Homophone jokes about Chinese characters

A collection of jokes with homophones for Chinese characters

When you listen to other people telling jokes, you feel they are not very funny and feel cold, but when you watch them yourself, you laugh so much that you Have you ever had such an experience? The following is a collection of homophone jokes for Chinese characters, I hope it will make you laugh non-stop.

Homophone jokes of Chinese characters 1

1. On New Year’s Day, our family went to the History Museum to visit the “Ice Toilet”…

Teacher Comment: Is there such a thing? I want to go too! (Terracotta Warriors and Horses)

2. After getting up in the morning and sorting out the "remains", we gathered at the school and took a bus to Kenting for the graduation trip

Teacher comment: I don't know which funeral home your home is from? The teacher never knew... (Appearance)

3. My left eyelid kept twitching last night, and I thought it was a "bra". Sure enough, my wallet was taken away today

Teacher Comment: Child, are you that old already? (bad omen)

4. The newspaper said that oysters contaminated with heavy metals can "cure" cancer...

Teacher comment: Just one word difference, and oyster farmers will turn around! Should I start raising oysters soon? You will make a lot of money... (causing cancer)

5. My history teacher has long hair, short, bad temper, and a little "breast"...

Teacher comment: The history teacher asked me to tell you, "Wait for the history class, please tighten your skin a little bit." (fierce)

6. I think I am a good student with good character, academics and "worry"...

Teacher comment: You should be worried - you failed. (Excellent) Homophone jokes of Chinese characters 2

1. Once, Xiao Ming scolded a neighbor's adult. After his father found out about it, he asked him to apologize to the neighbor. Xiao Ming said: "I know!" In the dead of night, Xiao Ming put on the masked man's clothes and went to his neighbor's house to steal (apologise). His father found out about this. Dad said sternly: "If you return the things, you are stealing (apologizing)." Xiao Ming heard this and said: If you return the things, you are stealing (apologizing), then I am not sick!

2. Tongtong asked his mother: "Why do you call Mr. Jiang 'ancestor'?" Mom said: "Because 'ancestor' is a name for the dead."

Tongtong said: "Should the deceased grandmothers be called 'Fresh Milk'?"

3. Last night my classmates and I went to a fast food restaurant for dinner. We ordered two hamburgers and "chicken" "A lump of dung"...

Teacher comment: Is it delicious? Chicken poop? (One serving of chicken nuggets)

4. When I was preparing to go shopping on Sunday, I accidentally pinched my "anus" in a hurry. What a bad luck

Teacher comment: The teacher is very curious—— Who has such a big anus...? (Steel door)

5. After visiting the flower market, I spent money to buy "Mean Man" and planned to take it home for the New Year.

Teacher’s comment: Pronounce it correctly, “glaiolan” will make you cry... Homophone jokes of Chinese characters 3

Eat a pound

The teacher asked Xiao Ming to use "Eat a pound" in a sentence.

Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road and saw a pile of cow dung. I was shocked (eating a pound).

The teacher praised: "Massive, massive..."

Only one channel

The dormitory boss got a new girlfriend, and she gave him a new model Walkman. The boss said to himself while reading the manual and fiddling with it: "It's good at everything, but it only has one sound channel!". The third child was watching Wu Xia on the upper bunk and asked casually: "Isn't one enough?" The boss said: "I want to have one more audio channel that can be connected to the computer."

One-time sex costs 4,600 yuan

At the beginning of the new semester, several classmates from my dormitory and I went to the department to have sex. tuition fee. A notice was posted on the door of the department office: This year, a unified fee will be implemented, with a one-time payment of 4,600 yuan, and no additional accommodation fee will be charged.

How much does it cost to sleep (dumplings)?

One day I went to a restaurant to eat dumplings with a foreign friend, and the pretty waitress came to inquire.

Friends always miss any opportunity to practice Chinese, rushing to say "How much does it cost to sleep (dumplings)"?

The lady was embarrassed and very angry. I quickly explained that he was asking how much the dumplings cost.

When the dumplings were served, I asked him if he wanted mustard?

He invited a young lady again. Is there any "program"?

The lady said cheerfully, "Yes, what kind of program do you want to order?"

"It's the yellow one..."

Can you tell me what the "Yue (Yue) Classic" is about?

I took "Ancient Chinese Literature" as an elective. In the first class, the teacher talked about Confucianism, main figures and representative works. These include the "Four Books" and the "Five Classics". When class was still a few minutes away, the teacher allowed the students to ask questions freely. A girl in the front row stood up and asked: "I saw that the "Yue (Yue) Classic" was mentioned in some books. Can you tell me what the "Yue (Yue) Classic" is about?" The classroom burst into laughter.

Today is a happy day for two classmates

When I joined the Youth League at school, there was only one other girl and me. When our Youth League secretary presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation: "Today is a happy day for two classmates..." The other classmates burst into laughter.

How much does it cost to sleep (dumplings) per night (bowl)

Lao Dong is from Henan and came to the south to have breakfast. As soon as I entered the door, I asked: "Miss, how much does it cost to sleep (dumplings) per night (bowl)?"

The waiter was very unhappy and said: "No, only steamed buns."

The old Dong said: "Oh, you can touch the steamed buns."

The waiter was extremely angry and scolded: "Rogue!"

The old Dong was extremely surprised: "Six cents ? It’s so cheap!”

If you have the ability, just ask me. I want to see how long you are.

Once, two girls came to our dormitory to play with tractors. The girls were in a group, and Lao Wu and I were in a group. Girls are always bad at playing, but they are very lucky. After they won a few games, they started to look happy. Finally, it was Lao Wu's turn to be the banker. They showed hearts and took the lead, but I turned them into diamonds. At this time, Lao Wu slapped the table and said excitedly: "I've finally grown a hair! Let's drag them both naked first, and then we can do it slowly!". At this time, a girl said tirelessly: "If you have the ability, just ask for it! I want to see how tall you are!" Homophone jokes of Chinese characters 4

Li Dazhuang is afraid of his wife

Hebei Li Dazhuang, a famous scholar in China, was very afraid of his wife. If he didn't obey his wife's orders, she would make him sit upright, twist his hair into the shape of a needlework plaque, put a lamp bowl inside, and light the lamp. Li Dazhuang's body didn't dare to move or breathe, like a piece of dead wood or a clay doll. Friends who saw him being punished joked to him: You are just a light stand filling a gap in the house.

One day, his wife suddenly fell ill and had to use crows as medicine. At that time, the snow had not yet melted, so it was difficult to catch crows with a net. Li Dazhuang failed to get the crow, and his wife was furious and wanted to beat him with a stick. Da Zhuang was afraid, so he walked on the sand to the outskirts, lured the crows with food, and only caught one.

His friend joked to him: The saint regards the arrival of the phoenix as auspiciousness. You caught a crow and escaped a beating from your wife. It seems that the crow is a black phoenix. .

Feng Shui

A man was about to die and asked his son to nail four large copper rings on the side of the coffin. When his son asked him why, he said: In the future, you must listen to the Feng Shui master and move me around, so that it is easier to move.

The dog doesn’t recognize it

There were two people sitting together. One of them farted without saying a word, so he pretended to be fine and only covered it with his sleeves. nose.

There happened to be a dog nearby, so the man assumed that it was the dog that farted. It happened that the dog yawned at this time, and the man said to the man: Look, it still refuses to recognize it!

Painting Plum Blossoms

There was a plum blossom painting without inscription. Someone saw it and praised the painting very well. Someone asked him: Do you know who painted it? He said: Zhang Chang.

Sending a plaque

A man boasted that he would win the lottery, saying: I dreamed at night that the drum band was playing and sending a plaque to my house. One of his friends said: I also dreamed of sending a plaque to your home. There were four words on the plaque.

Laughing people pass the news

A new official took office, and a village chief asked for a hundred dogs to be handed over to the new official. He bought ninety-nine dogs, but one was missing. When he couldn't buy any more, he sawed off the horns of a sheep, mixed it with the dogs and handed it over to the officials.

Sheep are ruminants and constantly chew food in their mouths. When the new official saw the sheep's mouth moving, he asked: Why does this dog's mouth keep moving? The chief replied: This dog is chewing maggots.

Laughing Fool

Once upon a time there was a thief who often had money to buy things. A fool envied him and once asked him: How are you so good at stealing? The thief replied: There is a reason why I am good at stealing: whenever I go to steal other people's property, I put a branch where crows and magpies have nested in my hand, so that others cannot see me. When a fool sees a thief say this, he believes it to be true.

One day, he went to the crow and magpie's nest, took a branch and held it in his hand. Then he went to steal property from a house and was caught and beaten. When he was being beaten, the fool also said: You can't actually see me when I knock you down. Homophone jokes of Chinese characters 5

1. A crab accidentally bumped into a loach when he went out for a walk.

The loach was very angry: "Are you blind?"

Crab Very aggrieved: "No, I am a crab!"

2. In the driving school theory class today, the teacher said: "Those who cause serious traffic accidents and escape will be banned from driving (or marrying) for life."

A girl behind raised her hand and said: "Then I will never be able to get married in my life?"

3. My girlfriend’s name is Zhu Jing. I brought my girlfriend back to the countryside for the first time. In my hometown, when I walked in, I said: Mom, Zhu Jing is here.

After hearing this, my mother said: If the pig comes in, just drive it out!

4. When the grandfather was critically ill, he called his young and ignorant grandson to the bedside and exhorted him with his last breath: "My child, in this world...it is better to be an official!" The little grandson He was an obedient child who kept his grandfather's last words in mind. Many years later, he finally became the best coffin maker in the village.

5. A woman came to a man’s house to play. The woman teased the man and said: If you have a piece of land, I will marry you. At this time, the doorbell rang, and the courier boy said: Sir, you can deliver the goods!

6. In Chinese class, Xiao Ming was not listening carefully when the teacher was giving a text analysis. Suddenly the teacher asked: "Xiao Ming, please answer, what do paragraphs 1 and 2 of the article explain?" Xiao Ming was stunned and said: "The sharp break in the article means that he and Ma Yili broke up?"

7. Niu Niu and Da Zhuang were playing downstairs, and Niu Niu suggested: "Let's play pretending to be a star!" "Okay, okay!" " Think of me as Deng Ziqi!" "Okay!" Da Zhuang looked excited and pushed Niu Niu to the ground and rode on her. Niu Niu was startled and howled loudly: "Wang Dazhuang, your father, who the hell told you to ride me like a stool!"

8. The bus I was driving arrived that day At the station, passengers filed off the train. The moment I was about to close the car door, a lady shouted outside the car door; "I'm going to die in your car!"

I was so nervous that I immediately closed the car door and stepped on the accelerator, thinking; "Urban There are so many weird people and weird things here. ''

Unexpectedly, the lady actually called a taxi and chased my bus, and finally stopped it.

The car door opened, and the lady yelled again; "Why don't you stop? I'm going to die in your car!"

I asked her in fear; "Miss, what do you have?" Can't think of it? ''

He angrily walked to a seat, then picked up a bunch of keys and said to me, "I want [the keys] to be in your car!" 6 Homophone jokes of Chinese characters

The teacher spoke to the students before school: The Education Committee will come to the school for inspection tomorrow, and you must wear school uniforms tomorrow. Remember, you must write a note if something happens.

Xiao Ming doesn’t study hard at ordinary times, so he always writes this in big white letters. One day, he really couldn't go to school because of something, so he wrote a note and asked his classmates to send it to the teacher. When the teacher saw it, he was horrified, but the full text of the note was as follows: "Hello, teacher! I will go to my dad's work in the morning to see him off, and I will wear mourning clothes to go to school in the afternoon." Why go to school? Such a big thing happened to his family. The teacher quickly brought several class cadres to his house to show concern. My condolences. When I went to his house, nothing happened, but later I found out that it was all the fault of Tiao Ruo.

A foreigner with a strong dialect got lost in the city and saw a man. The gentle lady came over and asked, "Comrade Rabbit, give me a kiss..." Before she could finish her words, the lady's face turned red with anger.

There was a pair of farmer brothers and sisters. Using a cart to pull wheat to the market to sell, a southerner came to the brothers and sisters and asked: "Brother, how do you sell your little sister (wheat)?" "The eldest brother was so angry that veins popped out on his forehead. ;