How to teach a 2-year-old not to freak out?
However, some parents who don't want their children to lose at the starting point and are too worried that their children will catch a cold and get sick if they live in a group life have bought all kinds of latest teaching materials and toys, almost making their home like a kindergarten classroom with comprehensive senses. They stay at home with their children all day, teaching them to learn, draw, play musical instruments, do puzzles, and do handicrafts. I even think that as long as I have another child as soon as possible, I can accompany my children. When the children are clamoring to go out all day, Teacher Wang Hongzhe reminds parents that what a 2-year-old child needs most is more life experience and a lot of games. Even if there are more and more toys at home, it is not enough to fully satisfy the 2-year-old children. If a 2-year-old child is still protected as a baby in a strong environment, at this time, the child's body or society will not get enough development opportunities, and emotional problems will more easily appear. Experience in making group games for children Teacher Wang Hongzhe encourages parents to give their children more experience in making group games from the age of 2, so that children can play in groups from individuals. "There is no need to rush to send children to kindergarten. In fact, it is also a good idea to find other mothers to form a play group. The most important thing is to give children the opportunity to go out and interact with other children with different emotional temperament. Teacher Wang Hongzhe said. He further shared his experience with us. " The eldest son is actually an introverted child, but since he was 2 years old, I have arranged for him to take some fun and relaxed parent-child rhythm classes. At first, he would cling to his mother's skirts and dare not interact with others, but gradually his feelings with other children in the group became like brothers and sisters, and he would take the initiative to tell me which friends he was looking forward to seeing as soon as possible. Teacher Wang Hongzhe said. 2-year-old baby, abnormal behavior? "Why no matter how I coax, how to express, the child is still the same, make some annoying behavior? Rudolph de Lecus, a famous child psychotherapist, believes that the reason why 2-year-old children behave badly is that they want to achieve the following four goals: 1. To get the attention of others. 2. Fight for power. 3. To vent their anger and fight back. 4. Incompetence or helplessness. Situation: Keep saying "No, no". It seems that our 2-year-old daughter always wants to confront us and is unwilling to obey. " She always said, "No, no! I still want to play! Avoid getting involved in the book "Who listens to whom" and "The growth mileage of 2-year-old babies". The author believes that parents may wish to take a roundabout way and give guidance easily without involving who listens to whom. For example, "Let's see if Xiaohua (the child's name) can change her pajamas by herself. In the atmosphere of not provoking children to defend their rights and not letting them feel controlled, the purpose of letting children sleep is achieved. Don't jump into the logic of children's "don't" Teacher Wang Hongzhe thinks that 2-year-olds always like to say, "No! I just want to prove my existence and think I can make a decision. Many times, children don't even listen to questions and answer no, but parents can easily jump into the logic of children's "don't", sometimes if children just say "don't! As a result, I suddenly ran over a few minutes later, and my parents would say unhappily, "You don't want it?" Don't, don't! In fact, this emotional reaction is unnecessary. The first step for parents to learn is to avoid "no" for 2-year-old children. This emotional reaction is too strong. Democratic education ≠ The education of reasoning with children is similar to the above situation. Teacher Wang Hongzhe shared his experience with us. When my son is over 2 years old, he likes to play with building blocks. Tell him to take a bath at night, and he will say, "No! Don't! Teacher Wang told his son that if he didn't take a bath quickly, his body would stink and he would get sick. His 2-year-old son still replied: "No! Don't! I want to stink. At this point, Teacher Wang Hongzhe no longer reasoned with his son. He quickly picked up the child and carried it directly to the bathtub in the bathroom. When his son was very happy when he touched and saw the fun bath toys, the teacher immediately took his son out of the bathtub, dried his body and took him outside the bathroom. The son said to him, "Dad, I haven't washed it yet! I want to play with those bath toys. Teacher Wang Hongzhe told his son, "Because you just said you wouldn't take a bath, today's bath is over. The teacher called it a small punishment, but he still let his son take a bath, but he couldn't play with bath toys because he didn't want to repeat the fast bathing experience that was different from the past. The next night, when he asked his son to take a bath, his son went to take a bath immediately. The most powerful parenting method: gentleness and persistence "In fact, the most powerful parenting method is gentleness and persistence. When it is meaningless to reason with children, parents should first be able to stick to their own principles. However, this is also the hardest place for parents. Parents' emotions are usually easy to react quickly to their children's behavior and forget what they should do. Second, parents often forget to set their own bottom line. Today, they can be happy with their children, give them freedom and let them do what they want. However, the next day, they had to ask their children to do what their parents wanted at a certain time. Over and over again, children are not only easily confused, but also feel that their parents are always changing. It doesn't matter if I don't listen. Teacher Wang Hongzhe said. Faced with the strange problem of a 2-year-old child, the situation is: say shame to beggars! ? One night, I took my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter out. Before the MRT, a mother-in-law sat on the ground begging. I made her look up on purpose. It is raining. I approached my mother-in-law, squatted down to help her hold an umbrella, held her hand and gave her some money. I asked her, "Do you need any help?" After I left, I immediately called the police and told them that it was cold and rainy. Can you ask them to deal with it? Or can you help contact the social security bureau to see if you need to intervene? However, before going to bed, I talked to my daughter about it. She actually said that her mother-in-law was ashamed to sit on the ground, and that I called the police uncle to catch her mother-in-law! I explained it to her again and told her that besides catching bad guys, It will also protect and help us in ...................................................................................................................................................... I am worried that my daughter will hurt others when she sees someone begging and shouting shame. I don't want her to learn to be indifferent to others. I don't know how to guide or educate them. 2 ? At the age of 4 and a half, when educating a 2-year-old child at the stage of empathy development, the language should be "concrete". Teacher Wang Hongzhe pointed out that children will separate themselves from others when they are 2 years old, and their empathy will gradually develop until they are 4 and a half years old. He mentioned: "Many parents are eager to teach their children empathy. However, at the age of 2, the most important thing is to teach children in a language they can understand. In short, we must try to use' concrete' descriptions and descriptions to avoid talking about many abstract feelings all the time. " So, what is the specific statement? What is an abstract statement? For example, "Look, my mother-in-law didn't litter or hit anyone, so she didn't do anything bad." Is a direct and specific statement; "It's so cold today, my mother-in-law must be very uncomfortable on the ground." Is to describe a more abstract feeling. When there are too many abstract sentences in the language, it is not easy for a 2-year-old child to understand. How the child's own experience is input and how the child reacts to avoid threatening parenting. Threatening parenting usually has an immediate effect. Because children will feel embarrassed or afraid, they will immediately change their current behavior and obey instructions, so many teachers or parents are often eager to deal with children's negative emotions and will unconsciously use them in parenting. However, intimidating parenting will lead to many problems, because after a long time, these contents, which were originally used to intimidate children and hope that children can obey, often become children's misconceptions. For example, when a child is in kindergarten or other occasions on weekdays, teachers or elders like to use the power of the group to restrain the child, threatening that if he doesn't do anything with everyone now, he will feel ashamed and be a disobedient bad boy. Over time, children will form a wrong cognition: "sitting on the ground" equals "bad" and "sitting on the ground" equals "embarrassing". "It is also easy for children to make fun of others with things or language that adults forbid him to do on weekdays. Teacher Wang Hongzhe said, for example, if a child does something, adults tell him that he is ashamed, hoping that the child's code of conduct will become better, and the result is counterproductive. Similarly, under the above circumstances, the child will not only say that the mother-in-law sitting on the ground is shameful, but also ask her mother to call the police to arrest her mother-in-law. This also means that in her past life experience, someone must have said something similar to her child: "If you are so bad again, I will call the police to arrest you. Therefore, in children's minds, they already have an established impression of the police, thinking that "the police" is equal to "the person who takes away the bad guys." Anyone who has bad behavior can call the police, so if you want to call the police to deal with your mother-in-law's affairs, you think her mother-in-law is a bad person. Parents should keep in touch with other adults who are involved in educating their children. Teacher Wang Hongzhe suggested that parents should try to communicate with adults (including kindergarten teachers or family elders). ) They usually help to educate and take care of children besides educating them. Teacher Wang Hongzhe stressed that the most important thing is to let the teacher who once told the child a certain concept tell the child: "There are exceptions to everything. Take the above situation as an example. If the mother comes home at night and has explained the whole situation to the child, then if she meets the kindergarten teacher the next day, the mother can tell the teacher that this happened when she took the child out yesterday, and she has explained the whole situation to the child (including how to explain it to the child). If the teacher is given a chance, is it possible to let the children know better? Not all people who sit on the ground and don't get up at once are ashamed, and neither is the job of the police. Question situation: I am embarrassed when the child speaks. What should I do? When I was on the MRT, a bald man got on the bus. My 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter pointed at him and asked me loudly, "Mom, he has no hair. I told my daughter, "Don't point your finger at others, it's impolite (I have taught it many times). Then he told his daughter, "Uncle has a handsome haircut, which is very fashionable. My daughter said she understood. When she got off the bus, she passed by her uncle and even said loudly to others, "Uncle's hair is so handsome and dazzling. Goodbye, uncle. It really embarrassed me, so I had to hold her and get out of the MRT! Just like taking my daughter to the elevator before, if someone farts in the elevator, she will also say loudly, "Someone farts, it stinks!" " "I don't know how to educate her? 2-year-olds are impulsive. For a 2-year-old child, impulsiveness is still very high. Therefore, at this moment, how parents teach him, he will immediately say or do a reaction and an action. Just like the above situation, the mother told the child: "Uncle is a handsome and fashionable person. My daughter will immediately say to my uncle who has no hair on the MRT: "My uncle's hair is so handsome and fashionable. In fact, it will make people even more embarrassed! When a 2-year-old child says something inappropriate in public, Mr. Wang Hongzhe provides the following five steps for parents' reference: Step 1: Parents should first avoid strong emotional reactions. Sometimes, parents feel that this is not the first time, nor is it the first time to let their children know what is in line with etiquette norms. Therefore, when children say something inappropriate in public again without warning, parents' mood will be affected. Didn't I teach you not to talk like that? ! The emotional reaction of parents can not really educate children, but will confuse the cognition of 2-3-year-old children: "I am telling the truth, what did I do wrong?" Why are mom and dad angry with me? Step 2: Help the child apologize to others first: "Sorry, the child is talking nonsense. Because the child doesn't know what he did wrong at the moment, don't force the child to apologize to others at the moment. Mom and dad can express to others first: "I'm sorry, the child is still young and doesn't understand much. It's nonsense. Resolve the embarrassment between adults. Don't exaggerate to educate children. In the above situation, the mother told her daughter that the bald uncle is very handsome and fashionable, but the child will pay attention to the mother's description, so he will repeat it loudly. Step 3: Don't rush to educate. First, distract children. Parents can try to distract their children first. For example, the child pointed to others and said loudly, "Mom, he has no hair. At this point, the mother can immediately pick up a toy or magazine in the bag and say to the child, "Look, what is this? As mentioned earlier, because children aged 2-3 are impulsive, if parents are eager to educate and explain their children at this moment, the children may immediately say to others, "My mother just said I can't say that …" because they can't understand it in a short time. On the contrary, it makes the present atmosphere even more embarrassing. Step 4: Back-end education: After returning home, seize the opportunity to educate and talk to children. "Sometimes children yell at someone or a situation because they think something or someone is strange and different from the ordinary people or things they used to know. Therefore, the most important thing is that parents should let their children know that something or someone is normal, for example, everyone will have different appearances. Teacher Wang Hongzhe said. Teacher Wang Hongzhe suggested that parents might as well tell their children with picture books that some people in the world have black hair, some have white hair, some have blond hair, some have red hair and some have no hair. Let children know that they have too little observation and experience, so they will make a fuss. In addition, some children don't know how to look at other people's faces, and they don't know whether others are angry or unhappy. This is not only related to age, but also to each child's different personality and natural temperament. Teacher Wang Hongzhe further shared his experience with us. He once coached a child with Asperger's syndrome, who would make jokes about other people's looks, which made people very uncomfortable. For example, when he sees a fat man, he will directly call him "Fat Aber". At school, he often makes fun of the mole on the teacher's face. Every time Teacher Wang Hongzhe tutored him, he would deliberately put a mole on his face first. The child came in and looked at it. It was really a loud ridicule: "Teacher Wang, your mole is so ugly and funny! Teacher Wang Hongzhe responded calmly: "I don't think so, nor do other students. "Two times, three times, four times ..., the child's empathy ability has not yet developed. Teacher Wang Hongzhe continues to do this to help children reduce their sensitivity and let them gradually know that it is normal to have moles on their faces. There is no need to make fun of others in a fuss. Step 5: Remember to practice after teaching your child! " Practice is the most easily overlooked thing for many parents. In fact, if parents only use words and instructions, usually children will encounter similar situations next time they go out and will not change. For example, tell your child, "Don't make fun of or yell at bald people in the future, because it's impolite!" But even this would not be enough Teacher Wang Hongzhe said. The so-called drill is to drill with the children after the education is completed to see what the children will do next time they encounter similar situations outside. Q: What should I do if my 2-year-old says that he should not do what his parents say in education or training? Teacher Wang Hongzhe said that if the child says not to do what his parents taught him, parents can still let the child know: "Mom and Dad still want you to practice slowly. If I encounter the same situation next time, I really want to yell at others. Mom and dad will still apologize to everyone first. As mentioned by the author of Psychological Dad, in a naturalistic study on empathy of young children, researchers found that 2-year-old children will take responsibility for their mothers' distress, although they may have nothing to do with it. They will look at their mother and cry and ask, "Did I make you angry? Or apologize and promise to be better in the future. It was not until I was almost three years old that I was able to control some external information. For example, the ability to organize everything that happens to you, a special and subjective memory model, began to develop at about three and a half years old. Teacher Wang Hongzhe also believes that when children are older, their self-impulse control ability will get better and better. Wang Hongzhe is currently the executive director of the Sensory Integration Center for Talented Leaders. Education: Ph.D. program in brain science (research and continuing education) of National Yangming Medical College Experience: Wei Lai's normal expert guest on "Sisters' Heartbroken Talk", overlooking the normal expert guest on "Please live with me", lecturer of Beishi Nannies Association and Peng Foundation. Book: "Parenting, are you doing the right thing?" Children's development experts teach you to learn the parenting methods of brain science easily, "Teaching children something more important than IQ -2 1 Brain Potential Class for Children's Development Experts" * For more details, please refer to: BabyLife Parenting Life 2065438+February 2004. :./