The old man in the countryside said, "Four people don't go to the grave." Who are the four people? Why can't they visit the grave?
In my memory, a lot of people suddenly came to the house, and they were dressed very strangely. They circled around Grandpa and whispered to each other. For the next few days, the house was very lively.
The house, which was not spacious, was filled with various fragrant wax paper money and food ingredients.
Because I was still very young at that time, I didn’t understand what happened.
Only when I grew up did I realize that my grandfather stopped talking and stopped moving, and died just like that.
First the village doctor came to the family, then the person who specially took care of the funeral, and then the "party" was held according to custom.
Grandpa’s body was kept at home for several days, and then it was put into a large black coffin: up the mountain.
Before that, those people in weird clothes took their father and uncle around the mountain several times, marking the places they thought were appropriate.
But after everyone nodded, they started digging a hole in one of the places.
It turns out that this process is to find a "feng shui treasure place". When everyone feels that it is good, they start to build the tomb.
The next step is the final details of the funeral: lowering the coffin, burying the soil, and raising the grave.
On certain festivals every year in the future, my family would visit the grave. My father would also talk a lot to my grandfather in front of the grave, and even shed tears. I didn’t understand at the time, and after experiencing life After tempering, now I understand everything.
Because my father also went through the same process as my grandfather, and I stood in front of my father’s grave and said a lot of words, and I couldn’t stop the tears from the corners of my eyes.
Visiting graves is a custom passed down from ancestors and a rare intangible cultural heritage.
It is the memory of the ancestors and the most direct embodiment of the culture of "filial piety".
Even visiting graves was extremely particular in the minds of the ancients.
The old man in the countryside said that "four people do not go to the grave". Do you know who these "four people" refer to? Why can't they visit the grave?
First of all, people over 70 years old are not allowed to visit graves.
Visiting graves is the inheritance of filial piety, and there is actually no single way to fulfill filial piety.
For an elderly person over seventy years old, it is already extremely difficult to climb uphill and over ridges to reach the grave.
After some fiddling with the "Feng Shui Master", the location of the tomb is basically very remote. In addition, there are few people coming and going all year round, so the tomb will always give people a cold and damp feeling.
Such an environment is extremely uncomfortable for the elderly with poor physical fitness.
This is also the reason why there is a saying that "people do not go to their graves after they are over seventy".
For the physical and mental health of the elderly, it is recommended that there is no need to go to the grave in person to worship.
Because they themselves are already elders in the hearts of younger generations, their health is very important.
Secondly, pregnant women and children cannot visit graves to worship.
In the final analysis, it is still from the perspective of safety.
Pregnant women need a good rest. They need to walk a lot to visit the grave. Such fatigue and uncertain risk factors are not good for the mother and the child in her belly.
In addition, after pregnancy, it is easy to be emotional, which can easily lead to emotional excitement. It is even worse if there is fetal gas.
Injuring mother and child is also a scene that the ancestors did not want to see.
The reason why children under the age of 12 cannot visit graves is also very simple, because children are naturally playful.
Running around the graves and jumping up and down can easily hurt yourself, and secondly, it is disrespectful to the ancestors.
Once again, the son-in-law cannot visit the grave.
In the old thinking, a son-in-law visiting the grave is disrespectful to his father-in-law.
Because of the bad habit of favoring sons over daughters, they believe that as long as their daughters get married, they will belong to other people's families.
Even the daughter is regarded as an outsider, and the son-in-law is no exception.
If the son-in-law appears at the grave visit, it means that there is no son in the family, and the incense has been cut off, and he will be laughed at by the people around him.
With the continuous advancement of social civilization, this idea has gradually been diluted. "One son-in-law and half a son" can now visit the grave regardless of whether the woman has a son in the family. This also reflects the family's of harmony and mutual love.
Finally, people who are still sick cannot visit the grave.
After getting sick, the body’s resistance becomes weak, so you should have a good rest at home.
When visiting graves, let alone being tired, being emotionally agitated in a dark environment, and being aware of the family's illness. This kind of "filial piety" is not what our ancestors would like to see.
Our ancestors are our closest relatives.
They will only hope that we live well, and will never be "angry" because of small things.
Kowtow at home, or in the direction where your loved ones are buried, and be sincere and spiritual.
Conclusion:
The four people in the proverb "four people do not go to the grave" respectively refer to the elderly over seventy years old, pregnant women and children, sons-in-law, and people who are sick.
Even if we look at it today, the elderly, pregnant women, children, and people who are sick are indeed not suitable for visiting graves.
While fulfilling your filial piety, you should first consider your own safety.
As for the son-in-law not being able to visit the grave, it is indeed an old concept at work.
In the past, there was only one situation when a son-in-law wanted to visit the grave, and that was the "son-in-law who came to visit". After marrying into the family, he could go to worship his ancestors.
Being in that era, you may be able to understand this approach.
However, the progress of social civilization no longer allows such things to happen again.
As the saying goes: "If you are not a family, you will not enter the same door." Since you have chosen to be a family, there are no more red tapes.
Therefore, we need to screen the inheritance left over from traditional culture. Only by removing the dross and keeping the essence for our own use is the original intention of our ancestors.
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