People with truly high emotional intelligence know how to say goodbye to "suicidal socializing"
Article | Philosophy King Source |? Philosophy Life Network (ID: zxrsnet)
I once saw a saying: You don’t need to tell people everything, because if you tell them everything, you will have no friends. There is no need to be harsh on those who are responsible; if you are harsh on those who are close, others will be far away. Language reflects a person's emotional intelligence and determines the height of life. Those who can talk often win as soon as they open their mouths. And those with high emotional intelligence will not fare too badly. Cultivating high emotional intelligence is a sure-profit investment, and your life will be much smoother.
There was a question on Zhihu: "What truths did you understand only after you became an adult?"
A highly praised answer: "Direction is more important than hard work, and EQ is more important than IQ. More important. ”
The older you get, the more you understand: your IQ determines the lower limit, but your emotional intelligence can increase the upper limit.
The degree to which you make people comfortable with your words determines the height you can reach.
What kind of person you say is who you are
There must be such a person in your life. He (she) is the "chat terminator" among your friends. A miraculous ability that makes people stand in silence as soon as they speak, and "chat to death" as soon as they open their mouths.
They often like to satirize and belittle others to satisfy and fill their own inner balance.
“Consider harsh words as humor, speak without restraint as frankness, regard lack of education as casualness, regard low emotional intelligence as straightforwardness, regard indifference as uprightness, and base happiness on the pain of others. "
When the volcano in your heart is about to explode, he will always add, "I am a straightforward person, so that's what I say, don't mind."
Recently, A new term has become popular on the Internet, called "suicidal socializing".
It perfectly explains the performance of low emotional intelligence. Some people spend their whole life demonstrating: How to speak to become an annoying person.
I remember that in a variety show not long ago, Xiao S caused everyone's dissatisfaction because of one sentence.
In the kitchen, Lin Yanjun said: "This steak is undercooked."
Xiao S immediately said in a slightly mocking tone: "Why does the steak have to be fully cooked? "Where are you from?"
Lin Yanjun could only smile: But I still hope to eat it more cooked. The scene became awkward for a while.
Such small moments can be found everywhere in life. Many people think that eating well-done steak is a "shameful" behavior, and they will despise people who order well-done steak to show their superiority. feel.
But in fact, the small details of getting along with others are often the easiest to reveal a person's cultivation and emotional intelligence.
A few days ago, a reader shared his story.
He has a buddy who he has known for many years, but he has never been able to find a suitable marriage partner. He has been on blind dates countless times, but each time they ended up unhappy.
As time went by, many of my friends also drifted apart. Everyone knew the reason, but he seemed to always stay out of it and still spoke openly.
I often say that I have a true temperament. As a man, I say whatever I want and never hide it.
At a wedding, the newlyweds toasted to him, but he said: The days of being single are over, and there will be no freedom in the future...? The groom had to smile awkwardly, and the bride Clearly displeased.
?An old friend gave birth to a baby boy and invited relatives and friends to a full-moon ceremony. During the dinner, he drank and said: Do you have to make a big deal out of giving birth to a daughter now? Seeing that everyone was silent, he said it was just a joke, why was the atmosphere so bad.
You can always see him in the comments on WeChat Moments, mocking other people’s photos for being too photoshopped. Everyone in the WeChat group was chatting happily, but when he spoke, there was an instant silence.
Some people bluntly said that such people deserve to be lonely.
Your mouth is your Feng Shui. Being able to talk makes people feel like spring breeze, and they never tire of being together for a long time. If you don't know how to speak, it's hard to make real friends and you'll be rejected by others.
As Cai Kangyong said: "What kind of words you say is what kind of person you are.
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People who can talk win as soon as they speak
There is a well-known formula: human success = 1IQ (intelligence quotient) 99EQ (emotional quotient)
IQ It determines whether you are hired, and emotional intelligence determines the room for improvement.
When talking about representatives of high emotional intelligence in the entertainment industry, the first thing that comes to mind is the actor Huang Bo.
A reporter once said. Interview with him: Can you replace Ge You? The question is tricky and difficult to deal with.
Huang Bo said unhurriedly:
"This era will not stop you from shining. It cannot cover anyone's brilliance. Because they were the pioneers, and at that time when Chinese movies were like that, they were the filmmakers who created the era. We are just some juniors who continue to move forward, and we dare not make mistakes on this. ”
There is both humility and drive in his words, and his witty and clever answers have won praises from netizens.
Some people say that Huang Bo may be the first He is not an actor who becomes a male idol because of his "good looks", but his emotional intelligence is more convincing than his superb acting skills.
A truly eloquent person always remains unchanged in the face of changes and does not reveal himself. He is sharp, but tries his best to be considerate in everything, and treats everything in the world with humility.
During the 2016 Golden Eagle Festival award ceremony, there was a saying on the Internet: There is a kind of emotional intelligence called Hu Ge's acceptance speech.
At that Golden Eagle Festival, Hu Ge won the Most Popular Actor Award. Before receiving the award, Hu Ge walked up to Teacher Li Xuejian, shook hands, bowed, and said in his ear: Well deserved.
The 3-minute acceptance speech not only expressed respect for the old artist, thanked the friends who have accompanied him along the way, but also expressed that he was very ashamed, showing a pattern of neither being humble nor arrogant, nor arrogant nor impetuous.
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His sincerity touched everyone present, and even Ariel Ariel in the audience was moved to tears. Stars such as Liu Ruoying also forwarded this speech one after another, which can be regarded as a model.
"This trophy today. Holding it in my hand, it does not mean that I have reached a high level, but that I have just started on the road. ”
?What does a good actor look like? In addition to superb acting skills, it should also be the experience of personality. Hu Ge has done it.
He is as gentle as jade, warms the heart, a humble gentleman, and humble. To self-pastorize.
"Speech is seven points, not full, the tone is half a degree lower than the average person, the tone is moderate, and everyone is an inch shorter, the height is comfortable. ” is not only a way of life, but also a person’s height.
Making people comfortable is the top level of personality charm.
Being a person with high emotional intelligence starts with speaking
Huang Zhizhong once said in "Qi Pa Shuo": Nine times out of ten, the troubles in life are caused by interpersonal relationships; and nine times out of ten, troubles in interpersonal relationships are caused by communication problems.
Language is the second business card of adults. High emotional intelligence is a reflection of a person’s personality.
During her speech in the starry sky, Zhao Liying said: “Everyone says that I have low emotional intelligence and no ability. Speaking, it doesn’t matter, then I will do more and speak less, and let my works speak for myself. ”
When a person becomes excellent, he starts by changing the details. People who can talk win the world, and people who can’t talk lose to themselves.
People with truly high emotional intelligence all Know how to say goodbye to "suicidal socializing", thereby gaining praise from friends and creating more opportunities in life.
No one is born with low emotional intelligence, it depends on how you change it, and no one is born with poor social skills, it depends on how you do it. There are many times in life that, to put it another way, it means changing a way of living. How about starting from now:
Replace "no time" with "urgent"; replace "casual" with "listen to you";
Replace "ok" with "It's pretty good"; replace "I can't" with "I can learn".
Replace "no" with "try hard"; replace "do you understand" with "did I understand".
People with low EQ like to be reasonable, while people with high EQ care about the feelings of others because they have the ability to empathize, understand the suffering of others, and understand the difficulties of others.
When talking to people, if you don’t know whether you can say this sentence, then don’t say it. People who can really talk know how to be silent at the right time.
To laugh at oneself is the highest state of life, rather than to laugh at others. Speak in a measured manner to leave room for yourself.
A truly mature person does not expose others’ shortcomings or talk about personal matters. If you don’t understand the truth, you won’t express your opinion easily. Only when you know people without judging them, and see through things without telling them, can you become a master.
Unknowingly, this sentence has already become my life motto: do things when you are awake, read when you are confused, sleep when you are angry, and think when you are alone.
It is difficult to be considerate of everything in life. I hope you can develop high emotional intelligence and have good "feng shui".
Talk to you.