The Call of Loess Prose

Loess, the thickness of the earth. It stretches for thousands of miles, but is completely deserted. There are thousands of ravines and ravines intersecting without any purpose. Somewhere, there should be an end to the area I share most with this land. Here, my footprints have extended infinitely, turning the muddy road full of desolation into a memory. I was overwhelmed by the crowds coming and going. I staggered hard in the dust on the road, and finally I still didn't get out of the swamp of life. The accumulated historical splendor swallowed my feet, and I was sinking step by step, as if I wanted to become one with this land. No, this world is my world, there is not a green leaf to pick, not a flower to desecrate. No one can do it? Not even my grandfather, who has been lying quietly in the loess for nine years.

In the nine years since my grandfather left me, time has blurred my memory, and I can no longer recall his face. He is kind-hearted and kind-hearted, and he is an out-and-out simple farmer. I vaguely remember that his face was covered with wrinkles, showing his kind smile vividly. I often think that there should be some story hidden in my grandfather’s wrinkles, but I dare not ask about it for fear of touching his sorrow in those years.

It’s hard to be a good person, and it seems that all good people end up in tragedy. Grandpa's tragedy is that he is suffering from a terminal illness - lung cancer. I don't know how this vicious disease came to target Grandpa. Grandpa neither smokes nor drinks. He is honest and honest. He never cares about gains and losses with others. He is a silent wise man. During the last period of my grandfather's life, it happened to be the summer vacation after I graduated from elementary school. At that time, Lai was at home and had nothing to do all day long. She only knew that her grandfather was suffering from a shocking disease, and her mother was not allowed to get close to or eat the condolence gifts given to her grandfather.

When my grandfather first fell ill, he went to a medium-sized hospital in Tumu Town for a check-up and was diagnosed as terminally ill. Relatives were all devastated, and the pain and psychological burden hit them almost at the same time, making everyone breathless. After my grandpa was discharged from the hospital, he lived in grandma's house. When Uncle Xiao heard that his grandpa was terminally ill, he was afraid that grandpa would drive away from home, so he encouraged his grandpa to say some harmless words in grandpa's ear. Grandpa was a sensible man, and he didn't want to cause trouble to others. After returning home, he quietly said something to his father: He would rather follow a poor son than a rich son-in-law. From this sentence, I can smell some of my grandfather's bones. For Grandpa, who has lived for many years, everything in the world has its own true and fair definition in his eyes.

After learning about grandpa’s condition, my parents rushed back from Zhejiang. Grandpa's seventh son also came back, but his wife Qiniang had just come back a while ago and had just arrived in Zhejiang. She was probably worried about the hundreds of yuan in travel expenses, so she didn't come back. As for the aunt I just mentioned, my grandfather also has an eldest son, my uncle, a single, eccentric and talkative person. I have never liked him. He left a very bad impression on me. A little better than strangers.

When my grandfather was in good health, he once patted his chest and boasted in front of everyone: "After my grandfather dies, no one else needs to take care of it. I will bear it all, even if I have to bear it." "Grandpa, carry him up the mountain." Everyone knew that this unfilial son who often scolded his grandfather was talking nonsense. As his son, his father would not stand idly by. Among the many sons, my grandfather probably liked his father more. My father was very good at studying and always ranked among the best. Unfortunately, he failed in several college entrance examinations. I didn't know the reason before, but now I finally understand. Because I study hard, I am a complete nerd, with a weird temper, and I am not likeable. From this, I made a bold guess. My grandfather's temperament should have been the same when he was young. Even if there were some differences, it would not be far different...

My grandfather's illness worsened day by day, and I don't know why he died. I just know how to have fun all day long, stupidly watching my father and brothers busy up and down. In order to save money, my father rode a bicycle every day, passing more than ten miles of dirt roads, to the town to buy the necessary medicines, and then Master Qi, who knew some medical skills, would give my grandfather an intravenous drip. When the relatives saw that my grandfather was getting thinner and thinner, they all rushed to buy some chicken, duck, fish, meat and fruits to show their filial piety.

News of grandpa's illness soon spread among relatives, so every day we could see some strange faces coming and going with condolences. These so-called relatives and friends don't move around very often, and they don't visit each other during holidays. I think it was probably because of my family's poverty that I gradually faded away from the implication in my blood. If it hadn't been for my grandfather's illness, I might never have known that these people existed among my relatives.

At first, grandpa could still eat a bowl of meat, but later he couldn’t even drink the broth. My mother often warned my brother and me not to eat my grandfather’s food for fear of contagion. Being greedy, I shook my head like a rattle, but when my mother wasn't paying attention, I committed the crime against the wind. The two cousins ​​also want to come to see grandpa. After all, we are all grandpa’s grandchildren. Since my parents worked outside all year round to support my brother and me in going to school, my brother and I spent almost all our childhood at my grandma's house. Therefore, my feelings for my grandfather were naturally a little weak. Even when my grandfather was dying, I did not shed a single tear.

Grandpa once asked my mother, why don’t you come back this time and leave? The mother quickly said she couldn’t leave. Grandpa was very happy for a long time. Grandpa said that he planned to stop working and take turns living in my house and Qi Ye’s house, and just provide some food every month. Grandpa has indeed been too tired these years and needs a rest. In the early stages of my grandfather's illness, he would walk on a winding path carrying a load of pigs every day. But later, grandpa gradually felt something strange in his body. The road that he could finish in one breath now now requires several rests to finish. At that time, he should also have realized his aging.

My grandma passed away suddenly before her grandchildren were born, leaving my grandfather and relatives forever. From then on, grandpa began to live a lonely life. I once heard from older people that my grandma loved children very much at that time. When she saw children from other families, she could not help but hug them and then praise them. The uncle's temperament is like that of a grandma, like an aunt or an aunt. He talks a lot, especially when he is drinking. He can talk from heaven to the earth. People who are eating at the same table cannot leave, so they have to stay with him and be a good person. Impatient listener. The old man’s conversation is nothing more than talking about the east family and the west family. Sometimes he can point to a cat and talk for a long time, which is really annoying.

Unlike the uncle, the grandfather is very silent and not good at talking. My brother and I are also like this. I have always believed that this is the inheritance of habits and the continuation of family wisdom. There is a thick family tree at home, which seems to have been made by my grandfather, or it may have been left by my ancestors. It was no problem for my grandfather, who had been an accountant in the village, to write two characters. The handwriting he wrote was very beautiful, euphemistic and implicit, without his father's squeamishness and impetuousness, and he was very humble.

I rarely talk to my grandfather, and the conversation is nothing more than "second baby" and "oh". At that time, "Grandpa" was just a title for me, not much different from other names. The only difference is that he treats me as a grandson, but I don't get along with him as a grandson.

Grandpa’s face is getting yellower day by day, and his body is getting thinner and worse. Only a piece of skin is left tightly wrapped around Grandpa’s body. Grandpa finally left. That night, that day, I was sleeping on a simple bed upstairs and was awakened by the sudden sound of firecrackers. I stood upstairs and looked downstairs, and seemed to see a figure staggering away with another figure on his arm. I guess it was the lonely grandma who came to greet the lonely grandpa.

I ran downstairs in a hurry. My father lay on my grandfather’s warm body and cried bitterly. My maid covered her face and wept. Master Qi had a sad look on his face. My second cousin Song Min was squatting at the door. Sobbing. I looked at all this indifferently, not knowing how to play my role well. I had no feelings for my grandfather, so I wasn’t sad or shed any tears. I didn’t even understand that death was an eternal disappearance for my grandfather. It seems that deep down in my heart I still naively believe that grandpa will come back. As for when he will come back, it depends on the depth and thickness of the family relationship.

After hearing the sad sound of firecrackers, grandpa’s nephew and niece also came to help wipe his body and put on pale white shrouds.

In fact, I am timid, but because I am a grandfather, it is reasonable to pay homage to his remains, so I stood on tiptoe and took a look. My pale face was covered with thick wrinkles, and there were a few traces of blood left on my thin head. She had white hair, a short nose, cold white lips, and closed eyes... I didn't have the courage to look any further, so I turned around and helped the adults.

After everyone put on new clothes for grandpa, everyone was immersed in pain and said nothing. I remember that before going to bed, I was still dreaming on the bed where my grandpa lay, and shouted: "I want a cockerel." As a result, everyone laughed. Everything is silent now, as if waiting for forgiveness from the night.

The next day, a barber was invited to tidy up Grandpa’s remains, making him look more peaceful. After that, grandpa was put into the coffin that had been prepared, and then the coffin was closed. An everlasting lamp was lit next to the coffin to illuminate grandpa's path to hell. A bowl of white rice was also placed on it to satisfy grandpa's hunger. At this time, The little black cat raised by my grandfather kept meowing. When I heard that if a cat jumped, my grandfather in the coffin might get up. I was so frightened that I took a back basket, turned it over, and imprisoned the poor cat in the basket.

Several Taoist priests came, all of whom were related to Taoist Jiang. In fact, in my opinion, he is a complete Feng Shui master, who can do Feng Shui for people, conduct dojos, save the souls of the dead, etc., and earn some considerable income. In the afternoon, several Taoist priests walked in front playing gongs and drums, and my relatives and I followed behind, wearing sackcloth and mourning. When the Taoist priests arrived at the well not far from my house, they chanted sutras and beat gongs and drums for a while, then returned the same way.

Not far in front of the door, there were several tall bamboo poles with a white flag tied to them. They looked numbly at the groups of mourners blown by the wind. Every time someone comes, their relatives will greet them personally and kneel down with one foot to express their gratitude. Most of the people who came to attend the funeral were relatives, friends and neighbors. After giving gifts, they dispersed. That night, the Taoist priest opened the ceremony and began to pay homage to the souls of the dead. Just after the presiding Taoist priest announced the opening, a flying bird flew straight to the door and landed on the uncle's shoulder. After that, everyone talked about it and thought it was the incarnation of grandma. I muttered to myself: Are there really ghosts and gods in this world?

The hall downstairs was set up as a simple mourning hall. There were some colored papers with various Bodhisattvas on it. There was a table made of bamboo slices and white paper with Grandpa’s name written on it. In front of the spiritual tablet are three smoking incense sticks and three weeping candles. A few Taoist priests, you beat the drums, I'll play the gong for a while, and then I mutter sutras, it's really lively. I stood among my relatives, and according to the Taoist priest's orders, I knelt when I should kneel, and bowed when I should. After a while, the Taoist priest signaled to set off a bunch of firecrackers and burn baskets of ghost papers in the iron pot. After such commotion for a while, everyone had time to rest and catch their breath.

It was summer and the heat was unbearable. Dad rented a freezing machine and placed his grandfather’s body on it, freezing it for several days. After everything was prepared, the Taoist priests were invited. On the second day after the opening, all the neighbors put down their work and came to my house to help. Some washed vegetables and some cooked. They were so busy that they were dizzy. Just after dinner, while everyone was chatting, a cousin named Xie joked that it would be better to kill the sow raised by the uncle to prepare for the banquet. Coincidentally, the uncle happened to hear it, so he cursed loudly without caring about other people's feelings, and his relatives stood by to comfort him. As a result, the cousin left in depression, and the uncle did not forget to bring up this matter at the family discussion meeting and scolded him for a long time...

That night, there were a lot of things placed in the wide dam outside the door. Two Eight Immortals tables were placed at a distance, and another Eight Immortals table was placed on top of the two tables. Several long wooden benches were also placed around the tables. Two white candles and a few sticks of incense were lit on each bench. Then the Taoist priests swung their buttocks, beat gongs and drums, chanted sutras, and led their relatives and friends to walk under the table. Sometimes they would circle around the table clockwise, and sometimes they would circle around the table counterclockwise, making it difficult for everyone to tell the difference. Southeast and northwest. What is particularly worth mentioning is that the strange looks made by the Taoist priests are very funny and often attract laughter from the onlookers.

I have been guessing that maybe under my indifferent expression, I still love grandpa. Even though he left me nothing? At least he let me know that I still have a grandfather, a kind and honest grandfather, and I am proud of him.

After my grandfather left, my father was depressed for a long time. I know that he was still grieving over his grandfather's departure.

A few days later, according to local custom, the house where grandpa left would be sprinkled with grass ashes, put two eggs and a bowl of wine, and wait for the ghost of grandpa to come back and enjoy it at night. That night, our family of four ran to Master Qi’s house, leaving a quiet and empty room for Grandpa. The next day, we hurriedly opened the door and saw some potholes on the ground, which looked very much like the footprints of livestock, including the footprints of chickens and ducks. I didn't know the rest. At that time, I was wondering, were these animals really accompanying my grandfather on his return trip? Perhaps, they should be the successful animals of the underworld, so they escorted Grandpa back to the end of his short life.

It’s hard for me to guess what my grandfather was thinking when he returned to the hut where he died. Did he also have some nostalgia and leave reluctantly? Since he was helpless, why couldn't I see his back? Was he walking too fast?

I can’t forget how disappointed I felt when I realized that people will die one day when I was three years old. At that time, it turned out that people would die sooner or later, and it would be better to die early and be born early. I guessed that the fragility of my mind had begun when that thought came to me, and now it had grown to such an extent that it began to threaten my life. If you don’t believe it, you can lean over and listen to the heartbeat of the loess. If you have a connection with the ancestors sleeping in the loess, you may hear their calls, calling for this vast land and the grass here. Wood calls out to all creatures living on the loess.

Grandpa’s portrait is still hanging in the middle of the hall. Every time I go home, I always see my grandfather’s kind smiling face, so kind and loving. Yes, grandpa is smiling at me, and the smile on his face is everlasting. Just like the world in my eyes, it exists in a mysterious way. There is no birth, old age, illness, or death, no joy, anger, sorrow, and joy, only the indifference. Deep call. Since the world is calling, does it mean that the piece of loess that gave birth to my thoughts and memories has fallen asleep, or is it quietly cultivating the grass and trees, nourishing every green leaf and every flower to the extreme, allowing them to interpret life? meaning.

In the more than nine years since my grandfather passed away, I have always believed that the loess is alive, just like its call, which is deep and deep, winding around the mountains and never ending.