Homophonic xiehouyu
Just stripped naked
A hunter hunted and saw two birds in the tree. He shot down one with his gun and found that it was hairless. The hunter was wondering, and another bird flew down and cursed the hunter: "You fucking bird! I just stripped her naked, and you shot her down! "
Pigs are strange
One day, classmate A said to classmate B, "You look like a pig, so I will call you a pig in the future. One day, classmate B shouted to classmate A," I'm not a pig! ".
1+1=?
One day, Xiaoming's teacher asked him, "What is 1+1?"? "Xiaoming said: I don't know. So the teacher told him to go home and ask his parents.
Xiaoming came home and asked his mother, who was putting on makeup. He said:" Oh, what a beautiful day! "Xiaoming went to ask his father, who was reading a newspaper, and said," President Bush said. "Then Xiaoming went to ask his brother, who was watching a football match, and said," Nice shot! "Finally, Xiaoming went to ask his sister again. His sister was calling her friend and said," Oh, Lili, I don't have time today! Next time! "
The next day, the teacher asked the nickname," What is 1+1? "The nickname said," Oh, it's beautiful today! "The teacher said," Who told you that? "The nickname added," Bush of the United States said it. "The teacher angrily kicked the nickname. The nickname added," Nice shot! "The teacher said," Come to my office after school this afternoon! "The nickname said," Lily, I don't have time today! Next time! "
Warm fart on the bus
Xiaoqian is a beautiful and moving woman, but her digestive system is not very good, so she often farts. On this day, Xiaoqian farted again on the bus ... Xiaoliang, a classmate standing next to her, immediately said, "I'm sorry, I farted just now", which immediately won Xiaoqian's grateful attention.
However, after a while, Xiaoqian got another one ... Another classmate, Xiao Jiang, went on to say, "I put that one just now. I'm really sorry!" Xiaoqian also gave Jiang a grateful look.
However, she couldn't help letting out a loud, smelly fart ... At this moment, another classmate, Xiao Chen, hurriedly said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the fart put by this young lady in the future is on me."
A love letter from a cat to a mouse
Dear Squeak: I have been in crazy in love since I put my big feet on your elegant back that day. Your beautiful mung bean eyes, your petite beautiful image and the charm of looking back and smiling after you broke away from my claws haunt my heart all the time.
dear squeak, I really love you.
As the saying goes, some people are fucking lonely, and cats are fucking lonely. However, my master doesn't understand my love for you. He actually dismissed me for dereliction of duty. Do you know how I felt when I left my host's house? I'm a cat's head every three steps! But I have no regrets.
because I love you, I gave up my job with good food and meat, and became a street bum. Do you understand my pains?
squeak. Originally, I wanted to send you 9999 roses, but I had to steal a human magazine full of flowers for you because I was out of money. Because my identity is not suitable for your parents to see for the time being, I have secretly put it next to your boudoir, so you can pick it up at your convenience. I miss you day after day.
squeak, my heart misses you, and my stomach misses you, too. I look forward to meeting you. Kissyou, if you refuse my kiss, slap me with your little hand, at least it will let me see the stars of love shining hopefully when it is dark in front of me.
Bad consequences for students
When we were in high school, some teachers were very bad to students. A group of students have been oppressed for a long time, so they discuss how to punish the teacher. On this day, the teacher was lecturing in class. A boy sitting in the back row showed pain and groaned gently with his hand over his stomach. The teacher didn't take a reason and continued to preach. In the middle, the teacher just turned to write notes on the blackboard. Suddenly, the boy was "concave ... wow ...!" (Vomiting sound) A boy at the same table poured a bottle of eight-treasure porridge on the boy's desk at a very fast speed. When the teacher turned around, he saw that the desk was covered with yellow and white things. At this time, another boy took out a small spoon, scooped up the things on the desk one by one, and said while chewing, "Hey, this guy ate peanuts at noon." When the teacher saw this, he said, "Wow ... Ouch ...", and then he vomited wildly.
== Laying eggs ==
A bus was parked at the bus terminal. The seats on the bus are full.
At this moment, a woman sitting in the middle door seat of the car got up and bought a ticket from the front door conductor. At the same time, a female comrade came up from the middle door and sat down when she saw a free seat. The woman who went to buy a ticket came back and found that her seat was occupied by someone else. She immediately raised her eyebrows and shouted, "It's quite fast to lay eggs and occupy the nest."
At first, the female comrade sitting was stunned. Suddenly, she saw the ticket in her hand. Suddenly, she seemed to understand something. As she stood up to sit down, she apologized: "I'm sorry for keeping you from laying eggs."
, two-part allegorical saying:
A Dou's mountain-giving away A Dou-style characters for nothing-unable to
A Er blowing sheng-making up the numbers
A Er is a doctor-no one dares to invite
A Er to string around the street-playing around
A Ge. Don't miss a drop
if you get whipped, don't get hit by a stick—eat soft and don't eat hard
if a beaten dog bites a chicken, take it out on others
if you get beaten by a turtle, you will shrink your neck
if you get stabbed by a knife, you will run around
if you get slapped, you will make amends—if you are obsequious
if you get hit by a stick, you will be angry < p! Frosty dog's tail grass-withered
eating sea pepper (pepper) next to the stove-having a fever inside and outside
going to a high room on a short ladder-it's hard to talk about (eaves)
Short people wear high heels-the height is limited
Short people fight wolves-they just can't shout
Short people fly kites-it's getting higher and higher. Rising
Shorty fart-humble
Shorty sightseeing-echo the voice
Shorty crossing the river-peace of mind
Shorty watching a play-listening to the sound
Shorty pulling a general from inside-making do with the materials; Take the short and take the long
The short man climbs the stairs-eager (eager)
The short man climbs the hill-step by step; Climb the mountain step by step
A short woman-a short man rides a big horse with low knowledge
A short man is in a dilemma; It's a dilemma
The dwarf wants to ascend to heaven-he doesn't know how little he is; Delusion; Wishful thinking
Short people sit on high stools-they can't reach them; Up and down out of reach; It's a dilemma
Being a hero in a lawsuit-being poor and quarrelsome
The wooden fish in an tang-being beaten by anyone
eating the fruit on the tree-is out of reach; Think of good things; Nice try
Watching people drown on the shore-from ruin
Fishing for the moon on the shore-is a waste of effort; It's no use
buying shoes according to other people's feet-copying them mechanically
beggars who press colored balls-being silly with joy
taking medicine according to the prescription-following
pecking at rice according to the head of a chicken-drinking water according to the head of a cow-it's impossible; I can't help it.
Press the gourd and get the ladle-I don't care about throwing it at one end; One after another
the top door of the chopping board-the rolling pin on the chopping board
the bachelor
the meat on the chopping board-is at the mercy of others; Slaughter the fish on the chopping board with others
goods with knives
stalking in secret-sneaking around
playing boxing in secret-playing blindly for a while
piercing needles in the dark room-being sad
making a trip over the fence in secret-making my son bad
burning my heart (burning my heart). -an old bachelor
wears a string of 8 coppers-it's out of tune (hanging)
pepper is sprinkled on the eight-treasure rice-and an old account of eight generations is added blindly-I can't tell
eight-inch feet wear seven-inch shoes-awkward
small hanging jars with eight buckets-can't hold one stone
eight. There is no face
eight crooked necks sitting at a table-no one is looking at anyone
the format of stereotyped writing-the same
sleeping in the gossip furnace-riding in the steaming gossip array-there is no way out; It's hard to find a way out
Eight-level engineering skills-keep improving
Eight-level masters learn skills-until they are old, they learn that
octagonal falls into a cesspit-fragrant and smelly; Smell and smell are inseparable
A turtle weighing eight and a half catties swallowed a heavy weight-a cruel bastard
An old turtle weighing eight and a half catties swallowed a heavy weight-a cruel bastard
A top scholar of eight and a half catties-the rules (turtle lift) are not small
Eighty people carry the sedan chair-so imposing
Eighty. People can't
8-year-old people blow lights-they can't breathe; Out of breath
an 8-year-old man practices pipa-a cliche (playing)
an 8-year-old man learns boxing-the more he practices, the stronger he becomes
an 8-year-old man learns his craft-an 8-year-old man's old account
no successor
an 8-year-old man shaves-an 8-year-old man refuses to accept the burden. Giving birth to a son at the age of ten-dancing at the age of 8, which is backward from generation to generation-playing with monkeys at the age of 8-the old trick-learning to play the flute at the age of 8-is all the same old tune; The old tune
Learn to wrestle at the age of 8-fight for one's life
An actor at the age of 8 plays the role of a child-rejuvenation
Standing at the counter at the age of 8-being good at shooting rabbits during the Eighth Five-Year Plan-not worth the loss
The Eight Immortals cross the sea-showing their magical powers
The Eight Immortals party-chatting with God
Eight Immortals. Please
bitter gourd in August-lotus root in August-fresh and tender
pomegranate in August-full of ideas
persimmon in August-the older you get, the redder you get; Old Lai Hong
Sweet-scented osmanthus blossoms in August-fragrant everywhere
Cucumber shed in August-empty shelf
Eating New Year's dinner on August 15th-still early
Eating Yuanxiao on August 15th-different
Eating Zongzi on August 15th-not the right time
Eating moon cakes on August 15th-everyone is happy; Everyone loves it; There is
the moon on August 15th up and down-it is the same every year; Fair and square
August 15th passed Duanyang-it was too late; Late
watching the dragon lantern on August 15th-half a year late
having a baby on August 15th-just in time
sending moon cakes on August 15th-catching up with the festival
Yun Zheyue on August 15th-disappointing
steaming rice cakes on August 15th-early (jujube)
15 kinds of peanuts in August-blind. Far from it; Far from it
it's hard to get a sore on the palm-it's hard to wear shoes on the palm of your hand
; I can't get out of the way
Spread pancakes on my hands-skillful hands; Good hand
skinned toad-annoying to live and scary to die
stripped temple-panicked
plantain inserted in the ancient tree-careless
plantain blossomed-one heart; Close together
banana leaves build a bird's nest-the good times don't last long
Bala's eyes are sore-it's so bad
pulling weeds to attract snakes-asking for trouble; Ask for trouble to eat
sea pepper with onions-one crop is hotter than the other
sorghum with jointing is getting higher and higher; Rising
plucking the wave drum-two lights
plucking the alarm clock-specially for reminding people
plucking the radish-planting the onion in the hole
plucking the radish-getting hotter every time
plucking the phoenix-not as good as a chicken
plucking the pigeon-can't fly
. If you can't get rid of
' s foot, go to the battlefield immediately-there is death but no life
' s son pulling radish-pulling
' s son on stilts-sooner or later, there will be his good-looking son
' s son encircling-sitting and shouting; Sit on the ground and shout
I can't catch up with you
I'm on the stage-my position is unstable
I wipe my nose on my face-I'm looking for embarrassment
I pour fertilizer on weeds-in vain; It's no use
putting your face in the pants-hiding people
pushing people under the wall-cornered
playing with dolls as monkeys-fooling people
thinking of demons as bodhisattvas-not distinguishing good from evil
Old Huang Zhong on the shooting range-farewell my concubine
; Helpless
An old woman with a white neck-opening her mouth is a curse
dung beetles with a white neck-has its own characteristics; Different
White cloth enters the dyeing vat-it can't be washed clearly; It's not clean
white cloth is made into a cotton-padded jacket-anyway, it's all made of Chinese cabbage
it's not delicious; Is it delicious?
Playing with a sickle in the cabbage field-distracting
Stewed tofu with cabbage-no one touches anyone's light
Sauteed green onions with cabbage leaves-pro (green) plus pro (green)
Bai Gujing plays the bride-demon in the demon
Bai Gujing falls-trick
Bai Gujing beauty- Not being kind
Bai Gujing's speech-spreading rumors to confuse people
Bai Gujing met the Monkey King-showing his true colors
White crane standing in the flock of chickens-highlighting
White tiger entering the door-disaster is imminent; Disaster is imminent
Painting in plain water-light (clear) understatement
Fraxinus mandshurica sticks with sweet-scented osmanthus-roots are not straight
Fraxinus mandshurica sticks are turned over-hearts made of Fraxinus mandshurica are singled out-there is no sun to hide
treacherous officials with white faces appear-evil faces; Bad looks
White-faced wolves wear straw hats-they can't change people
White-faced wolves wear glasses-they pretend to be good people; Pretending to be a good person
A fox with a white tail tip-an old fox
A white cat drilling a pit-discrediting himself
A crow with white hair-different
The White Snake fights the French sea-listless
The White Snake is full of water and mountains-making a big fight
The White Snake meets Xu Xian-a thousand miles of marriage. Sick in my heart
daydreaming-thinking
uncovering milk skin in a white water pot-can't do it; I can't do it
Gypsum in white water-you can't make tofu
Boiled cabbage in white water-bland and tasteless
Cooking in white water-cooking without rice
lady white snake doesn't give up Xu Xian-love is inseparable
White sugar is wrapped in arsenic-and it's poisoned.