The power of metaphor

Metaphor is an ancient communication tool. In ancient times, courtiers used metaphorical stories to appraise emperors. There are also metaphors everywhere in the Bible and Buddhist scriptures. Therefore, metaphor can be said to be one of the ancient wisdoms of mankind.

In psychotherapy, the person who used metaphorical stories most brilliantly and became his own family is Milton H. Erikson. Erickson is a master of hypnotherapy. The hypnosis method he invented broke the traditional form of hypnosis. Using his unique slow tone, he told a story in an understatement, which magically brought people into a hypnotic state. In the hypnotic-like story, what he wanted to say to the client was hidden in the story in the form of metaphors. . Many clients have experienced new changes in their behavior and a turning point in their lives during this process. Erickson views the human subconscious as a powerful resource that can help us live healthier, fuller and more complete lives. Therefore, when telling a story, it is often told to the client's conscious and subconscious mind at the same time. The conscious mind hears the surface content of the story, while the subconscious mind hears the deeper structure of the story. The structure of the story is another story that implies the answer and conforms to the mental structure of the client. When the client's subconscious receives this story, it has a powerful power to change.

In the 38th episode of "Everything Is Fine", Su Mingyu had a conversation with Manager Zhou in order to help her second brother solve work problems. Mingyu asked Manager Zhou's boss to take the lead from the beginning, and his appearance was higher than that of Manager Zhou. But in the end, she did not overwhelm others with force, but cleverly used a metaphorical story. Manager Zhou made the choice willingly. The dialogue is as follows:

Mingyu: "When I first started working in sales, I was young, energetic and naive. I offended a female boss without even realizing it, so she made me wear little shoes for half a year. . All my colleagues came to me and said, Mingyu, what can you do if you lower your head and admit your mistake? But with my personality back then, how could I have the time and energy to apologize for something I didn’t do wrong? I might as well do more business! Fortunately, I worked hard on my own. Later, I was promoted and got a raise in salary soon. I was on the same level as her, and then became her boss, and then on. My boss's boss. Now we are in this position. She has not resigned due to some objective reasons. At this time, I am faced with two choices, one is to be vengeful, and the other is to be forgiving. Manager Zhou, if it were you, what would you choose?"

Manager Zhou: "Go on, I want to hear what you choose."

Mingyu: "Me. It must be revenge, I'm not a saint." (Such an answer makes the other person not feel denied or criticized, so they don't feel ashamed and defensive.)

Manager Zhou: "What are you doing? Revenge?"

Mingyu: "I thought about demoting her and letting her disappear from under my nose. I even thought about making her lose her job and asking her to tell me in person. She was wrong, she shouldn't have done that to me. Then I thought about it, I had already run over there, and I had already left him there, so I turned back and beat him down. I couldn't win. Wu! Besides, I can't let the wind blow my sails. What if the tide turns? You still have to leave some room for yourself in life! Anyway, this incident made me realize that the confrontation between the two will only end in the end. It will hurt both sides. There is no winner, and there is no point. Manager Zhou, I’m done telling my story.” Manager Zhou: “Okay, don’t worry, I know what to do. I know it in my heart.”

In fact, such communication skills are also applicable to parent-child communication!