Share the lessons learned every day.
The outlook on life has changed, and it will never be saved. Although I've been working, I'm stuck as soon as I get paid. A hundred families cry and fish, and the big fish makes me endless.
At present, I don't eat for two night shifts at work. If I am hungry, I will drink from the bottled water in the factory. I can't stand it tonight. Everyone knows that they and their relatives and friends can't borrow money, and they don't leave themselves a way back. . I have lost my dignity, my credit, my self-confidence, my former youth and too much in my life. . The boy who worked hard, was filial to his parents, was proud in others' eyes, and sweated in the sun, had disappeared when he came into contact with Blog 7 years ago.
I know that everything will never go back. Recently, I found myself a little mentally abnormal. I often looked at one place in a daze and my mind was blank. Sometimes I laugh a few times, and sometimes I cry inexplicably. . Now I'd rather sit in the dark until dawn than sleep in silence.
I haven't smoked these days. Last night, I went to the stadium to pick up cigarette butts. I met an old woman picking up bottles. It was about 1 am, and it was very painful to watch. It's pathetic. Don't block it any more. Stop it. What should I do when my parents are old? Don't bet on my dog son not to block it for his family. . Do you want your parents to do the same?
I have no money to buy medicine when I have a cold these days, and I still have to go to work. I can't borrow a penny.
when you look into the abyss, the abyss looks into you. The abyss is like a black bottomless well, which has no end.
Didn't I regret these seven or eight years? Yes! I regret it. I have been awake at night countless times, riding a battery car in the street in the early morning, and my eyes are red! I don't know how many times in the rainy night, tears mixed with rain cried, looking for a corner in the busy street and staring at people coming and going without blinking!
October 12, 221
It was still bright at 5:45 when I got off work yesterday. It was dark and drizzling at the same time after work today. At present, I am sitting in the shopping mall, waiting for the owner of the Internet cafe to go home at 9 o'clock before going to sleep in the Internet cafe. I will wake up at 4: 3 tomorrow to go to work, alas! It's cold, it's late autumn, and I miss my family when I'm hurt and helpless. . It has caused them too much harm, so don't let them worry about it any more. October 12, 221: 2: 33
... Update October 14, 221
I don't know where to go after work, I'm not afraid of being hungry, I'm afraid of delaying my work. Maybe I haven't slept in bed during this time, so I can't sleep well. My eyes are getting higher and higher, and the places where I look at three or four meters with glasses are blurred. Every day now is a torment for me. I am addicted to memories and refuse to come out. I am in primary school, junior high school, senior high school and university. Recalling the good things of the past every day. Some people know that I often wash my hair twice a day from the third grade of elementary school to junior high school, and at least once a day in high school, just for concave modeling, and now I haven't washed my hair for a week. I bought soap to wash my hair last time. Yes! Buy soap and wash your hair. Because you can also wash your face!
update October 15th, 221, and talk about some previous experiences. Gambling is terrible, which will make people's energy worse and their appearance will change. To tell the truth, I have experienced death. How do I feel when I die? I can recall my whole life in just a few seconds. I once cried at an Internet cafe in Hangzhou. At that time, I didn't go out to the Internet cafe for a week. When I was tired, I went to sleep directly. When I woke up, I continued to play. In December 216, I lost all my money on the last day. Suddenly I felt queasy, wanted to vomit, and had a cold sweat on my forehead. So I wanted to stand up and go to the toilet. Just after I left the chair, my eyes suddenly turned black and I fell to the ground. Before I fell down, I stood up and said, Holy shit! Network management! Then I don't know. I know I'm going to die, with tears in my eyes. In my death, I have experienced my whole life. All important memories and important people are recalled. In my death, I only have deep regret and worry. I'm not worried about myself. I'm worried about my parents Recall all the kindness my parents showed me. . Then slowly, I didn't feel anything. . When I woke up, the webmaster helped me up. I asked how long I had been in a coma, and he said it was less than 2 minutes. So I was helped to sit in a chair, I said I was fine, and then the webmaster left. I was lying on the chair, and I had no strength at all. It was very cold, but I was covered in sweat and my clothes were wet. My head is cold, too I recall those memories of death, how long it is, at least 2 years have passed in death. . I'm leaving Hangzhou. I miss my parents. I'm going to work hard to make them stop working and worrying about me. . One morning in 216, December 2th, around 9: in the morning. I can't remember the exact time.
Well, that was the first time I knew that death was actually terrible and not terrible. What was terrible was that you left with regret and worry. A terrible death is that you have a clear conscience in this life.
it's one o'clock in the morning, and it's getting colder and colder these days. Because of the power cut, the factory is not so busy. Alas
some time ago, I often went for a walk at the stadium in the early hours of the morning, and I often met an old lady. I once saw her picking up garbage. It was about 2 am. I was as poor as now, and I was very sad at that time. I thought it would be nice if I could buy something and let her pick it up at the stadium. I didn't know it was so cold these days. . . . Alas, if I disappear, will no one really care about my life these days?
There are three Internet cafes near here, and the difference between Internet cafes 1 and 2 is 4 kilometers, and that between Internet cafes 3 and 3 is 2 kilometers. I am afraid that I will stay in an Internet cafe for a long time. Being kicked out without surfing the Internet
The blow of life made me suffer. Gambling didn't make me lose my motivation and didn't kill my efforts. I wandered because I was green on the 26th.
since 26th, my faith has collapsed and I can't get out of the shadows. A 1-year relationship has destroyed all my trust in this world. I don't trust anyone anymore. I broke the door and walked in the street in the early morning. I didn't feel cold when the wind was strong, and I kept crying and my mind kept echoing. It's not true. It's not true. It's just my dream. I hope she wakes up soon. Because I can't take it anymore.
The reality is cruel, which makes me less attached to the world. It has been nine days now. From the first day to the third day, I have no appetite, and I don't feel hungry. I ate some in the back, but I lost my appetite, had no money on me, and didn't want to work. I was still at work on the 26th. . I don't know how to get out of the shadows. I won't go to this company again, because people in the company have friends who know each other. . When I see something familiar, I can think of being betrayed, and my heart is so painful that I can't breathe! I just want to leave this place when the company has a holiday, God! I am desperate for this world!
The traffic jam had already made me suffer, but it didn't crush me. Now the last line of defense of my mind has finally collapsed. Maybe I will become a mental derangement. Maybe I can get out of this pain and start over. Maybe I really disappeared, and no one really cares!
at this moment, sitting in the Lanting in the park and watching the rain keep falling, I wish I had never been to this world. How I wish this was just a dream! Please let me forget my memory.
I dare not say that I didn't eat, that I have nowhere to go, and that I dare not ask for money. I'm afraid that public opinion reminds me of all kinds of things during this period. I'm afraid that my mood will collapse again and I'll be jealous again in this rainy Lanting. Although no one knows. And no one saw it!
My mobile phone is dying, and I don't care what the comments say. After all this, do you think your unfriendly public opinion can make me stir? I don't know the reason for posting, maybe it's asking for help, or maybe I just want a warmth. This world makes me black and blue! ! I just want my painful memory to be covered! If it weren't for my parents, I just want the pain to disappear, and the world is not worth it. I shed tears when I think of my parents. Gambling didn't break my confidence in success. It's the hearts of people I care about that break me! !
It's almost 2 am, and I'm still walking in the street. I'm going to another Internet cafe to charge! There is a little light rain in the sky. I didn't read the post before, but now I see a lot of replies, some of which scold me. But after these things, I found that scolding me is so vulnerable to me compared with the suffering of blocking blog and emotional betrayal! Because blocking blog makes me suffer, and the betrayal of feelings makes me unable to suffocate! ! Some said, don't block up, brother, cheer up! Everything will pass, and it will make me jealous! Some say to be strong for your parents and live for them in the future! Let me cry instantly! Yes! Now in this world, besides my parents, who else can really turn their backs on me! ! I am also willing to go through fire and water for my parents and my closest relatives! Even if I lose my life, I will not hesitate. . This life was my mother's.
during this time, I went back and forth to three Internet cafes to rest, and I have never seen what a bed looks like! It should be nothing! Although I have no money now! I have also been kicked out of the internet cafe without turning on my phone! But I still have tens of thousands of accounts in the company. Someone she knows in the company will be sad to see me, so she won't go to this company again! Just wait for the company to check out for the holiday and leave this place. Some people say that it is good to post, and some people say that it is bad. I will be grateful if I believe that the world is not so desperate and help me. I will also be grateful to you when I have the ability! I know this time won't be long! I accept that I am not good. No one is perfect. Only after experiencing all kinds of hardships can I achieve a better self. Perhaps this is just my own experience, or maybe I don't want to wake up! I will also remember that there was an unforgettable time. In this node, I was deeply hurt and suffered, and I still met people who hurt me. But I will also meet someone who warms me! During this time, I know that the mountain will fall, the water will flow, and you will never fall on your own. No one can make you fall, only you don't want to stand up!