The new house is empty, can it be used by family members to stay temporarily?
Brother, it is really difficult to deal with your situation. Let me help you analyze it from several aspects. But don't be upset, I support your wife's point of view, there are many such examples on the Internet. Moreover, if you lend out your house, there will be endless troubles. If you agree with my point of view, communicate well with your wife and reconcile the couple. When you communicate with your brother, you can explain the reason why you can't borrow him. The family relationship still needs to be maintained. In China, human relationships are more important than heaven. Sometimes you are embarrassed to make various demands because of your face, but you are the one who suffers. Get it, brother.
Example: From Tianya.com:
I have never seen a positive example of perfect merit and virtue around me.
The usual consequences are:
1. The person who borrowed the house has lived there for a long time and is used to it. He takes the house as his own as a matter of course and does not move or buy a house. , and don’t pay rent. Then the landlord became resentful, and it was difficult to evict him. If he evicted him, he would have lost so many years of favors, so he was riding a tiger and was unable to get off.
2. The longer the borrower stays in the house, the less he can afford to buy the house. So he simply uses the favor to discuss with the landlord and wants to buy the house cheaper. The price offered is definitely affordable. The homeowner was shocked, contemptuous and angry.
3. In the end, the two broke up. The borrower was completely ungrateful and the landlord was full of grievances and had no recourse. Relatives can be cut off, and friends can be cut off. In retrospect, it is the result of "it was better not to do this favor in the first place."
4. Three relatives and sisters, all daughters of my mother’s cousin, lived in the house for 4 or 5 years. Then my mother wanted to rent it out to make money, so she told them to find a house by themselves. They moved decisively, but people in their circle of relatives said that my mother drove them away because of money. Later, my aunt's granddaughter came to work here and asked to live in this house. She refused because she had learned from the past and said that it had been rented to someone else.
5. My mother-in-law’s sister wanted to buy a house 20 years ago, but she didn’t have any money. Her father-in-law saved 50,000 yuan from his business and gave it to her. She bought a small house. Later, the small house was demolished and one was demolished to give her two. , my sister said she had no money to pay back, so she demolished two houses and gave one to her mother-in-law and one to herself. Her mother-in-law said yes, but her sister said that the family had no income, so she sold her house and bought a small shop and rented it out for rent. She borrowed it from her mother-in-law first. We are living in that apartment, and now our son is preparing to get married there.
6. Currently, there is a three-story self-built house in my hometown (small town). My brother-in-law borrowed it and lived there for at least seven or eight years. I can’t even imagine what I will do in the future. Get this house back. He must be from the south, and they all use traditional Chinese characters.
7. The facade of my husband’s house is being used by my husband’s aunt’s son. No rent has been collected. My husband is married now. I don't even know how to speak.
8. When I was in elementary school, I had to study in the morning, so my parents bought a house next to the school for convenience. Later, when my uncle and aunt's family came back from other places, my mother let them live for free, and let my sister live with them and pay living expenses. Who would have known that they would not give my sister good food and clothing, but would always scare her, and at the same time tell my mother how much they treated my sister. If I hadn't lived there all winter (I just went to bed after studying in the evening), I don't know what kind of life my sister would have lived. After my repeated insistence, my dad finally asked them to move out, and then, for several years, they stopped coming to my house. My cousin keeps saying my mother is bad, and my aunt says it’s my mother’s fault that they don’t have a house! There are some white-eyed wolves, even if you treat them well, they don’t know how to be grateful!
9. My family has a house that I lent to my father’s cousin’s son to live in for free. He got married and had children there. Later, my father passed away and my relatives wanted to buy it for nearly half the market price. I My mother had just been diagnosed with cancer at the time and was in urgent need of money. She refused to sell it to him and sold it to someone else. That relative used to come to my house to visit me during New Years and holidays, but never came again after that.
10. A cousin of mine lived in a vacant house of mine for free for a period of time. After a while, he suddenly came to my family and told me that he was getting married and had no house, and asked my family to help him. The problem, the implication is to give him the empty house.
11. What I have seen is that the person who borrowed the house only said that he would borrow it for a few months at first, but ended up not paying it back for many years. The owner evicted the person because of the face of his relatives. Later, the owner wanted to take over the house because his children were older. I got married and wanted to sell this house to get a down payment to buy a new house and ask the borrower to return the house. However, the borrower was furious and just ignored me and refused to move. What can you do to me? Later, the matter was settled in court. The owner had let his family occupy the house for many years for nothing, and not only turned against him, but also charged attorney fees and litigation costs.
12. I lent my house to my cousin because her home is far away, so I can live in it when she can’t go home easily from work. She has just gone to work, and her family's conditions make it impossible to buy a house. She will probably have to live there until she gets married. . Now I am very confused whether I should pay the utility bills for her or not.
13. My house was lent to my aunt (my mother’s sister) and her family more than ten years ago without any payment. When we took the house back last year, my aunt kept saying that we were forcing her to leave. At first, I said that my father promised to give this house to her. I said that our family is not rich like Li Ka-shing and would give the house to random people. Then I said that my father promised to keep it for them. I said yes, but now Our family is in trouble, so we want to repossess the house. When we finally moved out, we moved away all the good furniture that our family had left behind, leaving us their furniture that was almost falling apart and a lot of garbage. They blamed us for forcing their family to fall apart. Actually, we gave her a year to look for a house before, but they didn't look until the last half month of our deadline. We started to push her, and it was our fault that she started looking for a house. . . Now her family has no contact with our family. Once when her son met my husband at a dinner party, he acted like he didn't know me.
14. Haha, a friend of mine is like this. He rented a house to his sister for a very low rent, 600 a month. However, after a few months of rent, he never paid her again. When he asked her for rent, he said he had no money and was living on his own anyway. Haha, I have lived here for ten years. I heard that I will buy a new house this year and live there for another two years. My friend has nothing to say and can only complain to me.
15. I also have a house for my relatives to live in for free, but he doesn’t live here, he just puts some furniture. The monthly rent is 2,500, but I have not moved out despite being urged several times. The deadline is January next year. It depends on whether he is thick-skinned or not.
Last year, my mother-in-law encouraged my sister-in-law to bring her children to live in my house. My husband agreed without saying a word. I did not refuse directly, but I only did one thing and she never said that she wanted to live there again.
My husband and I both worked in the south, but last year I quit my job after giving birth to my second child. After giving birth, I stayed with my two children in my hometown for more than half a year. When I was in my hometown, because my sister-in-law's child was half a year older than our second child, she was also at home, and she was at home alone. Her husband is a brother and their children are about the same age. Her mother-in-law goes to her husband's brother's house to take care of the children, while her father-in-law helps her at home.
But my mother-in-law gave her an idea and said that it would be better to let her father-in-law go out to make money, because her father-in-law said that if he went out to make money, the money earned would be for my sister-in-law. Then I asked my sister-in-law to live in my house, and my mother-in-law said that she could also help take care of the children.
Although my mother-in-law didn't tell me, I didn't care, because in my opinion, it was really inconvenient for her father-in-law to be at home alone with her and help her take care of the children. It would be very inconvenient for me to do it. I also find it inconvenient. Therefore, I also let her live with me at my mother-in-law's house. After all, it is also her natal home, and she should stay there for as long as she wants. And I feel that since our children are almost the same age, we can still take care of each other together.
Then she lived in her parents’ house for a few months until the Chinese New Year. During this period, I discovered that things were not as simple as I thought. I basically take care of my second child by myself. The older one sometimes plays with me and sometimes with my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law basically cooks and takes care of my sister-in-law’s children.
At that time, I felt very tired, but thinking that it was my own child, it was normal for me to take care of it by myself. My mother-in-law was my sister-in-law’s biological mother, so she must feel more sorry for her daughter. This is also human nature.
Then my mother-in-law may think that I am easy to talk to. I heard that my sister-in-law also wants to work in our place after the Chinese New Year, and she wants to take the children with her. She must have discussed it with my sister-in-law behind the scenes and let them live as a family. In our house. They told my husband directly, and he agreed without saying a word, and then told me.
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law didn’t tell me, and I pretended not to know. But I have made it clear to my husband that it is not allowed, because as you can see from the situation in my hometown, I will definitely be the most tired at that time. My mother-in-law told me after my second child was born that she couldn’t take care of two children by one person. I also felt that it was impossible for one person to take care of two children, so I told her that I would not go to work and would write articles for others at home to make money. Just keep an eye on Xiaobao while I write, and I will be responsible for picking up and dropping off the older one from kindergarten.
When my sister-in-law goes there and she wants to find a job, then whoever will take care of her children must be my mother-in-law. Then shouldn’t I still take care of two of them by myself? How else can I earn money? That's not all. When the children are about the same size, they will definitely have some quarrels from time to time. When the time comes, any child will feel uncomfortable when they are wronged. There will definitely be conflicts over time.
I guess my sister-in-law guessed that I might disagree. One day we were basking in the sun together in the yard, and she tentatively said: "Sister-in-law, can I go to your house to help you take care of your children? You can go Go to work." I immediately said with a smile: "That's not possible. It's tiring to take care of one person, and it's even more unbearable to take care of two people. When they are together, they will definitely fight every day. If you don't believe it, ask our mother. Our cousin's child stayed at my house for two days. At that time, the baby was not born yet. He was crying for a while, which made our mother's head hurt. Now that the baby is born, the baby is even louder. If there are too many children, the old lady downstairs will come to look for trouble every day."
She also smiled and said nothing. She must have passed it on to my mother-in-law later. .
Just like that, no one mentioned this matter again, as if it had never happened, and they never mentioned the matter of staying at my house again in front of my husband.
In fact, from my point of view, no matter how close people are, distance creates beauty. My relationship with my sister-in-law is still pretty good. We are very polite to each other and to our children. But I can guess that if we really live together, the relationship will definitely deteriorate. She can live in my mother-in-law's house if she wants, because it is considered her own home, and I have no right to say anything, just like I hope my sister-in-law can tolerate me when I live in my parents' house.
But if I want to live in my own small home, I have to think about it rationally. I told my husband at that time that I could help them find a house. If they had no money to rent a house, they could also borrow it. Give them money, but they must not live together. As long as we live together, I will definitely not be able to do anything every day, and the daily expenses will still be there. Whenever the children have a dispute, it will make both parties unhappy, so it is better to refuse early. If they propose it to me explicitly, then I will explicitly reject it; if they propose it indirectly, then I will reject it indirectly.
Regarding the situation in the question, I think we can consider the following methods and see if we can try these methods:
First, the elders should refuse. Since your parents live in the house now, and you have agreed, but your wife does not agree, you can convey the couple's opinions to your parents and ask them to reject it. Children have the responsibility to support their parents, not to mention their parents helping to repay the loan, so it is appropriate to let their parents live there. But the younger brother wants to live there, and if the sister-in-law doesn't agree, then he can refuse. The old man can clearly tell his younger brother about your wife's attitude. As long as the younger brother and his wife know how to put themselves in their shoes, they will stop mentioning this matter.
Second, your wife should reject it directly. Although you agreed to borrow the house, the house does not belong to you alone, but to your wife. Since you have gotten divorced because of the house, you must understand that it is your wife who will live with you for the rest of your life, not your brother, so you should Prioritize your wife's feelings.
If your wife is willing to be this evil person, then you can just ask your wife and brother to say that she does not agree with them living there.
Third, tell your brother about your wife's attitude. If your wife does not want to be a bad person, then you can also tell your brother that your wife knows this and does not agree with it. If they move in, your wife will divorce you. My brother will definitely not hold back. As an older brother, you can also ask your younger brother to help him find a house near the hospital. Try to communicate with your brother alone first, and don't talk to your sister-in-law, because the brothers grew up in the same family, and your brother should be able to understand your situation. After he knows your wife's attitude, he can communicate with his own wife. Better.
Finally, I want to say: Every family has its own problems. No matter what happens, both husband and wife should respect each other. When considering things, you should put your wife first, not your brother. Because everyone has their own small family, no matter what problem they deal with, they should definitely put their own small family first. If your family is not harmonious, everything else will be meaningless. Sometimes face is not so important. Compared with your lover, face is nothing. You must learn to refuse appropriately and give your other half a sense of security and trust.
Remember, “It is easier to invite God than to send Him away”! Your brother is born because he is going to have a baby, which means he is destined to confine himself in your new house. It makes my toes ache just thinking about it. It is understandable that your parents live in your own house, but your brother and sister-in-law have a baby. The children live there, and since your family belongs to two daughters, it does not rule out that they will give birth to a son, and your parents will pay the mortgage to blackmail you into owning the house. We have seen this kind of thing, this kind of family, and this kind of people a lot! Don't get into trouble with your wife, think about it for her, think about her, husband and wife will be closer than brothers. Don't talk about divorce. You think you can, but you are nothing after divorce. Some women are the gods of wealth in men's lives. Once divorced, not only the family will be separated, but the wealth will also be dispersed. A man who can't make a woman happy is just a fool! If you think you are the head of the family and neglect your wife, then you are destined to not be happy. Your brother just rented a house when he didn't have a house. Why bother to make this scene, knowing that he had already had a quarrel over the house before, so why did he repeat his old tricks again? I just think my sister-in-law is easy to talk to and easy to bully! What's the point of having an empty house? In this society, house prices are constantly rising. In the past few years, whoever had the money would rush to buy a house. There are so many vacant houses. If they were all like yours, the Civil Affairs Bureau would be busy!
It can be seen from your description that this house is the wedding home for you and your wife, and it is also your only home in your hometown. Although you won’t be here for the time being, you will eventually go back one day.
I don’t understand what your brother’s family is planning. They have to go to their brother’s house to give birth to a baby in a place where they can’t have children. It’s clear that they have bad intentions and create problems for their brother. If your sister-in-law gives birth to a baby and wants her parents to take care of her during the confinement period, she can definitely take the old man to her home. There is no need to go to your house.
It stands to reason that relatives should help each other if they can, but many negative examples that happen in real life tell us that the people who are helped are not only ungrateful but also repay the favor with revenge, and relatives are no exception.
Your wife's concerns are right. In all likelihood, your brother's family wants to take this house as their own. Although you pay the down payment, the mortgage loan is borne by the elderly. In the future, they can find all kinds of excuses to stay away. What can you, an elder brother, do to your younger brother?
When encountering family conflicts, if it is not a matter of life and death, then leaving everyone else behind and taking care of the small family is the basic rule for a married man to deal with family conflicts. If you don't care about your wife's opinion and insist on helping your brother, then you should be prepared for your wife and children to be separated.
My husband and I are also financially independent. Now we have a house in our own name. I let my grandma live in it first. My father and aunts will occasionally live with grandma, but they will not live there permanently. My grandma I'm not used to too many people either.
My cousin said that the new house was not finished yet and wanted to live in it first. I refused because my brother had not said this yet. In the end, he renovated the old house and lived in it first. My father-in-law asked me what I would do if I didn’t move out if someone lived in me? I said, just sell it and buy something else. I don’t believe that the new owner can’t drive out the people. Originally, he wanted to use it for his eldest granddaughter to study here. I said it was a degree room, so don't even think about it. My grandma is over eighty, and she can live there for twenty years at most. Whoever doesn’t survive twenty years, go and live with my grandma. Pay the market price, and I’m willing to sell it.
True story: My family lives in a third-tier city. Two years ago, my husband wanted to sell an old house of mine to his brother. At first, he said it would be free. Of course I didn’t agree. Later, my husband He also said that he would sell it to his brother for 100,000 yuan, or 150,000 yuan at most. I didn't agree, so he asked me: How much would it cost? I said: at least 300,000 yuan. In fact, my original intention was not to sell at all, because although the house is an old house, the location is in a prime location. I waited until it was demolished and wanted to leave it to my daughter after the demolition. As a result, my husband said that I am crazy about money! There was a big gap between him and me, and he was very angry. I always insisted on disagreeing. Later, several friends persuaded him, saying that what I did was right. He couldn't dote on his younger brother too much, or his younger brother would be too dependent. . Later, my husband got seriously ill and almost passed away. I have been waiting for my husband and never left him. Fortunately, my husband is slowly recovering, and his brother doesn't care about him anymore! It’s hard to explain in a single word all the silly things that happened! My husband now knows that his wife is the best to him! Brothers are relatives, and sometimes they are really worse than outsiders!
You should live with your parents first. But it's your fault if your brother lives in the house and you don't discuss it with her. You are married, and you and your wife are one family. Your brother can only be considered a relative. If he is not married, he can be considered a family member. It doesn’t matter. After getting married, it becomes like two families. First of all, if you let your brother live in your house without discussing it with your wife, you no longer regard your wife as a family member. You think that you bought the house with the down payment and your parents paid the loan. I think you feel insecure because even if you get divorced, your wife won't be able to get your house. As a man, I can understand this kind of thinking. After all, no one wants to waste the money they spend. When you lend a house to your brother to live in without discussing it with your wife, I think you have gone too far. Brother, let's settle the score. Let’s put ourselves in my shoes, if your wife lets her relatives live in your house without consulting you, would you do the same thing? If your wife cares about you, it means that she treats you as a family member. If she doesn't care about this family, she will not care. You can live with whoever you like. What does it have to do with me?
There is an old saying, it is better to borrow someone else to stay in mourning than to borrow someone else to become a couple. Never lend your house or room to others to live in. In some families, family love is better than the love between husband and wife. In fact, it is like this People are very pathetic and stupid. As a brother, you don't understand any customs, and you can't figure out the past relationships. It's really sad that your wife is looking for you. Your brother and sister-in-law are also ignorant, have bad intentions, and don't care about other people's families. Besides, you don’t understand, but your parents should understand that if your brother and daughter-in-law sleep in your bed, it is immoral and bad for feng shui, which is very detrimental to you. In addition, it is easier to ask God than to send God away. If you insist on going your own way, or don't care about customs, and let your brother-in-law live in it, then you can really get divorced. Because no one wants to live with someone like you who treats the relationship between husband and wife as nothing, ignores customs and laws, and blindly protects family ties like life.
After you move in, you won’t have anything to do with this house. Why, your parents are paying off the mortgage, and their money will also be your brother’s share in the future. It’s okay to live there in the first year. I will take care of pregnant women, take care of the confinement and take care of the children in the second year. Then I will tell you that my sister-in-law is not in good health. After living here for a while, the child’s destructive power will start to show up in the third year. Then I will tell you that I will sign up for this kindergarten. So I lived there for three years and then went to elementary school. My children’s elementary school was also nearby and was the best in the area. I didn’t want to delay my children. When you finally wanted to take the house back, the furniture would either have flowers painted on it or stickers on it. There is not a single good piece of wall. Your brother said, let me give you your down payment for that year. Brother, you can find another one.
Don’t live in it. It’s easy to pray to God but hard to give away. My family It's a living example.
My family used to have a one-bedroom, one-living house in the city. It was given to me by my husband’s employer. The property rights belonged to the employer. I only had to pay a rent of 240 yuan per year. Our family lived there for several years. Later, after we had children, the house was not enough to live in, so we bought a three-bedroom house outside. This small single room was vacant. Because the rent was relatively small, we did not return it to the unit. A few years ago, my husband's niece said she was going to work in the city and wanted to live in our house. Of course, she would be allowed to live in it, and the house was empty. It was unreasonable not to let her live there, so we agreed to rent her. She moved in.
Unexpectedly, this niece is an unruly person. She often takes unscrupulous people to drink and is very noisy. Because we are not going back and the house has been vacant for a few years, the newly moved neighbors don’t even know that my husband is the head of the household. When we moved, some things were not moved. One day, my husband wanted to go back and get a measuring instrument. We originally spent several thousand yuan to buy that measuring instrument because there were still extra ones at the construction site, so this old measuring instrument It has been kept in the old house. When my husband opened the door to take a look that day, he was shocked by the scene in the house. Women's underwear was hanging all over the room, garbage was all over the floor, and the leftover lunch boxes were not taken away and thrown away, but were left until they stunk and were infested with maggots. There were bottles of wine all over the floor and the whole house smelled rancid. My husband covered his nose with his hand and bravely went in to look for the measuring instrument. It was gone. Some old items in my house were also missing.
My husband walked to the corridor outside the house to get some air. At this time, a colleague in the unit saw my husband and asked my husband if this house was rented to someone else. My husband said no, it was relatives staying here. The colleague told my husband that my niece often brings unscrupulous people to play. She often drinks and guesses, which affects everyone's rest. Some people have knocked on the door to dissuade them several times, but it still remains the same. The people who come to play are not good-natured at first glance. People, worried about retaliation, had no choice but to endure it.
My husband was very angry when he heard what his colleague said. He called his niece and asked where the measuring instrument was. The niece said she didn’t know and said that our family should have moved when they moved. It might have happened. I lost it so I came back here to look for it. My husband asked her why she brought so many people to the house. And make the house look like a garbage dump? At first, my niece denied everything, and my husband was very angry and said that he was in the room now. She shut up after hearing what my husband said. My husband ordered her to move out of our house today.
My nephew rented this house for more than a year. During this period, she spent more than 3,000 yuan on water and electricity bills. She didn’t pay a penny because it was a house owned by her employer. Even though she owed water and electricity bills , there will be no water or power outages. We asked our niece to bring money to pay the utility bill, but she said that we drove her away and she would not pay the utility bill unless we continued to give her money. We were so angry that we couldn't live with such people. We didn't even know when a murder would happen, so we had to admit that we were unlucky.
I don’t know what this niece said to her mother. My husband’s dear eldest sister called us and said that we were too vicious and kicked our niece out of the house and let a girl sleep on the street. As soon as I heard what my aunt said, I became angry and asked my aunt if she knew what her daughter was doing outside. I brought different men to my house to sleep, and the things they gave me were missing. We helped pay thousands of dollars in utility bills. Not only were they not grateful, they even said this to us.
I scolded my aunt and told her to quickly invite ten Taoist priests and ten Taoist women to come to my house to perform magic spells and sweep away the bad luck and miasma. If my family can’t find food in the future, use her daughter as a ask! My eldest sister shut up when she saw me saying this.
After we evicted our niece, several relatives asked to rent this house. Because we had learned from the past, we simply returned the house to our work unit. In the past few years, the problem of relatives renting houses has stopped. .