20 19 marriage divorce rate data: don't panic, love in marriage can be awakened by four things.
Invite the author to read at ten o'clock.
Recently, I saw two sets of marriage data, which deeply touched me:
Since 20 10, the marriage rate has been decreasing and the divorce rate has been increasing. 20 18 years, the marriage rate hit a new low 10.
Talking about this phenomenon with colleagues last week, I actually found that a large wave of young people around me are unmarried.
The reason is: in marriage, vicissitudes abound, and love is rare.
It can be felt between the lines that most people's expectation for marriage is to wait for happiness, not to create happiness.
I can't help but think of a book I just read recently, Happy Marriage.
This book once topped the bestseller list in The New York Times, ranked first in Amazon's similar books list, and sold well all over the world.
John gotman, the author known as the "Pope of Marriage", put forward the "law of happiness" in his book, which enabled countless people to rebuild their happy marriages, and it can be called the "sunflower book" of love.
Some people say that both men and women inside and outside the besieged city can find the secret of managing marriage in this book.
Throughout the world, although some people are confused about marriage, some people still meet love.
Although the times are changing, the essence of love has not changed.
Do four things well, marriage can be expected, and love will awaken.
Understanding is the highest state of love.
Guttman's first rule of happiness is to perfect the love map. The so-called love map is the degree of understanding of your spouse.
Playwright Liao Yimei once said: "It is not uncommon to meet love and sex in one's life, but it is rare to meet understanding."
The American TV series "Our Days" shows a tacit love between the hero and heroine, and is called "I want to get married after reading it" by netizens.
Jack fell in love with Rebecca at first sight and decided that "I didn't know what I wanted to be until I met you".
The most touching scene in the play is that Jack understands his wife's musical dream and fully supports her.
Even if his wife comes home from a performance in the early hours of the morning, he will leave a glass of water by the bed because he is worried that she will not drink enough water when she sings.
Jack said the most enthusiastic thing on his wedding anniversary:
I know exactly what you need. I want you to know how much I care about your needs.
Loving you the way you need is the highest form of marriage.
Director Gao Shengshen spent seven years completing the documentary "Happy Freeze", in which the love story of a professor and his wife was thought-provoking.
Because the husband couldn't bear the burden of middle age, he lost control and broke his chair in an argument with his parents.
In the face of her husband's anger, the wife rationally gave a judgment:
"You are angry and out of control at the moment, but you are not angry with me. You just want to ask me for help. "
The netizen exclaimed: How much affection is hidden in this understanding!
As gotman said, mutual understanding is the first step to a happy marriage.
If the wife can't see the nature of her husband's anger through his appearance, I'm afraid the quarrel will turn from orderly to out of control.
Not understanding is an insurmountable gap; Understanding can cure disharmony in getting along.
Marriage is destined to be a tug of war. Find out each other's temperament, and love will not dry up.
Companionship is the most lasting love.
"Happy Marriage" says:
The real secret of a happy marriage is to get close to each other in daily chores;
The more willingness to agree between husband and wife, the stronger the relationship.
Tu Youyou and Li Tingzhao are close and interdependent, which makes them "brilliant".
Extracting artemisinin was Tu Youyou's dream when he was young. On the rigorous and arduous road of scientific research, it is inevitable that he can't take care of trivial life.
Li Tingzhao took on the "heavy responsibility" of daily necessities and worldly wisdom at home, and supported his wife to pursue her dreams.
At home, food, clothing, housing and transportation, food and daily life, every detail he is busy, don't let Tu Youyou be disturbed by any chores.
Tu Youyou said many times: I have no bright future in my life. My old Li did all the big and small things.
Even the neighbors "spit" that Tu Youyou is Li Tingzhao's "follower" and always walks behind her husband and buys food.
Li Tingzhao himself is a professor-level senior engineer, but in his mind, it is his dream to accompany his lover to realize his dream.
When Tu Youyou stepped onto the Nobel Prize podium, Li Tingzhao walked from behind the scenes to the stage and became the secretary of his wife's award-winning entertainment circle.
They have been with their peers for 56 years, close to each other, never far away, happy and envious of others.
When the reporter asked them how the husband and wife got along, Li Tingzhao said, "Just take care of each other together!"
Sure enough, the three most beautiful words are not "I love you", but "together".
A good relationship between husband and wife is not a unilateral request and payment, but a cooperation and companionship born of love.
Being far away from each other can only make the heart drift away; Being close to each other will give birth to more love and warmth.
Appreciation and support are the sweetest love.
Recently, netizens were flattered by Lang Lang and Gina in the Happy Trio.
Gina always brings her own "fan filter" when she looks at Lang Lang: Lang Lang is the most handsome in her eyes, and even her sleepy eyes are praised by her wife for being beautiful; The two took a nap in the yard, boasting about her husband's "long legs" and turning into a little girl.
Lang Lang is also trying to support Gina. Gina cooked tomato and egg noodles, but Lang Lang said it was "good". She not only ate noodles, but also praised them as "simply delicious".
The interaction between lovers properly explains that "beauty is in the eye of the lover", and the sweetness index is simply not capped.
Not only the newlyweds, but also the "old couple" Justin and Zhang Xinyi have turned sprinkling sweet dog food into the norm.
In the program "Men Do Housework", netizens understood Zhang Xinyi's wisdom of "managing husbands":
A good man is boasted, and a good marriage is "held out".
Justin once used mustard oil by mistake when making dip, and Zhang Xinyi choked at the first bite.
As a result, she not only didn't complain, but also praised her husband for creating a new taste of dipping sauce.
Halfway through the meal, she even asked Justin with grateful and adoring eyes: Dad, I am so happy. What should I do?
Justin immediately sang: If you feel happy, clap your hands. ...
"Look at each other's efforts and praise each other's mouth", a good one and a knowledgeable one are the best vows of marriage.
Gotman also used data to prove that 94% people can have a happy future if a system of love and praise is established.
Think of a popular sentence on the Internet:
"Even if you have as many shortcomings as stars, you only have the same advantages as the sun;
But in my eyes, as soon as the sun came out, all the stars disappeared. "
I'm impressed.
In marriage, accusations and bad reviews can only exhaust each other's expectations; Appreciation and support can make love endless.
Mutual acceptance is the most stable love.
I once saw a survey about "What is the most important condition for a partner", and the three views ranked first.
But the three views on reality are the same, very few.
After all, everyone's growth trajectory for more than 20 years is different, and it is impossible to overlap in all aspects.
I appreciate this attitude more: a happy marriage is not the same view, but an indisputable right and wrong.
Gotman's law of happiness also mentioned that an effective mode to keep love in a lasting marriage:
Start with gentleness and end with compromise. Don't force others to change.
Look for similarities and learn to live in harmony with problems.
In the documentary "Happy Fruit", the happy life of Yixiu and Eiko for 65 years is the best proof of this mode of getting along.
Two people with different views live a fairy life that never blushes or quarrels.
They have different views on food, but Eiko has always taken care of their tastes.
Even if two people like Japanese seaweed rice and western bread jam for breakfast, Eiko will take the trouble to prepare two breakfasts carefully.
Their living habits are different, but they always accommodate Eiko after a break.
Eiko is careless and often forgets to turn off the gas and tap. She never blames her for repairing it, but writes a label to remind her.
Eiko is used to buying all kinds of tableware, even if it is just for collection, she will say: buy it.
Facing the differences between them, Xiu said, "She is such a person. I knew it when I married her! "
Throughout their lives, they allow each other to be themselves. Interpreted this sentence with a happy marriage of 65 years:
You are not perfect, but you are irreplaceable.
Respecting each other's imperfections is the best feng shui for marriage.
Accept rather than change, marriage can be more stable, and love will naturally flow.
Zhou said in his speech The Philosophy of Happiness:
That's true.
Marriage, after all, is a beautiful practice; Love is always the most romantic fairy tale.
Therefore, even if marriage is low and divorce is prevalent in this era, I still advise you to believe in love and fear marriage.
Believe in love, you can meet love; You are passionate about marriage, and marriage will give you full happiness.
The long road of life, I hope you and I will become people who know how to love and know how to create love.
I hope that in the long years to come, someone will accompany you at dusk and someone will ask you if the porridge is hot;
May someone accompany you and watch every spring flower, autumn moon, summer rain and winter snow hand in hand.
-Music and pictures-
Background Music | "The Way Home"
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