"The highest self-cultivation of adults is to make themselves comfortable": How to be a comfortable person?
1
It is impossible for a person who is not comfortable with himself to make others comfortable
In the world of adults, there is no word "easy", let alone "comfortable". Open your eyes every day, either for work or for your family and children. At work, I want to make my boss satisfied and my customers comfortable. In life, I want to make my parents comfortable, my husband satisfied and my children happy.
We often live by external standards. We should be knowledgeable, have high emotional intelligence, be excellent enough, have a successful career and have a happy family ... Cai Kangyong said, "Everything you do is fine, but only if you feel comfortable."
In order to make the people around us comfortable and give us a good evaluation from outside, we do not hesitate to humble ourselves and live a tight life, but it is not worth the loss. We clenched our fists and worked hard for it, but the reality often backfired. At some point, have you stopped and asked yourself: am I satisfied? Do I feel comfortable?
In the face of disobedient children, when you lose control of your emotions and roar;
In the workplace, when you suddenly have an emotional breakdown because of a very small thing;
when you feel upset and feel wronged in order to take care of others' feelings.
it is impossible for a person who is not comfortable with himself to make others comfortable. A comfortable person must be one who is comfortable and loves himself. The body relaxes and the heart stretches, so that people around you can't help but relax.
if you are comfortable, your world will be comfortable and the people around you will be comfortable. Especially women.
Some people say that "a happy woman will bring happiness to a whole family", others say that "cultivating a girl means cultivating a family", and still others say that "a woman is the feng shui of a family".
In this life, a woman has to deal with many roles and take on many responsibilities. Being in it, the things to deal with are far more complicated than we think. But complex problems often require simple thinking.
and the simple thinking is that everything can be better only if your own state is good.
to be in a good state is to be a comfortable person.
how to be a comfortable person? Everything starts with being comfortable.
2
Make peace with yourself and accept yourself
Cai Kangyong said, "Only by being comfortable with yourself can you make yourself and the world happy". How to be yourself comfortably? The most important thing is to reconcile with yourself and accept yourself from the heart.
Stop imagining what I should be, stop all kinds of criticisms and demands, and see "who I am" instead of "who I should be".
In the past, whenever my family exposed my shortcomings and said my shortcomings, I would be very angry and feel offended, and I would subconsciously defend myself, even though I saw that I did have these shortcomings.
it's not that I don't want to admit it, but that I don't accept these shortcomings in my heart. I hope I am perfect, and in the eyes of others. Of course, this is an idiotic dream, but many people don't realize that they have a hard time with themselves and others. In fact, it is because they have not accepted themselves and are twisted inside.
know yourself, know yourself and accept yourself as you are. We accept all advantages and disadvantages. If you don't fight against yourself or your emotions, you can get along well with yourself and get along well with the world.
3
Be yourself bravely
Mr. Jiang Xun once said a beautiful saying: Beauty is to come back and be yourself.
what do you mean? I understand it this way: do what you really like, be with people and things you like, and live in your passion. The secret of youth is to stay with what you love.
Of course, not everyone has the conditions and opportunities to do what they really love now, and even some people haven't found their passion yet. In this case, it is also good to find your favorite hobbies.
When the time is ripe and there is an opportunity, you must be brave enough to be yourself, do what you want to do, live the life you want, keep your own pace and be a comfortable person.
this reminds me of a short story. I've been working in the media for three years, and I've heard a lot about how to build a personal brand, and I've seen a lot. But I can't insist on frequently updating my personal dynamics, such as friends circle, Weibo, and micro-headlines, to suggest my personal brand. I feel very pressured to update it every day, and I don't like it very much. What should I do?
So I went to consult a master-level teacher, and his advice was: Just be yourself comfortably.
It means that if you don't like to update your own dynamics frequently, you should do it when you want to, and don't force yourself. It is the most important thing to feel comfortable, and people like you because of your personality, not how often you update.
I chatted with many IP and V's and asked them how to build their personal brands. They all mentioned one thing in unison: your personal design is yourself, and you are that kind of person. That's part of your life, just showing it.
well, beauty is to come back and be yourself.
4
Put yourself first
Many people always put themselves last, are harsh on themselves, lack care, and can't satisfy their inner needs for a long time. How can they be comfortable inside?
So, I suggest you put yourself first, pay attention to your truest thoughts and know how to love yourself.
to do this, I think we should first establish the concept of "you are worth it".
I once bought myself a skirt because I spent more than 1 yuan, and I couldn't sleep all night. One moment I feel that clothes are not worth so much money, and the next moment I think it will be hundreds cheaper if they are discounted or changed in season, so I want to return them tomorrow, and I am afraid that I can't return them, and I am afraid that I will waste that time, but I am not reconciled.
in a word, I feel bad about money and feel that I shouldn't spend it for myself. I feel uncomfortable when I have something in my heart. In the middle of the night, I have to wake up my husband and talk about it. My husband is so sleepy that he says, "Wife, don't think about it, go to sleep quickly, just consider it a gift from me!" (It was his card that was originally swiped)
Actually, the upper body of the clothes is really beautiful, and all these troubles are caused by subconsciously feeling that they are not worth having.
put yourself first, you deserve it, and your comfort is more important than anything else.
5
Learn to submit
Many people are self-centered, and everything must revolve around him and follow his wishes. If things don't go according to his expectations, you will have a hard time with people, things and yourself.
This is also the reason why I had so many troubles and pains when I was young. As long as things don't develop according to my own will, I will get angry, find fault and be persistent. At that time, I felt that if I paid, I must get it, and if I worked hard, I must get results.
if you can't get it, you can't be content. You must find a reason, or who is to blame, which makes everyone angry. If you can't find anyone to vent your anger on, you can only blame yourself: self-blame, guilt, attacking and hurting yourself. It's really miserable to think about it. Why embarrass yourself?
The older I am now, the more I understand the truth that "everything is not decided by people", and the more I know that "I will do my best to listen to my destiny" and "I will work hard because of it." Many things in the world are complicated and need the right time, place and people, and a person's ability is extremely limited.
Accepting the complexity of the world and the helplessness of reality, letting go of self and learning to surrender can reduce a lot of troubles and pains, and the whole person is relaxed. As I wrote in my new book "Hang in there, and you will eventually become a better self":
The more I see the vastness and beauty of heaven and earth, the more I understand our existence, like a speck suspended in the air. You should go all out and give up hope at the same time. What you are experiencing is the most important thing in the universe (for you), and it doesn't matter at all (for the universe).
learn to submit, not tense, not anxious, and relax. Do what you can, go all out without expectations, maybe the world will be better, maybe this state will attract good things to us.
Life is hard enough. Why not make yourself comfortable and be a comfortable person?
reconcile with yourself and accept your imperfections and shortcomings; Be brave to be yourself, stop criticizing and demanding, and become yourself is success; Put yourself first and tell yourself "you are worth it"; Accept that your ability is limited, you can't do everything you want, and learn to surrender to the world and to life.
Mr. Jiang Xun once said, "The greatest wealth is to have a rich personality and live your life as you please."
Life is still hard, but we still have a choice.
END
Author's introduction: Xia Jiujiu, a Xiamen University native living in Xiamen, is a post-9 s career mom, a multi-platform signing author, focusing on personal growth and career, and a self-media writing trainer. Has published "Hang in the past, you will eventually become a better self".