Funny joke, funny joke.
Excerpts from funny jokes.
1. In the morning, a colleague sitting next to me fell asleep and even snored, which attracted the attention of the whole bus. I felt ashamed of her, so I nudged her with my hand and saw her muttering: No husband, tomorrow.
I want to make out with my girlfriend. Because it was the first time for both parties, I felt that I couldn't just pass, so I bought red wine and candles to set off the atmosphere. The two of them drank with each other and had three or two cups. I closed my eyes happily and wickedly. When I opened my eyes again, it was already dawn!
3. Today, Chang 'e dated Bajie, and the swan met toad, and the Weaver Girl followed the orders of the Empress Dowager and moved on. Don't wait, just make up your mind to love me.
4. Three generations of grandparents and grandchildren went fishing together. Grandchildren saw grandpa stunned with a fishing rod, so they said to his father, look at your father in a daze, silly! Dad was particularly angry and said, You talk nonsense, your dad is stupid!
Once I was sitting in the middle of a bus, and an old lady came on the way. Stand up at once and give your seat to the old man. The old man smiled and said, "Thank you. Sit down. There are many seats in the back. " I turned around and the position behind me was all empty.
6. One day, I was taking a bus. When the bus started, someone ran behind the bus, shouting "Master, wait for me" while running, only to see the driver say "Bajie, we are at the station in front, I will wait for you there".
7. On the way to a bus, many people crowded in through the back door, the door could not be closed, and no one put in money. The driver was really angry at that time and shouted loudly, if you don't invest money, get out, or I will get out! Everyone laughed at that time!
8. Son: "Dad, what is capital and what is labor?" Father: "well, if I borrow one hundred dollars from my neighbor's house, I will have capital." If he wants money back from me, he must work for me. "
9. Master and apprentice discussed how to get to the Tang Priest in the Western Heaven: "Find a shortcut to learn from the scriptures this time!" Wukong: "flying is faster than riding a horse!" " "Bajie:" Shenzhou VI is faster! "Friar Sand pulled out his gun: I heard that this thing will be sent to the west at once.
10. When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and said, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable with that of the old material? Ah, no, performance and function? "
1 1. If one day, you meet your ex-lover and ta's new lover in the street, please don't be sad! Someone said, "Because our mother taught us to donate old toys to people less fortunate than us."
12. Today, the princess kissed the frog and the frog became a prince. The prince knelt down and said to the princess, "Thank you for saving my beautiful and kind princess. I have another wish. " The princess blushed: "Go ahead, I will meet your requirements." So the prince took another frog out of his pocket? Another one? Frog.
13. Set up a shed to sell embroidery needles-the business is not big and the shelves are not small.
14. It's really hot these days! I just called my mother for more than ten minutes. My mother said, "Daughter, it's too hot. Forget it. My mobile phone is on fire. I'm afraid I will burn my face. Call me again at night! " Hang up! "I:? .
15. Today, my wife asked me with a pair of yellow underwear: What do you think of this? Me: I think it's good. I can't even tell if I stuck shit on it!
16. for ten years, I have always thought that the automatic door of the unit is amazing. Sometimes you can stand far away, and sometimes you need to walk very close. If the security guard hadn't stood in the hall forever, I would have studied the test. Until today, I stumbled across its mystery? It turns out that the security guard has a remote control!
17. One day, I asked my classmates to come out to play, but they didn't come. The landlord stood very tired and leaned against the bus next to him. After a while, my classmates came, and when they saw me, they shouted, "How dare you steal from me?" Lying in the trough, what is the rate of turning around?
18. Ten years later, the confidante finally went to bed. I said, if I had known this, why did I have to pretend for so long? Really tired! Hearing this, the girl said, you have to go through the door before you can put on airs and sing! First "confidant", then "intellectuality".
19. When I was bored last night, I suddenly remembered my beautiful and gentle ex-girlfriend, so I turned out my QQ number and entered the space excitedly. I was shocked when I saw the first speech. It's actually about me. It says: I am willing to trade my ex-boyfriend's life for a cool weather.
20. My boyfriend rolled a stick with a tissue and poked me in the stomach while I was waiting for the bus. I was shocked. He said to himself, "white knife goes in and white knife goes out. Your fat is really thick." I'm speechless. Five minutes later, he poked me in the chest again. In order to cooperate with him, I let out a cry and stepped back.
Funny jokes and jokes appreciation
1. I have had eight managers for ten years. A beautiful new female secretary came to the company that day. Two days later, the manager proudly said to me, "Last night, I found that the new secretary was better in bed than my wife." I said ingratiatingly, "I feel better than your wife, too."
Ten years later, I need to deal with more and more family and work conflicts and find better solutions. "I can't do it." After drinking, I poured out my worries to Shirley. She was drunk and out of her mind, expressing her deep sympathy. She said, your spear is really a bit dull, so you should strengthen your exercise.
Ten years have passed, and I'm still looking for it. I'm frustrated by the gap between my dream and reality. Xiao Min is considerate, but not beautiful. Meng Xiao is beautiful, but not sexy. Xiao Gan is sexy, but she has a bad temper. Xiao Jing is considerate, beautiful and sexy, but she is my wife.
It has been ten years, and I have returned to my hometown. European customs is landing, and the quiet town is destroyed by the roaring noise everywhere. I'm glad I left this vulgar city. I walked into the hair salon, and the girl who washed her hair warmly asked me to sit down: Big Brother, where are you from?
5. Women's self-esteem is weaker than ultra-thin stockings. Many times, you care too much about her self-esteem, and she may not care about your self-esteem. If she wants to be Cixi, don't be Li.
6. On the way to a bus, many people crowded in through the back door, the door could not be closed, and no one put in money. The driver was really angry at that time and shouted loudly, if you don't invest money, get out, or I will get out! Everyone laughed at that time!
7. Son: "Dad, what is capital and what is labor?" Father: "well, if I borrow one hundred dollars from my neighbor's house, I will have capital." If he wants money back from me, he must work for me. "
8. Wang Guoxuan, an animal strategist, was chosen by Cobra with absolute superiority. The tiger comforted the fox and said, Brother, don't be depressed. Everyone says that your feet are always slippery, so they are not stable enough. Cobra wears a pair of glasses and looks like a cultural person.
9. My ideal university life is to have classes at eight o'clock in the morning, to be in the library in the afternoon, to play games, watch movies and read books in the dormitory at night, and then to go to bed at eleven o'clock on time. Who should I call to say good night before going to bed? But it turns out that there is still a gap between ideal and reality, like the distance between Mars and the earth?
10. I wore two clothes and went out to experience a 360-degree three-dimensional wind. I bowed my head and looked up at the mushroom head. My bangs tilted left and right, turning a little to 28, then turning a little to 37, turning left to right punk, turning right to left punk, and becoming a quasi-punk. This wind is really all-round and multi-layered, and I am blown into all kinds of growls.
1 1. "I bet I can make you forget that you are gay right now!" "But I'm not gay." "Look!"
12. Yesterday, my friend invited me to his dormitory to eat hot pot. After I went in, I saw a group of young men around a big washbasin with all kinds of hot pots and vegetables! There is still a root in the washbasin. The temperature rises quickly! Should I admire your creativity or courage?
13. I went to my brother's house yesterday and saw my sister-in-law who has always been good-natured beating my little nephew. When I asked the truth, I laughed hysterically. Sister-in-law came home early and saw a maddening scene: the little nephew took a dip in the living room and then fed it to the dog spoon by spoon for more than a month. The first thing my sister-in-law does when she comes home from work every day is to pick up the puppy and kiss it.
14. Eat at the buddy's restaurant on National Day. The person who served the food called the waiter: Believe it or not, I can open the beer with my thumb. The waiter said in surprise, I don't believe my buddy said simply, then why don't you bring a bottle opener? !
15. The farmer's daughter fell in love with the shepherd boy and was opposed by her father. The farmer said that if they can put milk in the eggs, they should be together. Later, the couple made a snack that looked as crisp as an egg shell and contained frozen milk, which was approved by their father. The first pronunciation of a boy's name is Pufu, and the last pronunciation of a girl's name is Pufu. This snack is called Pufu.
16. A young man saw a beautiful woman with a low collar on the bus, and spring leaked out. Are you kidding? Is it really a place where peach blossoms bloom? When the beauty heard this, she lifted her skirt and said, And where were you born and raised? !
17. My son sleeps with his mother every night. Mom said: Did you sleep with your mother when you grew up and married your daughter-in-law? A: Well, mom said, what about your daughter-in-law? The son said, let her sleep with her father. Dad said excitedly after listening: this child has been sensible since childhood!
18. The rooster is on a business trip for one month. When he came back, he heard that quails always came. The cock suspected that the hen had laid a quail egg two days later. The cock was furious, and the hen hurriedly explained: premature birth!
19. It's embarrassing for village women to report it! I was raped last night. The policeman asked him what the man looked like. I didn't see it clearly, but I must be a novice, because he couldn't find a place for a long time, and finally I helped him in.
20. Say a pair of men and women. After the man went in, he squatted on the woman's body and whispered, we are together now, and the woman is a little unhappy. The man violently attacked, and the woman shouted loudly: Mobile is better than Unicom!
Funny jokes and jokes collection
1 .8 don't understand: you don't drink the toast of the leader, the leader touches it first, the leader goes by car, the leader talks nonsense, the leader takes a shower first, the leader turns over the table, and the leader listens to the cards and touches it yourself.
2. The white rabbit ran away after raping Grey Wolf, and Grey Wolf was filled with indignation and chased after him. The rabbit dressed up as a gray rabbit and read the newspaper with glasses. The wolf asked, can you see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is it the wolf's little white rabbit? Wolf shame: I'm KAO, so soon?
3. In the street, a beautiful lady said to me, "One hundred dollars is not the kind of person you think. Tonight, two hundred dollars is your person, and tonight, three hundred dollars is your person. You must never treat me as a person. Four hundred dollars is how many people you want to take tonight. I don't care if you bring anyone tonight!"
4. When Cao Cao met Jiang Gan, Jiang Gan politely asked, "Fuck, how is your mother?" Shit, I fainted. The next day, when they met again, Cao Cao greeted them first: "Fuck, how is your family?" Dry dizzy death
A child in the delivery room smiled after birth, and the midwife was very surprised. When she leaned in to observe, she found that the child's fist was tight. After it was broken, she found birth control pills, and only listened to the baby laughing and saying, "There is no way to fuck me."
6. Farmer Ji said, "The lawn is ten yuan, the chair is twenty yuan, and the bed is fifty yuan. The farmer threw out fifty yuan, and Ji smiled and said, Mr. Good mood! The farmer said, "a P 50 yuan, five times on the grass."
7. Women can't get married because of their small breasts. One day, she said to the man on a blind date, "Do you dislike my small breasts?" The man said, "Is it as big as steamed bread?" The woman said yes! On the night of the bridal chamber, the man rushed out of the bridal chamber and knelt in front of the sky and shouted, "Oh, my God, Wang Zi steamed bread!" " "
There is an old bear on the mountain, and you want to catch it. In the first battle, you were defeated and raped by a bear. You felt ashamed and angry. Take a few days off, fight again, lose again, and be raped again. After recovery, go back. The bear laughed wildly when he saw you. "Are you here for hunting or prostitution?"
9. The man took off his clothes and showed his girlfriend his biceps, saying that it was equivalent to 50 kilograms of explosives. He also took off his pants and pointed to his thigh, saying that this is equivalent to 100 kg of explosives. Then he took off his underwear. His girlfriend ran to the door and exclaimed, Oh, my God! The lead is so short
10. A beautiful woman urinated in the grass by the roadside, and then ran out of paper, so she wiped the shady part with leaves. There are thorns on the leaves, and the shade is very painful. The beauty said to her genitals, "Eating meat all day, I can't stand eating vegetables today!" .