Three major parenting taboos, no sensible children can be taught.
There is a classic saying in Mozi's "Dyed": "Dyed in the pale is pale, dyed in the yellow is yellow, and the color changes when you enter, so you can't dye it carelessly.
Mozi once saw people dye silk. When dyed with blue pigment, it turned into cyan, when dyed with yellow pigment, it turned into yellow. After five times, it turned into five colors. Therefore, in his view, "dyeing" needs to be very cautious.
in fact, the family is also a big dye vat!
Everyone is born with a blank sheet of paper. Parents must set an example if they want their children to be what they are.
parents are lazy and their children are not diligent. Parents are reasonable, and children will be gentle. What determines a person's fate is never ability, but the acquired family education.
If a family violates these three taboos, it is difficult to teach sensible children!
1. Unhealthy family style and overindulgence:
Writer Ma Boyong said, "The inheritance of a family is like a fine antique.
Antiques are tangible, but their inheritance is intangible. Although they are invisible and intangible, they permeate every bone and blood of the family. A good family style is a person's attitude and confidence in life, and it also affects his future.
if the family style is not correct, people will be inclined. There is such a role in Balzac's works:
The businessman Gao Laotou dotes on his two daughters very much, and he marries most of his property in order to make them live a luxurious life as a lady.
The married daughters, however, left their father mercilessly after squeezing out his last pension. In the end, they lost their father's blessing and everything they had.
As the saying goes, "The spoilers are unknown, and the greedy are insatiable. If you spoil a person too much, you can't tell right from wrong. He who is insatiable will never be satisfied.
it is understandable that parents love their children, but they also need to grasp a certain degree of love, otherwise they will kill their children's future. Many times, children's problems are mostly the product of family and the reflection of parents' problems.
There are no children with poor education, only parents who can't educate.
Mr. Fu Lei, a famous educator, loves his son, but he never dotes on him.
He put his son Fu Cong's education on how to be a man into his family life. Even things such as dressing, eating, sitting and lying down, moving, talking, etc., Fu Lei put forward strict requirements. It is these trivial things that make Fu Cong as warm as jade.
Recommended reading: Establish rules and habits, and farsighted parents will do these three things
Jin Yong once commented:
A letter from Mr. Fu Lei is a gentleman who teaches his children how to be a real gentleman. A good family style is a priceless treasure for a child to benefit from his life, and it is also the best card for him to stand in the world in the future.
Parents who dote on their children should remember that everything is done for their children, and they will do nothing in the future, and the result will be a giant baby.
the only thing you can do is to keep your love for your children in your heart. Let him go on his own and encourage him to rely on himself at all times. This spell out the road is the glory of his life.
second, the family is out of harmony and unfilial to the elders
What is the most important thing when the family is together? Is there a million rooms in Ande Guangsha? Or spread to the ancestors of fertile land? Or is there an endless stream of guests and friends? Neither!
money on location is just a thing apart! It is more important than anything that a family is together, healthy and safe, and harmonious. If the family is out of harmony, the mother is not kind and filial, and even if she has more money, her family will eventually decline. Family harmony, a family of one mind and one mind, future generations will also benefit endlessly.
I have read such a short story:
There is a family in it runs in the family who live an ordinary life together. One day, the father said to his son, "Your grandfather is old and weak, and it is painful and useless to live in the world. It is better to abandon him in the mountains."
In the middle of the night, the father and son carried the old man to the stream with a laundry list and were about to throw it down. The son said, "Dad, we just need to throw people away, so why throw this laundry list away?
Father said angrily, "What do you know, boy? You don't even want people. Why do you need this broken basket?
The son said, "If we throw away this laundry list, what will my son and I use to carry you here in the future?
when my father heard this, he was greatly amazed, just like a head-bang, waking up from a big dream! So I quickly ordered my son to take the old man home, take good care of him, and never dare to be unfilial again.
Children are a mirror of parents, and children can see everything adults say and do. What you sow, what you reap.
If a person can abandon his parents and relatives who gave him life, how can he convince his children! Parents are the role models of children. If there is no affection and filial piety between elders, children can't be filial.
Everyone comes into the world with different roles. Today is a child, and the day after tomorrow may be a parent. Filial piety is not only an example for children, but also a way out for yourself.
The world is so big, we might as well love each other more and complain less and hurt each other. Only in this way can we really rest assured that we will grow old.
Third, family morality is not cultivated, and shortcuts are often taken.
nan huaijin, a master of Chinese studies, said, "One virtue, two lives, three geomantics, four products, and five studies; Blessed people live in blessed land, and blessed land lives in blessed land.
virtue is the best feng shui for a family. In life, many people walk into the crooked narrow path because they are tired of the hardships for a while, but the shortcuts to life are not easy to take.
if you walk too many paths, you will inevitably lose your ability to climb the peak.
in a TV story, the boss had to sell the old villa handed down by his ancestors because of the cash flow of the company. Unexpectedly, a distant cousin was killed halfway, staying in the house with a family of three generations, and would not leave without paying the moving fee.
What makes people laugh is that this cousin is a distant relative of the boss. In those days, the boss's father took pity on her and lent them the old villa to give them a place to live for three generations.
in the play, my cousin's family made a scene, thinking that they would be able to get the moving fee and not have to worry about it for the rest of their lives. But I don't know what such behavior will bring to future generations. It will only be a farce.
In the end, the boss really gave the distant relative a million "moving expenses". Ironically, the family squandered all kinds of money with this huge sum, and soon their pockets were empty again, and finally everything returned to the original point.
there used to be a saying that a gentleman loves money and takes it wisely. This world is full of all kinds of opportunistic tricks, but few people remember the truth that "if virtue is not worthy, there will be disasters."
if the older generation likes to take shortcuts and take advantage, children naturally don't want to be down to earth. Since there is a free lunch in life, why bother to work by yourself every day! Once he develops this habit of getting something for nothing, he will do endless harm for life. There is no such thing as a free lunch, and even if there is, it may not be your turn.
high-rise buildings rise from the ground, crouching dragon and crouching tiger are on high mountains. Most of the success in this world is accumulated bit by bit, and you can't always think about eating into a fat man.
Recommended reading: Parents should set an example of bad habits, such as killing their children's future with their own hands
Just like the couplet written by Lin Zexu:
If children are like me, what should they do with money? Being virtuous and having more money will damage his ambition. Children and grandchildren are not as good as me. What do you leave money for? Foolish and rich, beneficial increase its excesses.
Children need such a guiding light from their parents in their life.
intelligence is important, but it is more important to teach children how to behave. Because morality can often make up for the defects of wisdom, and wisdom can never make up for the defects of morality.
German philosopher Karl Jaspers once said, "The essence of education is that one tree shakes another tree, one cloud pushes another cloud, and one soul summons another soul.
Parents can be seen in excellent children, and Xiong Haizi's behavior can also be found in parents.
what kind of person a child will become depends largely on his growing environment. In a family, children are saplings, parents are gardeners, children are shadows, and parents are benchmarks.
if parents have a healthy family style, their children will do it themselves. When parents are kind, children will know how to be polite. When parents have high moral character, children can be self-reliant.
The so-called parents' and children's play is the parting that gradually drifted away. The best thing you can leave your children is not a house, not a deposit. But to benefit from the character and upbringing of a lifetime.