Do you have the latest riddle of cold jokes?
Big plum: "What's the matter?"
Little plum: "I feel sour all over? Xian? "
A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp.
Magic lamp: "I can only realize your one wish." Hurry up, I'm in a hurry. "
Man: "I want a wife-"
The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "I'm starving, greedy for beauty!" " Pathetic? Low? It disappeared.
Man: "-cake."
The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself in two and went to play badminton. Mother earthworm thinks this is a good idea.
Yes, I cut myself into four pieces to play mahjong. Father earthworm thought about it and cut himself into minced meat.
Mother earthworm cried and said, "why are you so stupid?" Will you die if you cut so hard?
Father earthworm said weakly, "-I suddenly want to play football."
The camera and the mirror mm fell in love, and the mirror mm said:
"I'm so sad? Do you know what everyone looks like? But I don't know what I look like. "
The camera said, "Never mind, why don't I just take a picture of you?"
When the photos are developed-
- -
Mirror mm: "5555 ~ ~ Why is it still you in the photo-"
A hundred-dollar bill gave a big red envelope to my son's five-dollar wallet during the Spring Festival. The five-dollar bill opened the red envelope with joy and found her mother inside.
After the earthworm father was injured, he was lying in the hospital, covered with bandages. The earthworm mother was responsible for feeding the earthworm father every day.
Mother earthworm has been worried that her father won't eat it. The nurse suggested opening her mouth and pouring it in. Mother earthworm did.
Earthworm dad said after discharge:
"This hospital is terrible. Doesn't it give food and enema every day?
The panda man tried to rape the panda woman, and the panda woman struggled. She vowed to die. After the failure, Panda Man said angrily:
"We are all going extinct. ~ ~ ~?
Tofu mother came to the kindergarten to pick up the children and chat with the teacher. The teacher asked:
"Mrs. Tofu, do you like hot pot?"
"Do you particularly like it?
"That's great! In fact-your child hides in the refrigerator when playing hide-and-seek in the afternoon. "
Xiaomi? Mom, am I hungry?
Mother Mi: "Good boy, Dad can't find a job, and there is no food at home."
Xiaomi: "But I'm hungry ~ ~ ~"
Mi's mother: "Alas-well, you can borrow some pickles next door, and I'll boil bath water for your father."
On this day, a lovely little girl came to Kannonji to burn incense for her mother. Put your hands together and you can't afford to kneel.
Suddenly looked up, her eyes filled with glittering and translucent tears. Her pious prayers touched Guanyin Bodhisattva:
"What a filial child! Realize her wish! "
"Yes, Bodhisattva."
The next day, the little girl's mother began to grow a beard.
Because, the little girl said:
...................
......................
........................
"Mom wants a little brother."
A patient went to his psychiatrist and said, "Doctor, think about my situation, my best friend."
I eloped with my wife. They have been gone for more than a month. I feel terrible because I miss my friends. "
The son said to his father, Dad, do you love me?
Dad said, sure, any questions?
The son said, can you divorce your mother and marry the aunt who sells candy next door?
Five yuan was kidnapped by a criminal gang. Call the hundred-dollar bill:
"ah! Your son is here, and you don't want us to kill him, so you traded yourself for him?
One hundred dollar bills thought for a moment and said:
"Tear, tear you don't even have five dollars?
Fat made a girlfriend, less than a week, a friend asked why, fat said:
"She said-after looking at me for a long time, she felt too tired-"
After the fat man was lovelorn, his mother was very anxious and took him to see a psychiatrist.
"Doctor, my son always has suicidal tendencies after being lovelorn. Please help him quickly. "
The doctor asked, "Do you want to commit suicide?"
The fat man said, "No-I just feel hungry when I look in the mirror recently-"
Pig: "Chicken, why don't you take a bath?" It stinks more than me. "
Chicken: "Mom won't let me wash it."
Pig: "Why?"
Chicken: "Mom says it's dirty to rub yourself back and forth in the shower."
Piglet and his mother go to a restaurant for dinner. Piglet wanted to eat "braised pork intestines" and was scolded by her mother.
"Are you sick of eating your own intestines? Waiter, shall we have steamed bread?
"What kind of stuffing do you want?"
"Pork and green onions."
Once upon a time, a horse walked into a bar, sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a glass of wine. The bartender said, why do you have a long face?
Can't help but fart.
A person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say, can you be quiet?
Then I saw him sitting there trembling, and my colleagues were wondering what was going on.
I've tuned it to vibrate-
Zorro's death
One day, Zorro went to his mistress's house to meet her mistress. The hostess asked Zorro, what should I do when my husband comes back?
Zorro said, it's okay. If your husband comes back, I will jump out of the window and my horse will pick me up below.
The hostess said that if I heard three knocks at the door, my husband would come back.
Zorro said: I see.
After a while, it began to rain. Suddenly there were three knocks at the door. It's getting late, so.
Yes, Zorro flew out of bed and jumped out of the window in the blink of an eye. My mistress opened the door when she saw Zorro leaving.
I saw a horse standing in front of the door and said to her, Tell Zorro it's raining outside and I'll wait for him in the corridor.
One day, in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit came from a distance and saw all this. He came up and said, Fox, how could you?
Smoking marijuana is harmful to your health. Look, how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The fox thought it was right and followed the rabbit.
Running. Run and run. They see elephants smoking. Rabbit ran to the elephant and said, elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look at that.
The air is so fresh, run with me. The elephant wants to come, so he runs with them. Running and running, I saw the lion roll up his sleeves.
Son, he was about to be injected with * * * when the rabbit shouted at the lion from a distance: lion, lion, drug abuse is bad for your health. Look at the fresh air and me.
Let's run together ... I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over and beat the rabbit wildly. The elephant trembled and said to the lion, why did you knock it down?
Rabbit, how nice he doesn't want us to hurt his health! The lion said angrily, NND is a dead rabbit. Every time he takes drugs, he wants me to accompany him to run wild in the forest.
Shit!
Two people bickered, and suddenly a man next to them came out and said, "Are you really full and have nothing to do?
A leader of the Education Bureau checks the exercises between classes. After that, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, he forgot his words and held back for a long time, shouting "retreat".
When a student of the physical education department was in the internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He's too nervous. When he finally wanted to disband the team, his mind went blank and he said, "Attention, everyone!"
Meaning, stand at attention! Flash?
Teacher: "You finally came! Why didn't you come to class yesterday? "
Student: "Because, because, my mother fell down the stairs."
Teacher: "Oh! I see. Mom was hurt, so you didn't come. "
Student: "No ... My father was injured ..."
Teacher: "Why did your mother fall down the stairs and your father get hurt?"
Student: "Because my dad has a woman outside."
Teacher: "What? .. what does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs? "
Student: "because they were fighting .. my mother fell, it's okay." My father was injured by my mother. "
Teacher: "Oh ... so you didn't come to class because you took dad to the hospital?"
Student: "No, that woman outside sent my dad."
Teacher: "Then why didn't you come to class?"
Student: "Because I overslept."
Teacher: "What does that have to do with your mother falling down the stairs?
Student: "No, I just mentioned it by the way."
Electrical appliances held a joke-telling contest,
It is stipulated that every electrical appliance should tell a joke.
Let all the audience laugh,
Otherwise you will be taken to Aruba. The washing machine was the first one to play.
As soon as he finished his joke, all the audience burst out laughing.
Suddenly I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next is the smartest computer. As soon as his joke was finished, all the home appliances laughed.
I heard the rice cooker say, "It's so cold ~ ~ ~"
So! Computers were also brought to Aruba.
The third place is the most humorous desk lamp.
The desk lamp confidently finished the joke, and everyone laughed and rolled on the ground.
The rice cooker said, "It's so cold."
Just as the magic lamp was about to be taken to Aruba,
The rice cooker stood up angrily.
Turned to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said:
"I've had enough of your laughter. Don't open your mouth so wide.
Linda told a cold joke and she caught a cold.
So Linda decided to wear a coat when telling cold jokes.
But why did Linda catch a cold?
Because that cold joke is too cold.
Tortoise and Rabbit Race-
The tortoise and the rabbit race ... the rabbit quickly ran to the front. ..
The tortoise saw a snail crawling slowly .. and said to him, come up, I'll carry you. ..
Then, the snail came up. ..
After a while, the tortoise saw another ant and said to him, come up, too. ..
So the ants came up. .
When the ant came up, he saw the snail on it and greeted him.
Do you know what the snail said?
Snail said: hurry up, this turtle is so fast. ...
One day, Xiao Fang waited at the intersection for Xiao Ye to pick her up by motorcycle.
Soon, a motorcycle came to her. Xiao Fang immediately jumped into the back seat-
She slammed on her helmet and shouted, "Why is it so late? It's been over 30 minutes, right?
The knight opened the helmet cover? I'm here to ask for directions. Please don't hit anyone.
I have always been careless and forgetful, so my family always tries to remind me.
The day before yesterday, as soon as I entered the room, I found a hundred-dollar bill on the living room table.
Do you usually give less pocket money? Mom won't be merciful this time. Will you give me 100 pocket money?
I can't help feeling happy-
But when I picked up the hundred-dollar bill, I found a note under it.
It says, "Today is grandma's birthday. Wait for me at home. Let's celebrate grandma's birthday together?
Attention! That hundred dollars is not for you, but for your attention. Please put it back?
One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves.
The wolf easily destroyed the straw house, wooden house and brick house, and the three little pigs ran desperately.
But the wolf caught up with him. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up.
Whatever. At this moment, the Wolf smiled and drooled and said:
Then tell me where little red riding hood is.
Which song of Zaizai's is about piggy? Love is falling in love with you, and I just want to (Show Lo) love you.
Zoo guards caught three naughty little urchins near Monkey Mountain and took them to the director's office.
The director is an old man who likes children very much.
He asked the child who looked the biggest:
"What's your name?"
"My name is Zhang Xiaoming," said the child.
"What did you do?"
"I wanted to throw peanuts at Monkey Mountain just now."
"Oh, it's no big deal," the director affectionately touched Zhang Xiaoming's head. "Remember not to do it again when you go home."
At this moment, the guard chimed in and said, "No, his parents should be informed, because-"
The director interrupted him: "if I say no, I don't need it." Didn't you do a naughty thing when you were a child? "
The guard had to keep silent angrily.
When Zhang Xiaoming left, the director asked the second child, "What about you?"
"My name is Wang Xiaoqiang. Like Xiao Ming, I want to throw peanuts on Monkey Mountain. "
"You shouldn't feed animals casually, you know?" The director smiled and said, "Go home."
So Wang Xiaoqiang also left.
At this time, the director looked at the third and youngest child and found that he was still as scared as when he first came in.
The director is very strange: "What's your name? Why are you afraid of this? "
"My-my name is peanut," the child said trembling.
One day, Mr banana and his son's girlfriend went shopping. It was so hot that Mr. Banana took off his clothes. As a result, Mr. Banana's girlfriend slipped-
The fortune teller said to a young lady, young lady, your life is bad, and there is an ominous sign. The young lady said curiously, can I take off my bra? The fortune teller said: no, even if you get a bad omen, you can't escape.
Living two lives, causing an uproar.
At the beginning of freshman year, a buddy came to our dormitory carrying luggage. He asked a roommate who slept in the lower berth, "Is there anyone in your upper berth?" The sleeping buddy didn't care in a daze and casually said, "No."
~ "The buddy threw a big bag of luggage on the upper berth with all his strength-as a result, there was no bed board on the upper berth?
SG, a classmate in the dormitory, just learned to play the violin. His voice is like his nails scratching at the bottom of the pot-the sharp sound stimulates our eardrums, so we try not to hit him out of kindness. One afternoon, he was playing
Suddenly the door was pushed open, and the aunt who checked the hygiene came in and said seriously, "Who is burning illegal appliances in your dormitory?"
A blind beggar was begging in the street.
A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.
After a walk, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.
The drunk came over and took the money back. "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to Lao Tzu?"
The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry? Wasn't that me just now? He is a
Blind man, I went to the bathroom. Actually, I'm dumb. "
"Oh, is that right? So the drunk left the money and staggered away-
Girlfriend: Honey, come in and help me take a bath ~
The boy heard that there was a fire inside and took off his clothes and went into the water room.
Uncle girlfriend: help me wash dates, why are you undressing!
Going out to drink with some brothers in the evening is almost enough. We asked a buddy who was drinking alone next door what time it was.
Finally, he looked at the scale on the table (there was nothing in it) and said impatiently, "12 o'clock sharp?"
There are 30 frogs in a pool, and only one frog wears underwear. Why?
Because he took a shower? )
In class, the teacher recited the text at will. Piggy, puppy and kitten all raised their hands. Who will the teacher call?
-puppy, because wangwang is humble.
Butterflies, ants, spiders, centipedes, they worked together, which one didn't get paid in the end?
-Centipede, because you won't take it for nothing.
The elephant's nose is the longest in the zoo. Who is the second longest?
Elephant.
What kind of fruit has the worst eyesight?
Mango.
Which two kinds of fruits have mobile phones?
-radish and green vegetables, each has his own love.
A turtle walked through a pile of shit, but left only three footprints on it. Why?
-There's a foot on your nose.
If there is a car, the driver is a prince and the passenger is a princess, whose car is it?
-If
Jin Mu is a land of fire and water, whose legs are long?
Ham sausage
Cobra dated the elephant, exchanged a few pleasantries and said, "Come as soon as you come, and get a bonus?" ? You're welcome. "
A boss of B club caught a glimpse of a young man in an alley and asked him: What is one plus one? The young man was startled, thought for a long time and said, it's equal to two. The boss of B club quickly took out his pistol and killed him. Leave a word before you leave: Do you know too much?
One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was sad, so he didn't? What happened? Cry and cry ... as a result ... it sprouted. ~ ~ ~
Policeman: "Say, what's your name?" Prisoner: "My name is Jackie Chan." Policeman: Why don't you call Zhen Chen? Put your attitude right ~ tell me your name ~? Prisoner: My name is Zhen Chen.
A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted, "honey, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" " The man jumped down with a whoosh. Pol.ice said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this!"
Xiaoming: "Mom, my classmates say my head is so big." Mom: "nonsense, they are all bad children who ignore them." Go and buy chestnuts for my mother. " Xiao Ming: "What should I wear?" Mom: "Use your hat?
A classmate secretly loves a PLMM that he meets every day after school, but he has no chance to get close to it. One day, he followed MM to a ramen restaurant and finally got up the courage to talk to her:
"Classmate, what's your name ..............? "MM:" Lamian Noodles? " ................................................
Which anime characters are the most involved? Answer: Mermaid (because she can't cheat)
Where's Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.
Xiaoming's mother said to Xiaoming, "Have you read all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow. "
Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.
Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.
Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.
Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher:
There are many ants in the toilet.
The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming: What did the ants say?
Xiao Ming looks helpless? ..... Say:
Ant-he didn't say anything-
One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.
He announced: "children, after picking the fruit, we can wash it together, and we can eat it together after washing."
All the children ran to pick fruit.
As soon as the assembly time came, all the children gathered.
Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"
Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."
Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"
Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."
Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "
A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."
Xiaoming was walking when suddenly his feet were sore ... Why? ....
Because he stepped on a lemon. ...
Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Who is your favorite hostess?"
The audience said, "It's you." Wang asked, "Why?"
The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan?
A little penguin asked his father, father, father, am I really a penguin?
Dad: Of course.
He went to ask his mother again: mom, mom, am I really a penguin?
Mom: Honey, you were born to your mother. Of course you are a penguin.
He went to ask his grandmother again: Grandma, am I really a penguin?
Grandma: We are all penguins.
He went to ask Grandpa again: Grandpa Grandpa, am I really a penguin?
Grandpa: It must be. Why?
Penguin: But ~ ~ I think-it's so cold ~! ~
One day Xiao Ming asked his father, "Dad, am I stupid?"
Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"
Brother Little Snake slipped to Brother Big Snake in a panic and said, "Brother Big Snake! Are we poisonous? 」
Brother Snake said, "Why do you ask? 」
Brother Snake: "Because ... I just bit my tongue ..."
One day Xiao Ming and his mother were watching TV at home, and her mother suddenly said to Xiao Ming, "Xiao Ming, it seems that the light in your room is not turned off ~ go and turn it off."
Xiaoming just turned off the lights ~
Shortly after Xiao Ming came back, his mother asked, "Is it off?"
Guess what Xiaoming said?
Xiaoming said ~ The room is too dark for me to see ~ ~
Source: China Spider-Man Cold Joke House
Xiaoming is afraid of the dark because there will be ghosts at night, but one day, he thought of a way to turn himself into a ghost, so he was not afraid. So he committed suicide ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
One day, a rice ball was walking in the street, sweating like a pig, and it became porridge.
One day, three trash cans were walking down the street-
They walked side by side in the order of large, medium and small-
Walking, the small trash can said to the trash can in the middle, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"
The trash can said, "This is about to ask Big Brother!" "
So, the trash can said to the big trash can, "Brother, why don't we walk faster?"
The big trash can said impatiently, "I see!" "
After a few more steps, the big trash can suddenly turned back? It said to the small and medium-sized trash can, "We are trash cans. How can we get there?"
Xiao Ming's first day diary: I went to the amusement park today, so happy!
Xiao Ming's diary the next day: I went to the amusement park yesterday, so happy!
Xiao Ming's diary on the third day: I remember going to the amusement park the day before yesterday, so happy?
One day, a blind man and a mute were walking in the street. Suddenly, the blind man looked at the dumb.
Blind man: You don't look stupid. ...
Dumb: How do you know? ....