Some characteristics of type C personality (good articles read)
For example:
Others just sigh, they are very nervous and wonder if they have done something wrong;
When others talk to themselves about their troubles, they are under great pressure and always feel that they must think of a plan for each other;
Even before others ask for help, they can't stand it, thinking that others will be very painful.
They are always used to being responsible for other people's emotions and puzzles, because if they are not responsible, the unhappiness of the other party will affect themselves, so solving the unhappiness of the other party is to avoid trouble for themselves.
But everyone's time, energy and ability are very limited, and it is inevitable to feel tired if you bear too much pain that does not belong to you.
What is even more frightening is that this "over-responsible" behavior may develop into a "pleasing personality".
A netizen on Zhihu once said that he was a very sensitive person, especially afraid that people in his life circle would be unhappy.
But over time, she found herself trying to please others and becoming less and less like herself.
Until one day, my roommate went to dinner with her and suddenly said to her, "I feel that you are a person with no bottom line."
She just woke up and made up her mind to start changing.
How to stop internal friction?
It's very simple, just like Papi sauce said, focus on people and things that are worth it, do important things as important things, and make the rest affordable.
How to do it specifically?
(1) Make good use of Occam's razor principle.
The essence of Occam's razor is: don't add entities unless necessary.
The author of the short video @ 丫丫丫丫丫丫丫 gave an example. For example, on the same day, three things happened to a person:
Xiao Huang didn't say hello to me today.
B, Xiao Huang's work enthusiasm today is not high.
Xiao Huang looked at me after work today.
When normal people connect these three facts, they will come to the conclusion that "Xiao Huang is in a bad mood today".
However, the exhausted people get the conclusion: "Does Xiao Huang hate me?" "Did I do anything bad yesterday?" And "the way he looked at me before he left was meaningful.
To change this way of thinking in a roundabout way, we must use a razor to eliminate all unnecessary thinking.
So, if it's not necessary, don't think too much.
(2) learn to sub-topic.
Chen Yixin, a lecturer in communication class, once mentioned a friend of his who had raised his brother for more than ten years. His company has grown bigger and he has arranged a job for his brother. She helped him buy a house and a car, and even his brother's son went abroad to study.
My friend was very upset, so I asked her, how can I make him change?
Chen Yixin asked: Why has your brother changed? If I were him, I would not change.
"How comfortable I am. Everything is done by my sister. I have a house and a car, and the children are arranged."
Why is this friend upset? It's because he is in charge of a subject he shouldn't be in charge of.
There are many similar people in life. When dealing with them, they can't help but think, "What will he think if I refuse him/don't behave well/don't give a satisfactory response?"
No matter what problems they consider and respond to, it is not only out of their own feelings and ideas, but also out of "what the other party may think."
But what the other person thinks is actually the other person's business. The other party has the obligation and responsibility to deal with his thoughts and problems. This is not something you need to worry about, and there is nothing you can do.
Psychologist Adler called this way of thinking theme separation.
The theme is everyone's own responsibility. Everyone has his own subject, and everyone can only overcome and solve his own subject.
Other people's work, other people's feelings, other people's mistakes and other people's future prospects are all other people's business. As long as we do our best, we don't need and shouldn't worry too much about others.
Therefore, there is only one way for the "brother helper" sister to get rid of the pain and make her brother change, and that is to stop arranging everything for her brother and let him take charge of her own project.
Focusing on our own topics and ignoring other people's topics can make us live happier and more relaxed.
Maslow said:
When the mentality changes, the attitude will also change; When attitudes change, habits change; Habits have changed, and so has personality; If your personality changes, your life will change.
Personality is not immutable. Only by stopping internal friction and cultivating a more advanced mentality can life be full of surprises.
Because people with advanced mentality have the ability to build a lucky world full of opportunities, they will find potential opportunities more easily; And those who always feel unlucky often turn a blind eye to opportunities, as if they were born unlucky.
Therefore, to change our lives, we must first change our mentality.