New Year's Day is coming soon, and I want to do a skit. Do you have any good scripts? I'm a high school student, so the script...
1. Now your eyes look very much like Tony Leung Chiu Wai, there is a bit of Takeshi Kaneshiro between your eyebrows, and the way you hold the beer looks like Francis Ng at first glance. It’s just that his face looks like Eric Tsang. 2. Psychologist: Another cuckold, your greenery is pretty good. 3. There was a person who doubted my fighting ability before. Later he died, and you are the second one. 4. Wan Yu: Interference in other countries’ internal affairs to achieve one’s own goals will not only be condemned by the international community, but also defined as Seriously full. 5. Oh, we worked part-time in our spare time, and the teacher took us to sell pirated copies! ! 6. Yifei: Hidden rules can’t kill you! 7. Hello everyone, welcome to your moon, my heart, I am a good man, I am Zeng Xiaoxian. When they asked me what my ideals were, I said I wanted to own a small house. Maybe my house is different from others. My ideal house, the roof is made of marzipan slices, the chimney is roasted pork rolls, the bed is made of honey and red date cake, the pillows are all crystal shrimp dumplings, it rains with raisins, it snows with lollipops, and you can see Xiaolong soup everywhere outside the house. Everything flowing in the river is preserved egg and lean meat porridge, and everything flying in the river and flying in the sky is cooked. When I hum, they automatically line up and jump into my mouth. The clouds in the sky are marshmallows, and the stones on the ground are braised pork. 8. Guys with butts on their faces fart all day long. 9. I see that your waist is no longer sore, your legs are no longer hurting, and your heart is no longer beating~~~ 10. The child collecting donations for animal protection: It’s freezing rain in Antarctica, and polar bears are freezing to death. 11. That was when I was in high school. One day I dreamed that I was taking an exam. Then I suddenly woke up. An even more terrifying thing happened. It turned out that I was really taking an exam! 12. "I am Chen Yuanyuan, you? (Looking at chest) Chen Bianbian!" 13. Passerby: "You eat beer caps when you eat sesame seed cakes, you eat mothballs when you eat wontons, you swat flies on nails, and burn incense at Qingsong Temple. My phone fell into the merit box and I couldn’t get it out.” 14. At that time, the sky was still blue, the water was green, chickens and ducks didn’t feel avian (embarrassed), and pork was safe to eat. At that time, you had to wear clothes when taking photos, and you had to pay off debts. Your mother-in-law didn't care about your house when she married your daughter, and the child's father was also clear. 15. "It is the duty of every citizen to despise you." 16. Is there mercury in your brain~~ 17. Zhan Bo: Sister, if someone hurts you deeply, how can you forgive him? Yifei: Oh, it’s God’s business to forgive him. My mission is to send him to see God! 18. Guan Gu: Little Dragon Girl is so beautiful! It's a pity that Yang Guo only has his aunt in his heart! ! Xiaoxian: Xiaolongnu is his aunt! Sekiya: Huh? How could this be? Doesn't his uncle have any objections? Xiaoxian: In fact, there is no such person as an uncle~ Guan Gu: Then Yang Guo became his own uncle! Xiao Longnu will be her own nephew and daughter-in-law!!! 19. Wanyu: "Master, are we far from the city center now?" Bus driver: "It wasn't far just now, but it's quite far now." 20. Zhanbo: I see Feeling unhappy? Yifei: Tsk, you have written the word "depressed" on your face. People who are illiterate really can't tell it. 21. Yifei: If you use your standards, Wanyu is basically the same as the Monkey King. level. Zhanbo: What about me? Yifei: You and that... what is the name of the old man who locked Monkey Sun in the alchemy furnace? Zhanbo: Taishang Laojun! ! Yifei: Yes, yes, you are basically on the same level as the soot in Taishang Laojun's alchemy furnace! 22. Zhanbo: Sister, have you ever raised a dog? Yifei: No, but...you were raised by me. I have raised many animals before, including birds, rabbits, fish, squirrels, and money trees. Within three days... they were all dead. Zhanbo, you are so lucky! 23. Zi Qiao: In our men’s world, strong men are like clouds and insidious men are like stars. Yifei: But when I looked around, there was no cloud in the sky and the sky was full of stars.
24. Wanyu: Have you passed the GRE? Passerby: I... don’t have an aunt. Wanyu: What about TOEFL? Passerby: Thanks to whom? 25. Yifei: As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what is in the eye of beauty? Thank you: Eye shit! 26. Yifei: It doesn’t matter if I write poetry. What I wrote is nonsense, smelly and long. When the girl saw it, the female hormones that were finally stimulated instantly... turned into cholesterol. 27. Yifei: It doesn’t matter. , Failure is success. Fuck Zhanbo: I have had many mothers, but none of them are pregnant. 28. Yifei: I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face now! Plant people can talk better than you. Believe it or not, I will plant you in a flower pot right now! ! 29. The person riding the white horse may not be a prince, it may be Tang Monk... The person who can burn incense may not be a monk, it may be a panda... The person with tattoos may not be a bad person, it may be Yue Fei~ The one who can fly may not be a big bird. , or it could be Li Ning. 30. Bus driver (to Zhan Bo): You pervert, either swipe your card, put in coins, or get out, no matter what! Bus driver (to the bodyguard): Hey, come back! Either swipe your card, put in coins, or get out, whatever you want! (The bodyguard gets off the bus) You can’t even sit on the bus, and you’re pretending to be The Matrix, huh! 31. Xiaoxian has such a roommate. He and a girl live in two suites in the same apartment. Unfortunately, one always goes to the left, and the other always... takes the elevator. 32. Zi Qiao: Your eyes, Clear and moving, your hands are gentle and delicate, your heart is crystal clear; Meijia: Your arms are powerful, your chest is broad and majestic, your skin is invulnerable... 33. Zhanbo: The first five A portion of "rape...violent chicken popcorn"! Wanyu (to the waiter): Then we want five portions of "Strong... Violent Chicken Popsicles" Yifei: Two prodigies, they are "Violent Chicken Popsicles" Zhan Bo: Oh, is that right? The name has been changed? 34. Sekiya: Isn’t “The Promise” a romance film? Ziqiao: Ha! You won’t understand the movie once you see it! ..."The Promise" is a horror movie! 35. Lisa: It’s you! Zeng Xiaoxian! Zeng Xiaoxian: Do you know me? Lisa: My classmate’s eldest cousin’s neighbor and your brother-in-law’s cousin are in-laws! 36. Lisa: (pointing to Zeng Xiaoxian’s face) It’s not a software problem, you should change the monitor! 37. Zi Qiao: Do I have a chance to act opposite him (Takeshi Kaneshiro)? Sister Shan: Of course...of course not! It's none of your business if I sign him! 38. Sister Shan: Let me introduce you to a professional breast augmentation agency. Many Korean stars have their breast augmentations done there. It’s all there where you can wash your clothes, show off in the river, and get too bored in the car. 39. Sister Shan: You already have a girlfriend, how can you still be popular? How can I arrange a scandal for you? How can you do it without a scandal? Increase your exposure. Without exposure, you would still be famous! 40. Sister Shan: In my eyes, there are only two kinds of people, one is popular and the other is never popular. Where are you? Ziqiao: I... Sister Shan: You are nothing, because you have never been in my eyes. , now your eyes look very much like Tony Leung Chiu Wai, there is a bit of Takeshi Kaneshiro between your eyebrows, and the way you hold the beer looks like Francis Ng at first glance. It’s just that his face looks like Eric Tsang. 2. Psychologist: Another cuckold, your greenery is pretty good. 3. There was a person who doubted my fighting ability before. Later he died, and you are the second one. 4. Wan Yu: Interference in other countries’ internal affairs to achieve one’s own goals will not only be condemned by the international community, but also defined as Seriously full. 5. Oh, we worked part-time in our spare time, and the teacher took us to sell pirated copies! ! 6. Yifei: Hidden rules can’t kill you! 7. Hello everyone, welcome to your moon, my heart, I am a good man, I am Zeng Xiaoxian. When they asked me what my ideals were, I said I wanted to own a small house. Maybe my house is different from others. My ideal house, the roof is made of marzipan slices, the chimney is roasted pork rolls, the bed is made of honey and red date cake, the pillows are all crystal shrimp dumplings, it rains with raisins, it snows with lollipops, and you can see Xiaolong soup everywhere outside the house. Everything flowing in the river is preserved egg and lean meat porridge, and everything flying in the river and flying in the sky is cooked. When I hum, they automatically line up and jump into my mouth. The clouds in the sky are marshmallows, and the stones on the ground are braised pork. 8. Guys with butts on their faces fart all day long.
9. I see that your waist is no longer sore, your legs are no longer hurting, and your heart is no longer beating~~~ 10. The child collecting donations for animal protection: It’s freezing rain in Antarctica, and polar bears are freezing to death. 11. That was when I was in high school. One day I dreamed that I was taking an exam. Then I suddenly woke up. An even more terrifying thing happened. It turned out that I was really taking an exam! 12. "I am Chen Yuanyuan, you? (Looking at chest) Chen Bianbian!" 13. Passerby: "You eat beer caps when you eat sesame seed cakes, you eat mothballs when you eat wontons, you swat flies on nails, and burn incense at Qingsong Temple. My phone fell into the merit box and I couldn’t get it out.” 14. At that time, the sky was still blue, the water was green, chickens and ducks didn’t feel avian (embarrassed), and pork was safe to eat. At that time, you had to wear clothes when taking photos, and you had to pay off debts. Your mother-in-law didn't care about your house when she married your daughter, and the child's father was also clear. 15. "It is the duty of every citizen to despise you." 16. Is there mercury in your brain~~ 17. Zhan Bo: Sister, if someone hurts you deeply, how can you forgive him? Yifei: Oh, it’s God’s business to forgive him. My mission is to send him to see God! 18. Guan Gu: Little Dragon Girl is so beautiful! It's a pity that Yang Guo only has his aunt in his heart! ! Xiaoxian: Xiaolongnu is his aunt! Sekiya: Huh? How could this be? Doesn't his uncle have any objections? Xiaoxian: In fact, there is no such person as an uncle~ Guan Gu: Then Yang Guo became his own uncle! Xiao Longnu will be her own nephew and daughter-in-law!!! 19. Wanyu: "Master, are we far from the city center now?" Bus driver: "It wasn't far just now, but it's quite far now." 20. Zhanbo: I see Feeling unhappy? Yifei: Tsk, you have written the word "depressed" on your face. People who are illiterate really can't tell it. 21. Yifei: If you use your standards, Wanyu is basically the same as the Monkey King. level. Zhanbo: What about me? Yifei: You and that... what is the name of the old man who locked Monkey Sun in the alchemy furnace? Zhanbo: Taishang Laojun! ! Yifei: Yes, yes, you are basically on the same level as the soot in Taishang Laojun's alchemy furnace! 22. Zhanbo: Sister, have you ever raised a dog? Yifei: No, but...you were raised by me. I have raised many animals before, including birds, rabbits, fish, squirrels, and money trees. Within three days... they were all dead. Zhanbo, you are so lucky! 23. Zi Qiao: In our men’s world, strong men are like clouds and insidious men are like stars. Yifei: But when I looked around, there was no cloud in the sky and the sky was full of stars.
24. Wanyu: Have you passed the GRE? Passerby: I... don’t have an aunt. Wanyu: What about TOEFL? Passerby: Thanks to whom? 25. Yifei: As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so what is in the eye of beauty? Thank you: Eye shit! 26. Yifei: It doesn’t matter if I write poetry. What I wrote is nonsense, smelly and long. When the girl saw it, the female hormones that were finally stimulated instantly... turned into cholesterol. 27. Yifei: It doesn’t matter. , Failure is success. Fuck Zhanbo: I have had many mothers, but none of them are pregnant. 28. Yifei: I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face now! Plant people can talk better than you. Believe it or not, I will plant you in a flower pot right now! ! 29. The person riding the white horse may not be a prince, it may be Tang Monk... The person who can burn incense may not be a monk, it may be a panda... The person with tattoos may not be a bad person, it may be Yue Fei~ The one who can fly may not be a big bird. , or it could be Li Ning. 30. Bus driver (to Zhan Bo): You pervert, either swipe your card, put in coins, or get out, no matter what! Bus driver (to the bodyguard): Hey, come back! Either swipe your card, put in coins, or get out, whatever you want! (The bodyguard gets off the bus) You can’t even sit on the bus, and you’re pretending to be The Matrix, huh! 31. Xiaoxian has such a roommate. He and a girl live in two suites in the same apartment. Unfortunately, one always goes to the left, and the other always... takes the elevator. 32. Zi Qiao: Your eyes, Clear and moving, your hands are gentle and delicate, your heart is crystal clear; Meijia: Your arms are powerful, your chest is broad and majestic, your skin is invulnerable... 33. Zhanbo: The first five A portion of "rape...violent chicken popcorn"! Wanyu (to the waiter): Then we want five portions of "Strong... Violent Chicken Popsicles" Yifei: Two prodigies, they are "Violent Chicken Popsicles" Zhan Bo: Oh, is that right? The name has been changed? 34. Sekiya: Isn’t “The Promise” a romance film? Ziqiao: Ha! You won’t understand the movie once you see it! ..."The Promise" is a horror movie! 35. Lisa: It’s you! Zeng Xiaoxian! Zeng Xiaoxian: Do you know me? Lisa: My classmate’s eldest cousin’s neighbor and your brother-in-law’s cousin are in-laws! 36. Lisa: (pointing to Zeng Xiaoxian’s face) It’s not a software problem, you should change the monitor! 37. Zi Qiao: Do I have a chance to act opposite him (Takeshi Kaneshiro)? Sister Shan: Of course...of course not! It's none of your business if I sign him! 38. Sister Shan: Let me introduce you to a professional breast augmentation agency. Many Korean stars have their breast augmentations done there. It’s all there where you can wash your clothes, show off in the river, and get too bored in the car. 39. Sister Shan: You already have a girlfriend, how can you still be popular? How can I arrange a scandal for you? How can you do it without a scandal? Increase your exposure. Without exposure, you would still be famous! 40. Sister Shan: In my eyes, there are only two kinds of people, one is popular and the other is never popular. Where are you? Ziqiao: I... Sister Shan: You are nothing, because you have never been in my eyes. 41. Sister Shan: Even canned sardines have a better future than you! 42. Sister Shan: Not enough money, the actors have not been decided, and the script is not yet available