Full version of classic humorous jokes

Lead: Maybe a person can only smile when he is really helpless.

1. Today, a good friend of mine announced that she was pregnant at a friend's party. We were so happy that I blurted out with excitement. Great, I must be a stepmother after the baby is born! ? Everyone was quiet, and I suddenly realized that I was wrong and quickly changed my mind. No, no, I mean stepmother. ? Actually, what I want to say is dopted mother.

2. A colleague's child 1 multi-year-old. He received a phone call from his daughter-in-law at work, so he had the following conversation: Husband, our son can call him dad. Colleague: What? Who did he call dad when I was away?

After dinner, dad saw his son counting coins, so he gave him an arithmetic problem. Dad asked:? Eight plus 16 equals how many sons are playing with their fingers and toes in a hurry, and drawing for half a day is not enough. Dad is anxious: can't you use your brain? The son said. There is only one brain, and it is not enough. ?

I used to work at the front desk of a bank. Someone once said that he wanted to remit money with a money order, but the name column of the payee was impressively written? Donkey? ! I think this is a deliberate mistake. I threw the money order out and said, sir, the remittance needs to fill in the other party's real name. I can't remit money like this! ! ! ? He said with a black line on his face. That's his real name. His last name? The horse barks? Home use? Don't call a donkey? .

The teacher is talking about the relationship between the insured and the beneficiary. In order to be more vivid, he gave an example: for example, I took out life insurance, and one day I was killed by a car, and your mistress can get compensation. She is the beneficiary, then who am I? A classmate replied: the dead. ?

6. On this day, my colleague was on a business trip, and the boss was in urgent need of using the office computer, so he called him to send a password by SMS. My colleague was dumbfounded at that time, because his password was: Our boss is an asshole.

7. Dialogue between a five-year-old daughter and her father. ? Dad! What's the matter? Don't be old when I grow up. Why? So I can marry you when I grow up? "Really? You love your father very much! If I marry you, I can do nothing at home like my mother, so comfortable! ? Dad? . . . . . . ?

8. Today, I want to play a joke on my girlfriend. At noon, I waited for her on the sofa with a straight face and a serious expression. And she came back to see me and said? What's the matter, don't you think You know, I'm shocked. Ok, then let's break up! ? Then he slammed the door and left. I don't know why, so I went. Is this joke right or wrong? The reason is still unknown.

9. Go to fortune-telling alone. The fortune teller touched the bone, counted the eight characters, and said that you were in love at the age of 20, married at the age of 25, and had children at the age of 30. Your life is rich and peaceful, and your family is happy and carefree in your later years. The man was surprised at first, and then he was very angry. He said, I am thirty-five, a doctor, single, and I have never been in love. When Mr. Wang heard this, he pondered a little and said, Young man, knowledge changes fate! ? . Awkward.

10. Two men are talking about their son who has gone to college. One said:? When I read my son's letter, I always look it up in the dictionary. ? . One more:? Then you are really lucky. Look at my son's letter. I always run to the bank. ?

1 1. After graduating from graduate school, Xiao Wu failed to find a job and was worried all day. One day, my little nephew came to visit him and comfort him. Uncle, why don't you also come to a stream of people! ? Xiao Wu was surprised and asked him: Why did the little nephew answer very seriously? The radio often says, have an abortion today, and you can go to work tomorrow! ?

12. Dating my girlfriend, I bought a yellow plate while waiting for my girlfriend under the bridge, bargained with the middle-aged man, and put it in my coat pocket. Go to my girlfriend's house for dinner in the evening. When I first met my future parents-in-law, I never dared to look up. My girlfriend teased me: Why didn't I see you so shy? I whispered: I didn't expect your father to sell porn.

13. I went to the supermarket to buy things and saw the shop assistant playing mahjong alone. I was curious and asked him what he was playing. My uncle is pale and very low-key. Lianliankan? .

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