Zeng Shiqiang: How do parents find their children’s potential abilities?
People come into this world with their own destiny. Don’t think about destiny too mysteriously. They are born with their own specialties. What they want to bring into play in this world is called destiny. While parents cannot force their children, they cannot allow their sons or daughters to develop as they please.
Parents need to go through a process of exploration. When a person is born, his DNA is arranged, which means that whatever he wants to do in his life, he must have a plan, which is called an innate life plan. Therefore, destiny can be interpreted as a life plan brought by innateness. If according to If you do this, you will walk naturally, happily, and perfectly. But as soon as we are born, we forget everything. This is a very interesting thing about people.
Would it be nice if we knew what we were going to do in this life when we were born? In fact, it’s not good. Then you will never try to take other paths, and people will be very monotonous. So I often feel that God is really good to people. He allows you to have a plan, but also makes you forget everything. , you have to start groping, groping for what you want to do, rather than groping for what you like to do. The day you feel that that is what you want to do in your life, your life will change from then on. If you continue to If you are forty or fifty years old and still don’t know what you want to do, then you are always groping.
Look at a child who is a few months old. He knows everything, but he can’t express it. But as he grows up and slowly learns acquired things, he forgets all the innate things. Then you will know that the child's smile is not for no reason, but you don't understand him, and he doesn't understand himself. At this time, the parents start to explore.
But today’s parents don’t want their children to explore. They must do things according to the parents’ way. This is too overbearing. Parents should tell them responsibly and let them explore, not what they want to do. What to do, but to explore what he likes to do within a reasonable range. That's it.
First find what you should do, then draw a line between what you should do, and then look for what you like to do. This is what you are born with, so many people still don’t understand what my mission is. Where is my mission? What am I going to do in this life? My answer is very simple, that is, when you do something that is very monotonous and boring, and you really don’t want to do it, it is not your destiny. Destiny is that when you are doing it, you feel very excited. , it feels good to feel this, no matter how hard it is, it doesn’t feel hard. For example, there is a person who wants to play mahjong all his life. He is determined to die no matter what he does. As soon as he sits on the mahjong table, he is full of energy. This is what he found himself. You see, there is a person who will die as soon as he is on the ground, but becomes full of energy when he reaches the mountain. His destiny is to conquer the mountain.
Many people ask me, how can I find my destiny, how can I know what I will do in this life? I said you just weren't looking for it. If you were looking for it, you would find it in no time. The same is true for children. When some children are young, they like everything but don't like studying, and their grades are very bad. But in the end they become very good when they go to college, because people will change, and it is not you who changes them. The key is It's changing.
Parents don’t have to force him. Suddenly, he will have a change. He will not like anything because he has played everything and there is nothing he likes to play. Looking back, he still Reading is the best, and he has been more attentive than anyone else since then. We call this the prodigal son’s return. The more you push him, in the end, he will always think that it is more fun outside. If he finally graduates and stops studying, then this person will be finished. It’s not that if you don’t get good grades when you’re young, you’ll be bad for the rest of your life. There’s no such thing. So some children do this first, and some children do that first. Parents should not control them. The parents' responsibility is to provide their children with the process of exploration, and they are also responsible for their safety. So why do parents give their children toys? They want them to try out various things. If they don’t like them at first, parents don’t have to immediately conclude that they just don’t like them. Maybe after two years, they will like them again. Parents don’t want to give toys to their children. Never mind him, he will go down this path on his own.
You see, better schools do not have certain teaching materials. It doesn’t mean that the whole class learns the same thing, but there are many things out there, and then let the children choose for themselves, regardless of whether they are male or female. If you want to do needlework, do needlework. If you want to organize the shoe cabinet, organize the shoe cabinet. Well, the teacher has no opinion on what the children want to do, and then the children will figure out what they don't like through exploration. If they don't like it, they can change it. They will find what they like to do, and then do it slowly, and they can learn a lot from it. , he will know whether what I am doing is reasonable or not. If it is not reasonable, I will change. If it is reasonable, I will keep learning. In this way, he will slowly find his destiny. Don’t regard destiny as something very superstitious, because each of us has individual differences, and our individual differences are destiny. You see, each of us does different things in the company; each of us also does different things in society. Different things. It is our destiny to do different things in this life.
As parents, we should not say to our children that I will support you today and you will support me in the future.
Although there is nothing wrong with the saying "raising children is to protect them from old age", it is not right for you to hope that they will be prepared for old age. It is also wrong for you to absolutely want them to be prepared for old age. It may sound strange, but in fact it is very simple. Whether children will support their parents is a matter of course. The result, rather than a premeditated plan, is the difference. If parents start to say to their children, I will support you now, and you will support me in the future, then you treat it as a business, which is called investment and lending. You do not treat them as children, but they become your suppliers, or sales channels.
Why do some families favor sons over daughters? Because they have the concept of investing and lending money, they believe that if they invest in their daughters, the returns will be poor, but if they invest in their sons, the returns will be higher, so they invest all their money in their sons. That is business, not family education. The correct education is for parents to train their children well, and they will support you when they have the ability in the future. This is a natural thing. I am very opposed to people flaunting themselves. For example, some people say, I don’t want my children to take care of me. This is flaunting. You have to know that you are very lucky to have a few people who can support you without your children, but most parents in the world have their children to support them when they get old. How can you be so proud! Listen clearly, children take care of their parents when they grow old. This is their filial piety. Parents cannot stop them, nor can they ask them to impose strict rules on how much money you give me a month. Otherwise, it is unfilial. That is wrong, just That's all.
It is very clear that raising children to prevent old age is a natural outcome that is good, but a pre-expected outcome is not good and the motivation is bad. Now we are not, either we say that we are absolutely unwilling, or we say that we must do it. These are both incorrect concepts.
In fact, parents do not need to teach their children to be filial or not. If you are filial to your parents, they will naturally follow suit. It is not human nature to be filial to parents. If filial piety is innate nature, then we will There is no need to write filial piety scriptures. It can be seen that children may not necessarily be filial to their parents. I often joke that children have only one task, which is to make their mother angry. They are more afraid of their father and dare not make their father angry, so they only make their mother angry. What kind of filial piety is this? The mother worked so hard to give birth to the child, and he was specifically angry with her? So filial piety is an acquired habit.
Filial piety is not human nature. Don’t think so beautifully. It is a habit acquired. Parents should help their children develop this habit. On the one hand, it is for his own good. This is called wealth and honor. Let your child's strengths be brought into play. As long as you let him unleash his potential and let him find what he wants to do, he will be very excited and focused on it. He will naturally achieve that result and will be filial to you in the future. It's called a happy ending. After you force him, he will run away. Many parents work hard to sell their property and send their children to study in the United States. However, how many children have such expressions when they come back after going to the United States? Those kind of words are actually very unpleasant to hear, and the final result is unfilial.
It means that your parents have very high expectations. When you want to get your interest back, it won’t be worth it no matter how you calculate it. They think the rate of return is too low. This is your parents’ fault. So as a parent, don’t do it intentionally. You should show it to your child from a very young age, and then you can safely provide him with what you have. If you give more things to an unfilial person, you are harming him. We used to say that loyalty comes from the filial son. Whether a person is loyal to you or not depends first on whether he is filial or not. Loyalty and filial piety are consistent. To parents It is clear that a person who is not filial will not be loyal to his superiors and will not be sincere to his friends.
So why should people be filial? Because filial piety is the basis of many virtues, and filial piety requires parents to show it to their children. Therefore, three generations living under one roof is the best family structure. Parents are very filial to their elders, and children Since he was a child, he will naturally be filial. As long as he is filial, you don't have to worry about it, because as long as he can achieve it, he will naturally provide for you. If he cannot achieve it, you don't need to scold him. He has tried his best. In this way Everyone was very happy.
But now some people insist on taking that unhappy path. We have made it very clear now that it is up to you to decide whether you want to be happy or not. Some people often look for trouble, but there is obviously a happy path. He refuses to take the road that leads to worry, and insists on squeezing the road of worry. Then he frowns and scolds people all day long. In fact, it is himself who should be scolded.