Guo Donglin’s old songs and new songs must have all the lines! (urgent)

"Old Songs and New Songs" is a cross talk performed by Guo Donglin and Feng Gong in the 2000 CCTV Spring Festival Gala.

Script:

Guo: Happy New Year, dear audience friends! Oh, brother Gong, don't worry, Niu herd lets him do his thing, I'll celebrate the New Year with you!

Feng: Really? This is my dear brother.

Guo: Of course we are brothers. The two of us are going to this station, just like this, we are twins.

Feng: Who wants to say there is any difference? How bad are the eyes!

Guo: The pursuit is the same.

Feng: Whatever he does, I will do.

Guo: I’m going to make a movie.

Feng: I will be a producer.

Guo: I want to play a hero.

Feng: I will act as a model.

Guo: I want to play a gangster.

Feng: I will play the bastard.

Guo: I want to do a small business.

Feng: I will spread it out on the ground.

Guo: I want to get a green onion.

Feng: I’m just going to take advantage of you.

Guo: I want to steal four potatoes.

Feng: I will give you six eggs.

Guo: I’m going to the detention center

Feng: I’m going in... I’ll send you a lunch box every day.

Guo: Why don’t you go in?

Feng: I am an insider of the Public Security Bureau.

Guo: The misfortune is in your hands![1]

Feng: In the new millennium, we have to do something serious, right?

Guo: That’s right, Brother Gong, isn’t that what I’m thinking about! CCTV has many new columns.

Feng: Yes.

Guo: This is an opportunity for us, I have to help them.

Feng: Yes, yes, yes.

Guo: You said I would help that column first.

Feng: Help that column. If that column is weak, just help that column

Guo: That’s right! Let me start with the focus interview first. This focus interview...

Feng: No, no, no, no, duh... This column is not weak!

Guo: Not weak!

Feng: Not weak, not weak, not weak

Guo: Sitting there alone, frowning and chattering endlessly, how monotonous it is

Guo: You want Shui Junyi and Fang Hongjin to sing Tianjin Allegro during the focus interviews.

Feng: Huh?

Guo: There are so many bamboo boards. I won’t praise anything else. I will praise the traditional delicacy Goubuli steamed buns. What’s so good about this Goubuli steamed bun? It’s thin-skinned. The large stuffing has eighteen pleats, like a flower.

Feng: This describes steamed buns, you can’t use it indiscriminately. Say that girl is as beautiful as a flower, but you must not say that girl looks like a bun.

Guo: Yes.

Feng: If you say that girl is beautiful, like a flower, you must not say that girl looks like a bun.

Guo: How about it! Just use this form to put new content, and the focus interview will become popular immediately, and then...

Feng: No, no, no, that’s it. How about we welcome him to give us a focus interview in this format today?

Guo: Are you using Tianjin Allegro to broadcast focus interviews here? Can't come.

Feng: Why can’t you come?

Guo: I didn’t bring a board.

Feng: I’m taking it with me.

Guo: I'm taking him with me...

Guo: Why are you taking him with you! You don't know how to fight, people have to fight with that thing. If you fight like it's decoration, who will listen?

Guo: Dahua...Okay, the old society has to make ends meet.

Feng: I didn’t catch up, so stop talking nonsense—Focus Interview!

Guo: Is this the beginning? And a band? What a slap in the face, I won’t boast about anything else. Let’s talk about something in today’s focus interview. Let’s talk about something. Well, let’s talk about something. Hey...

Feng, Guo : Let’s say something!

Feng: Are you poor or not?

Guo: Hey, let’s talk about China’s entry into the customs to develop an economically prosperous and powerful country!

Feng: OK!

Guo: The WTO is quite a big organization. It has a thin skin and 18 folds, so it can’t be a steamed bun!

Feng: Isn’t this nonsense!

Guo: The negotiations between China and the United States were extremely difficult, but we finally won them through hard work!

Feng: Yes!

Guo: As for the US representative, she is still a woman. Just after signing the agreement, she added conditions. I don’t want to eat anything else at the banquet tonight. Come here, it’s half a pound of dog ignores me. I can take one bite. Eat three.

Feng: Ouch... (laughing)

Guo: Don't look at this female representative, she is usually dignified and chic, but when she sees the buns being served, she grabs them with her hands, her mouth It’s straight forward, not bad, not bad, and tastes great. In our American dialect, we call it “Very good”!

Guo: Come on, come on, come on!

Feng: Ouch... (laughing)

Guo: This interview was reported by me. My name is Shui Junyi, and I am just like a flower. You must never say that I, Xiao Shui, look like a bun.

Feng: Ah, my name is Guo Donglin. I don’t look like a flower, but I have a fat head and big ears without pleats. I do look like a steamed bun!

Guo: Who looks like Baozi?

Feng: Our focus interview is on a steamed bun shop, right? Can it be changed like this? ?

Guo: You can’t change it like this.

Feng: Absolutely not!

Guo: I’m not going to change focus interviews. I’m going to change it to sports programs. It’s perfect for sports programs to sing Tianjin Allegro.

Feng: Really?

Guo: The bamboo boards are so good, I won’t praise anything else...

Feng: I praise the League A for being like a dog.

Guo: OK!

Feng: It’s all Tianjin Allegro!

Guo: How can this be done? Sports programs must have higher pursuits, how can they sing Tianjin Allegro?

Feng: No.

Guo: You have to sing Jingdong drums in sports programs. Jingdong Dagu As far as I know, I am the only one in the country who can sing: The fiery red sun has just risen from the mountains, and the morning glow has filled half of the sky...

Feng, Guo: Two people were walking on the highway...

Feng: An old man and a young man, na na na!

Guo: Old man Zhang is in his 50s this year.

Feng: Her daughter is named Zhang Guilan.

Guo: Old man Zhang sent his daughter to school ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Feng: Carry the luggage for his daughter, up, up, up, up, up!

Guo/Feng: Guilan wants to take the pole and let his father take a break to smoke a cigarette. Don't look at this shoulder pole. It is narrow at both ends but not wide at all. It is not bent even if it is not loaded. If it is loaded, it is trembling at both ends but it is not bent at all. No matter how heavy the weight is, it will not weigh on the shoulders!

Guo: I’m going to choke you to death. Just use this format to broadcast new content. By then, sports programs will become popular!

Feng: Really!< /p>

Guo: By then...

Feng: Not then, just this time. We continue to welcome him to broadcast a women’s football match to us using JD drums.

Guo: I’m singing the women’s football match here with Jingdong drums, but I can’t come.

Feng: Why can’t you come?

Guo: I didn’t bring my Sanxian.

Feng: I’ll take it with me. Secretary Wang will bring the Sanxian.

Guo: There is also a secretary who plays the harp.

Feng: Nonsense, there is also an associate professor taking a bath.

Guo: OK! I said this thing won't be ready for two or three years.

Guo: Can it be bad? When he was a child, he played cotton. What to sing?

Feng: Women’s football.

Guo: The fiery red sun has just risen, and half of the sky is walking on the court. There are only two players in the Chinese team...

Feng: How many?

Guo: Eleven, one old man, that’s the coach.

Feng: Introducing the team members!

Guo: Sun Wen is in her fifties this year.

Feng: How old are you?

Guo: Fifteen or sixteen, twenty-five or six years old.

Feng: Maybe.

Guo: Followed by her daughter...

Feng: Who?

Guo: No, the female team members are all beauties. Captain Sun Wen is not an easy person. She carries the burden and passes the ball.

Feng: Huh?

Guo: Look at this ball. It has a thin skin and a large filling with eighteen pleats. Goubuli’s buns are not as round. Liu Ailing, take the pole and let Sun Wen take a break to smoke a cigarette. Didn't Sun Wen say, I'm going to shoot the door with my kick. After shooting the door, let's smoke again. Sun Wen's foot is extremely powerful. It is narrow at both ends but not as wide as it is. It does not bump even if the ball is not placed on it. When the ball is separated, it is trembling at both ends and does not miss the target even from tricky angles. Na. Ouch, my God! Sun Wen suddenly shot the door...

Feng: OK!

Guo: Hey hey, hey hey, hey hey hey, hey hey hey hey.

Feng: Did the ball go in?

Guo: Wait a moment, I just see that ball...

Feng: How is it?

Guo: It's running towards that door...

Feng: No, let me ask you, did you go in?

Guo: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Do you want this football to come in? Let’s talk about it next time during the broadcast. An-an, an-an, an-an, an-an, an-an!

Guo: How about this? What kind of actions will fans and friends across the country take after such a broadcast!

Feng: Anyway, you are bound to be beaten. I will beat you to the point where you cannot take care of yourself. Is there such a way to change it? I don’t object to you changing the column, but you have to change it according to certain rules. You can’t change it randomly. Well, huh?

Guo: Brother Gong, and the audience friends sitting here, I promise you that I will never change sports programs again.

Feng: That’s right.

Guo: I'll change the weather forecast...

Feng: Here we go again.

Guo: If you have a weather forecast, you can’t sing Jingdong drums.

Feng: It has to be Tianjin Allegro.

Guo: That’s right.

Feng: There are so many bamboo boards, and the snow flakes are as big as flowers. I looked carefully and saw Goubuli steamed buns falling from the sky.

Guo: What a mess.

Feng: Isn’t this your idea?

Guo: My idea is to use pop songs to sing the weather forecast, so that it has the feel of the new millennium.

Feng: Really? Then let us continue to welcome you.

Guo: Here? Sing the weather forecast with a pop song, I can’t come, I didn’t bring it...

Feng: What didn’t you bring?

Guo: I can tell, he is the worst in the whole audience. You bring what I know, what I know, you bring, guitar! - Did you bring it?

Feng: I really didn’t bring it.

Guo: In our jargon, it’s called guitar!

Feng: I take my shoes with me when I take a shower.

Guo: Then Secretary Shi brought me the guitar.

Feng: He also has a secretary with him. Wow, wow, it’s a female secretary.

Guo: Nonsense, who can take care of the man? Okay, just play and sing by yourself.

Feng: Let me try: I can't be without you in my dreams, even if the night never comes again, and I can't be without you in my heart, even if my heart is broken.

Guo: Well, at this level, you can listen to seven sections at our doorstep for one penny.

Feng: Are you poor? Let’s start now - weather forecast

Guo: One, two, three, four. Have you ever heard of the new century in the future? , the future is very magnificent as we stride for two thousand years, the wind and rain are smooth and the people are happy, the country is rich and the people are strong, China has good weather, oh oh oh oh oh oh...

Feng : Hey, isn’t it windy in foreign countries?

Guo: What did you say?

Feng: There is no wind in foreign countries?

Guo: Scrape.

Feng: What level?

Guo: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Feng: Ouch... (laughing)

Guo: There are so many bamboo boards. I won’t praise anything else. Let’s praise the traditional delicacy Goubuli steamed buns. Everyone will They say that I am as beautiful as a flower in winter, but in fact I think Feng Gong is the Goubuli Baozi.

Feng: Did I provoke you?