Listening notes of "Emotional Intelligence Lessons from Lao Liang's Four Great Classics"

Day001. IQ and EQ: Which one is more important and which one is less important?

Wu Yong has a high IQ and Song Jiang has a high EQ. Wu Yong listens to Song Jiang.

Zhuge Liang has a high IQ, Liu Bei has a high EQ, and Liu Bei is Zhuge Liang’s boss.

Day005. Death of Yang Xiu: The more capable you are, the more you will give in.

No matter you are strong or weak, you must keep your tail between your legs.

Bow your head when you should bow your head, and give in when you should give in.

Day008. A guide for getting along with a petty boss

Minefield 1: Never appear to be more capable than the leader. (Yang Xiu)

Minefield 2: Don’t take credit from the leader. (Zhukov)

Minefield Three: Be careful what you say. (Jia Xu)

Minefield 4: Never make decisions for your boss. (Yue Fei)

There are three dangers between the monarch and his ministers:

1. The minister is strong and the master is weak

2. The master is shaken by his high achievements

3. Suspicion between kings and ministers

Day009. Sister Bao teaches you to easily resolve awkward conversations

1. Silent avoidance: You can ignore other people’s sarcastic words, especially when you encounter that kind of life All kinds of people who are unhappy and have extremely negative energy.

2. Counterattack witty: You can counterattack appropriately and laugh at yourself in public. This way you won't be considered as lacking in ability.

3. Humor and self-deprecation: Lower your position to resolve embarrassment. Make everyone think you are joking.

Day010. How can Sun Wukong’s glass heart be resolved?

1. Be patient, persuasive and able to forgive mistakes.

2. Trust, recognition, and encouragement.

3. A good team keeps each other company.

Day014. Helping people is perfect in this way

1. When helping others, don’t show off, don’t do errands, give them a chance.

2. Do not be condescending and maintain the self-esteem of others.

3. Don’t pay, don’t always feel that others owe you.

4. Try to be as perfect as possible. (I think it should vary from person to person)

Day015. Make plans for mid-life crisis

1. Don’t enter the comfort zone prematurely and enjoy comfort.

2. Keep learning, make career plans in advance, and deal with risks.

3. Find ways to release stress and talk to friends.

4. When family pressure is high, create small surprises to change the irritable atmosphere in the family.

5. Don’t take life seriously, exercise and maintain good health, and take care of your body.

Day031. How to make others willing to listen to your advice

Don’t bear a heavy burden if you are weak, and don’t persuade others with a weak word.

The relationship is wrong, the level is wrong, the environment is wrong, and the object is wrong.

Day035. You can get the leader without flattering

1. Think one step ahead of the leader

2. Think about the details for the leader

3 .Report proactively

4. Learn to take the blame

Day039. Parents, let’s talk properly

1. Children are not good at discovering deep love in actions. But he pays attention to the words of adults. The voice is the most straightforward and simple.

2. As Freud said: "We have been dealing with our childhood all our lives, and we have been compensating for the shortcomings of childhood."

3. If parents are not good Talking may also affect children's views on mate selection.

4. If a child suffers from emotional loss or emotional trauma in childhood, when he grows up, when faced with love, he will easily be in a state of "hungry", lack the ability to distinguish, and only think about his only love. Needs and demands: Fill the hole in your heart.

5. A strict father may not necessarily produce a filial son, and a strict teacher may not produce a good disciple. If you refuse to talk to your children properly, things will get worse as time goes by.

6. The attitude can be firm, but the mood should be calm and the tone should be tactful.

7. When speaking to a child, 10% is language, 35% is expression, and 55% is emotion. The different emotional states of parents have different effects.

Day043. The less capable, the better the face

Reasons:

1. Obsession. (The greater the self-esteem, the smaller the self-esteem.)

2. Serious narcissism. (Sad for his misfortune, angry for his inability to fight.)

Ways to get rid of it:

1. Learn to laugh at yourself.

2. Shameless.

3. Use your true skills to buy dignity.

Day046. Learn to be pessimistic in the face of failure

1. Have a positive attitude, work hard, do it seriously, what if you succeed!

2. Be prepared for failure. It is said: Therefore, when Heaven is about to entrust a great responsibility to a person, he must first strain his mind, strain his muscles and bones, starve his skin, deplete his body, and mess up his actions. What you do is to move your heart and forbearance and gain what you can't do.

3. When the opponent fails, you cannot become shameless and indifferent. We must learn lessons from failures, sum up experiences, and strive to lay a good foundation for the next time.

Summary: The good loser wins.

Day048. Borrowing strength is more reliable than working hard

Borrowing strength is not only an ability, but also a kind of courage and a kind of wisdom.

We must dare to borrow, be able to borrow, know how to borrow, and borrow well. Lend a new world!

Advantages of borrowing force:

1. Borrowing force enables you to quickly achieve the desired results.

2. Leverage allows you to reduce a lot of unnecessary resistance.

3. Leverage your strength to solve urgent problems in the shortest possible time.

How to borrow power?

1. Know what your purpose or goal is;

2. Know the boundaries of your current capabilities and resources;

3. Face To solve the problem, you must first make the necessary efforts, but after the efforts, the problem is still not solved, and it is impossible to solve it with your own ability alone;

4. Figure out who you should ask for help, and find a way to help The person seeking help is willing to lend it.

Day050. Three Don’ts for Friendship

1. Don’t contact each other frequently. Friends are not personal and cannot be available at any time;

2. Don’t talk about everything. Friends are not safes and do not bear the obligation to keep confidentiality;

3. Don’t value friendship too much. Friends are not your placebo and cannot always help you find psychological balance.

Day051. Leave a good impression

1. You have to show others a confident and energetic look.

2. You must have a sense of time.

3. Your speech and behavior must be appropriate.

4. When you meet someone for the first time, smile and do not fawn or please.

Day053. Small-minded people can also have great wisdom

First of all, people who are small-minded are very sensitive, and secondly, they think more about things, are calculating and get into trouble.

Narrow-minded people should face reality and never pretend to be generous.

Being petty is actually not a bad thing. As long as you transfer this sensitivity from people to things, it is a great advantage.

Day054. Comforting people is also a technical job

1. Confirm whether the other person needs comfort

2. Distinguish whether you want comfort or assistance

3 . Empathize with others and then empathize again

4. Taboos of comfort (don’t say “I understand your mood” easily; don’t compare others; don’t agree at will; don’t intensify conflicts;)

Day055. How to extinguish the anger in your heart

1. Calm down. When a conflict occurs, the most important thing is to stay calm.

2. Identify the problem and try to point out the crux of the problem.

3. Think from someone else’s perspective.

4. Request a pause.

5. Look forward.

Day057. Stay calm if you are misunderstood

1. Don’t take it seriously. If you are misunderstood, don’t take it seriously.

2. Don’t be impulsive.

Day059. Don’t just open your mouth when praising others.

1. Praising people cannot be without sincerity and should be focused on specific individuals and subtleties.

2. When you praise someone, you must consider whether it is in line with the mood of the person being praised, and you cannot start from your own point of view.

Day066. What kind of leaders do subordinates welcome

1. Only those with strong ability can command their subordinates (have an overall view, are professional, and can solve problems)

2 .Believe in your employees (trust your employees, look at the results, and pay as little attention to the process as possible)

3. Give rewards (there is nothing that salary cannot solve)

Day068. Be a leader who can scold people

1. Compared with a leader who never criticizes people, a leader who can criticize people can often give employees a greater sense of motivation when praising and encouraging them.

Their praise will be more precious and more effective in the hearts of employees. This is the so-called "gap in goodwill."

2. Criticism can give subordinates a greater sense of recognition and enthusiasm for the job.

In other words, if you encourage him, he will be active; if you don’t encourage him, he may become less active.

Therefore, it is necessary to criticize subordinates. However, the severity and frequency of criticism must be carefully measured.

You can’t just follow your own temper, thinking that you are the leader and you can criticize as much as you want, and your subordinates have to listen. The consequences are: if it is said lightly, it cannot touch the soul; if it is said seriously, it is easy to become defensive; if you don't lose your temper, your subordinates will not remember it; if you lose your temper, your subordinates will think that the leader is just venting.

How should leaders criticize subordinates? Leaders and critics need to pay attention to the following three principles:

1. Blame yourself first before blaming others.

2. Punishment must be clear.

3. Say something lightly and speak lightly.

Day070. It is not a good thing if life goes too smoothly

1. Good fortune and misfortune depend on each other, and you must have correct value judgments.

2. Recognize yourself clearly and maintain a good self-awareness, walking on thin ice.

3. Learn to control emotions, lower your posture, and maintain a humble attitude. Constrain behaviors and improve emotional intelligence.

4. Take the initiative to jump out of your comfort zone in good times; stay optimistic and positive in bad times.

Day073. Why do others always make you angry?

Is it a natural trait for people to be angry? no.

Character is a person’s way of thinking. There is a problem with character, there is a problem with the way of thinking about problems.

Angry people all have one common characteristic, which is excessive self-awareness. To put it simply, they always consider themselves as the center of things.

How to control angry emotions?

1. Don’t be too self-aware and don’t consider yourself as the center of things.

2. Don’t change others, don’t let others do things according to your own wishes.

3. The only one who can really change is yourself. When you encounter an uncomfortable situation, you must first think about changing yourself.

4. The most effective way to change yourself is to change your environment.

Day074. How to control capable, prickly subordinates

What are the typical characteristics of capable prickly subordinates?

1. Overconfidence.

2. Easily impulsive.

So how to control it?

1. Find a good partner.

2. Establish a good opponent, the so-called way of checks and balances.

3. If you really can't get rid of the assistance of the thorn head, you can only make concessions and secretly cultivate direct descendants and employees who can replace the thorn head.

4. If the thorns are soft or hard, we can only eradicate them completely for the sake of the overall situation.

Day075. Don’t let good intentions lead to bad things

A1. When doing favors for others, consider them from their perspective. If the favor can help, we are willing to help, then we will do our best. Sincerely help.

A2. If you can’t help, then simply refuse! Don't think too much.

A3. I think it is better to be less helpful if you take the initiative. After all, your good intentions may not necessarily reflect his wishes.

B1. Don’t talk too much.

B2. Don’t comment on others at will.

B3. Don’t show your heart to everyone.

Day076. You are not that powerful, don’t lie to yourself

“Being different” is the mentality of many people. They are pretentious and think that they are the protagonist of the world. Their arrogance is often brought back to their original shape by reality.

Day077. How to face people who have grudges against you

Core: You must be strong and improve your strength and rank.

1. Reflect on yourself and look for mistakes.

2. If the other party is at fault, assess the situation and report the complaint directly.

3. Convince others with virtue through your own morality and abilities.

4. The ability must be stronger than that of the other party.

Day082. You don’t have to be three inches shorter to ask for help

Day084. What should you do if you face teammates who are like pigs in the workplace?

1. Don’t sympathize with the stubborn fool

2. Don’t put the fool in an important position

3. Don’t waste money when facing an indecisive leader own wisdom and energy, resign.

Day085. Avoid becoming a scapegoat

1. Hide if you can: be aware beforehand

2. Do what you can’t avoid: do your best and obey fate.

3. Keep evidence to protect yourself.

Day086. How to flatter others correctly

Most people tend to pay attention to the shortcomings of others and ignore the advantages and strengths of others.

Therefore, discovering the advantages of others and giving heartfelt praise has become a rare virtue in the office.

Zeng Shiqiang said: Chinese people must be good at making flattery, but they cannot flatter others.

Day089. How to deal with snitches

1. Stay away from petty people

2. Treat everyone in a low-key manner

< p> 3. Don’t be a pushover, be cautious in your words and deeds in front of colleagues

4. Be calm in the face of high-profile people and fight back

Day092. Stingy ruins life

Day094. The leader gives you an impossible task

1. Use the demolition effect to deal with the leader

2. Refuse

3. Recommend others Candidates

4. Propose the conditions for completing the task, such as: human, material and financial resources

Day095. How to cultivate direct descendants

1. Use both kindness and power

1. Learn not to be afraid of authority in the workplace

2. Learn to interact and communicate more with leaders

3. Try to understand the pain points of leaders

099. How to provide effective care

Really effective care is to stand from the other person's perspective.

Don’t emphasize that you are right, use suggestions and speak artistically.

Day100. What should I do if my subordinates never give me satisfactory results?

1. If it is "General", it means that the leader does not "know people well"

2. The work is clearly explained and the subordinates are clearly understood

3 .Train subordinates

Day103. How to be the best middle-level leader

1. Understand what your superiors say.

2. Be able to lead a team.

3. Continuously improve personal coordination and organizational capabilities.

Fourth, it should be used for innovation and practice.

Day104. How to practice being thick-skinned

"Thick-skinned" and "shameless" have two completely different meanings.

To practice "thick-skinned" means to be open-minded, tolerant, to see far, to think clearly, and to let go.

1. Not afraid of rejection, not afraid of being humiliated, and even dare to laugh at yourself

2. Learn to set goals, learn to be patient, and stick to it

3. Good planning Keep it in mind, take the initiative, and lead others along

Li Ka-shing once said: Entrepreneur

When you put down your dignity to make money, it means that you are sensible;

When you use money to earn back face, it means you have succeeded;

When you use face to make money, it means you are already a figure.

Day106. How to persuade others

The opinions we hold each other seem to be just opinions, but in fact it is like a big tree with a very complex root system. Behind a point of view is a set of interpersonal relationships, past history, interest patterns, values ​​and behaviors. Its complexity is far beyond our imagination.

At any time and anywhere, we cannot rely on debate to make people with different life experiences from our own, or even ignorant people, change their minds. Doing so can become futile and even lead to conflict.

If you want to convince others, you might as well try to do two things:

1. Like an entrepreneur, do not rely on arguments to convince others, but rely on the products you create and the money you earn. To convince people.

2. Like a scientist, focus on yourself, improve your awareness, and perceive the facts around you that do not fit your cognitive scope. How do you know it must be the other person who is wrong? You need to look for an opportunity to subvert yourself.

3. Like very good friends and relatives, understand each other’s feelings and stance. Position is much more important than eloquence. Only when we have the same stance can we have the possibility of having a heart-to-heart relationship with the other party.

Professor Zeng Shiqiang said: When I listen to you, I must first listen to whether you are mine and have the same position:

If it is not my position, I will oppose you if what you say is right;

p>

If it were my position, well~ you are my person, and what you said is wrong, I will forgive you.

Day107. Have a good argument

Five different levels of communication between people:

1. Pure greeting: Hello, hi

2. Share information: It’s so hot today

3. Values ​​and reasoning: All men in the world are jerks

4. Emotions and feelings: I’m really tired

5. Secrets exchanged with each other: Prepare to resign, you are ready to divorce

Three reminders for a good quarrel:

1. A good quarrel can achieve deep understanding with the family. Levels of communication

2. If you are afraid of hurting others in a quarrel, then the hurt will be stored in your heart and hurt yourself

3. Sadness is greater than heartbreak

Strategies for quarrels:

A1. Be calm

A2. Pay attention to your wording

A3. If communication cannot resolve it once, do it twice

< p> B1. Arguments are allowed, but pain points cannot be poked at (personal attacks)

B2. Don’t just bring up old accounts and review them (revisit old accounts) when nothing happens.

B3. Say that we never break up Neither is a good way to make the other party admit their mistake

B4. Don’t be cold-war (passive resistance, no communication)

C1. Cultivate empathy (the ability to think from someone else’s perspective)

C2. Learn to listen (listening is an important means to resolve conflicting emotions)

C3. Express correctly (words are the outlet of emotions)

Day108. Cure procrastination well Symptoms

1. Lower your goals

2. Refuse to be frustrated

3. Learn to endure

4. Challenge yourself (long-distance running, extreme sports )

5. Core: awareness of awareness

Day109. How to face bullying from others in the workplace

1. Establish a strong image

< p> 2. Strengthen yourself and stick to your own principles that are inviolable

3. Seize the weaknesses of others and use them as a counterattack

4. Take a direct approach to counterattack

Day110. Improve your own adverse quotient

1. Know yourself and believe in yourself

2. Learn from your opponents

3. Under uncertainty Looking for vitality in the world:

1. Respond to the ever-changing situation by remaining unchanged and ignoring uncertainty.

2. Trade strength for time and reduce uncertainty.

3. Develop insight and perceive uncertainty.

4. Increase flexibility and adapt to uncertainty.

5. Look for asymmetry and eliminate uncertainty.