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One day, three ghosts met God while shopping! They told God that they all died miserably and hoped to send them to heaven! God said helplessly, there are too many residents in heaven now, and it is full. But there's another place! You said, let the people who die the worst go to heaven. So, the first ghost began to say: I was a cleaner before my death, and I worked very hard from morning till night! One day, I was cleaning the glass outside a building, which was the kind of dangerous work hanging above 30 floors. Suddenly, I slipped and fell! I think it's over I'm dying! But my survival instinct makes me scratch unconsciously. Fortunately, I grabbed a balcony railing on the 13 floor. I feel saved! So I want to climb up after I recover. Who knows, suddenly someone patted my hand and I fell down again! I think I'm really finished now! However, my life should not be doomed. A tent blocked me. I'm glad I must have accumulated virtue in my last life! If you want to wait for your strength to recover, go down. Who knows, a refrigerator fell from it and killed me! The second ghost said: I was a clerk before I died. Everything is fine. I have a beautiful and well-built wife, but she is a bit of a slut. I have a slight heart attack. One day I forgot to bring my medicine to work, so I went home to get it. When I came in, I saw my wife's hair was unkempt and messy. There must be an adulterer. So I searched the whole house, kitchen and toilet, but I couldn't find them. When I got to the balcony, I found two hands on the railing. I thought: adulterer, you are dead! So he patted his hand. I think, 13 floor, I can't die if I fall! As a result, I saw that he was not dead and was caught by the tent! I was in a hurry, so I searched the whole house and went into the kitchen. I found the refrigerator was big enough, so I threw it down. Finally smashed him to death! I was so happy that I couldn't stop laughing. Who knows, I had a myocardial infarction and died laughing. The third ghost said: I was a punk before I died, but I didn't do anything bad! One day, I went to a female friend's house to hang out. Just after I finished, her husband suddenly came back! I have to find a place to hide. So I searched the kitchen and toilet, and finally found that their refrigerator was quite big, so I hid it. I don't understand. How did her husband know that I was in the refrigerator? He actually threw the refrigerator from the 13 floor, and I even fell dead with the refrigerator!

Mulan Poem

Chirp, Mulan flies the plane. What kind of plane does she fly? Boeing 747! ?

Ask a woman what she thinks and what she remembers. The woman also thinks that she has no money to buy a plane. Last night, when I saw the military post, I needed a bomber with 12 planes, but I couldn't afford one. Grandpa doesn't have much money, and Mulan doesn't have gold or silver. She is willing to buy steel and build an airplane from now on.

I buy drawings in the East Market, screws in the West Market, glass in the South Market and iron sheet in the North Market. I said goodbye to my parents and stayed in the old garage, but I didn't hear my parents calling for a female voice, only heard the iron sheet rubbing. I bid farewell to the hangar and went to the barracks at dusk, but I didn't hear my parents calling for a female voice, but I heard the general shouting hahaha.

Wan Li flew the plane, didn't he close the mountain? Hot air diffuses to the wing and sunlight shines on the glass. The general was scared to death, and the soul of a strong man had flown away.

Flying into the sky, the son of heaven was lying in a hospital bed. The director turned twelve times and gave them a slap in the face. Khan asked him what he wanted, but Mulan didn't want to go into the cell. I want to go back to my hometown by plane 747.

When parents heard the girl coming, they picked up machine guns. When Sister A heard that Sister Mei was coming, she raised her hand and raised her gun. When I heard that my sister was coming, I sharpened my knife and turned to mental retardation. I opened my cabin door, entered my plane cabin, took off my wartime robe, put on my flight suit, put on more grenades, and put on a machine gun outside. When I went out to bury the bomb, my relatives and friends were surprised: I didn't know Mulan was crazy after twelve years.

The madman pedaled, the idiot closed his eyes, and the two walked side by side. Who can say I'm not normal?

In high school, the whole school must wear school uniforms, and some repeat students never wear them. The teacher in charge of this field squats at the door every day to check. One day, the teacher saw that the classmate didn't wear a school uniform and asked him why he didn't wear it. The classmate was furious and said, My mother is not dead. Why should I wear mourning clothes?

2. An art teacher is very famous. A newspaper has a large-scale report with photos, so he boasted in class: "Recently, some students always told me that you are really great. You published photos in the newspaper ..." A student: "Looking for you?" From then on, the art teacher refused the student to attend the art class.

In Chinese class, the teacher asked a sleepy classmate to answer questions. This classmate is in a daze and can't say anything. The teacher said helplessly, "Will you?" I won't scream, too! Classmate: "Cheep." "The teacher is sweating.

4. The entrance examination is coming soon. One day in geography class, the teacher reported a place name on it. Let's answer the local minerals. After talking about many places, the teacher suddenly asked, "What is produced in Jiangnan?" The boys in the class replied in unison: "There are beautiful women in Jiangnan!"

In junior high school, a biology teacher once talked about the ecological environment on the African grassland, but no one in the class listened, so he said angrily, "You all look at me! If you don't look at me, how do you know what African wildcats look like? "

6. In an advanced mathematics class, the teacher asked my brother, "Calculus is a very useful subject. What is the goal of our study of calculus? " The man was deserting, so he shouted without thinking, "No cavities!" " "The whole class burst into laughter.

7. In biology class, the teacher said, "In fact, weasels don't eat chickens. The scientist did an experiment. They once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what the next day is? " The classmate chimed in: "Is the chicken pregnant?"

8. In senior three, the geometry teacher is an old lady who likes to brag and is particularly annoying. One day in class, he said, "I am highly valued by the Municipal Education Bureau. They always invite me to study this problem together, every time I pick up the car. " I accidentally asked, "Three rounds?" As a result, I was banned from geometry class for a week.

9. When I was in high school, my English teacher (a middle-aged woman in her fifties) thought we boys were disobedient, so she cursed, "What are you thinking?" I was at a loss and somehow said, "I miss you!" " "There was a long silence in the classroom, but a pair of frightened eyes were looking at me. The teacher stayed for a while, then pointed at me and cursed: "You are a smelly rascal!" " "wrong!

10. In high school, I had my first labor class. The teacher was an old man and introduced himself: "My name is Wu Shushan." I was suddenly inspired and immediately replied, "Looking at Chang 'an in the northwest, there are countless mountains. "The whole class laughed, the teacher was livid, and then I was punished for heavy work.

★ When pants lose their belts, they know what dependence is. ?

★ Format yourself just to delete you! ?

There are many ways to destroy friendship, and the most thorough one is to borrow money. ?

The secret of staying young is to have a restless heart. ?

★ What is romance? Knowing that she doesn't like you, send her 99 roses. What is waste? Know that she likes you and send her 99 roses. ?

? ★ Rich people run a money market, and those who have no money go home and take some money to run a money market. ?

★ The grievances that can be said are not grievances; A lover who can be taken away is not a lover. ?

★ The same bottle of drinks is sold in 2 yuan in convenience stores and 60 yuan in five-star hotels. Many times, a person's value depends on his position.

★ Men are most afraid of being said to be small, and women are most afraid of being said to be old. ?

★ It is the greatest sorrow for people to ask for something but not to give up, and to get it at all costs. ?

★ When you know me, I don't know you; I know you when you like me; I like you when you love me; I fell in love with you when you left me. ?

Happiness is a comparative level. Only when something is at the bottom can you feel it. ?

One sentence "Take it" is better than ten sentences "I'll give it to you". ?

The biggest difference between doing and not doing is that the latter has the right to comment on the former. ?

★ Some things, knowing that they are wrong, must be adhered to because they are unwilling; Some people, knowing the people they love, have to give up because there is no ending; Sometimes, knowing that there is no road, we are still moving forward because we are used to it. ?

★ He is diligent and just fell in love with you; He is clumsy because he loves you deeply; He is calm, that is, he is tired of you. ?

Look back once in a while, or you will never know what you have lost. ?

You are the master of the words before you say them, and you become the slave of the words after you say them. ?

★ The earth is moving, and a person will not be in a bad situation forever. ?

★ Men's mission is sacred and firm: First, defend the motherland! The second is to listen to your own woman!

★ When we believe that we are already quite important to the world, in fact, the world is just ready to forgive our naivety. ?

Memory is like water in the palm of your hand. Whether you spread it out or hold it tightly, it will eventually flow through your fingers drop by drop. ?

★ People who are not afraid of debt collection are heroes, and those who are afraid of debt are really poor. ?

★ When I was a child, I felt that my father was not simple. Later, I felt that I was not simple. Later, I felt that my child was not simple. ?

★ The biggest sorrow of people is that they can't ask for something, they can't give up if they ask for it, and they can't ask for it. ?

★ No matter how bad the relationship between a man and his wife is, the relationship with his mother-in-law is also good; No matter how good the relationship between a woman and her husband is, the relationship with her mother-in-law is also poor. ?

When people make mistakes, most of them think too much when they should use their true feelings, but they are too emotional when they should use their brains. ?

Freedom is not doing what you want to do, but not doing what you don't want to do. ?

★ The most terrible thing in life is not that I don't know what tomorrow will be like today, but that I can't change my whole life after reading it. ?

The degree of trust in a friend is not whether you smile at him, but whether you are willing to cry in front of him.

The world won't care about your self-esteem, people will only look at your achievements. Don't overemphasize self-esteem before you achieve something. Bill Gates?

Only those who can keep secrets can get more secrets.

★ Men can't say no, and women can't just say it. ?

When you can't help crying, keep your eyes open and don't blink. You will see the whole process of the world from clear to fuzzy.

★ Life is for business, not for care. Feelings are for maintenance, not for testing. ?

★ Women are divided into married and unmarried, and men are divided into voluntary marriage and forced marriage.

★ Life is a chess game, and I am willing to be a chess piece. Although my movements are slow, anyone who sees me will take a step back. ?

★ Playing dumb, if done well, is called still water running deep; Well done is called deep. ?

★ In the face of facts, the more developed our imagination is, the more unimaginable the consequences will be. ?

People can't hide three things: cough, poverty and love. The more you try to hide it, the more shattered glass you are.

If betrayal is a kind of courage, it takes more courage to accept betrayal. ?

It doesn't matter if your head is empty. The key is not to get into the water. ?

★ Don't be afraid of temptation. If you resist it, you are a good person. Resisting failure means you are a good person ...?

★ The camel doesn't cry because it knows the preciousness of water; Girls won't cry because they haven't found anyone worth crying. ?

★ When you are lovelorn, even if you see two straight rails, you can't help but imagine them as two lines of tears flowing to the horizon. ?

Julius Caesar, a Roman, had a great influence on Europe, Asia and Africa. Before he died, he told the waiter, "Please put my hand outside the coffin for the whole world to see. A great Caesar like me died empty-handed. " ?

★ When a person loves no one, he can fall in love with anyone around him. ?

The so-called love story is that you say something that you don't even believe, but you want the other person to believe it. ?

A mature person often finds that there are fewer and fewer people to blame because everyone has difficulties. ?

★ Don't comfort me if you leave me, because every sewing will also meet the pain of puncture. ?

★ Fashion is easy. Let the value of your decorations exceed your intrinsic value, and you will be fashionable. ?

You can earn wealth in ways you don't like, or you can cure diseases with drugs you don't believe in, but you can't get happiness from people you don't love. ?

Among all gifts, women think flowers are the most valuable, because men must overcome the shyness of walking in the street with flowers in their hands when sending flowers to women. ?

★ The heaviest topic between men is talking about their own women, while the easiest topic between men is talking about other people's women. ?

Knowledge is a kind of food. Eating too much will make people hungry. ?

★ The two people standing at the top of the mountain and the foot of the mountain, although in different positions, are equally insignificant in each other's eyes. ?

★ What makes us unhappy are trivial things. We can avoid an elephant, but we can't avoid a fly. ?

★ The arrival of the god of luck is often just because you take a look, think more and take one more step. ?

★ The so-called beauty is three points and looks seven points; The so-called temperament three points, talent seven points; The so-called gentleness is three points forbearance and seven points repression. ?

Philosophers are illegal. When you think about the same thing for more than five minutes and thirty seconds, you become a philosopher. ?

★ A man quitting smoking is just like a woman losing weight. There will always be tomorrow. ?

★ Love is sometimes like the feeling of being drunk. Clear-headed, but out of control.

"The foot of my bed is so bright", and the next sentence is "Li Bai slept soundly" …

2. Under the sentence "Two heads are better than one Zhuge Liang", he actually filled in "the same smell" ... The marking teacher suddenly fainted ...

3. Tao Yuanming's "Don't bend over for five buckets of rice", that classmate boldly wrote "Just give me six buckets" …

4. "If you are poor, you will be alone", and the next sentence is "If you are rich, you will have wives and concubines".

5. "Egrets fly in front of Mount Cisse", and the next sentence is "Tortoise crawls by the river in Dongcun"?

6. "If the sky is affectionate, the sky will be old", and the next sentence "If people are affectionate, they will die early"?

7. "A glass of sparkling wine", the next sentence is "a lot of money and beautiful women" …

8. "In retrospect, Brother Jin was an iron horse", and the next sentence "Look at the present, pestering and fighting" …

9. That's enough! "Luoyang's relatives and friends like to inquire about each other", and the students said to "Please don't tell him" …

10. "If the relationship between two people is long-lasting," the students said, "It's time for two people to get married."

1 1. "You hate books when you use them", and students are right to say that "money is not enough by the end of the month" …

12. "Clear water gives birth to hibiscus", and someone wrote "Heroes come from troubled times" …

13. "How much sadness can you have?" Students fill in "Like a pot of Erguotou".

14. This is amazing! "Rizhao incense burner gave birth to purple smoke, and Li Bai came to the bathroom. Li Bai became a little eunuch when Xiao Li flew a knife.

A student climbed over the wall into the school and was caught by the headmaster.

Principal: Why not go to the school gate?

Student: Mi Bang Wei, don't take the usual road.

Principal: How did you get over such a high wall?

The student pointed to his pants: Li Ning, anything is possible.

Principal: What's it like to climb over the wall?

The student pointed to the shoes: Xtep, the feeling of flying.

The next day, the students came in from the school gate.

Principal: Why don't you climb over the wall?

Student: Anta, I choose, I like it.

On the third day, the students came to school disguised as gangsters.

Principal: You can't wear gangster clothes.

Student: No matter what you wear, Mason clothes.

On the fourth day, students wear vests to school.

Principal: You can't wear a vest to school.

Student: A simple person likes Deng Bao's clothes.

Principal: I want to write you down.

Student: Why?

Principal: M-Zone, my website listens to me.

Take your time! Very funny, I hope I can help you, hehe.