A mother’s character determines her child’s life. Early care will lead to early benefits.

As the saying goes: It takes ten months to conceive and one day you give birth. From the moment the mother is pregnant, the child already has a close connection with the mother.

Although many children in today's families are taken care of by the older generation, the children themselves often have a closer relationship with their parents, especially their mothers.

From the day a child is born, whether the mother realizes it or not, we are acting as qualified or unqualified teachers for our children. Because children in early childhood have extremely strong imitation abilities, we are role models for our children anytime and anywhere, and our words and deeds play a subtle role in our children. Children have an innate sense of dependence on their mothers. They are willing to listen to their mother's teachings and imitate their mother's words and deeds. Often, what kind of soil parents provide for their children will determine what kind of person their children will grow into.

As a mother who was born in the new era and lives in a competitive society, she must understand this truth: when the child is young, the mother’s personality, language and behavior will inevitably affect the child’s growth, personality shaping and The cultivation of abilities has a certain impact and will determine the child's viability and competitiveness when entering society in the future.

So mothers, if you cannot restrain yourself and control your behavior, you will not be a competent mother for your children. It will be too late to regret it when your children grow up. !

Moms with these types of personalities must pay attention. Are you there?

? Too strong

Many families have a very strong mother. This kind of person has a very high concept of right and wrong, and lives a very serious life. She sets the rules for her lover and children. He has broken many rules and regulations, holds high the banner that there is no rule, and controls his lover and children tightly.

We all know that the harmony of a family requires the joint efforts and participation of family members, and an overly dominant mother usually occupies a dominant position in the family and often brings certain negative effects to the family.

Once an overly strong mother makes a decision, it will be difficult for others to change it. She will not give her children and husband a chance to refute, and refuses all exchanges and communication.

Over time, the father will lose his right to speak, thus affecting the family atmosphere and the relationship between husband and wife.

For children, having a mother who plans everything for you and must implement it according to her requirements will inevitably cause invisible pressure on the child and affect the child's growth and character development. become.

Psychological consultation found:

The harm of overly strong mothers to girls’ growth:

Girls are prone to quarrels with their husbands when they grow up, and the probability of divorce increases greatly. The reason is that a girl’s subconscious mind is learning her mother’s character.

The reason why girls are highly antagonized by their mothers when they grow up is also the result of learning their mother’s character.

In the process of choosing a mate, girls are more likely to find a husband who is a loser to satisfy their need for control and bullying.

This type of girl is more likely to focus on the shortcomings of others and habitually blame others, resulting in poor interpersonal relationships.

The harm of overly dominant mothers to boys:

The probability of boys becoming bisexual or homosexual is greatly increased. The reason is that the mother’s over-controlling behavior subconsciously causes boys to have a negative attitude toward the opposite sex. A sense of fear.

When boys grow up, they lack the ability to develop and are overly cautious in doing things, making it difficult to succeed in their careers.

It is easy to focus on the shortcomings of others and habitually blame others, resulting in poor interpersonal relationships.

In the popular TV series "Everything Is Fine", Su Mingyu's mother is a typical overly strong mother.

This powerful woman is both a tyrant in the family and a victim of marriage. She is a victim of patriarchal preference. She also passes on the pain she has experienced to the next generation and treats her daughter coldly and harshly.?

< p> For the sake of her eldest and second sons, Su's mother sold the house where Mingyu lived without the consent of her younger sister Su Mingyu, forcing her to live in a room with her parents.

What’s more, in order to save living expenses, Su’s mother insisted on letting Mingyu, who had excellent grades, go to a free normal school and gave up her dream of Tsinghua University. Even though Mingyu discussed it with her mother, she was repeatedly dismissed Negative rejection.

Su's mother's overpowering not only made Su's father weak and incompetent, but her education methods also created three children with different personalities, affecting the children's psychology and personality development in adulthood.

The eldest son, Mingzhe, only reads the books of sages and has no sense of family at all. He is very indifferent to his parents and younger siblings, as if the matter has nothing to do with him.

Because the second son has always been pampered and loved, he learned to enjoy it and became a "stretched family";

The younger daughter became indifferent because she was not accompanied by mother's love and father's love. , lack of family affection...

Facts have proved that when a mother is too strong, her children will have no independent opinions, dare not express their own ideas, and become timid and weak.

Robin said: The more deeply the previous generation interferes with the next generation, the lower the likelihood of their children’s happiness.

If a mother is too strong, her children will lack autonomy and self-discipline, and may even cause their children to be rebellious, which will have an indelible impact on their character development.

Mothers should learn to calm down and have a good talk with their children, listen to their own ideas, communicate well, and give their children enough space to develop freely.

?Too impatient

Quick-tempered, quick-talking, and quick to do things quickly. People get angry when they see ink stains and are easily impulsive. This is a common problem among many mothers.

Maybe before we have children, we think of ourselves as elegant and slow-moving women. But after we have children, we can carry things on our shoulders and carry them with our hands, and our work efficiency improves rapidly, but we are still being treated as slowly as a snail every day. The children challenge their own bottom line:

Every mother’s impatience is forced out like this! But have you ever noticed that sometimes, the more you push, the slower it becomes?

Under the mother's urging, impatience, and substitution, although the child is not happy on the surface, he will actually become more and more dependent on the mother's care in terms of survival ability and life skills. Although the mother keeps complaining, But I also enjoy the sense of accomplishment of "the old hen protecting the chicks under her wings" and protecting her from wind and rain.

As a result, dependence and enjoyment are relied on, and this kind of tacit understanding and balance between mother and child is born.

However, neither the mother nor the child realizes what is being sacrificed in such a relationship. It is the child’s autonomy, self-determination ability, life ability, and self-awareness.

These losses have resulted in children’s obedience, obedience, and dependence. Because everything has become natural.

I have seen such a story:

A child saw a cup filled with water, so he stepped on the bench to reach the cup, but he didn’t expect that his hand slipped and the cup suddenly fell. It fell to the ground and shattered.

The mother of the child ran out quickly after hearing the sound and said:

What did you do? What are you doing to get the cup? Just know

Play, look at the broken glass on the floor, look at it..."

Before the child could react from the fact that he broke the cup, he was shouted at by his mother. The scolding made him cry out of fear.

Obviously, the child was panicked when faced with his own mistakes, and coupled with the mother’s indiscriminate scolding, the child would only be frightened and cry, but had no chance. Explain the reasons for your mistakes.

When educating children, a mother who is too impatient will cause the children to be influenced by the mother's emotions and lose the opportunity to express themselves. This is not only detrimental to the growth and development of the child, but also affects the parent-child relationship. Becoming estranged

Think about it from another perspective, if the mother can immediately ask the child why he took the cup, he will be more patient:

Baby , do you want to drink water? You can call mom;

You are still young, so you can’t touch these dangerous things. Mom will be very distressed if you are injured, so don’t go get it next time;

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Then when the child makes a mistake, he will have the courage to admit it and listen to what you have to say more patiently.

As the saying goes: The mother's emotions are the feng shui of a home. Your child's future.

You never know what impact your impatience and overwhelming accountability will have on the people around you, especially your children.

So when a child makes a mistake, don’t be impatient, don’t blame the child by complaining, try to hold back for a few seconds before talking to the child, and let the child clearly realize that his behavior is wrong. of.

Reason is often better remembered by children than impulse, so mothers remember not to be too impatient. Children need to be taught slowly.

? Irritable

Qiqi became increasingly taciturn and withdrawn, which caused her grades to plummet. Qiqi's mother told me: "Recently, my child suddenly stopped talking, became very strange, and his grades have dropped."

"How is your attitude towards your child recently?"

"My husband and I are very busy at work. We have to work overtime at home after get off work. The child is always calling for me to play with him. I am emotionally unstable and yell at my child."

The teacher said: get out of class was over, and the students were actively playing games. She was watching silently on her chair. Some students came over to invite her, but Qiqi did not participate. She seemed to have become well-behaved and sensible. The mother's yelling finally made the child become well-behaved, but is this kind of well-behaved really well-behaved?

Children who grew up with yelling may appear to be well-behaved, but in fact they are not interested in anything when they grow up. Is it because they don’t want to try? No, it’s because they are afraid, they are afraid of being rejected, so they would rather give up or not participate than take the risk of being rejected. In fact, they want to be recognized more than anyone else.

The writer once said:

"The so-called parents and children just mean that the fate between you and him is a practice that gradually grows apart, practiced and cherished"

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Children's acquiescence does not mean that they agree with their parents' actions. Mothers must learn to let go and give their children appropriate space to deal with their own affairs, and not empty their children's thoughts in the name of love.

Japan's Shinagawa Takako said:

"The relationship between children and parents is the key to the transformation of children's lives. It is also the basis for them to enter society in the future and basically treat people and things. They care about you. Children, don’t forget to value the relationship between you and your child. ”

If the parent-child relationship is harmonious, the child will have the courage to experience fear and anxiety, and the child can gain a kind of growth strength and a kind of spiritual support from the parents. , able to release and construct oneself and exert one's creativity. Parents educate their children through guidance in an environment of freedom, harmony and mutual respect.

The mother's character determines the child's life. Only a happy family can cultivate happy children. If you want your children to grow up healthily and get closer to their mothers, mothers should pay attention.

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