Complete works of Wei Zi's funny sketches
The teacher said angrily, "Why just call it good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "
So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!" "
The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"
The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "
The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "
The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "
The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. Say the antonym loudly when I say anything. Start now. "
Teacher: "The weather is fine today."
Student: "The weather is terrible today."
Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."
Student: "There are clouds everywhere."
Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."
Student: "There is no one on the road."
Teacher: "Young."
Student: "Old."
Teacher: "Stand."
Student: "Lie down"
Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."
Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."
Teacher: "I found a dollar."
Student: "I lost a dollar."
Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."
Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."
Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "
Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "
Teacher: "Wrong."
Student: "Correct."
Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "
Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "
Teacher: "I was wrong."
Student: "We are right."
Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "
Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "
Teacher: "You are so stupid."
Student: "We are very smart."
Teacher: "Stop!"
Student: "Go on!"
Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "
Student: "Go on now! Say it! "
Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "
Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "
Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "
Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "
Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "
Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "
Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "
Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "
Teacher: "Are you endless?"
Student: "We finish what we started!" "
Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "
Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "
..... The teacher walked out of the classroom with a handout. There is also location: in front of a girl's dormitory.
Characters: Aunt, boy, brother, girl, little sister.
Opening: (a table on the stage)
Opening (aunt carrying her hand)
Aunt: Boys have four ideas: one is to live a long life, the other is to be omnipotent, the third is to guess prizes, and the fourth is to date in the girls' dormitory. (A meal) Hey, hey! Since the boys burned the war on us, it has made us fidgety. (hand in hand to the sky) wise leadership, twelve gold medals urged me to personally monitor the array. Alas, Lian Po is getting old. If it weren't for the grim situation, how could I give up the green mountains and green waters? (Go to the table and sit down) {5 m (d,
(Just then, my brother came up to her quietly ...)
Aunt: Hey, hey, hey, stop! Can't you see I'm giving a speech? How rude! m0pP
Brothers; (Stopping and angrily facing the audience) Hey! Who says this building is highly myopic? ! (Turning around at once and showing a lovely smile) Ah! It turned out to be an aunt! Aunt, how have you been recently? x 3T
Aunt: Come on!
Brother: (walks up to him, grinning) Aunt, don't be angry! Look at this. (Crane dries its wings) I stand out from the crowd! Aunt, do you think you are handsome?
Aunt: (get up, bend over and look around him. Handsome? Oh! You are very creative. It is your courage to live. Ugliness is not your intention, but God has a little temper. You have to live bravely. Without you, who can foil the beauty of the world?
Brother: (smiling gracefully) Aunt, this is all your fault! I am ugly, but I am gentle!
Aunt: (angrily) Gentle? Look, look ... don't blame me for being outspoken. The five senses develop freely and there is no team spirit. (Paused, loudly) Looking at Dong Fangbubai from a distance, looking at the second generation of the fallen god from a distance. I'm not flattering, cucumber or cricket!
Brother: (still restrained) Hehe, if animals can talk to people, it must be talking about animals!
Aunt: Hum! Listen up, girls' dormitory, men stop. Dare to break in, a fine of 50. a-^ qqq w
Brother: Wow! 50! Other dorms are only 45! (gruff) Hum! Are you afraid that I will sue you for arbitrary charges?
Aunt: Fear of death is not the building manager!
Brother: (loudly) Well, that's what you said, so don't blame me. . . . . .
Aunt: How about-
Brother: (suddenly humbly) Aunt, I'm sorry! Aunt, I'm unreasonable, but I'm not sensible. (Suddenly pulls out a red envelope from his pocket) I am a man who knows the rules. Nothing, no respect.
Aunt: (suddenly bright eyes smile) Wow! The person who knows me-(suddenly regaining seriousness) is not you! (Paused and angrily) Who do you think I am? Is my personality so worthless?
Brother: Wow! How do you know there's no money in it-
Aunt: Son of a bitch, I tell you, I never take bribes less than 5000.
May: That is to say, those larger than 5,000-
Aunt: More than 5,000 yuan-nobody gave it to me! So, I am still innocent, and I can't defile my innocence because of you!
May: Aunt, I really admire you. Now think about it, how much do cadres above the building management level know about innocence? I am so touched that you can stick to your dedication and selflessness in your ordinary post. I'm simply touched-sweating! /
Aunt: Hum!
Brother: (drum sad) aunt, actually ... I'm not a bad teenager, I have to do it today! The thing is-I have a sister who is like a sister to me. Now she is seriously ill in bed, and no one cares about her. She just called me in tears, saying that her back is sore and her legs are cramping, and she is eager to miss her. I just want to go up and care!
Aunt: (impatiently returning to her seat) What about the people in their dormitory?
May: Some people have gone on dates. You know, falling in love is a very fashionable sport. Others go online, because it is said that truth is naked, and many people love to look for truth online.
Aunt: Poor thing, but I still can't let you go up. I am very principled. m
Brothers; Aunt (sincerely), you must let me go up. She is my only friend! Yan Fang went with Guo Rong. Annan was too busy. Bin Laden has his own career. Gates often calls me, but he always borrows money from me. Dam is studying in America. If something happens to her, what's the point of me living?
Auntie; No way!
Brother: (sobbing) Aunt, why are you so unkind? I thought you were. . . . . .
Aunt: Alas! People who know me worry about me, and people who don't know me say what I want. . . . . . Brother: world without thieves.
Aunt: And tell such a beautiful lie. If there were no thieves in the world, my "blue BMW" should be able to spend my old age safely now.
Brother: Me too. Thieves are everywhere, and everyone knows them. . . . . .
Aunt: Let me ask you: What is the most expensive in 2 1 century?
Brother: (thinking) Go to the girls' dormitory! Fifty at a time!
Aunt: (angrily) You still make fun of me. I was just trying to scare you. I know the law. I also know that students' money is hard to come by. I came from a poor family. I know that students should rely on patient education to make mistakes. How can I really give you money? Is your conscience okay? I ... . . . .
Brother: (takes out towel to wipe tears ...) Auntie! (Learn from Fan Wei) Fate! Touched, so touched! Gu Long said that you can have many friends, but one confidant is enough. Get this confidant in this life and die without regret! I must buy you two drinks today. Wait, I'll be right down ... (ready to rush upstairs) T6 (y) 5 $ =
Aunt: Stop! Have you finished your performance? Who is your bosom friend? (Pushing him out of the door) m0r 2 _ o]
Brother: (to the audience) She watched it again. You all saw it. It's not that I'm unreasonable, but ... Alas! In that case, I'll have to use a killer, okay?
(suddenly serious) Hey, Auntie, talking too much is all nonsense. Tell you what, let's make a deal. Don't give up, okay? S+QW-？ l & ltE
Aunt: Hum! What are your benefits?
Brother: (arrogantly) Hum! Aren't you the building manager now? Ah-as long as you let me go up, I promise you will be the building manager in three months. How's it going?
Aunt: (thoughtfully) Who is your father? ...
May: I tell you responsibly-it's a secret.
Aunt: (indignantly) Sad (like Zhao Benshan)! I really feel sorry for you. In order to enter this girl's dormitory, you first bribe me with money, then make up stories to cheat my feelings, and then seduce me with power. ..............................................................................................................................., if every young person is like you, is there any hope for our country? There is still hope for our country.
Brother: (I changed my anger, thought for a long time, and felt guilty! ! ) Auntie ... I'm sorry! They say that college students will encounter a lot of trouble in the future if they don't learn to bribe. Without hypocrisy, you can't find friends; If you don't understand the trading of power and money, you are out of touch with the times ... I didn't know they were wrong until I saw you, and they misunderstood the times! You know, justice is the mainstream of the times! ! !
Aunt: Alas! Well, I believe you are not bad at heart. You are just influenced by a small trend of climate, and I believe you can correct it. I don't want to disappoint you today. Tell me which room your sister is in, and I'll call her down. ......
Brother: (gratefully) Thank you, Aunt! 520.
Aunt: Wow! In the end, you didn't leave me alone, and you let me move this old bones to the fifth floor. ...
(Auntie steps down, little sister takes the stage)
Little sister: Gently, I'm coming. ...
Brother: (to the audience, suddenly excited) Wow! My little sister is missing! (Turning to my little sister, smiling and scurrying past with open arms) You are a frequent visitor in my dream, and you are the protagonist in my life. Without you, my world will stop breathing. Without you, my life will be meaningless. Ah! -RMB!
Little sister: (stares at him severely) Hum! I thought I was thinking about you! Well, how have you been studying recently? 5l & lt？ , uw dollars
May: (Gao) Of course, you didn't say that as long as I don't study hard, my face will be colored, my head will vibrate, my ears will be chorded, my whole body will be straight, and I will become second-hand if I am not careful.
Little sister: (excitedly) You remember! Alas ... I haven't seen you for several days. How tall have you grown? I: King GZ.
May: (Laughter) For the record, I have no intention of catching up with China's economic growth rate. {J Dy+\ I0
Little sister: (suddenly shy) Brother, thank you for coming to see me regardless of difficulties and risks. \ NG{？ N2R#
Brother: (suddenly smiles) Of course, little sister, today is eighty-one, five customs and six wars. Finally, the Buddha was moved by my simplicity, honesty, simplicity and kindness, and finally promised me to meet you. My sincerity to you can be seen! t； I-<; I
Little sister: Really? I'm so touched. But the Buddha told me the opposite! = BD|H_$
Brother: (smirking)-Oh, little sister, today I'll tell you something very important ... ……< xQ6. K0 h
Little sister: Oh? Is it really important? y？ )` G & gt？ b
May: Of course, I won't tell ordinary people ... e) Je9Ka.
. I just fell in love with women's art before, but now I'm interested in the art of love. *07y3eg
Little sister: (gaping) There are plenty of fish in the sea, so why look for it now! ! } z”-n { 7^
Brother: No, sister, I'm Jinfeng and you're Yulu. When the products and Yulu met, they won the hearts of countless people! I am the wind, you are the sand, and we travel around the world together ... ……q @ P"VXiQ.
Little sister: (angrily) I think you are crazy, I am a fool ... 1sx x y
Brother: (shocked) Little sister, your expression is so disappointing to me ... (sadly) My emotions are like surging water, so persistent and surging. You used to be the sun in my heart, so brilliant. What happened? Oh! Falling flowers are intentional, running water is ruthless! ! ..... (turns to the audience) Why? Why do I always get hurt ... b+iiv (%
Sad music begins ...! 3w osAl
Little sister: (sadly) brother! I'm sorry, actually … I never told you that I was an orphan since I was a child, and I had no good food, clothes and places to play … when other children were eating an ice cream, I was thinking, when can I eat an ice cream? When other children carry schoolbags and go to school one after another, brother, do you know? I also want to be like them, holding a book, even if I read only elementary school and junior high school, I will be satisfied. Later, with the help of kind uncles and aunts, I finally entered the school, the classroom of my dreams, and after I entered the school, I forgot to eat and sleep. I dare not waste any chance. I finally received the admission notice from the dream university, but. I can't afford the huge tuition. At this time, it was kind university teachers and classmates who helped me. Once again, I would like to express my deep gratitude to those kind university teachers and classmates. (Bow) I made a drop of water, although it is very small, but when the sunshine of love shines on it, I want to show all my love to others! I am determined to study hard and give love to others in the future, just like those who give love to me! ! Brother, can you understand me? EG*Q[ 4 H
Brother: (heavily) Little sister, why didn't you tell me earlier? ! You are right, it is true that college students are innocent in love, but we should also proceed from reality! ! ! For a great ideal, for a lofty belief, for a warm life, you can turn your back on it. what can I say? Ok, I understand you, I support you, and I want to learn from you. You know, you are a role model for our college students! ! ! May: That means you should be dead, but you are still alive ... ZFR-KNL.
Little sister: Brother, let's work together! ? 5j8w/。 ? ~
May: OK, let's work hard together! ! ! (Little sister and big brother clap their hands and the music stops) %doCv. \l7j
(Auntie is out again) h ogp | 6/
Aunt: Hey! What? It's lunch break OP & ltD3 & ltC
(Brother and sister are ashamed) 0