It is the best feng shui for a family not to blame when something happens.

It's love, tolerance, dedication and respect not to blame easily.

Someone on the Internet asked: What should a good family look like?

the most praised answer is: first of all, it is not easy to blame when something happens.

the happiness of a family lies not in luxuries and luxuries, but in not arguing for right and wrong.

The happiness of a family lies not in being rich, but in not being easily blamed.

It is not easy to blame, but the husband and wife are more loving.

If you tell your partner before going out, "Be sure to hide a bottle of medicine so as not to be taken by children by mistake."

The partner patted his chest confidently and said no problem.

As a result, I received a phone call from my partner soon: "The child took the medicine by mistake and has been sent to the hospital."

So you rushed to the hospital immediately, and when you met your partner for the first time, what would your first words say?

Many people's first reaction is:

"Didn't I tell you to put the medicine away long ago? I can't even do this little thing well. I really don't know how to be a mother/father. What can I say about you? The child was already weak, and now ... "

A series of accusations swept over to the opposite person whose heart was already in a state of turmoil.

In the face of blame, the other person feels frustrated and wronged, so angry words are forced out at this moment:

"Do you think it is easy to take care of children? After that, you can bring it ... "

A heated argument started, and even intensified.

The husband in the original story did this: when he saw his wife who was full of remorse, he went over and patted her on the shoulder and said, "It's okay, I'm here."

When I saw this husband's behavior, I thought of Yang Lan's words: "In the most helpless and weak time, in the most depressed and down-and-out time, she (he) held your chin up, straightened your spine, ordered you to be strong, and accompanied you around, and * * * shared the fate.

At that time, in addition to love, the feelings between you also had the loyalty of caring for each other, the tacit understanding of never leaving, and the unforgettable kindness. "

the best relationship between husband and wife is that it is not easy to understand each other.

When the other person makes a mistake, he/she doesn't just care about abuse and blame, but takes care of the other person's feelings, and then stands with him/her to face the problem together.

once the words of blame are spoken, there is a distinction between right and wrong. When two people are pulled to the opposite side in an instant, the feeling of love will disappear.

Blaming blindly can't solve the problem, on the contrary, it is easier to intensify contradictions.

The psychological work "It's not my fault" says:

"Most couples divorce because of long-term accumulation, and such couples snowball to blame each other and defend themselves.

Both husband and wife always stare at each other's mistakes, while defending their own strengths, attitudes and behaviors.

Doing so will lead to the other party's obstinacy and even intransigence. "

most couples don't have to go through any big storms, but they just make small noises.

Some couples turn it into tit-for-tat when they accuse each other, while others turn it into finger-twisting when they tolerate each other.

That's why some people quarrel and break up, while others quarrel and have deeper feelings.

No marriage can be without problems, so the most important thing in marriage is how many unhappy hours two people can turn into happiness.

If you always think about right and wrong, and then make accusations, the winner will win the result, but lose the feelings, and both sides will be unhappy and worthless.

I especially agree with Wang Han's understanding of gender relations: "Be kind to yourself when you are alone; Be kind to each other when two people are together. "

Balzac, a famous French writer, also pointed out the secret of long-term marriage: "To get a happy marriage, it is enough to have a friendship that forgives human shortcomings."

family members are closer when it comes to parents who don't blame their children easily.

Zeng Linshu, Zeng Guofan's father, comes to mind first.

After failing the list once, Zeng Guofan borrowed one hundred and twenty pieces of silver from his father's good friend and went to buy books with great interest.

this is a huge sum, equivalent to the income of his family for several years.

Zeng Guofan returned home with the feeling that "if it is light, it will be scolded by a dog, and if it is heavy, it will be served by the family."

My father, who has always been strict, said calmly, "It's a good thing to buy a book. You don't have to worry about the money. We will return it slowly at Zeng's house, but since you have bought this book, you must finish reading it."

these few words shocked Zeng Guofan, and he vowed not to study every day.

Imagine what it would have been like if Zeng Linshu had just accused and blamed.

In psychology, there is a proper term called "alienated communication mode", which refers to the communication mode that does not solve the problem seriously and only blames the other party.

Zhou Muzi, a psychological counselor in Taiwan Province, mentioned such a common phenomenon in his book Emotional Blackmail:

A couple of parents haven't seen their daughter for a long time, and received a phone call from her daughter saying that she finally had a holiday, but her plan was to travel abroad with friends.

as one pleases, my father, said angrily,

"Have you ever heard of' parents are here, so you don't travel far', and you want to go out to play whenever you have a holiday, without considering your parents' feelings at all? How can I raise an unfilial daughter like you?"

Then, my daughter went home for a few days in a huff, and my father thought, "You didn't come back until I put it this way."

The situation suddenly fell into a "lose-lose" state.

If at first my father had a sense of not criticizing easily, but said,

"I'm glad to hear that you are going to have a holiday, and my parents haven't seen you for a long time. Would you like to arrange to come back and see us for a day or two?"

the result is quite different.

parents should not criticize things easily, and so should children.

Due to the different growing years, there is a generation gap between children and their parents.

When I see some "old-fashioned" practices of my parents, I can't help but vomit and criticize them, which will not only make my parents feel disrespectful, but also make them start to doubt their own values, thus alienating each other.

In fact, there are many small things that may be inappropriate and disgraceful in the eyes of children, but they are always enjoyed by parents.

If you don't blame things, be more tolerant and understanding, don't care, and don't dispute right and wrong, you can make things easy.

In the Book of Rites, it is said that "nurturing a dutiful son" is the first thing, that is, "having fun", which makes them feel happy and is the greatest filial piety.

Only by not blaming things easily can we create a family atmosphere full of love.

this is the mutual support and understanding between family members, and it is also the source of family warmth.

Be reasonable and forgive others, and be straightforward and say to

Lao Tzu, "No one is to blame for the trip to the Avenue".

Lao Tzu emphasized that it is easy not to blame others when in a disadvantage, and that it is kindness that goes deep into the bones not to blame and not to be aggressive when in an advantage.

you still have to have this tolerance when dealing with outsiders, let alone close family members.

As the book Letters from Fu Lei teaches future generations, you should not be arrogant when you are right, but forgive others when you are right.

Sometimes right or wrong is not the most important thing. When you get along with your family, it is important to be kind, and what is important is the fetters and feelings between you.

When communicating with friends, it is important to meet by chance and appreciate each other's friendship;

in dealing with people, it is important to work together to promote work and grow together.

"The cruelest thing in the world is to seize the fault of the other party and criticize it without giving others tolerance and opportunity."

Don't criticize easily when things happen, it is tolerance for each relationship, and it is to allow others to make mistakes, not to blame and not to be harsh. After all, who can be blameless?

There is a European proverb: "If you cry often, you can't see the stars."

If you often blame others, you will see all the shortcomings and mistakes of others, and you will not see the shining place on the other person. Slowly, your own tolerance and pattern will also shrink.

it's love, tolerance, dedication and respect that you don't blame easily when you are in trouble.

If there are people around you who don't blame you easily even if you make a mistake, you should cherish it and know enough is enough.

Because no matter what the relationship is, no matter how close it is, it is impossible for one party to give in indefinitely. Feelings are a matter for two people.

As the saying goes:

"The so-called good relationship comes from one person's tolerance and accommodation, and another person's moderation."

because you are very important, I don't blame you easily.

Similarly, because you are very important, I cherish this tolerance of "not blaming easily". Please forward it and share it to promote Chinese traditional culture!