Ding answered the questions of the parties.
Foreword:
In the vast universe, everyone has only one chance to survive and is a unique and unrepeatable existence.
Reputation, property, knowledge, etc. Everything is external, everyone can ask for it, but no one can feel life instead of you.
After you die, no one can live again instead of you.
If you really realize this, you will understand that the most important thing in life is the characteristics and taste of live high.
Whether your life is meaningful is not measured by external success, but by your unique understanding and persistence in the meaning of life, which makes your self shine with the brilliance of personality. -ding
Yesterday, every Friday, I was appointed by the hospital leaders to stay in Hai 'an Psychological Service Guidance Center in the afternoon to provide free psychological counseling services for the general public in Hai 'an. One of our customers is very thoughtful, and the detailed question and answer record is as follows.
The customer asked:
There is a saying that "80% of marriages are passable, and 20% of marriages love each other, or even less." So how can we get happiness from marriage?
Jung expensive answer:
20% of marriages are in love, so its happiness is self-evident, accompanied by a long-term relationship.
What about 80%? Since this marriage can only make do, there is no happiness at all.
If the status quo of marriage is everlasting, ten or twenty years or even longer, the passion in love will retreat.
Most people yearn for the beauty and romance of love, and when marriage cannot always be a romantic form, they may feel unhappy.
In fact, two people live a normal life, but they can feel each other's firmness and inseparable affection. Even without passion, they will last for a long time.
Therefore, we should have an accurate estimate of our marital status, and we should not settle for a marriage just because we have no passion.
If two people really have the closest feeling, and can keep this feeling for a long time, this is an upgraded version of love, not that love is gone, but that love has been made into a positive result.
what is love ? What is love for?
Love is not for temporary happiness. Love is actually looking for the closest person in the world. If you find him, live with him and feel that he is your closest relative, the purpose of love will be achieved. This is not an expedient measure.
Therefore, we should have an objective and accurate estimate of our marital status, and don't make do with lack of passion.
But if you really have no feelings for your loved ones, you are completely strangers, and there is no way (to go on), I don't think it is necessary to insist.
I advocate that marriage must have love.
However, for love, we should have a broad understanding, not too narrow. If there is really no love and affection between two people, I don't think we should continue this marriage and look for happiness again.
The customer asked:
What do you think of the relationship between happiness and money? How can you be happy when you have less money?
Jung expensive answer:
I think the money can't be too little, but we still have to ensure a basic living.
If you can't guarantee a basic life and struggle for survival, then there is really no happiness.
Therefore, the guarantee of a certain economic ability is the premise of happiness and is necessary.
Of course, I don't talk about those geniuses. Geniuses that big are all poor. In fact, they are not unhappy. I believe they are very happy when they create. They have that advanced happiness, but people can't just rely on that advanced happiness. You still have to live a normal life, otherwise it will be unfortunate.
For money, too little can't live, but I don't think happiness needs too much money.
A certain wealth is a guarantee, and money has a limited effect on happiness. Don't take money too seriously On the issue of happiness, if you have more money, you can be extravagant and realize many of your wishes.
But those basic human happiness don't need a lot of money, including living a normal life, enjoying spiritually, studying, creating and appreciating art. If you have money, you can have more space in these areas, but I don't think this is the most important. The most important thing is your ability.
The customer asked:
In terms of feelings and career, to what extent do you think you should give up decisively?
Jung expensive answer:
The situation in these two aspects is different. If you pursue a girl or a boy emotionally, but you never get a response, and he doesn't love you, to what extent do you persist in this situation? If you understand that he really doesn't love you, then you don't need to carry out the revolution to the end, which means that your fate is not with him. If you want to find your fate, there will be someone suitable for you in the world.
Of course, everyone's range of activities is limited, and there is no need to stick to an obviously hopeless person. I don't think it's necessary.
Therefore, in terms of emotional issues, I think we should be free and easy, and don't be too persistent.
In terms of career, it is hard to say to what extent. What is particularly important here is your self-confidence and your understanding of yourself.
If you really like a career and have some self-confidence and believe that you have the ability in this field, then fight a protracted war.
It takes time for a thing to mature, so sticking to it doesn't necessarily mean paying attention. You can choose a circuitous curve to achieve your goal.
You may have to make some compromises. First, do something you may not want to do, but your life needs you to do it. In this process, on the one hand, you have tired your ability and strength, on the other hand, you have not given up what you like.
In addition, wait for opportunities. When you have enough capital, opportunities will actually open to you.
The customer asked:
It is easy to indulge, but difficult to restrain. Are rational people really willing to exercise restraint?
Jung expensive answer:
Is there no third way between restraint and indulgence? Is it restraint or indulgence? You can manage your desires and satisfy them within a reasonable range. This is neither indulgence nor restraint. There is a middle road in the middle.
The customer asked:
In the first half of my life, I worked hard and my family was happy, but I suffered from an incurable disease. I am in a beautiful middle age. How can I solve my inner troubles, look at my future life, regain my confidence and shine every day?
Jung expensive answer:
I don't know what happened to this friend, but I have encountered such a situation in my life, such a person.
It can be said that it was a natural disaster. A lively and active artist friend became paraplegic and had to live in a hospital bed.
Another friend got frostbite. He is a very young and talented designer. Later, his whole body could not move, only his eyes could move, but his thinking was very active. He found me through people and wanted me to write a preface for him and give him a name. At that time, I gave a title "Life without If".
When people encounter disasters, they often think how good it would be if the disaster didn't happen to me. ...
At this time, you should think of life without if. God is giving you an exam. How did you answer this paper well? That is, after we encounter some new situations and disasters, life has a new law.
How to live a good life under this new rule, even if this chess game becomes an endgame, there is no other way but to try our best to find a new way in the endgame.
be as above
Ding guijun
March 30, 1965 438+09