Funny sketch script
a: doctor, I ... I ...
b: what's your date?
a: I'm number four.
b: the next batch.
a: well ... why do you think I'm so unlucky? No matter what happens to me, it's the next batch. A while ago, a cadre was promoted in our unit, and it's the "next batch" when I come here. I will retire in the next batch. (Laughter) Let me introduce myself. My family name is Shan, which is a single word. I put the word "good" in hundreds of surnames. My name is Shan Guorui, and I'm not feeling well these two days. I may have caught a cold. I heard that this doctor is particularly responsible for patients. It's time to call my number next time, and I'm coming ...
B: I'm coming.
a: you can't come here unless you are ill.
b: next, one-mouth asthma.
a: (look in all directions) who is one-sided breathing?
b: which uneducated parents gave such an ugly name! ?
a: there's only one breath left. look.
b: you haven't promised ... you won't promise me to get off work!
a: hey, what about me, doctor?
b: oh, here's another one. what's your date?
a: No.4, you said I'd be the next batch ...
b: you're just breathing!
a: my name is shan guorui! Take a closer look!
b: oh, yes, shan guorui.
a: what look! Shan Guorui regarded it as one-sided breathing.
b: shan guorui! Is it uncomfortable there?
a: I just have a cough and asthma.
b: not yet, one-mouth asthma.
a: doctor, I heard that the conditions here are particularly good. (looking left and right) why is there nothing?
b: single-mouth asthma. (A: Shan Guorui. ) Oh, yes, Shan Guorui. What do you think is wrong with you?
a: I guess, I'm ... I don't need to estimate. I guess I have a cold.
b: you are very clever! You say a cold is a cold, so what else do I have to do? You are talking to a famous doctor now, and anyone who comes to my famous doctor will have to check again.
a: check it, doctor.
b: don't move, open your mouth. A little higher. A little higher.
a: doctor, you are not a hospital, but a conservatory of music!
b: what nonsense!
a: I can sing at such a high voice!
b: who told you to sing up? I told you to raise your chin. I can't see.
a: be more specific.
b: come on, ah.
a: ah ~ ~
b: no wonder your words are so ugly! There's a little drop on this. This ceiling is a little moldy.
a: doctor, it's true that you are not a conservatory of music here, but you are engaged in decoration.
b: you said it twice!
a: then why do you think there is a ceiling above me?
b: all the doctors here are called ceilings. A: Maxillary, doctor. ) Oh, yes, the upper jaw. When I'm a doctor, I don't know it's called the palate. A: But I heard it was the ceiling. ) I'm afraid you can't understand me when I say maxillary. I know what your education level is!
a: no matter how low my education is, I wouldn't have dropped me here.
b: come on, come on, stick out your tongue. There is moss on it! Does it usually leak rain?
a: it's leaking. it usually rains heavily outside, so it rains lightly here. I just thought, is my head a leaky spoon?
b: (touching a's head) it should be closed!
a: (throwing it away) it was already closed, and the air leak died long ago.
b: show everyone how green it is here.
a: this tongue coating. B: Oh, yes, tongue coating. How can I hear that he is the whole house!
b: I mean long tongue coating.
a: tongue coating is called moss? (B: Right, right, tongue coating. ) Remember to call it tongue coating.
b: tongue coating, tongue coating, whatever you say, ok! Tongue coating! This person is annoying, should I see a doctor or should you see a doctor? I have one sentence and he has a hundred! This man is not in good health, but you have a good eloquence. You are a pyramid scheme. Are you? Stop seeing a doctor! Pay the money!
a: ah. (coming back after a walk) Doctor, what's wrong with me?
b: I'll tell you as soon as you pay the money.
a: ah. (coming back after a walk) Doctor, how much do I have to pay?
b: oh, don't pay too much! A: Thank you, doctor. (Turn around and leave) Pay 1 first!
a: (almost fell down) I didn't know what's wrong with me until 1 yuan!
b: what's wrong with a thousand? what's wrong with a thousand? a thousand is definitely not enough.
a: a thousand dollars is not enough? !
b: in this way, I think it may be an infection. How old are you? (A: 1. ) What is it? (A: It belongs to the dragon. ) It doesn't look like it! His face is blue, his eyes are blank, his pupils are dilated, and he screams like a cow (holding his nose). (A: moo-) Push hard! (A: Moo-) How about eating grass recently?
a: it's not good to eat grass recently. I only eat half a bundle of grass a day.
b: I suspect you have mad cow disease.
a: I suspect you are a veterinarian. (B: Who's the vet? ) You vet! I didn't eat mad beef at all. How can I get mad cow disease?
b: ok, ok, ok. I've said it again and again. I'm a doctor who thinks of patients the most. You don't want to check, you don't have to check. But don't blame me for your madness in the future!
a: you are mad if you are mad.
b: stand still and check again. A: Check again. ) come on, many patients just don't cooperate with the doctor. (Rubbing A's shoulder) Does it hurt here? A: No, doctor. Think carefully before you answer, this is to see a doctor, not to buy food! Does it hurt here? A: It doesn't hurt. ) No way? It should hurt here! (Squeezing the nail temple) Does it hurt here? A: Yes, doctor. ) It shouldn't hurt here! This question is very complicated! Bend down. (Pinching the nail on the back) Does it hurt here?
a: doctor, do you think it should hurt or not? (B: What! ) I said it hurts, you said it shouldn't hurt, I said it doesn't hurt, you said it should.
b: tell me the truth. does it hurt?
a: it didn't hurt at first, but you pinched me.
b: pay the money!
a: ah. (coming back after a walk) Doctor, when can I pay again?
b: you haven't paid a penny since you saw a doctor!
a: I have a saying about paying money.
b: of course there is a saying. Don't get me wrong. I am a famous doctor and I am responsible for you. You are not as responsible as I am when you go to other doctors. This is called exclusion method, which eliminates all the diseases you may get, not only leaving a cold!
a: I have a cold left, but I haven't ruled out my money!
b: all this man thinks about is money. Hey, what is the most important thing in your life? A: What's the most important thing? ) A thousand dollars can't buy the word "health".
a: the body.
b: who is most responsible for your health in this world? A: Who is responsible for me? ) doctors are the most responsible.
a: doctor.
b: what are you doing earning so much money all your life?
a: why do you earn so much money?
b: it's just seeing a doctor!
a: just look ... I've earned it for him all my life! Did you see that?
b: what do you mean by earning for me or for yourself?
a: doctor, I beg you, please keep an eye on it, and our family will sell iron to send you a plaque. Six feet high, six feet wide, square, four big letters hanging at your door, iron near-re-embodiment, ok?
b: hehe ... we have to wait, who will be reincarnated?
a: Tietuo was reincarnated, a wonderful doctor. They say you read it well ...
B: No, I remember that Tietuo seems to be from Yugoslavia, right? ..... It's Hua tuo!
a: you are much stronger than Hua tuo!
b: what do you mean?
a: just give me a cold medicine.
b: let's do the math. this person is rare. (takes out a piece of paper) He is really penniless. He doesn't take care of us businessmen! (Give A) Take medicine according to this list!
a: you gave me the prescription so quickly.
b: what else is this for? It's all photocopied.
a: (reading the paper, grinning, beating your chest)
b: this is obviously mad cow disease! Did you see that?
a: doctor, you are really a wonderful doctor! B: That's right. ) I have a cold. You prescribed me more than 5 kinds of medicine.
b: you should.
a: other doctors discuss films, so give me a discussion! I guess I can't eat it all alive. I'm going to mobilize my whole family to eat it, and my children and grandchildren will eat it until the 28 th century. I don't believe I can't eat it all!
b: ok! This is called Yu Gong taking medicine!
a: I can understand that, doctor. Why do you think I was given a pressure cooker in it? Do you think I should steam or sit in it?
b: why don't you have any social knowledge? Pressure cookers are for cooking!
a: cooking. we have a lot of cooking pots at home.
b: your cold is no ordinary cold. A: Then why do I catch a cold? ) You are an imported cold.
a: am I mad cow disease again?
b: what! You're sick from the mouth. You have a viral cold. I'm afraid you'll infect other people in your family, so you must use what you eat alone in the future. By the way, I'll give you a separate pair of chopsticks. (writing on paper)
A: (blocking) No, I'll just eat from the pot.
b: a little saving is a little.
a: how do you drive it, doctor? Eighteen baskets of penicillin. I don't think you can finish plugging me!
b: don't do it all at once, wait until it's ready.
a: a mobile phone?
b: in case you take the wrong medicine, call me right away. it's not too late.
a: but how did you end up driving me a motorcycle?
b: how can you get such a large pile of things back? Don't rely on motorcycles! You are not bad!
a: what's the matter?
b: those three people who came in front, I drove him a Santana by myself!
a: dizzy!
(bowing)
(2)
Xiaoling sleeps at her desk.
Xiao Ai has lost a book beside her. Go out.
Xiao Wu came in and sat in Xiao Ai's position.
Xiao Ai (coming in): Oh, man, it's really puzzling. Are you kidding? Can't you see, I've already taken this seat!
Xiao Wu: Ding is Ding, Mao is Mao. Actually, I took it earlier than you!
Xiao Ai: I came early in the morning. Why didn't I see you?
Wu: I took it last night.
Xiao Ai: The last row is my patent! For it, I got up early every day, robbed my head, and my blood flowed. I can't lose this position!
Xiao Wu: The last row is my pride, and this place is unique in its geomantic treasures. If you want to drive me away from here (little moxa:-why? ) I advise you to pull it down early!
Xiaoling wakes up: What's the noise?
It's a waste of youth to quarrel in such a sacred classroom early in the morning!
do you know what mistakes you made? Huh?
Xiao Ai: Yes.
Xiao Wu: let's stop arguing.
Xiaoling: The most unforgivable thing for you is that you woke me up!
Xiao Ai is sitting in front of Xiaoling.
Xiao Ai: Last but not least, carry forward the style. Dude, take the exam according to me!
Wu: huh? Today's exam?
Xiaoling: Really? My hands are numb today!
Xiao Ai: Scared?
Xiao Wu: Did you sleep?
Xiaoling: None of them are right! I'm tired of playing grass!
Xiao Ai: Hey, I think I spent most of the night burning the lamp and boiling the oil!
Xiao Wu: Oh, are you studying hard?
Xiaoling: Do you also play grass?
Xiao Ai: Oh, I'm thinking about the exam strategy!
Xiao Wu and Xiao Ling lean over: What do you think?
Xiao Ai laughed wildly: I'm telling you, this move is fantastic!
Xiao Wu and Xiao Ling: Come on!
Xiao Ai: Copy from the book-(picks up the book)
Xiaoling: Go to hell!
Wu: that's a good idea! Why didn't I think of that?
Xiaoling: Come on. You call this a trick?
hey, in order to ease the tense atmosphere, I'll give you a humorous quiz.
Xiao Ai and Xiao Wu ignored her.
Xiaoling: Say, how many steps are there in the exam answer sheet?
Xiao Ai and Xiao Wu leaned in: How many steps?
Xiaoling: There are three steps!
step one: write down your name. (Both nod)
Step 2: Read the topic! (Both nod)
Step 3:-Hand in the roll paper!
Xiao Ai: Hand in a blank paper!
Xiao Wu: What's the problem?
Xiaoling: I'll give you another question. Say, today's exam, who didn't come?
Xiao Ai: Who can't come to the exam today? Xiaoling?
Xiaoling: I'm not here!
Xiao Ai: Look around, Wu?
Xiao Wu: Yes!
Xiao Ai: Ah! I see-little moxa!
Xiao Wu: You came for nothing! It's not the same as coming or not!
Xiaoling: Answer, teacher! It hasn't come yet!
the teacher came in.
three people are startled: coming? Why did you come without saying so? Oh dear! (Noisy)
Teacher: What's your name? Did the toad come in?
three people laugh.
teacher: be serious! What about this exam! No professional ethics at all! What is the most important thing these days? -score! Divide and divide, your lifeblood! (Laughter) Exam, our magic weapon!
Xiao Ai: Copy, copy, our unique skill!
teacher: hand out the roll paper quickly! Don't come early after the exam. What time is it? The exam has started for half an hour! What did you do?
distribute the paper.
teacher: the exam time is * * * two hours! Don't hand in your papers for more than an hour! Students who want to answer the paper, please pick up the pen. Students who don't want to answer the paper, please rest in place. Students who want to go to the toilet-please restrain yourself!
Xiao Ai: I compare my teacher.
He is a mouse looking for a cat as an escort-unreasonable demands!
Xiaoling: Exactly! Is he a legendary rapper, or why can't he keep mumbling?
teacher: be quiet! You are quieter than trees! Do you know how serious a mistake you have made? Heavier than salt sea!
three people will copy.
teacher: (referring to Xiao Ai) Please stop copying this classmate!
Xiao Wu and Xiao Ling: I didn't copy it!
The teacher walked up to Xiao Ai: Classmate, stop copying!
Xiao Ai: How do you know? I copied it in my desk!
teacher: the board in front of your desk fell off. I saw it all!
Xiao Ai: (looks at it) Ouch! What bad luck
The teacher confiscated Xiao Ai's roll paper, and Xiao Ai just wanted to get up and go.
teacher: sit down! Don't go out until an hour!
The teacher went to Xiao Wu, who took the roll paper to the table to copy.
teacher: come on, come on, stop pretending!
I despise you people who cheat with books. You have no technical content at all.
how did you copy it just now? Like this? Like this?
Xiao Wu: lower, lower!
Teacher: (confiscates Xiao Wu's roll paper) Sit down and reflect.