Five funny sketches, three men and two women. Ask for recommendation, better.
2 examiners and 3 applicants.
(A company is looking for a sales supervisor)
Applicant: Long Min: an agricultural farmer, too talented; a gifted student with no social background; Zhen Youquan: the son of a government official.
Too talented (holding this hand, stepping, thinking with head held high): Time flies, and I will compete in today's market.
Zhen Youquan (suit and tie, striding forward): According to my investigation, it is really difficult to find a good job in this increasingly competitive market. Comrades, I also applied to live here.
The first examiner said: You are all here to apply. What our company wants is talents in sales promotion, either with education or experience. You are all educated people. .
Suddenly, a tattered man came in from the outside recently. He ran too fast and almost fell down. )
The farmer who broke in recently scratched his head and simply said, big sister, I'm sorry I'm late.
(The assistant examiner is furious): Who is your sister? This girl is only the age of flower season! Huh? How can such a person suddenly appear!
(Long Min looks at the examiner in surprise and says): Elder sister? There are no flowers in my village, only a handful! (exaggerated, use the posture of holding to describe flowers)
(The assistant examiner clenched his fist to suppress his anger): All right. Now let's introduce ourselves, including your name, address, age, nationality, birthday, gender, marital status and education. . . . Report it.
(All three applicants were surprised) (The examiner said with a smile): Don't bother, just give your name and academic experience.
Zhen Youquan: That's more like it, otherwise I thought I was at the police station!
Thai Youcai: My name is Thai Youcai, and I graduated from Thai with a master's degree. After the edification of school culture, the tempering of society and the test of life, I came to your company to apply. I will sell my knowledge to the company, use my culture to sell it, and bring the world outlook, values and outlook on honor and disgrace to the overall interests of the company. . . .
Assistant Examiner: Stop, Vilti, next! (Too talented to hold your glasses and tilt your head back. )
Zhen Youquan: My name is Zhen Youquan, Zhen Dezhi Zhen. I graduated from that H university, because of social competition, well, yes, I came to this company, and then I unexpectedly wanted to hire this position. That's all, thank you.
(Intermediate examiners will add their own actions)
Long Min: My name is Long Min, and I am the dragon of dragons (laughter). I only have rich experience. Please listen to the next chapter for details.
Zhen Youquan: After all, Long Min has such a farmer's name.
Examiner: OK, OK, let's start asking questions.
Assistant examiner: If a beautiful girl appears in front of you, how can you sell yourself and make her accept you?
Long Min: Examiner, can you not? I already have a wife. I'm afraid my wife won't let me sleep in the bed.
(Angry) Associate Examiner: Hypothesis, do you understand the hypothesis? ! !
Long Min: Suppose, oh.
Too talented: hey, I feel sorry for those who have no knowledge.
Too talented: I will recite a very emotional sentence and make her submit to my literary talent.
Zhen Youquan: I called all the traffic policemen back and shouted at the place where the girl appeared: beautiful girl: Zhen Youquan, I really love you.
Long Min: Although I am still afraid, I must seize the opportunity. I will say: elder sister, I can cook, I can wash clothes, I can farm, I can take care of children, but I can't have children. Can you give birth to a fat baby for me?
Assistant examiner: That's brilliant. Do you think a poem can impress that girl? If so, many old ladies will fall in love with you every day, because you talk a lot every day. You can recite a poem now and see if you can make your aunt across the street accept you.
Assistant examiner: Zhen Youquan. You said you could ask all the traffic police to help you. Well, a person goes to the street to find a girl and says loudly that you love her, to see if she will call you crazy!
Deputy examiner: Long Min, hey, do you want other girls to give you a baby just because you look like a bear? Do you think others are your domestic pigs? You can have them if you want.
Deputy examiner: Since you are selling yourself, you should regard the other party as a fortress.
Long Min: Examiner, it is peacetime, so there is no fortress. If we want to fight the Japanese fortress now, the able-bodied men in our village have already picked up hoes. Is it my turn?
Assistant examiner: Hey, you, this is still a hypothesis, a hypothesis! ! Hey, I want to know, Long Min, why did you join our work?
Long Min: I have experience (patting my chest, holding my head high and making proud gestures).
Associate examiner: Do you have any experience? Then why do you say that donkey's lips are not right for horse's mouth?
Long Min (indignant): No, I really have experience. You see, I have sold chickens at home, pigs in the village, cows in the village and blood in the city. Isn't this all experience? Oh, by the way, when I was selling cattle, a young man in his early 20 s told me, Uncle, how dare you sell cattle on the road? You are really the one between A Niu and Niu C, that's why I am. I'm still thinking, how can I buy a cow and become a cow ABC?
(The assistant examiner bows his head and is silent for a moment) Then he looks up and says, I think you can go home and sell blood.
Long Min: Examiner, what you said is wrong. I sold blood in the city, not at home. I don't have that kind of equipment at home.
Assistant examiner: Hey! (shaking his head)
Examiner: Now, how do you think this girl can accept you?
Long Min: I think so. . .
Assistant examiner: Stop and don't talk. Squat aside with me (Long Min pathetically walks to the podium).
Zhen Youquan: I think there is something wrong with this question.
Assistant examiner: Nonsense, no problem. Can you call me a question?
Brilliant: I think this question is worth discussing. If you allow me, I'll call my tutor to ask.
Examiner: You. . . .
Examiner: Why do you think this question is so difficult?
Long Min, Tai Youcai, Zhen Youquan,: This is not a good question {Long Min stands up from the table}
The assistant examiner said savagely, Long Min, who told you to stand up and go back to squat?
Long Min despondently squatted down and put his hands on his head.
Associate examiner: Why is this a bad question?
(Long Min stands up to the stage again) Long Min says, are you willing to betray yourself?
Assistant examiner: Who told you to sell yourself?
Long Min said: Isn't betraying yourself equal to betraying yourself? Examiner: Are you willing to betray yourself?
(The examiner is angry and the other two candidates laugh. )
Examiner: Don't you think you look like a commodity now? Living in this highly competitive environment, there are too many people with educational background. More experienced, if you can't sell well yourself, do you think any company will accept you? The examiner just made an analogy. Actually, that girl is the job you are looking for. If you can't get that girl to accept you, it means you can't get the company you are looking for to accept you. In the end, you still have nothing. I hope you can understand. In fact, before you came to our company to apply, we had made a detailed investigation on you. We already know about you, and our company just needs talents like you. You are very talented and have a profound academic background, and you can make great contributions to the company in persuading customers. Zhen has the right, is calm when things go wrong, and is good at using personal relationships to achieve sales goals. Long Min, although you have a little knowledge, I believe most bosses still like to do business with honest people, at least they will be honest. So you three are hired temporarily, with a probation period of 2 months.
(Long Min, too talented, Zhen has the right to be surprised)
Brilliant: Sorry, examiner. I feel unfair and believe in my knowledge, so I hope the four examiners can give us another chance. We should persuade four examiners to hire us.
Examiner: Very good. What about Zhen's rights?
Zhen Youquan: I never know how to write "admit defeat". I agree. That's brilliant.
(Examiner smiles): Hmm (Four examiners and the first two candidates look at Long Min with suspicion).
(Long Min bows his hand in fear): When I went out, my daughter-in-law told me that I should learn more from the city after I came out. I'm telling you, I listened to my daughter-in-law and followed in the footsteps of the first two college students in the city.
(Laughter).
Examiner: Then we will visit three more people at the same time tomorrow. (Applause)
second
We are going to perform today.
B: Ask me four people to give the program;
C: think hard for a long time;
D: (Left hand puts fist on the upper side of left orbit, head down) Cool!
A: Not good at singing and dancing;
B: comic sketches can't be performed;
C: The performance is about to start.
D: (dumbfounded) wood!
It's no use complaining.
Why don't you go online for help?
C: There are so many online works.
D: (making a surprise) Boom!
A: Hurry around and click;
B: see where there is a way out;
C: jokes and riddles are really good.
D: (thumbs up) Here!
A: It's good to have a joke.
B: I promise to laugh;
C: make it three and a half sentences;
D: is that all right?
Stop and ask everyone if it's ok, and then continue. )
A: Since everyone said yes;
B: The four of us regard it as a program;
Perform a program at the party;
D: it's a mission!
A: Everyone says Anonymous is ugly;
B: It has grown to thirty-nine;
C: I have never been married;
D: worry!
A: I heard that someone was abducted to a certain place;
B: sell your wife to the ravine;
C: It's nice to think of an ugly girl.
D: go!
A: I was stared at as soon as I left;
B: the ugly girl has her head covered;
C: get on the bus and start;
D: drive away!
A: The car stops halfway;
B: Traffickers lose their heads at first sight;
Who wants such an ugly girl?
D: turn around!
A: The car returned to its old place;
The ugly girl refused to leave.
C: willing to be sold as a woman;
D: raw.
A: Traffickers are worried this time.
B: I don't know how to get rid of her;
C: Suddenly, a cross-heart roar;
D: Leave the car and let's go!
A, B and C: (Wang Ding) Ah? ! (End)
third
service attitude
An actor must have a spirit on the stage.
Is it? No matter what you do, you should have a correct service attitude.
Well, any job is the same.
Is it?
A For example, if you are a shop assistant, can you have a bad attitude?
B has a bad attitude Wow, all the customers got angry and ran away.
Well, you ran away? Then you will be happy.
B Hey, why?
A, it is easier to save customers without you. I'll still get a monthly salary then. This is not a good thing. You don't want others to give you advice.
B that pair.
Do you think people standing in cabinets in the old society are unfriendly?
B no.
Did it annoy the customers?
B that's not true.
A is still here. In the old society, students should learn this first.
B what to study?
There is a shopkeeper to teach you.
B yes.
In business, A must tolerate gas.
B Ah, yes, I can stand it.
Well, the apprentice must learn that song first.
B what?
A song.
B song?
A well, it shows that this businessman can bear it.
B Oh, I haven't heard of it.
A never heard of it?
B So, can you tell me what this song is?
A: "Business can endure, and kindness can make money. Whether you are rich or poor, you open your heart. When the master of business comes, he will smile when he walks to the counter. Not sleepy or in a daze. Why don't you make a fortune in this business? "
B yes! What kind of theory does this business dare to have?
An apprentice used to sing this song. String 1
B Oh, singing?
A, singing.
How to sing b?
A (singing): "Buying and selling can be tolerated, making money with kindness, no matter which one is poor or rich, it looks the same." When the master of buying and selling arrives, he will come to the counter and smile. Don't be sleepy. Don't be in a daze. How can you not get rich in this business? "
Oh?
For example, you go to a shoe store to buy casual shoes.
B: Ah.
A pair of lace-up slippers.
B yes.
A "What about the skirt?" Look how big your feet are-
How about b?
A When he looked at it, it was almost the same in 1998.
B Oh, in the 1990s.
A brought a pair. "You try this pair." That man tried to-
How about b?
A "matter."
B.
A "tighter?" Ok, I'll get you another pair.
oh
A took another foot, and the other one said, "No, it's too big." What do you suggest we do? A foot of clothes is big, and 98% clothes are small.
B, what about the one with 99?
A there's no such number.
B Then what should we do?
A took the third pair, which is still 98. I can sell this pair to you.
B that's fine. Can people buy it?
A: He speaks well.
oh
First, he changed the way he dealt with you and made you buy shoes with satisfaction.
Look.
Look at these shoes. Didn't they get smaller when he looked at them? The handle of the duster will be supported and cleaned for you first. "You try this." "This won't work, it's still tight." "Yes, you wear such new shoes. If you buy new shoes, they will fit. It will be big in two days. " String 3
B what?
"Don't you wear tight clothes these days? Isn't it easy to step on it for two days? Be sure to fit. " "That won't do. I don't like the look of these shoes. They have long faces. " "Good face, hold your feet. You don't have to step on the aisle and fall. How troublesome you have to ask! " "That won't do, this ass is thick." "It's good to have a thick ass. You don't hurt your feet in there! "
B look!
If he knew everything, he could sell the shoes.
oh
A: That's his way. Whether you are dressed properly or not, I will sell you.
Look, hey.
A But now you have to be a shop assistant, and that won't do!
B.
As a shop assistant, A not only has a good service attitude.
B yes.
A never gets tired of taking and never asks. It has to be. It is practical to take care of others. You can't talk nonsense, just say it's sold. It won't work.
B, seeking truth from facts.
A: Well, look at the waiter's attitude now.
B yes.
What cooperatives and department stores did you go to, huh? How nice that shop assistant is!
B ok.
A But there are some others that are similar.
Oh, there is something else.
Oh, almost. He is always uneasy about his work and doesn't love his career.
Look.
A He always wanted to be a shop assistant. What's the point? Huh? I wish I could do something else: construction department, factories and mines. Even if you do administrative work, you can be a leading cadre in the future.
Look.
A: You said this thing was a shop assistant in the cooperative. Who are you going to lead? Leading banana apple rubber shoes? Nothing! You said that a salesperson should have this thing in his heart and have a good service attitude? String 2
B that's true, he has a mental problem!
A said yes, he kept thinking, "Why don't you make two and a half pounds, do it here somewhere else, and eat where you do it!" !
B Look, what is this idea?
A: That's broken. Once I went to a cooperative to buy rubber shoes, and I met that comrade, which was not good.
oh
I saw a pair of rubber shoes in the window. It's good. "Hey, comrade, I want to buy rubber shoes." "What kind do you want?" "That's it." Bring it here. Let me have a look. It's size 37, which is 9 inches. It suits me just right.
B Then you can buy it.
A: Yes. I said, "In that case, please bring me two more pairs." "No, just this pair!"
B You're just in time. These are the only ones left.
Who said that? He is afraid of trouble.
b！
A I said, "OK, I'll take this pair."
B yes.
A drew me another one at the bottom, put it in a box, tied it up, issued a ticket, and I took it back. I opened it when I got home. I can't wear it!
B what's wrong? It is broken.
A Not bad!
B Then why can't you wear it?
A: Both are left feet!
b！ Is this a smooth edge? !
What do you say?
B Then change it quickly!
A can't do it. Those two days were too busy to change. I'll think about it for a few days. After a week, I changed another one, and when I got there, it was really sold out.
B look at it.
I said, "What should I do ... I can't wear it here ― you can't sell both your left feet. You still have two right feet. " "No, who bought it!"
String 1
B Well, I can't wear that either!
I said, "What if I wait to wear it?" ? You change it for me. ""change the warehouse! "Well, then, go to the warehouse a few miles away and ask, because they have a whole box there!
B yes.
A: "You have to change it at the big retail department."
B: Yes.
A ran back and forth four times without changing his shoes. It rained that day, and when it rained heavily, my slippers were all messed up.
B: Look at this. What should we do?
A As soon as I remember, I won't wait. Let me buy a pair and put it on first. I went to another cooperative.
B Well, what about this shop assistant?
Jiahao, great! Compared with that comrade, it's a world of difference! Great! I said, "Comrade, buy rubber shoes." "Oh, how big?" "One foot eight."
b？ Don't you wear a nine-inch size? !
One, that's not ... two.
Two ... did anyone talk like that?
A He was also happy and took it out: "Look, how about this?" I said, "All right, that's it." "You give it a try, ok? Not suitable for change. " I said, "well, I'll wear this size." Don't try. " He said, "You'd better try. If it doesn't fit, you can change it. It is not easy to change this mud in the future. "
B yes. Then you can try.
A: No. Wearing casual shoes is covered with mud!
That can't be helped.
He said, "Never mind, I have a footbath here." Run to the back, give me some water and get an old towel: "Wash it. Try washing. "
String 6
Wow!
A: What a nice service attitude!
B great!
Ah, so people praise people with good service attitude.
B yes.
Representatives of the National Activist Congress came to Beijing for a meeting. How lively it is!
B yes.
A comes from different jobs and is a good public servant of the people.
Sure, can you be elected as the representative?
A: That's right. People who like the poor service attitude can also attend the meeting.
b？
A will participate in the review conference.
B cough! That's not honorable!
A, this service attitude is still problematic.
B is it?
Good service attitude. Sometimes you will feel even more terrible if you meet someone with such a service attitude.
Oh, why?
There is such a "judge-like" shop assistant.
B "judge"
A stood there with no smile on her face.
What is this?
A probably means that he is serious.
Why is Shop Assistant B so serious?
A that's it. You haven't talked to him yet. You need to talk to him to make you angry! There is such a person.
B We're here to buy something. Why are we angry with him?
A: It is impossible not to be angry. He is really annoying! He is annoying!
B I don't believe it. How come...
If you don't believe me, you are the customer, and I am the shop assistant. You must be angry if you say a few words to me!
Is it? Ok, let's try! String 1
A line.
B You are a shop assistant.
A: Yes.
B I is a customer.
A: Yes.
B "hey, comrade!"
A "why?" (Pretending to be impatient) You are out of line at this first sentence. Look at this: "What?" What do you want people to go to the cooperative for, that is, to buy things? Can ordinary people go to cooperatives to see a doctor?
B Yes, the cooperative has not added an outpatient department either.
A: Yes. Listen, you're still angry! "For what?"
B "I want to buy bananas, ok?"
A "Then who do you discuss with and make up your own mind!"
B "This is not a negotiation. May I ask? "
A "We don't sell bad things here, they are all good."
B "I'm afraid it's not ripe yet."
A "cooked! It's boiled in here! Eat cooked food in Guangdong! Do you want to buy it? Don't waste time if you don't buy it, so I can get it for others! "
B "buy it!"
"Is still a.. How much do you want? "
B "You give me two Jin. Hey, pick a bigger one. "
A "hmm! Do you want a big one? Who will the remaining small ones be sold to? You are selfish! "
B "Who is selfish? I am afraid that small is not sweet. "
"Nothing is not sweet. Bananas are all sweet and not salty. This is a banana, ok? This is not pickled radish! "
B Oh, that's irritating enough. "How much is the cantaloupe?"
A "cantaloupe is eighty cents."
B "one?"
"Give you a white? A pound. "
One kilogram? Why is it so expensive? "
"Is it expensive? Air transport! Do you know that?/You know what? Do you understand air transport? Better than you! I have been on a plane. " String 2
B "Well, you give me a catty and I'll try the flying cantaloupe. Ok, how much is a * *? "
Answer "16 cents, 32 cents, 1. 12 cents."
B "OK, here is five yuan. Give me change. "
A "no! Take zero, no money to find! "
"I have no change."
A "no zero? You wait here, I will come to you when I have sold enough! "
B "that won't do, I'm still waiting for work!" "
"Want to go to work? Can't wait? "
B "I can't wait."
A "I bought it all!"
B "I ... I spent five dollars on bananas. How can I eat them? "
"Then who did you ask? That's your own problem, who told you to buy things without change! "
B "hey! Comrade, your attitude is better. Look at your face! "
"Aren't you shopping? What do you see in my face? Oh, you're here to set me up! Oh, what's wrong with dissatisfaction? Give advice! There's a commentary book there. Write it down! I have to give you advice! What's your last name? What's your name? Which unit are you from? You what? Which unit are you from? What is your composition? ……"
B is that more like it?
A: This is good and bad. How bad is this?
B Really, that's a far cry!
And this coke thing!
B, what is it?
I tell you, everything that happened to me is special!
oh
A I met something during the Chinese New Year. What a coke!
B, what is it?
On the evening of New Year's Eve, I brought three bottles to our restaurant to buy things in the cooperative. Buy sesame oil, wine and kerosene. There, three bottles, I said, "sesame oil, wine and kerosene are the same!" " Fight. "Because this comrade is careless, I didn't even eat jiaozi.
String 4
B what?
He is very careless. He got it all wrong!
B what's wrong?
He put sesame oil in a kerosene bottle! He put kerosene in the bottle! Beat the wine into the sesame oil bottle!
B, is it all wrong?
A I didn't watch it then either. I took it back. I found it the next day and the first day.
B Then find him to change it quickly!
One can't! He's on vacation! From grade one to grade five, he has five days off!
B, then tell me about the activities on the sixth day.
A Yes, I don't want to eat this jiaozi either.
How did this happen?
He didn't concentrate on working there! As soon as he saw me as a comic dialogue actor, he teased me: "Yo-ho! Which one? Oh, kerosene, sesame oil and wine. Okay, hey! How about coming here for a while? Say a paragraph, say a cross talk, interesting! " -while teasing, while playing (learning the action of hitting wine): "How about you come to the part of" Buying Monkeys "?" Buy a monkey is good! "Buy a monkey" is so interesting, just so-so, casual, smiling. "He was just joking. He got it all wrong!
B, he is also very careless!
A closed my jiaozi and didn't eat.
B yes.
A finally looked forward to the sixth day, so she went to see him early in the morning.
B needs to talk to him.
I said, "Comrade, what happened to your work? What are you thinking about? You put the wine in a sesame oil bottle for me, and I can make do with it. Have you seen this? What do you think of these two bottles? This is kerosene. You get it in a bottle! This is a kerosene bottle. What do you say if you make it into sesame oil and drink the bottle with oil? " He said, "Oh, it's my fault! This is a kerosene bottle. I think it's a sesame oil bottle. There is a mistake. Oh, this is ... this is a wine bottle. I was injected with kerosene. I thought it was wine. I was just thinking about letting you talk cross talk, and I was confused! " Knock, knock, knock. ...
String 7
B pour it into the oil drum?
He poured kerosene into the wine jar!
B ...
You didn't say the age level, so I can only send it like this, asking for extra points ~