I'm bored.
When I was a child, I went upstairs to find my mother, but I fell downstairs. Our stairs are spiral stairs. Imagine.
if you smile, you will get points.
Tell some jokes that I have treasured for a long time.
When the train entered the tunnel, it was dark, only one kiss followed by a slap in the face.
When the train got out of the tunnel, four strangers didn't say anything, except for Man A, whose eyes were blue.
The old lady thought, "The little girl has a beautiful heart."
The girl thought, "Strange, man A would rather kiss the old lady than me."
A man thought, "b man is so cunning. He stole the girl's mouth and I was beaten!" "
B man thought, "I kissed the back of my hand and slapped A again, and no one noticed."
I went to the washroom to wash my face, and I saw a buddy struggling against a basin of clothes.
I rubbed it hard and sweated.
When I finished washing and was ready to leave,
I found that he had moved to another basin and rubbed it hard.
At that time, I regarded him as an idol and thought, "Washing two pots of clothes at once is cruel enough!"
Just as I was about to praise him, he said to me with a sad face, "I washed the wrong clothes just now ..."
I heard a true story from my friend: a woman took a driving test. The one in front gets off, it's her turn, very nervous! She got off from the right, got off and went around to the left, opened the door ... Then she shouted: Coach! Where is the steering wheel! The examiner looked back at her and said calmly: You opened the back door ...
I went back to Guizhou last night, and I wanted to be a flight attendant in Doby, but I was ruined by the flight attendant. When I delivered the meal, I said, do you have any paper towels? MM took out a tissue from her pocket and gave it to me. Ask again, do you have a toothpick? She takes it out of her other pocket. Brother was depressed and asked if you had disposable chopsticks. MM handed me chopsticks and said something that made me petrified: Do I look like Doraemon?
I heard a conversation between two people on the subway today: "What a coincidence! We were both pregnant when we were young! Give a young marriage to future children! " "Well, if we all have boys, let them be gay; If they are girls, let them be lilies; If it's a man and a woman ... let them be brother and sister! !” Damn it! ! In an instant, my outlook on life and values were completely subverted. .
A male student and a female nude model in an art academy have been in love for a long time, which eventually made the female model pregnant. The school wanted to punish the male student, but it was hard to find the relevant school rules to apply. After several discussions, it finally ordered the student to drop out of school on the grounds of "destroying teaching tools and causing serious deformation". . .
My classmate and her friend went to eat pizza. When my classmate paid for it, the money was just given to the waiter. A boy suddenly called me to come. Then he grabbed 1 yuan from the waiter's hand, put it in his wallet, and then took out 1 yuan from his wallet to pay the bill. The whole movement was smooth, leaving a row of girls petrified behind. . .
The supermarket in the community provides home delivery service. One day, when Dad wants to eat pancakes, he asks Mom to call the supermarket. Mom: "The supermarket? Do you have pancakes at home? " Supermarket: "Yes." Dad suddenly interjected: "There are still some in our refrigerator, so we don't need to order them." Then I heard my mother say to the phone, "Hey, my family has it, too."
The child asked his mother, "How to make a sentence with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this B child from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF is not wearing, and little GG is still exposed!
One day, someone met three big men and tried to beat him. So I fought with those three. " ? When I came back, I blew up the cow and said, "I let them fight for two hours without knocking me down." ? People ask what's going on? ? He said, "Tie a tree and hit it."
I always had a crush on her when I was studying, but I didn't have the courage to confess, let alone touch her. After graduation, she was married, and my husband and I were classmates. That afternoon, she was nursing her baby, and I made a good excuse. I walked up to her, put my hands on her MIMI, and then told her doll, call uncle, don't shout, don't eat!
introverted Xiao Zhang saw a beautiful woman in a bar. ? After a long hesitation, he finally got up the courage, approached her and asked in a low voice, "Can I talk to you?" ? Suddenly the woman cried loudly: "no, I won't sleep with you!" " ? The whole bar people fixed their eyes on them. Xiao Zhang was very embarrassed, blushed and said nothing, and returned to his seat very grievance. ? After a while, the woman went to Xiao Zhang and whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm a student of psychology. I just wanted to test how people react in embarrassing situations." ? This is, Xiao Zhang shouted loudly, "Do you want 2 yuan? Too expensive! " ?
In the supermarket, I saw a bound crab crawling from an 18.9-yuan freezer to a 28.9-yuan cabinet, and my face was covered with cows. You are so fucking self-motivated!
it's just a gust of wind, but it's so eternal, just a dream, and it's so real. You bow your head and say nothing, but I can't calm down. I finally can't help but say to you, let me know the next time you fart!
A young hot mom took her three-year-old son by bus. The hot mom held her son in her lap, and her son turned his back on the hot mom. It was quiet all the way. After a long time, the son suddenly turned his head and asked loudly, "Mom, can I ask you a question?" Hot mom: "Ask." The son said, "what are you doing with your hand on my penis all the time?" ! I have endured it for a long time! " The whole car is hilarious! !
a gentleman went to take a driver's license test. During the oral examination, the examiner asked, "When you saw a dog and a man in front of the car, did you run over the dog or the man?" Without thinking, the gentleman replied, "Of course, he ran over the dog." The examiner shook his head and said, "Come to the exam next time." The gentleman was unconvinced: "I don't run over dogs, do I run over people?" The examiner reprimanded loudly: "You should brake."
there is an advertisement on the glass window of a clothing store: whether you buy it or not, you are polite when you enter the door. ? I thought to myself, this shop doesn't look so good. I didn't expect it to be so awesome! As soon as my front foot stepped into the door, the hostess standing at the door bowed and said, "Welcome, little girl."
When I was a child, my parents took me home one day, and when I walked, they took me in the middle … I don't know which nerve took the wrong line and sang a song "A chicken in my left hand and a duck in my right hand …"? My dad stared at me, and all he needed was to slap my mouth ...? Who knows, my mother sang, "I asked me to vomit blood immediately …" There is a toad in the middle, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, The child's father is a Peking Opera actor and thinks it should be called Yi Lanfang. Xiao Yan is a fan and thinks it should be called Yi Xueyou. Finally, Professor Yi said: Put Su Dongpo's Collected Works, Mei Lanfang's photos and Jacky Cheung's records on the ground, and let the children choose by themselves. I saw the child climb to the corner, picked up an empty coke can and laughed. Everyone exclaimed: Could it be that this child wanted to call cans
The deskmate changed the QQ name to "Before your father died" and added our class teacher? So the class teacher's QQ is often prompted: your father asked to add you as a friend before he died. Your father invited you to play for parking space before he died. Your father gave you a QQ show before he died. Your father stole your food before he died. Your father reported you before he died. Your father forwarded your Weibo before he died. . . The fiercest: Your father left you a message before he died.
One day, my cousin went to the primary school attached to Normal University to play basketball, and heard a junior girl ask a junior boy on the playground, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly, "My mother gave me money from 3 yuan every day, of which two and a half dollars were for you to buy snacks. Do you think I love you or not? ! ！”
"How did you hurt your leg? ！” The doctor asked? "Thirty years ago, I quit my odd job from the rich family and planned to go back to my hometown to find a woman to get married. On the eve of departure, the beautiful daughter of the rich stood in front of me in a gauze pajamas with tearful eyes and asked me what I needed. I answered that I needed a thick blanket? The old man sighed and then said, "I was repairing the roof this morning, and I fucking figured it out!" "
A pair of lovers love each other, and the man always likes to say," I'm going to kill you! " I haven't seen you for a few days. The woman found a male unit and the male asked, What's the matter? The woman said softly, "It's nothing, but I don't want to live ..."
The European Union kept accusing China of failing to crack down on piracy, because there are only seven Ferraris in China, which are limited to six in the world!
The worst character is to stare at an ugly woman for a long time and then sigh and say, "Damn, this dinosaur did it! It's so true ... "
A man knocked out a strange old man by riding a motorcycle in downtown! The man was so frightened that he was at a loss! There are more and more onlookers! Suddenly, the man hugged the old man and cried in tears: "Dad, wait for me, I'll find a doctor for you!" " After that, he ran away. . . The old man struggled and shouted angrily, "Come back to me!" " Everyone expressed their feelings: "This son is really filial!"
At that time in junior high school, I had my first period. Because I didn't understand and didn't prepare in advance, I got blood on a stool. Fortunately, the stool was dark red! After class was over, I took advantage of everyone's activities and secretly changed the stools in the back row ... Three years later, I was admitted to a key high school with a boy in my class. When registering for the report, the boy looked around the new campus and said with emotion, "I finally got it out. You see how bad the environment of our junior high school is, just say that the stools are all broken, and the paint is always off!"
in a class, a female teacher who was having a physiology class just finished, and asked: Students, anyone who still doesn't understand can ask the teacher. At this time, a classmate raised his hand. Ask the teacher: "Teacher, when it is * *, are men more comfortable?" Or is a woman more comfortable? " The teacher talked to her for a long time. But he still doesn't understand. The teacher gave her a metaphor. Say: "Then you pick your nose with your hand, is it cool?" Still cool? " He thought. Hmm. It's a cool nose! Sit down. The teacher asked, are there any students who don't understand? You can raise your hand and ask the teacher. Then the classmate raised his hand again. Ask the teacher: "Teacher, why do women have menstruation?". Can't * * that? " The teacher gave her another metaphor. Say, "Then when your nose bleeds. Do you still pick your nose with your hand? " When the students think about it, well, yes! Soon, he raised his hand again and asked the teacher a question, teacher. "Since women are more comfortable than men, why do women have to resist when men are stronger than women?" When the teacher got angry, he slapped the table and said, "When you were walking on the main road. People come and pick your nose. Would you like to ~
once I went shopping with my boyfriend and told him to play a trust game. I closed my eyes and he led me to walk. I persisted for a long time until I got on the subway smoothly. There were many people on the subway, but my boyfriend helped me sit down. Then, he whispered in my ear, "Don't open your eyes, this seat was given by someone else."
the dormitory is on the sixth floor. ? When I climbed up, I found that I didn't bring my key. Go downstairs and ask your aunt for it, then climb up and open the door. ? Go down and return the key, climb up again and find the door closed. ? The classmate next door passed by and said, "Look, your door is open. I'll close it for you."
I once rented a comic book about reasoning in a pub, and I burst into tears as soon as I saw the second page. I don't know who the hell drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote: This is the murderer < P > A: "Pony, what's your big name?" Why doesn't everyone call you by your name? " ? B: "Don't mention it, even my parents don't call me by my name. ? When I was born, they fell in love with "The Dragon Slayer", and there was a Zeng A Niu in it, so they named me Huang Ama! "
a buddy on the 767th floor
looks clean and white. Once on the bus, I felt someone touching his ass behind me, rubbing and pinching. He turned around and saw a wretched eldest brother. The buddy said coldly, "I'm a man." The eldest brother said, "Never mind, don't be nervous." Said, and the whole body hold up. The elder brothers have never encountered such a thing, and they are very nervous and dare not fight fiercely. Get off at the next stop, and when I saw it, the man didn't follow, and he was relieved. Later, I suddenly found that all my mobile wallets had been touched. < P > A male teacher angrily said to a girl who was sleeping in class: I'm so tired up there, but you're still down there! If you don't cooperate, you won't even respond. If you have nothing in your stomach in the future, don't blame the teacher! The whole class fainted as a result. . . ?
Last time I saw two Frenchmen, one might be a Chinese teacher, and the other should be his student. The teacher happily pointed to the China calendar and said to the students: Lei Feng. Look, these two words pronounce' Lei Feng'. This is Lei Feng Memorial Day. He is very famous in China because he helped many people before his death. The student said admiringly, "You are really well informed!" With that, they left happily. I leaned over and saw that it was written on the calendar: "first frost"!
Announcement: The ticket of the first prize says "tractor", and you can get 1, yuan in cash. I went there, got the lottery ticket, and slowly scraped it open. A word "drag" appeared, and my breathing was obviously accelerated, and my heartbeat was irregular. I closed my eyes and dared not scrape it down again. Friends around me said, scratch it, let's go to receive the prize! I scraped it off with my eyes closed, and it turned out to be "slippers". In just a few seconds, I realized that hope and despair are exactly the same.
I took the bus to work this morning. There were so many people on the bus that I finally stood still and looked around. (I have a habit of familiarizing myself with the surrounding situation before I arrive in a new environment, in case something unexpected happens.) Suddenly, I found a man and a woman in a row of seats. But at the moment, the man put his hand to the woman's chest. I often see what bus pervert is reported. I didn't know that I was lucky today. I met her once. I saw the woman's expression as if nothing was wrong. I was very depressed. Look at the people around you again. A few people are staring, while others turn away after a glance, as if nothing had happened. Indeed, the world is sad, and even the parties themselves don't resist! At that time, I thought they knew each other, maybe they were lovers. In fact, when I thought about it later, I wouldn't be husband and wife or lovers depending on my age. The woman was only in her twenties at most. After several stops, suddenly, the man's hand actually pulled the woman's clothes away. Wow! At that time, I was a little excited. Before I came to my senses, do you know what happened? The man actually put his mouth together. . . . . . . . At this moment, no one has come forward to say a word, including myself. . . . . . . . After I arrived at the company, I told several colleagues about this matter, because I also felt that what I did at that time was very wrong, and my colleagues were extremely angry after listening to it, although they were not gentlemen at ordinary times. Finally, Xiao Zhang asked me a sentence, "How old is that man and what he looks like? Later, the brothers outside saw him and scrapped him." 。” I said, "According to my estimation, the man is no more than 1 months old. . 。”
at the weekend, I went to a familiar western restaurant for dinner, and found that the interior of the restaurant had just been renovated, and the costumes of the waiters in the restaurant had also changed. I found that the waiters put an extra spoon in their jacket pockets. So I called my familiar Henry and asked him about the recent changes. Henry told me