Who can give some latest jokes? It's best not to copy the old ones.

The first one is only long.

The second one is just spherical.

The third one is actually triangular.

Asked, it replied: I pinched it with my hand.

2. The child asked his mother, "How to make sentences with ABCDEFG?" Mom: "A! Is this child B from the C family? Standing barefoot on D, EF is not wearing, and little GG is still exposed!

I used to have schizophrenia, but now we have recovered.

Boss, our company has it.

Male employee: Boss, our company has GA Y.

Boss: Ah! who is it?

Man: Give me a hug and I'll tell you.

5. The Da Vinci code has the Da Vinci account number on it.

Do you know what's under the da Vinci code?

This is Leonardo da Vinci's verification code

You got it?

Can you stand on your head?

7. A: I never say it twice.

B: What?

A: I never say it twice.

8. The white rabbit met the wolf.

The white rabbit said, the wolf, the wolf, you asked me if I was a white rabbit.

Ask! Ask! ! ! !

The wolf said, are you a white rabbit?

The little white rabbit is very happy. Yes, yes, I am! ! !

then

The white rabbit said to the wolf, Wolf, you asked me if I was a giraffe.

Ask! Ask! ! ! !

The wolf is helpless. All right. . . that . . Are you a giraffe?

The rabbit slapped him on the back of the head, you idiot!

I told you I was a white rabbit! ! !

Once upon a time, Apple and Pear were good friends. Later, Apple moved, so they met each other for ten years and returned to this place to get together.

As a result, ten years later, apples returned to this place, but after a long time, pears still did not appear, apples and so on.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

It turned into plasma.

10, playing cs, I saw a glasses thief walking straight ahead with "5 1", and there was a line below-

"History when yuan, come with me! ! ! "

1 1. One day, when a toothpick was walking, he found his shoelaces open, so he bent down to tie them, and then his waist broke.

12. Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.

Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.

The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.

Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!

Then the man roasted the squid. ..

13, one day Xiao Qiang came home crying and said, "mom, mom, my classmates at school say my head is a kite."

Then my mother said, "How come? Won't it? Come and run with me. "

14. In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.

Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"

Xiaohua: "Yes"

Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"

Xiaohua: "Piano."

15, one day there was a mother-in-law in the car …

Sitting halfway, my mother-in-law doesn't know the way.

My mother-in-law spanked the driver with a stick and said, where is this?

Driver: This is my ass … ..

16, a blind beggar was begging in the street wearing sunglasses.

A drunk came up and felt sorry for him, so he threw him a hundred dollars.

After walking for a while, the drunk turned around and happened to see the blind man with his back to the sun to distinguish the authenticity of a hundred-dollar bill.

The drunk came over and took the money back and said, "You fucking don't want to live, how dare you lie to me!" " "

The blind beggar looked aggrieved and said, "Brother, I'm really sorry. I'm looking for a friend. He was blind and went to the toilet. In fact, I am dumb. "

"Oh, I see," so the drunk dropped his money and staggered away again. ...

17, I just saw something like a news scroll bar on the top of my senior computer screen, and the words on it passed quickly.

I am curious to ask: Is this the lyrics?

Senior: Yes!

Senior: How did it pass so quickly? I didn't even see it clearly!

Senior: From Jay Chou! !

18, wife: I really stepped on shit before I married you.

Husband: I was really blind enough to step on shit before I married you.

Shit: I'm so unlucky! Lying there, you both stepped on it. ......

19, college entrance examination chemistry questions: A and B can be transformed into each other, B can generate C in boiling water, C can be oxidized into D in air, and D smells like rotten eggs. What are a, b, c and d?

I replied: A is a chicken, B is a raw egg, C is a cooked egg, and D is of course a rotten egg!

20. What has a head and a foot?

Answer: Three monsters with one head and one foot! ! ! ! ! !

2 1, ants went to the desert, why didn't they leave footprints in the sand, but only one line?

Answer: Because it rides a bike!

The ant came home from the desert. He didn't inform anyone, but his family knew he was back! Why ah!

Answer: I saw his bike parked downstairs.

22. One day, a female drug addict was arrested in the police station. When the police saw the tattoo on her hand, she asked her why you tattooed your boyfriend's name on her hand. Is his name Xiao Liang ... Ah ... Really? Come on, say ... Is he taking drugs? Let's go

I saw the female drug addict raise her head with angry eyes.

Say to the police

This is hatred. ...

23. One day, Xiaomei and her boyfriend went out for a ride.

The car is running out of gas, and there is a gas station next to it. When driving by, a sudden gust of wind blew my boyfriend's hat away.

Xiaomei's boyfriend said to her:

"I'll get my hat, you help me to refuel. 」

Not far from her boyfriend, she heard Xiaomei shout behind her:

"come on Come on! 」

24. There is a fat man. ..........

Jump off a tall building ...

It turned out to be .......

Fat bastard ..

25. There is a penguin whose home is far from the polar bear's home. It will take 20 years to get there on foot. One day, the penguin stayed at home and was bored. He was going to play with polar bears, so he went out, but on the way, he found that he forgot to lock the door. It's been 10 years, but the door still has to be locked, so the penguin went home to lock it. After locking the door, the penguin set out again to look for the polar bear, which means it took him 40 years to reach the polar bear's home ... Then the penguin knocked on the door and said, "Polar bear, polar bear, penguin wants to play with you!" " "Guess what the polar bear said when he opened the door?" Let's go to your house to play ~ "

26. One person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital to see a doctor and said to the doctor, "I pull everything I eat, eat watermelon and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" "

27. There are two sausages in the refrigerator. After a long time,

I shook my sausage. Wow! It's cold ~

Another sausage said in surprise, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?

28. A sausage in the refrigerator feels very cold. Then I looked at the other one next to me and felt a little comforted. I said, "Look, you are frozen like this, and you are covered with ice!" " As a result, Root said, "Sorry, I'm a popsicle."

29. One day, the teacher took a group of children to the mountain to pick fruit.

She announced: "children, we can wash the fruit together after picking it, and we can eat it together after washing."

All the children went to pick fruit.

As soon as the assembly time came, all the children got together.

Teacher: "Xiaohua, what do you have?"

Xiaohua: "I am washing apples because I picked them."

Teacher: "What about you, Xiaomei?"

Xiaomei: "I'm washing tomatoes because I picked tomatoes."

Teacher: "The children are great! What about Amin? "

A-Ming: "I'm washing cloth shoes because I stepped on shit."

30. How to make drinks bigger?

Read the great compassion mantra

3 1, a little boy came home from school, peeped out of the window, looked at a woman lying in bed rubbing her chest and shouted, I want a man, I want a man!

The next day, the little boy went out of the window and found a man lying on the woman.

So the little boy went home and lay in bed, rubbing his chest and shouting, I want a bike, I want a bike!

(This I collapsed! ! Where's mopper? )

32. Two people go to the mountain to play. A man accidentally slipped and fell off a cliff. His companion shouted anxiously, "how are you, brother?" Is there anything wrong? " I only heard the person who fell answer "I don't know, I'm still falling ~ ~ ~".

33, watching CCTV's "Jianbao" program, the hostess said: This gentleman sitting in the first row, please show your baby to everyone!

34. Since the last time I responded to the call to report the discordant artist Felix Wong Yat Wa, I found that Jiang Kun was also very discordant, especially when his name was written vertically. Please be sensitive to the organization department!

35. When Jiao Lizhong, the new director of CCTV, was reviewing the program of 20 10 Spring Festival Gala, he heard Little Tiger sing Love after adaptation and praised the staff around him: I think this song is good, and it will definitely become popular after our Spring Festival Gala!

A lumberjack went to apply for a job

Foreman: Try the forest ahead ... and see how many trees you can saw in a minute. After a minute, foreman: Wow, 20 trees a minute. It's amazing. Where did you work before? Worker: Sahara forest.

One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up, whatever you wanted. At this point, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, then tell me where the little white rabbit is.

38. Why do boys have a lot of GF to envy and girls have a lot of BF to despise? Because just like a key can open many locks, it is called a master key, and a lock can be opened by many keys, which shows that there is something wrong with this lock.

39. I thought that 1 65438+1October1on both sides did not conform to the bleak atmosphere of Singles Day, but165438+1October1.

40, five children share a cake, only three knives are allowed, how to divide it equally? Answer: Cut a child to death with one knife, and then cut the cake into four parts with two knives. . .

4 1, effective anti-corruption measures in China: 1, husband and wife turned against each other; 2. The house was stolen; 3. accidents; 4, lover report; 5. Political struggle; 6, the language is amazing; 7. Rich photos; 8, netizens curse!

42. English words with China characteristics: Smilence (smiling without saying a word), Democrazy (wishful thinking), To**ther (all's well that ends well), Freedamn (Internet freedom in China) and Shitizen(p).

43. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

44. It is said that there are three obvious signs before the earthquake:

1. Well water is abnormal;

2. Abnormal reaction of livestock;

3. Experts come out to refute rumors.

But careful netizens pointed out that the second and third articles are repetitive.

45. A man's head is big and square, which makes him depressed.

One day, a man was driving home and there was a traffic jam on the road. He waited a long time!

The man impatiently opened the skylight on the roof and stuck his head out to see what had happened.

At this time, the child on the roadside pointed at him and shouted, "Look, the autobots are going to be deformed!" " "

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

47. Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died. (It's so cold ...)

48. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

Because ... they don't know each other very well ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

49. A parrot was hung in front of a hotel. When a guest arrives, he says, "Hello, welcome!" A regular customer thought, I'll go in quickly and see how you react. One day, he ran in and the parrot said, "CNMD! You scared me! ! ! "

50. In 2046, Korean space science and technology advanced by leaps and bounds, and launched a satellite around Mars.

As a gift, a Korean satellite airdropped a Korean myth on Mars, which caused a sensation among Martians.

Martian A: Gee, the book says that we are descendants of Koreans.

Martian B: This at least explains the origin of our species.

Martians A (crying bitterly): No wonder we are so ugly. ...

Dong "... Korean satellite airdropped another" Korean cosmetic guide " ...

5 1, Avatar, the Vatican box office was a fiasco, with a box office of only 2,400 euros. But each of them went to see it. ...

52. Once upon a time, there was a cucumber. She felt that there were too many pimples on her face, so she sliced it herself and applied it to her face.

Brushing your teeth is a bittersweet thing, because you have a cup in one hand and a washing utensil in the other.

54. I used to pass a stinky tofu stall every day when I went home ... One day, when I passed this place again, I found that the stall was gone, but the smell was dependent. -_ ||||||| Sorry ....................................................................................................................................................................

The most disgusting joke is recommended after dinner.

First, when I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer told me that it has been 60 years of hard work.

I never spit out my booger without food.

Second, there is a rich man looking for a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich man sent them away, and only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out.

The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

Third, a man saw a store having a big sale and went in. What can I do for you? "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog."

"Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man and the salesman were grinding for a long time, but the salesman still refused to sell them to him. There is no way. The man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It's still the same salesman. The man has been dawdling with her for a long time, but he still wants to go home and get the cat. ""Just put your hand in. The salesman put his hand in: "What is this?" Very sticky. "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper. "

A man took his friend to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. I am old, cough. ...

Some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him it was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. This gentleman has eaten almost all his dishes, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought the gentleman was wasting delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to that one. "The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half of it. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole. After a while of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he was there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said. I'm like this ... "

On this day, the hotel owner is making a tour in the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" "The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why does the beggar want toothpicks instead of rice now? I gave him one and sent it away. Not too old, here comes another beggar. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too? ""The beggar said, "I vomited alone, but I was late. The first two beggars ate everything I could, and now there is only soup left. Can you give me a straw?

Seven, boss, the second child is flying, the second child is airsick and has been vomiting. A bag was full, so the boss had to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half a bag and throw up."

If you haven't spit it out, I have to admit that you are a master, so I will try my best.

Eight. Killing skills-

One day, Big Brother and Second Brother went to the theatre again. They saw that they were arguing about the development of the plot in the middle, so they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of them and said, "The loser wants to have a taste of what's there." Unfortunately, eldest brother lost, so he took a sip with a frown. Then they bet on the following plot. This time, second brother lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and hit it hard. "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon was so thick that I really bit it.

1. Do you have anything? -

In chemistry class, the teacher explained the relationship between solvent and solute: "A certain solvent can only dissolve a certain solute. For example, if you eat a bowl of rice, eat another bowl, and the third bowl is full, can you still eat? "

A student asked, "Is there anything to eat?"

2. Check the calculation-

During the exam, a student took out the dice and shook out ten multiple-choice questions. At last he suddenly took it out and shook it. The invigilator finally couldn't bear it: "What are you doing?"

The student replied, "I'm checking."

3. Where to go-

One day, a lady called a taxi. Miss: "Hello! I am at a certain intersection and I want to take a taxi. "

Driver: "What are you wearing?" Miss: "I wear a white coat and a blue skirt."

Driver: "Where to?"

Miss: "to the knee." Driver: ". . . . . . "

4. People in Egypt and India, oh, don't use toilet paper. Do you know what they look like when they respond to the call of nature? They wash with their left hands and then rinse with water. How dirty it is, but every time I pass a building, I see a long queue to buy Indian cakes there, so I hide my face and walk over with a smile. You know, it's hard to throw a cake with one hand.

5. Know people by their legs-

In an animal experiment in a university, the examiner announced the test questions: there are ten birds in front of the classroom, each with a cloth bag, and only the legs are exposed. Please observe the legs of each bird carefully, and then say their common names, habits, genera, etc.

A college student observed the legs of every bird, but these birds seemed no different to him. The more he looks at them, the angrier he gets. He got up and said to the professor, "This kind of exam is so boring. Who can tell a bird by its legs? "

The professor was shocked by his words and deeds and quickly asked, "which class are you in?" What's your name? "

Angry college students went to the podium, lifted their trouser legs up and shouted at the professor, "Guess, guess!" "

6. Beggars and misers-

A beggar came to the door of a miser's house to beg.

Beggar: "Please give me a small piece of meat, cheese or cream." Miser: "No!"

Beggar: "Bread crumbs will do."

Miser: "No!"

Beggar: "Then give me some water to drink!" " "Miser:" We don't even have water. "

The beggar was angry: "Then why are you still sitting at home?" ? Come and beg with me! "

7. Captives and horses-

A cavalry was unfortunately captured in the battle.

"We will kill all the prisoners." The enemy leader said to him, "But because of your heroic performance in the battle, I can kill you in three days and meet your three requirements before that." Now, you can ask the first question. "

Without thinking, the cavalry said, "I want to say something to my horse." The leader agreed. So the cavalry went over and whispered a word to his horse. Hearing this, the horse gave a long whistle and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back with a beautiful girl on its back. That night, the cavalry and the girl spring night. The leader exclaimed, "What a wonderful BMW!" He said, "But I will kill you. What is your second requirement? "

The cavalry asked to talk to the horse again. The leader agreed, so the cavalry whispered a few words to the horse again, and the horse roared again and galloped away. At dusk, the horse came back. This time, the girl on her back is sexier than last time. That night, the cavalry and the girl had another happy night.

The leader was greatly impressed: "You and your horse are really an eye-opener, but I will kill you tomorrow. Now you make one last request. " The cavalry thought for a moment and said, "I want to talk to my horse alone." The leader felt very strange, but nodded in agreement and left with his entourage, leaving only the cavalry and his BMW in the tent. The cavalry stared at his horse, suddenly grabbed its ear and said angrily, "I repeat, take a brigade, not a woman!" " "

8. Answer first-

A man went to the toilet at the rest stop of the expressway. The first room was occupied, so he entered the second room. As soon as I went to the toilet, I heard someone next door say, "Hey, what's up? Is everything all right? "

Men think it is strange to talk to people when going to the toilet, but in order not to be rude, they still try to answer: not bad! "

Then the man next door said, "What are you doing?"

The man was surprised and even more strange, but he still replied, "I'm going to Taichung on business."

Just then, he heard the man next door say, "I'll call you later." There's a psycho next to me. Every time I talk to you, he tries to answer. "

9. Between stations-

A passenger said to the flight attendant, "I'm going to Dunkas."

The flight attendant said, "This train can't stop in Kass on Tuesday, but, man, when we change tracks in Dunkas, the speed will slow down." I'll open the door, you just jump. " Although the car is not driving fast, you should follow after jumping, or you will be caught by the wheels. "

When the train arrived in Dunkas, the door opened. The man jumped off the train and galloped forward. Because he was nervous, he ran all the way to the door of the first two cars. Just then, the door opened and a flight attendant dragged him into the car again. The train resumed its normal speed.

The stewardess said, "Dude, you are so lucky. Our train doesn't stop at Dunkas on Tuesday! " "

10, kua-

A farmer boasted that his manor was very big. He said, "If I drive around my manor, it will take a week."

A listener said sympathetically, "Yes, I once had a broken car like this."

1 1, our multiplication formula is very powerful ... Several scientists met together and someone asked how much 1 1 multiplied by 1 1 equals. American scientists couldn't wait to move their feet out, and China scientists immediately replied 12 1. Then I took out my calculator and pressed it for a long time. It really is 12 1. I can't help but be surprised: damn, you are really accurate.

12. No matter what car you take, you should lean against the window. One day, he will fly. When he got his boarding pass, he told the lady that he wanted a window seat, but the lady told him that he didn't have one.

After boarding the plane, he casually found a window seat and sat down. Suddenly, a man came up and said to him, this is my seat. He said I liked this seat, but I just wouldn't let him. The man begged to no avail, so he said angrily, well, you can fly the plane! "Turn around and go!