Is it wrong for a man to find a partner and value the woman's family?
There is a piece of news about Zhihu that caused a heated discussion.
The shopkeeper said: I am young and beautiful, with a good figure and a white collar, but my family is very poor and my family is very poor. Having made several boyfriends, they all dislike being poor at home; Do men value the woman's family so much when they get married?
It is also a problem that touches the reality. Just recently, I saw someone say that women rarely watch good Japanese and Korean dramas before marriage, and the story of the prince and princess basically does not exist in reality; You should watch more American TV dramas that show the truth about reality and passionate life.
So is it wrong for men to pay attention to the woman's family when looking for a partner?
First of all, whether it is right or not, at least a woman's marriage depends on a man's economic base, and a man's marriage depends on the other's family background, which is a reality that every unmarried man and woman must face.
It just seems that the woman is used to asking the man to have a house and a car, and the man seems to rarely criticize the woman's poor family; In fact, no one is a fool, and men are more realistic when choosing marriage partners.
Family is an important measure because it will have a great influence on future marriage.
02
Marriage is a process of carrying a heavy load, and everyone wants to go into battle lightly.
It is said that a good marriage must talk about money. 90% of the troubles in the world can be solved with money, and the remaining 10% cannot be solved with money, but it can be alleviated with money.
People's happiness first comes from the satisfaction of food and clothing, and only then can they have basic spiritual happiness. Therefore, an unhappy marriage may have many reasons, but a happy marriage, at least, I don't think I will worry about money.
Therefore, the best state of marriage between men and women is strong alliance, and two families help each other for the newly formed small family; The worst state is that there is no poorest, only poorer; Two poor families merged into one and became a poorer family.
Life is already hard. Everyone has their own burden on their shoulders, and they all hope to reduce the burden by optimizing the combination. Who wants to bear a burden that doesn't belong to them because of marriage?
You can help each other share a little because of love, that is love, responsibility and care; But if it is too heavy, you may really have to weigh the pros and cons; After all, life is long, and long-term responsibility requires great courage.
Women want many houses not for enjoyment, but because they don't want to rent a house after having children and live a life without a fixed place; No matter how small the home is, it is also a place where you can live with peace of mind for a long time. Without any accident, you sleep on the street.
A man's family is not necessarily power. But I don't want people to be busy at work in middle age, and I have to spend money to take care of my sister-in-law who hasn't graduated from her family, and my parents who are sick at work and have no medical insurance.
When it comes to asking for money, adults have no dignity.
03
The poverty of the family has caused the difference in cognitive level.
I once said that the more educated men and women are, the more they value each other's education when looking for a partner.
Because of the different educational background, everyone has a different world outlook, outlook on life and values, which will affect this person's living conditions and future planning, and it will easily become a potential conflict point in future marriage.
These factors are not only the level of education, but also the state of family background. Some people can't jump out of the restriction of family background all their lives.
From a certain point of view, sometimes the floor of rich children may be the ceiling of poor children. Their outlook on life is often quite different.
There are many men who grew up in the city, and they don't want to choose women who struggle in the countryside when they get married. A big reason is that their knowledge and pattern are different.
Many women who have struggled through family poverty often have no higher expectations for life and feel that their achievements are good now. If they get married and have children, they will jump out of the countryside, even if their lives are complete.
It is difficult to understand her husband's prospects and expectations for work after marriage, and it is difficult to support her husband's pioneering career; Even the cost of education and living is prone to conflict.
Those with a good family are more willing to spend money on high-quality things such as spiritual cultivation, spiritual improvement and self-study; Poor families are more willing to save money, save it and spend it.
You don't approve of her frugality, and she doesn't understand your elegant taste. Husband and wife always fail to reach a consensus, and eventually there is less and less common language, which is more likely to drift away and endanger the stability of marriage.
04
Therefore, there is nothing wrong with seeing your family before marriage. It is to avoid problems in marriage in the future. Later, I thought marriage was a process of fighting monsters in teams. You don't necessarily have the best teammates, so you will be able to go through customs smoothly, because you may not be able to cooperate together.
It is best to find a similar level, and make a simple model if the conditions are not enough; The difficult model is left to the elite to challenge; Or break through the limitations of self and become an elite.