanmao was dumbfounded. He thought for five minutes before he said sadly, "If the time difference is not counted, they should all have had lunch ..."

A Japanese man underwent heart surgery. When he left the hospital, the doctor showed him the bill. He suddenly became angry, fainted, had another heart attack and died.

After the Valdez oil spill in Alaska, the average cost of rescuing each seal was as high as $80,000. At a special ceremony, two seals that spent huge sums of money to rescue were released into nature with cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, they were all swallowed by a man-eating whale.

1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles decided to break the world flagpole sitting record. He caught a cold and came eight hours before breaking the 400-day record. Later, it was found that the sponsor went bankrupt, his girlfriend left early, and the phone and electricity were cut off.

Two animal rights protectors in Bonn were protesting the cruelty of sending pigs to slaughterhouses. Suddenly, 2,000 pigs ran out of the broken fence and trampled two unlucky protectors to death.

A terrorist named Kai Ranaga didn't pay enough postage when sending bomb mail. The mail was returned with the words "Return to the sender", but he forgot that it was a bomb, so he opened the parcel and it was blown to pieces.

James Elliot, a potential robber in Long Beach, California, jammed his gun while pointing a.38 revolver at the victim. At this time, he made a very constructive move-he carefully looked at the muzzle and pulled the trigger at the same time-this time the gun didn't jam.

A Swiss hotel chef had his finger cut off by a meat cutter, and he angrily demanded compensation from the insurance company. The insurance company suspected it was his fault, so it sent someone to check the machine. The man tried to operate the meat cutter himself, and he also lost a finger-so the chef's claim for compensation was approved.

A man struggled to shovel snow on the streets of Chicago for an hour in a snowstorm and finally cleared a parking space for his car. When he was driving, he found a lady taking his place-understandably, he shot her.

Because he stopped to drink in a bar, a driver in Zimbabwe found that all 20 mental patients in his car had escaped. He should send them to a mental hospital. Afraid of being criticized by the leader for carelessness, the driver drove to a nearby bus stop and promised to take every passenger for free. He sent these passengers to a mental hospital and told the hospital staff that these "patients" were very excited and full of hallucinations-a move that was not discovered until three days later.

A man walked into a convenience store in Louisiana, took out a 20 yuan bill and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash register, he showed his pistol and asked the clerk to give him all the cash in the cash register. The shop assistant finished it quickly. He took the money and quickly lost it, but left his 20 yuan notes on the counter-he took 15 yuan.

The crime column of Ann Arbor News reported that a man in Michigan walked into a fast food restaurant with a gun at 5 am and robbed it. The clerk refused, saying that you can't open the cash register without ordering. So the man ordered a fried onion ring, but the clerk said there was no breakfast time. The man was deeply depressed and left in despair.

On the streets of Seattle, the police found a man who was seriously unwell curled up next to a car. The man later admitted that he tried to steal gasoline with a siphon, but he put the other end of the straw into the dung bucket of the garage by mistake.

A Japanese politician, at a disadvantage in the election polls, created the illusion of assassination in order to win votes. In order to make the illusion look real, the politician cut off his leg. I didn't expect to cut off the artery and bleed heavily. He died before making his last campaign speech.

The convicted murderer Saihan asked for bail in prison. He complained, "If Robert Kennedy were alive today, he would never let me suffer like this!" Thurhan's request was rejected and he will stay in prison. He was sentenced to prison for the assassination of Robert Kennedy.

A Frenchman tried a complicated way of suicide in 1998: he stood on a high cliff, put a noose around his neck and fixed the rope on a huge rock; Then he drank the poison and began to set himself on fire; When he jumped off the cliff, he shot himself again. But the bullet did not hit the target, but broke the rope. He fell into the sea and was not hanged. The cold sea water put out the flame on him, and the impact of the fall made him spit out the venom. A fisherman dragged him out of the water and took him to the hospital. As a result, he died of hypothermia.

A Ukrainian businessman bought a pager as a gift for each of his 50 employees. On his way back to the company, these 50 pagers suddenly started buzzing at the same time. He was so scared that he ran his car into a telephone pole. After checking the injury, he began to check the information on the pager, only to see that all 50 pagers had the same sentence: "Thank you for buying this machine!" " "

On May 23, 2006, at an auction party in Doha, Qatar, Qatar's state-owned telecommunications company first launched a mobile phone with the number of 666666. The auction lasts 10 minute, and the price keeps rising. The winner finally paid 1000 Wan Li Yard (about US$ 2.8 million) to get this number. This set a new world record-the most expensive mobile phone number in the world.

On May 29th, 2006, a stray dog named Shipton climbed the No.2 camp of Mount Everest at an altitude of 6,600 meters without any mountaineering equipment.

In the fourth World Cup, the United States beat England with an astonishing score of 1:0. When the British reporter came back, the editor thought the reporter was joking, so he changed the score to 1: 10. England won, and it was reported the next day, which caused an uproar all over the world.