Reflections after reading "The Language of Parents" | Parents' mouths are the feng shui of the family!
As the first teachers of their children, parents have a natural influence on their children. In addition to giving their children material things, parents also give their children a great resource - language. It can be said that parents’ mouths are the feng shui of the family, and parents’ mouths hide the path their children will take in the future.
? Sufficient language and good language can help children grow up healthily. However, deficient and negative language will greatly dampen a child's self-confidence and reduce his or her sense of security in the outside world.
? There is a dragon spring on the tongue, killing people without blood. Words are like swords, use them wisely and with caution. I used to be scarred all over because of my mother's sharp and hurtful words, and now I feel a little scared when I think back on it. Fortunately, I didn't spend all my childhood with her, but grew up in a warmer language environment.
Before reading the book "Parental Language", I always believed that we should pay attention to our children when they go to school, that is, after they are 4 or 5 years old. Because at that time, the child begins to learn and can reveal his strengths or weaknesses. Only then can we solve it in a targeted manner. But after listening to this book, I found that I was totally wrong! What is exposed is just the tip of the iceberg, and the real problem iceberg is still hidden under the sea of consciousness.
If we only focus on the superficial symptoms of distress, we will only treat the symptoms but not the root cause. So how do you learn your parents’ language well? We go into books to find out. Originally the book was divided into three major modules. I have broken down the content and divided it into six parts.
01 Cochlear Implant Doctor’s Discovery
A cochlear implant doctor is dedicated to studying the effects of cochlear implants on children. He found that the postoperative effects of children in different families vary greatly. Especially the big ones are Zach and Michelle. Through further exploration, the reason was discovered. Because the quantity and quality of language given to the children by the parents in the two families were very different, the children had different performances. From this, we further discovered the importance of early language environment.
02 What is the real reason for the gap in children’s learning ability?
After understanding the importance of the early language environment, the doctor conducted a specific experimental investigation and discovered the reason for the gap in children’s learning ability. The real reason. One is the difference of 30 million words heard before the age of three, and the other is that parents use more positive words and less negative words. The quantity and quality of language a child is exposed to before the age of three will be the base of the pyramid of life. The reserves before the age of three contribute to the performance after the age of three. A sufficient number of vocabulary and good positive language will benefit children immensely. The original title of this book is also called Thirty Million Words, which emphasizes this point.
03 Neuroplastic Children’s Brain
We have understood externalized language, but now we have to understand the child’s brain and nerves. Gain a deeper understanding of the impact of language on children’s brains.
Stress hormones are harmful to the construction of neural connections in the child's brain. If the mother is very anxious during the parenting period and her language quality is very low, this will inevitably lead to anxiety in the child, such as the secretion of stress hormones. And this will always accompany the child as he grows up, even throughout his life. Many children with depression experienced too much anxious and negative language from their parents when they were children.
Before the age of three is a period of brain development for children. Language will stimulate the development of children’s brain nerves, so special attention should be paid to it.
04
The influence of language
So what impact does language have on children? It will have a profound impact on the establishment and cultivation of mathematical abilities, spatial abilities, gender stereotypes, willpower, self-control and executive abilities, compassion and moral values.
Some of the influences belong to the ability category, but there are two points that I pay more attention to, namely compassion and moral values. These two points determine the child's healthy and sound personality foundation and can have sympathy for others. Will not hurt others. The establishment of moral values is also very important. Many people with antisocial personality or violent tendencies are mostly caused by the failure to establish these two points in childhood. They cannot feel the impact of their performance on others. To use an inappropriate metaphor, it is like patients suffering from "no pain". When they are injured, they do not receive pain feedback. Over time, those painful feelings will be ignored.
Therefore, the influence of language cannot be ignored.
05 3T
Principle: Parent-child communication techniques to optimize brain development
After understanding the powerful influence of language, we naturally have to start learning how to communicate with our children , such as the 3T principle:
Tune?in *** passionate attention. The word love is self-evident. To understand the child's mood, you cannot always rely on adult standards. Always pay attention to the child's attention points, and then extend and expand from that point, or return to the main line. For example, if we read to a child, but the child does not listen, but looks at his own little bear, then we can understand his mood and pay attention to the little bear, and at the same time pay attention to using the language of the child to ask: "You really want to touch it now." Mommy gave you the little bear, right? It’s super cute, just like you. Would you like to hold it and listen to the story together?” This way, the child can feel that he is being cared for, and he can accept it more naturally and trustfully. your other languages.
Talk?more Communicate fully, there are several points to pay attention to, such as parallel conversations, less use of pronouns, etc. What impressed me most was the expansion of non-realistic communication language. We can imagine other things through current visualization. For example, after rescuing a puppy and comforting it, we can say that we are now helping this puppy. Then it can go home and be reunited with its mother. You did a great job. Allow children to imagine and conceive language and have a more visual sense.
Another aspect is the expansion of language. Children can only speak a few words in the early stage, such as hugging and kissing. Then we can tell him a complete language: "Baby, you want your mother to hold you because you miss your mother, right?"
In the long run, we can help the child build a complete language habit .
Take?turns Take turns talking. Conversation is a two-party affair that requires input, output, and feedback. Never use pure cramming to communicate, which will only pile up countless words in the child's brain, but there is no use for them.
When communicating with children, we must be patient and wait for a response, because children need to mobilize a lot of things in their brains to respond, and their attention is often attracted by other things, so we must be patient.
At the same time, we must use more open-ended questions, not to clarify right or wrong, but to make children think diligently and have a greater sense of participation. No matter what the answer is, they will have a certain sense of accomplishment.
In addition to the above 3T, in the new digital era, a new T has also been incorporated - Turn it off, turn off electronic devices. Let language be carried out between parents and children. The warm language between people with love and feedback is better than the undifferentiated language without feedback transmitted by electronic devices. So put down your phone and communicate more with your children!
06 The meaning of "3000
million words"
? 3000
10,000 words can make up for the imbalance of educational resources and change traditional views , break the inherent thinking and further develop children's potential. I hope parents and expectant parents can learn from it.
Parents are their children’s guides and life mentors. In fact, children are also teachers of adults. They use their petite and thin bodies, imperfect brains, and all kinds of weird problems. , teaches us that we need to study hard to care for and guide them.
Children cannot choose their parents, but parents can choose what language and life beliefs they give them.
Parents’ words are the feng shui of the family. If you want your family to be prosperous, please work harder!