Boys get married without condoms (those couples who get married because of unexpected pregnancy)
Sweet, winner in life, or passive and helpless?
We interviewed several friends who decided to get married because of unexpected pregnancy. Similar experiences of marriage and pregnancy have also left different marks in their lives.
"It's hard to be judged by moral shackles."
Pepe /27 years old
On March 8th, my last year as a graduate student, I gave a half-day holiday to the female employees of the internship company, and then went home for a pregnancy test. Looking at the two bars displayed on the pregnancy test stick, I cried so badly that I felt finished. I had an accident at the beginning of my life, and I felt so hate for my boyfriend.
At that time, we didn't have a real sex life (if X is an authentic sex life), only marginal. That month's menstruation was postponed, and I remembered that my boyfriend shot at the Y intersection not long ago, so I checked online and found that there was a possibility of pregnancy.
At that time, we had been in love for six years, and my parents knew and were satisfied with him and his family. We just need to get married. But I am a child in the countryside, and my family and myself are very traditional. I think it is a shame to get pregnant before marriage. Looking at the pregnancy test stick, I made up a lot of stories about being pregnant before marriage and humiliating my family, which was particularly sad.
I called my boyfriend in tears, and he comforted me and went home with a pregnancy test. I tested it again and the result was still the same. I couldn't help crying all the time, but he sat in front of the computer watching irrelevant videos, and then he didn't eat dinner, leaving me at home and going out alone. Later, he said that watching videos is to cover up his confusion, and going out is also for a person to think about what to do.
The next day we went to the hospital to draw blood to confirm our pregnancy. I told him repeatedly in those two days that I definitely didn't want this child. He said, I was born when I was pregnant. We just repeated this conversation. I said no, and he said yes.
Later, I thought, let's get a marriage certificate first, and then whether I want children or not, I'm married, so that others won't say anything about me. I don't know why I was so concerned about other people's opinions. Anyway, it's sad to be judged by moral shackles
That month, we told our parents and got a marriage certificate, but only after we got it did we say that I had a baby. My father knew that I was pregnant when I was still at school, so he ignored me. My boyfriend's parents are very happy and let me have the baby. I said I wouldn't give birth, and they all advised me. Later, under the persuasion of my sister, I figured it out and decided to have this child.
But my dad's reaction made me sad. I hide in bed and cry every night, and I can wake up in my dreams. So after three months, one day I really couldn't stand it, so I called my mother. I said, it's time for you to stand behind me and be my strong backing, but dad put pressure on me.
My mother cried and called me. After helping me mediate, my father called me and untied my heart. Next, I prepared my graduation defense and my marriage. Successfully completed the defense in May, and held a wedding in June with a five-month-old belly.
I wouldn't want to get married so early if it weren't for a doll. In terms of education, ability and dedication, he is not an excellent candidate in my heart. I also want to wait until my job is stable and my economy is solid before I get married. I wish I could get married and have children around 30. Unexpectedly, people are not as good as days.
He has changed a lot since he had children. He used to work hard, but now he works hard and takes care of the children whenever he has time. I have a smooth job and a decent income. My salary is about four or five times that of him. Although he doesn't earn much, he is willing to send me flowers, which is good for me.
Unexpected pregnancy is painful and unforgettable for me. It probably influenced me the most because I accepted it later and thought it was the best arrangement. It may be a turning point in my life and even the whole life, which makes me better and better. I may be the so-called "winner in life".
But I'm still sorry. I'm sorry that I talked about a long-term love, and I didn't feel a few more feelings. I regret that I got married in a hurry and didn't get a proposal. I regret that I didn't take good care of my body during pregnancy, which led to my baby's premature birth, only 4 kg and 82 liang.
In particular, I hope that my experience can bring a sense of * * * to girls who feel the same way, and I hope that they can all find solutions that suit them. In this world, there is no hurdle to cross.
"Regret being so negative about such an important thing in life."
A Bin, 29 years old
Four years in college, we lived together for nearly three years. In the last year, our feelings became weaker and weaker. Near graduation, we had a quarrel over trifles, and she broke up. We also decided to work in different cities, so we moved away separately.
As a result, as soon as I settled down in the new city, she sent a message that she was pregnant. I was completely confused and confirmed with her again and again. We always wear condoms, so I didn't believe it at first. I looked it up online and thought it might be because of some foreplay behavior, because there were sperm in prostate fluid.
I didn't know what to do at that time. Getting her to have an abortion is absolutely indescribable. The idea of having a baby is also terrible. I've never thought about what it's like to be a father, let alone be so abrupt.
My parents came to see me, heard me talking to her on the phone and learned about it. Before I took her home, they didn't like her very much, so they were in a bad mood, but they advised me to get back together with her and put me in charge of it.
Later, she was brought to me, and we got a marriage certificate, so she raised a baby at home, and I raised it. It was awkward and boring at first, but I didn't expect to get back together in this way. Besides, I just talked about children and marriage. Because of the customs of our two hometown, we can't have a wedding before pregnancy, which saves us some trouble.
Later, the child was born prematurely, and everyone turned around the child after birth. She is often unhappy and never cares about her children, so my parents often quarrel with her now. I didn't know much at first. I didn't know it was postpartum depression until two years ago. I'm very sorry, and I don't know how to make it up.
Our relationship now is just going our separate ways. There is no good or bad relationship between us. The child is six years old, which is the bond that keeps our relationship together. My parents never get along well with her. No one wanted this marriage at first, and now it doesn't quarrel often, which is a blessing in disguise.
Regret having children so early, getting married so early, and being so passive in such an important thing in life. If not, I won't have to bear the financial pressure and family responsibilities from graduation to now, and I can try a completely different lifestyle. So is she. We wouldn't be trapped in such a chaotic marriage as we are now.
"He thought he was infertile, so I gave up on myself and got pregnant."
Yunzi, 24 years old
My husband is a fool, and he was not sensible when he was young. He didn't know that wearing condoms was a responsible performance, and it happened that he and the previous two failed to win the bid, so he thought he was infertile. And I just walked out of my last relationship and gave up on myself, so I didn't ask for a condom. I have been in love with him for more than a month, and I found myself pregnant.
In the face of pregnancy, we were happy at first. After all, we have watched it for a long time and have a good relationship. But then I was afraid that my parents would disagree. I want to get married, but I don't have the courage to steal the household registration book at home, so I choose to tell my parents.
My parents really don't agree with me to give birth to the baby, saying that I was too hasty. They haven't met their parents or even told their families that they are in love. I don't want a child to be born without the blessing of my parents, so I have to compromise. My husband hugged me and cried several times. When I hung up the water before the abortion, he asked me if I could talk to my family again.
At that time, I went to Putian Department Hospital, and spent three or four thousand people to make a stream of people and a Lipu knife, all of which failed to flow clean. Then I went to a tertiary hospital to scrape the uterus. The doctor seems to hate iron and not produce. I'm afraid I can't get pregnant again. Tell me I'll shave it lightly. I experienced the Qing palace without anesthesia, and the pain was terrible.
My husband recognized me after this incident. After the baby miscarried, my parents were willing to contact my husband and found that he was really honest and reliable, and then we got married.
But because of my bumpy abortion experience, I couldn't get pregnant for a long time. I think it is my parents' fault, but I don't want to blame them. The whole person is extremely anxious and depressed. My mother also feels sorry for me, but she doesn't regret letting me have an abortion before, because the risk of abortion is far less than marrying the wrong person.
Later, I chose IVF technology and experienced the ovulation needle that IVF mothers have to go through. It took a lot of needles to get through it. It's inconvenient to ask for leave from work, so ask my colleagues to call me. The injection by non-medical professionals was really scary, and ascites was very painful because of ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, but I survived little by little.
After I got pregnant with IVF, it didn't seem that getting pregnant before marriage had much effect on me, but I got a tattoo on my body to commemorate my unborn baby. I am lucky because my husband is very kind. Although it is irresponsible for him not to wear a condom, he is still very responsible for me and my family.
While feeling lucky, I was also afraid, because I didn't know my husband very well at that time, so I decided to get married. After knowing many men who have different words and deeds before and after marriage, I think what my parents said is very reasonable. Time is the best way to test people's hearts.
I am good at fortune telling, but I really can't afford to gamble in life. Girls suffer much more than boys. I don't want other girls to gamble like me, but I still need to think more. Don't go to Putian Department if you have an abortion. The most important thing is that I hope my young sisters can enjoy love and sex and take care of themselves.
Contraception is better than facing an accident.
From this interview, I learned that in the face of "unexpected pregnancy", some people were surprised and some people collapsed; When they choose to get married under the thrust of pregnancy, they may later think that this is the best arrangement. They may be afraid, or they may feel that life is tied too early and deeply regret it.
If two people are not psychologically prepared to get married and get pregnant, or are unwilling to accept the reality, just to escape the pressure brought by "getting pregnant before marriage" and "getting married and having children", then they may continue to live under other pressures in the future.
Accidents are not necessarily beautiful. If you don't want to take risks, then contraception may be part of our control of the unknown life.