What influence has family background brought to us?

A person has two families in his life. One is the family we grew up in, and the other is the family formed after marriage. We call our first home family of origin. Many times, family background is like an invisible vine, seemingly invisible, but tightly wrapped around our past, affecting our progress. The following is the influence of Chinese family background on us:

1, from a family and me: "I'm always not good enough."

(1) "After being hurt by your family, you tend to be strict with yourself and demand perfection. Your strength is only superficial. "

(2) "Whenever I am quiet and alone, my heart is always empty and helpless. I keep looking for a sense of security, but I can never find a real sense of security."

(3) "I often live because of other people's eyes. Without other people's eyes, I am lost. In order to meet the expectations of others, I wronged myself. Some people treat themselves better, just as a big kindness. The subtext is that I don't deserve to be loved. "

Criticizing yourself, feeling insecure, and feeling that you don't deserve to be loved have led you to the conclusion that "I am always not good enough", which is probably the place where the Chinese family has the deepest influence on you.

2. The relationship between family background and me: "Why is my marriage more and more like my parents?"

(1) "I don't think I will ever fall in love, let alone get married. I am afraid of intimacy, so I always keep my distance."

(2) "My mother has been very strong with my father since she was a child, and now she can't help but want him to do what I want, even though I don't want to."

The relationship between parents from a family directly affects your attitude towards intimacy. In family of origin, parents' marriage pattern will also be the template for children's future marriage. Have you ever thought that you may just be looking for some familiarity from a family, because familiarity makes you feel safe. Many psychologists believe that in intimate relationships, on the surface, it is to get along with partners, but in essence, it is to constantly experience the past relationship with parents. Intimacy can be said to be the reappearance of the interaction mode between us and our parents.

3. Intergenerational inheritance: "I became my parents and my children became me."

(1) "When I treat my children, I deliberately avoid being influenced by the way my parents educate me. When I yell at my children, I will think of my father when I was a child. "

(2) "The most terrible thing is that one day you find that you have both things brought by the family you once hated and things that appear on your children."

There are thousands of families in Qian Qian and thousands of family models in Qian Qian, which seem to be copied and passed down like genes carved in bones. By raising children, you will find that you become more and more like your parents, even though you think that you have not educated your children according to the model of "The House of Origin", or even deliberately avoided it. But children are extremely sensitive. Even if he doesn't say anything, he will certainly feel the influence of family background on us. How to avoid passing it on to the next generation is also a problem we are facing.

Finally, if you can't get rid of the negative impact of being born in a family, you can seek the help of a professional psychological counselor. ?