39 years old, how did I make a mess of my life?
Do you think this will be a tragic story? Or do you think this is a beautiful degenerate life? Actually, it's not. My life is also the life of most people, which is extremely ordinary and meaningless.
I-as a 39-year-old unmarried middle-aged man, I thought life would have a different ending. In fact, on the first 19 day in the hospital, I still died of acute liver failure. Funny, my life ended in this golden autumn of harvest.
Looking back on your life for nearly forty years is a waste of life, a waste of forty years. While counting the days in the ward, I comforted myself that in fact, poor ordinary people like me in the world don't know how many more there are.
I was not a lifesaver before, but when I was lying in a hospital bed with yellow skin and extremely weak body, I actually disagreed. Doctors and nurses were very nervous when they saw me coming to the ward alone in the middle of the night. I was seriously ill as soon as I was admitted to the hospital, and I was concerned about the electric monitor and various infusions. On the contrary, I am calm. Actually, I have a life as bad as mine. I wonder how many people are left. Why all the fuss?
Some people say, "Stand at thirty, you will know your destiny at forty, but you will not be confused at fifty." In fact, I have passed my thirties, and I have known my destiny in less than a year. Maybe I know my life, and now I have turned my life into a lump of mud.
I am a lump of mud, and I will never make it to the wall in my life, because I will be here all my life, and I will not miss everything in the world, and I have no feelings for the world. The only thing that I can't let go of is my white-haired old father asking white-haired people to send black-haired people, and my own 40-year-old unmarried brother.
My only brother works as an assembly line worker in a big city like Beijing, Guangzhou and Shenzhen. On the third day of my hospitalization, he came to give me money because his factory just caught up with the peak season and didn't ask for leave. My father took a bus from his hometown in Guangxi for a day and came back the next day, because he could get a suite in the county town after tearing down the old house, but he had to go back and draw lots himself.
When the nurse saw that I was very ill and had no one to accompany me, she said angrily, "What happened to your family?" Money is more important than life? You must stay with someone in this case! ".I didn't have a good temper and said," If my dad doesn't come back to our house, the house will be gone. What a joke! "
In fact, I just put an ascites drainage tube in my body, and I have no strength all over, but I don't need someone to watch me for 24 hours, and my life is not so precious. This is a terrible life.
My brother still has a little impression of our mother. When I was a child, I always forced him to think of her. I want to draw it and go to her with a portrait when I grow up, but my brother always says he can't remember it. I think my brother did it on purpose. He has met our mother, but I haven't, not in my life, and never again in my life. My mother ran away from home as soon as she was born, and I didn't see her until I was dying.
A child without a mother is like a grass, and my brother and I are growing like weeds, so we are always bullied.
My brother and I both went out for a stroll after graduation from primary school. We work as coolies in the local area. We have no education and talent, so we have to work hard.
Whose life can be as gorgeous as summer flowers? In the end, it was gone, as if I had never been to this world.