Classic funny sentences in 2020

1. For us now, what we can’t get up is our grades, what we can’t get down is our weight, what we can’t pick up is chopsticks, what we can’t put down is our bed, what we can’t get into is our bed.

2. Banknotes are yours only after they are used. Open your wallet and look at the unused banknotes. "People's Bank of China" is printed on them. It has nothing to do with you.

3. You are the wind in spring, which greens my dry heart; you are the water in summer, which nourishes my dry heart; you are the valley in autumn, which matures my heart of hope. ;You are the fire in winter, lighting up my cold heart!

4. Time has made us drift apart. The so-called unforgettable memory is just a wisp of smoke in the world of the past. The so-called lifetime is just a blank space deep in the soul.

5. When my hair reaches my waist and is divided like a two-pronged treetop, my crown is full of withered grass when I wake up in the morning, and my hair is fluffy before going to bed, oh shit, if I want to go out like a human, I need a pound of hairspray first!

6. Thinking of you is so passionate, looking at you with lust, kissing your inner face, holding you in my mouth with lust, loving you radiantly, pulling you into tears! You make me love and hate you at the same time, my favorite little pepper!

7. In fact, Qingguo College is not that great. It’s just that the teachers are handsome, the lectures are humorous, and the scores are raised quickly. I can do it if I want to go.

8. The price of each meal of I love you = breakfast $330 (thinking about you), lunch $380 (want to hug you), dinner $370 (want to kiss you), late night snack $1314520 (I will live with you forever) Love you).

9. Actually, you look quite charming. Otherwise, all the men will surround you! Alas, wasted. Why don't you go to Yihongyuan to do it? I also recruit men at home, so I can still earn money!

10. Marriage is a consolidated statement, lovers are accounts payable, children are other payables, life is a going concern, quarrels are bad debt provisions, fights are business losses, and tears are a write-down of owner's equity.

11. The teacher said I was a troublemaker, so I stopped going to school. No, you should think like this, you are the troublemaker, so who are the others?

12. Today I was friends with a classmate. I really can’t stand this kind of person. He even used my power bank to charge his power bank.

13. You have a green dragon on your left, a white tiger on your right, and a sucking cricket tattooed on your chest. How can your invincible face stand up to my clever words? Your cerebellum is so developed that it takes up all the space in your brain. .

14. Monkey Hunting Inspiration: I lost a small hairy monkey. Characteristics: dirty and dirty, with a face full of runny nose. He has a mobile phone on his body and can read text messages. Love the monkey has read the text messages. , reply to the master quickly! Master misses you so much!

15. I was once a willful child who thought that you only belonged to me and I only belonged to you. Thank you for telling me that no one in this world belongs to anyone else. After all, we will only belong to ourselves.

16. In the vast sea of ​​people, when you receive this sincere blessing, please use all your strength to bang your head against the wall - do you see it? The countless stars in front of your eyes are my infinite love!

17. I am a high-quality white horse stock, and my parents will inject at least 20,000 yuan of pocket money into me every month. If you are not bearish on me, I am willing to reorganize assets with you and make you the chairman.

18. I am not a lady. If you slap me, I will not slap her back. That is not like me. If it were me, I would slap her until my hands go numb.

19. Some people say that love is a debt owed in a previous life that must be repaid in this life - I must have been vulgar in my previous life, so I have no debt to repay in this life.

20. Generally, when people ask me if I am busy, I will say busy. According to my experience, if you say no, the other person will most likely make you busy.

21. Staying together is the continuation of love. Breaking up is helpless crying. Crying is ignorance and fragility. Love is to relieve each other's loneliness. Fate touches your and my heartstrings. Love guides you to mine. Heart.

22. The Buddha said: Only by looking back five hundred times in the past life can we pass by in this life. If it's true, I would trade it ten thousand times for meeting you. 555 It's so easy to just look back in my last life.

23. It is against the criminal law to deduct points from students in exams. The criminal law stipulates that the act of taking advantage of others' ignorance to cause losses to others is a crime of fraud.

24. Baby, you are the best gift God has given me. I want to treasure you in the deepest part of my love. Until we grow old! Until life after life! I want you to die, kiss you to death, love you to death!

25. I once thought there was a better one, but I discovered over and over again that the best is right around me, just like you... At first, I didn’t take it seriously when it appeared to you, but as time went by, I discovered You are the best... bully!

26. You think finding someone who doesn’t talk to sit with me can make me quiet. The head teacher would never have imagined that I cured that buddy’s autism.

27. Choosing a name is really important. I saw a person with a very cool name that day, called "Yinjian"; unfortunately, his surname was "Fan".

28. The dormitory was dark because the water supply was insufficient. One person shouted: Sisters, stop being so 'saucy'. I only heard someone answer: We on the third floor are not having sex, but you are on the second floor.

29. When I first arrived in Shenzhen, I met a woman selling business as soon as I got out of the station: "Brother, it's been a hard ride on the road, come in and have a rest!

30. Don't you It's a pity to be a soldier. You are so ugly. If you go to the battlefield, most of the people will die. Even nuclear weapons will be saved. If you were born a few years ago, there would be no Nanjing massacre.

31. Dear, how are you? I'm sorry, I have to miss my appointment again. I will go to the West on a business trip with three other old bachelors - Sun Wukong, Monk Sha and Tang Seng. It may take three to five years. Just come back, wait for me!

32. God testifies, my shadow follows you anytime and anywhere, and my eyes are watching you all the time... Damn, I mean - except when you take a shower. !

33. I have always had a soft spot for you, and your face appears in front of me all the time! But I am too poor to hope for it. Now I have money and I can say loudly: Boss, give me that pig head! I cut it in half!

34. I was hit in the waist by Qiang, and Ya not only didn’t apologize, but also pretended to be okay, so I beat her hard.

35. When two people send text messages to convey their affection, it is called love. Only sending without sending is narcissism. Only sending without receiving is unrequited love. Sending and receiving once is love. Frequently sending and receiving is love.

Comrades, the summer vacation is over. What did you say about studying and losing weight? What did you say about not playing computer games? /p>

37. I was excited when I saw your name, and my heart moved when I heard your voice. I asked you to take action over and over again. I was afraid that I would act rashly, and I remained motionless when I saw you.

38. Silk. Are you here? What are you doing? Have you eaten? Oh, I feel sorry for you. Drink hot water! Wear more clothes and come back quickly. It’s cold outside!

39. I am the salt in your food. Without me, everything loses its flavor. I am your sun in winter, your popsicle in summer, and your big umbrella on cloudy days.

40. You want to have a good pair. Do you have bad teeth? Here are three tips for you: 1. Rinse your mouth in the morning and evening after meals; 2. Go to the hospital to check your teeth every two years; 3. Mind your own business.

41. I was alone that day. I was walking on the street. It was raining heavily and the ground was very slippery. I accidentally fell and my heart fell out.

42. When I went to bed last night, I suddenly fell out. I found someone pulling on my quilt, so I kicked her out of the bed. The ghosts are getting bolder and bolder now, and they try to grab the quilt from me.

43. I don’t want to talk to people anymore. "It's time to eat" and "I'll take a shower later" are not as cool as elementary school, they are directly "not me".

44. When you are hungry, I am your rice; when you are thirsty, I am your Your water; when you are sick, I am your medicine; when you are depressed, I am your punching bag; when you get married, I am your lover!

45. Ren Sisi Fly wildly, fly to the sky, take away my thoughts and go straight to your dreams; take away my tenderness and send my love. In the days when I am not around, may the sweetness always accompany you, and love never be far away from you!

46. In fact, you should use Alipay to pay tuition. Confirm the payment after the results are out. It depends on your mood whether you have good or bad reviews. If you fail the course, apply for a refund.

47. I don’t know why, but I got a strange disease recently. I think about you when I walk, I think about you when I eat, I think about you when I work, I think about you when I read, and I think about you when I sleep. You, tell me, have I fallen in love with you?

48. Nostalgia is sewed stitch by stitch, emotion is accumulated word by word, happiness is tasted minute by minute, sincerity is entwined by sorrow and joy, you are horizontal and I am vertical, we are "ten" The love is perfect. I can’t love you enough.

49. You said I was ugly, had a bad temper, and was abandoned on the roadside, but you chose to marry me home. I want to say to you - Husband, this life is really difficult for you!

50. Potato shreds are made by cutting potatoes into shreds, radish shreds are made by cutting radish into shreds, and cucumber shreds are made by cutting cucumbers into shreds. Who can tell me how the shreds are made?

51. The rainbow is beautiful because it has experienced the baptism of wind and rain; the love is beautiful because it has been through the care and longing; in order for us to have a perfect love, please stay away from me!

52. I used 10,000 lies tied into a bunch of lustful eyes and shot at you. You fell in a pool of blood, your body riddled with Cupid’s bullets.

53. In fact, I quite like the airport, especially the broadcast there. It gives me the feeling of being the king of the world: Passengers taking flight XXX, please prepare to ascend to the throne.

54. Whenever we do general cleaning, the teacher will tell us: Treat the school as your home. But when you are late for school, the teacher means: Treat the school as your home!

55. Cover the rose petals with passion and engrave the theme of love on the chocolate. At this wonderful moment, let your hearts connect, walk into the moonlight, and taste the sweetness.

56. Death came to take my life last night. When I closed my eyes, he left angrily. He said that I was just an empty shell because my heart had been stolen by others. Dear, thank you for stealing my heart.

57. The poster’s surname is Yuan. She just had a baby and wants to name her baby. Please ask netizens to think of a good name. The god downstairs replied: Yuan Fang, what do you think?

58. After I took out all my salary, it was not as thick as my mobile phone. Damn it, I have to work hard and fight to get a thinner mobile phone as soon as possible.

59. During the sports meet, I ate Snickers, drank Pulse, drank Red Bull, drank Gatorade, and wore Nike. As a result, I sprained my foot while warming up.

60. Slapping, scolding, laughter, the sound is pleasant (as long as it is your voice); love affairs, love affairs, sweet things, everything is tempting (preferably it is your business).

61. The best way to pick up girls: tear your face apart, throw away your self-esteem, empty your wallet, empty your mind, use up your time, and use up your energy. There’s nothing you can’t soak up!

62. Parents, please do not call your children "little bastards", because from a genetic perspective, this is very detrimental to you.

63. My dear, I have changed and become a greedy person. I think about you greedily every day, want to hold you greedily, kiss you greedily, and want to spend my whole life greedily. I will have you forever.

64. A successful man is able to earn more money than his wife spends, and a successful woman is able to find such a man.

65. Holding your hand is like holding a dog; touching your head is like touching a monkey; holding your waist is like holding a cat. .

66. I am like a boat looking for a harbor, I cannot forget you! I don’t want dew-like love, I want everlasting love! My dear, are you willing to join hands with me for the rest of your life? Always waiting for you!

67. Gao Fushuai’s wallet is like a flower, making people smile every time they open it. My wallet is like an onion, making people burst into tears every time I open it!

68. Note to all parents: Please do not call your children "little brats", because from a genetic point of view, this is very detrimental to you.

69. Me! Like a dragon in the sky, you! Like a phoenix on the ground, I fly and fly in the sky, and you chase and chase you on the ground. I love you, I won’t lie to you, just like farmers love corn.

70. You are a little smart, I am a little silly; you are a little delicate, I am a little rustic; you are a little fragrant, I am a little smoky; if you are angry, I will not lose my temper.

71. Alone in the middle of the night in the cold window, the autumn wind makes me sad; when will we see each other after we say goodbye? It’s far away in the horizon; the wind stops and I can’t sleep in the autumn night. I smile in my dream and ask who I pity. ? Autumn has come, the leaves have fallen and the flowers have gone, but you are still in my heart!

72. Fish said: "I open my eyes all the time so that I can never leave you." Water said: "I flow tirelessly all day long just to surround you and hold you up." "Guo said: "It's almost too late to be so stubborn.

73. Lao Wang accidentally fell into a dry well in the village. With the help of the villagers in Rexin, he finally successfully adapted. Life at the bottom of the well.

74. Women spend their whole lives thinking about who loves me, but men are thinking about who I love more. Nowadays, the words "I love you" no longer come from the mouth, but from the mouth. It comes from the crotch!

75. I like Teresa Teng, and she died; I like Meiling Weng, and she died; I like Anita Mui, and she died of illness; I like Teresa Wong, and she fell to death; I like Leslie Cheung, and she jumped off a building. Yes; I like you, you can do it yourself!

76. I work hard to make money, not because I love money, but because I don’t want to be with anyone because of money, and I don’t want to be with anyone because of money. Who are you leaving!

77. Let me tell you a secret. Please look behind you first, then to the left, then to the right. Okay, please don’t look around with your phone.

78. I really want to be with you all my life and travel to all corners of the world; I really want to spend my whole life with you and never stay alone. My heart is sad for you, and I shed tears for you. You will always be mine.

79. The house can be smaller, the furniture can be older, and the appliances can be fewer, but as long as I have you, there will be more love and intimacy, and there will be more happiness and joy. A home with you will be five stars. Class hotel.

80. Back then, we listened to the same songs and wrote dense equations and went home laughing, but now, we can’t learn to laugh.

< p> 81. If I can only accompany you through thick and thin in the journey of thousands of miles, I won’t care whether I hold your hand or not. How true are the separations and separations in this desolate world? The vast sea of ​​people just wants to have a sincere heart. < /p>

82. The difference between angels and demons: When old ladies fall, angels will help them; and devils are often the cause of their falls.

83. I hope so much. When I wanted to smoke, a girl suddenly kissed me and said: When I want to smoke in the future, tell me, I will kiss you.

84. You are my heart, you are me. My liver, you are three-quarters of my life. You are my stomach, you are my lungs, and you are the red rose in my heart!

85. I understand you only after seeing you! Dad scolds you all day long that it is better to have sex than to have sex with you. What does it mean? Look at the sex, and then compare it with yours. Really, it is better than sex!

86. Girls like to play bombs! Men who play guitar because they create poetry; women like men who play cotton because they create benefits

87. The ideal love is like this: withered vines and old trees, crows, fish and shrimp for dinner. , air conditioning WiFi watermelon, the sunset, you are ugly, it’s okay, I am blind!

88. If you want to marry, don’t marry someone else, you must marry me. Take your bankbook, take your sister, and drive that BMW!

89. One infidelity lasts a lifetime. Whoever disappoints me, I will disappoint. If you prevent me from getting off the stage, I won’t give you the chance to get on stage.

90. You say you are a wolf in sheep's clothing, then I am the lamb raised by the wolf. Even if you know that I am just your lunch, you are still my April Jianjia, and my love is still bright.

91. I know that you love me like God loves a lamb, and a loving mother loves a baby. Your kind and kind emotions make me feel all kinds of warmth and intoxication.

92. Love you for ten thousand years, exaggeration! I have loved you for five thousand years, hopelessly! Loving you for a thousand years is ridiculous! I've loved you for a hundred years, which is too long! Loving you for 70 consecutive years is my strength!

93. Once I bow to heaven and earth, I will suffer from my wife’s anger from now on; secondly, I will bow to the high hall and work hard for her and be busy for her; husband and wife bow to each other and tighten their belts from now on; when they are sent to the bridal chamber, I kneel down to sleep on her bed . Alas - I am a sheep and she is a wolf!

94. Women, standing in front of clothes is like an emperor, thinking every day, who should I favor today? After looking at it, hey, it’s time for me to be my concubine again.

95. If the law stipulates that a person can only find one woman in his life, I would rather that person be you. I have no regrets and will stay with you until death! But there is no regulation... Then forget it!

96. Loving you is the bread in the morning, the ice cream in summer, the garlic of Shandong people, and the pepper of Sichuan people. When I see you, my heartbeat speeds up, but I don’t see you in a bad mood. When I dream about you, time flies too fast. I don’t have to wait long to have you.

97. The family is poor and ugly. He is 1.49 meters tall. He has a rural registered permanent residence with primary school education. He has a dilapidated house with three rooms and one acre of thin farmland. He has no wife who can cook hot pot and hot stove. He keeps talking about medicine all year round. Today’s SMS is recruiting girlfriends. * * Hand in hand on the road, dare to ask if you are willing!

98. The mind should be liberated, the dress should be fashionable; the life should be harmonious, and the work should be comfortable; the husband should be powerful, and the children should be beautiful; when going out, be reserved, and when coming home, be high-spirited.

99. The teacher asked: There is a kind of horse in the world, which is composed of black and white. What kind of horse is it? Xiao Ming: QR code! Teacher: Get out.

100. In the past, when primary school teachers started classes, they were afraid of being embarrassed and said to us: When I ask a question, you will all raise your hands, but you will raise your right hand and not your left hand.

101. I am moving. The address is No. 520, Lane 520, Si Nian Street, Xiangai Road, Love City. The landlord is you, my favorite, and the lease term is unlimited. Rent: My love, the contract is that I will love you forever, will you take me in?

102. For men, the most beautiful woman is the one they cannot get; for women, the most handsome man is the man they already have.

103. The current program names are "Where Are We Going, Dad" and "Run, Brother". Then I will also come up with a few program names, "Godfather, please follow me", "Sister-in-law, don't want it".

104. I kiss you when I leave home in the morning, hug you when I go home at night, and want to tease you at work. I send text messages to tease you: I don’t love the fairy in the sky, but you are the only one in my heart; I don’t pick wild flowers, I only really like you!