Ask for super funny messages, funny classics, and good ones will definitely get extra points! !
2. The farmer wanted to kill the rooster but couldn't catch it, so he grabbed the hen and said to the rooster, Don't come down, let you be a bachelor! Rooster: You fucking think I'm stupid. If I fall, she will become a widow. . .
There is a parrot hanging in front of the hotel. When the guest arrived, he said, hello, welcome! A regular customer thought, I'll go in quickly and see how you react. One day he ran in and the parrot said, fuck you! You scared me! ! !
In a military exercise, a shell deviated far away. The soldiers sent to inspect found that the shells landed in the farmland, and Tian Zhongzheng stood with you. Your clothes are torn, and your face is dark and full of tears. You said: Is it worthwhile to steal a cabbage and fry it?
5. The restaurant fly said to the toilet fly: You chase the fishy smell all day, and I eat spicy food all day. Come here! Toilet flies: no common goals, no common goals. What's the use of eating well? How many beautiful women have you met?
6. The Beijing-Kowloon Railway is open to traffic, and farmers along it can see it. A female passenger on the bus threw her sanitary napkin out of the window and stuck it on a farmer's face. The farmer took it and said, * * *! This car is so fast that a piece of paper can make your nose bleed! ! !
7. Have you ever heard of it? I looked back 500 times in my last life to get a brush in my life, and I looked back 1000 times in my life to get a smile at each other. Friends like us didn't do anything else in their last lives, but turned around. . .
8. A woman urinated in the toilet, and a drunk went by mistake after drinking. He heard the sound of urinating and said, don't pour it, I really don't drink it! The woman was so frightened that she didn't dare to pee, so she couldn't hold back and farted. The drunkard said, * * * *, why did you open another bottle!
9. Get up early in the morning, the rooster beat the hen and asked the hen: Why did the rooster beat you? The hen said she didn't know, so she asked the rooster. The rooster said, damn it, I got up this morning and laid a duck egg! ! !
10.20 years ago, my mother held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and mother cried. An old man selling bananas patted her and said, don't cry, big sister! Give your monkey bananas! Poor thing. I'm starving. . .
1 1. The farmer drove the donkey into the city and met a rogue. Rogue: Did you eat? The farmer said, yes. Rogue: I asked the donkey. Hearing this, the farmer turned and slapped the donkey twice: Shit, there are relatives in the city who don't say a word.
12. The pig asked God to be reincarnated. The emperor asked: farming? The answer is too bitter. Say: work? Too tired to answer. Hey: Playing with monkeys? The answer is too difficult. What did the emperor ask for? A: You can eat, drink and fuck! The emperor was frightened: this son of a bitch still wants to be a national cadre!
13. A child in the delivery room smiled after birth. The midwife was very surprised. When she gathered around to observe, she found that the child's fist was clenched. After breaking it, she found that it was an abortion pill. She only heard the child say, damn it! Do you want to kill me? It's not that easy! ! !
14. Ducks and crabs race and reach the finish line at the same time. It's hard to say who is the winner. The referee said, come and cut the cloth with stones! Duck is furious: Shit! Black whistle! Set me up. It was cloth when it came out. He always cuts it when he comes out.
1: One day, mosquitoes and mantis went to peek at a woman taking a bath. Mosquito proudly said: you see, I stabbed her chest twice ten years ago, and now it is so swollen; Mantis said unconvinced, what's the matter? I cut her between her legs ten years ago, and now she is bleeding every month. ...
2. Kangaroos and frogs fuck chickens. The kangaroo finished it with three strokes and two strokes, and only listened to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! I envy the package sd mouse. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! . "The frog said," Fuck, I didn't jump on the bed all night! " ~~"
3. An elephant asked the camel, "Why do your breasts grow on your back?" The camel said, "stay away, I don't talk to things with dicks on my face!" " "The snake laughed wildly after listening to the conversation between the elephant and the camel. The elephant turned to the snake and said, "Laugh! You have a face on your penis, you are not qualified! "
4. A poor scholar studied hard and wrote a couplet in front of the door to encourage himself. The first couplet reads:' sleep in the thatched cottage and type', the second couplet reads:' lie down and play the flute', and the second couplet reads:' I am willing to listen to my destiny'. One day, a Henan man passed by and was curious to see this couplet. He read aloud in his hometown dialect: "Who did my ass?" ,' I told him to make it hurt' ... Yo, and comments! But this time he read backwards: "Do it again tomorrow!" " "
5. The kindergarten female teacher led the students to swim and accidentally showed an X hair. A student asked the teacher, what is that? The female teacher pulled it out cruelly and said it was a thread!
6. The little girl always shows off her new toys to the little boy. The little boy had no choice but to take off his pants and say, you will never have this! The girl also took off her pants and said, my mother said that as long as you have this, you can have as many things as you want!
A row of girls are waiting for guests in the street. An old lady in her 80s saw them and asked curiously, What are you waiting for? * The woman said angrily: Wait for the lollipop! Old women also lined up to join the team, waiting for sugar. As a result, she was caught and asked the old woman: Can you do without teeth? The old woman smiled and said, I can lick it! ! !
8. The driver sent the leader to the literary evening, and the leader entered the venue. The driver was stopped by the security guard. The driver said that I am a system with the leader. The security guard said: Chicken X and eggs are also a system. Chicken X went in, but can eggs go in?
9. One day, a gentleman's wife gave birth to a baby. He rushed to the hospital and waited for n hours. The doctor came out and told him it was twins! He was ecstatic: I am a father! At this time, the doctor said with a sad face: boys' penises grow on their faces, but girls' boobs grow on their backs! There was a gentleman who stayed there and didn't understand why. The doctor asked: Do you always refuse to reply?
First, Xiaoming was dishonest when he was a child. In order to educate him, an old farmer said to him, "sixty years of hard work, no food to eat, never throwing out snot and feces."
Second, the boss and the second child flew, and the second child got airsick and kept vomiting. A bag is full, so the boss has to get it. When he came back, he found that the whole plane was vomiting. The boss asked the reason, and the second child said, "I think this bag is full, so I had to drink half of it and throw up."
3. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .
4. A rich man wants a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich man sent them away, and only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."
On this day, the hotel owner is patrolling the lobby. A beggar came forward and said, "Can the boss give me a toothpick?" The boss gave him one and sent it away. After a while, another beggar came and asked for a toothpick. The boss thought, why do beggars want toothpicks instead of rice now? I also gave him one to send away, not too old, and another beggar came. The boss said to him, "Are you here to get a toothpick, too?" The beggar said, "Someone threw up and I came late. The first two beggars ate everything they could, and now there is only soup left. " Can you give me a straw?
Six, the boss and the second went to the theater to see the play. When they saw that they were arguing about the plot development halfway, they made a bet. The boss pointed to a row of spittoons in front of him and said, "The loser should take a sip of what's there." Unfortunately, the boss lost and took a sip with a frown. The two went on to bet on the next plot. This time, the second child lost. I saw the second child pick up the spittoon and swallow fifteen mouthfuls in one gulp. Surprised and envious, the boss said to the second child, "You are so amazing that you can even drink fifteen mouthfuls!" " "The second one shook his head." No, I want to drink. The sputum in that spittoon is too thick. I really can't stop biting! " "
A man saw a big sale in a shop and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog. ""where is such a rule? " "This is the case with goods on sale. "This man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this shop to buy cat food. " Give me two boxes of cat food. ""We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat. "It's the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the store with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. " What do you want? ""Just put your hand in. The salesman put his hand in: "What is this?" Very sticky. "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper. "
Eight, some people like the dish "spicy vermicelli pot" very much. Once, he went to a restaurant and ordered this dish again. But the waiter told him that the dish was sold out. "Is it really sold out?" He asked in disappointment. "Sir, really sold out. You see, the last one was sold to the gentleman at that table. " The waiter replied. According to the waiter's instructions, the man saw a very decent gentleman sitting next to him. The gentleman's food has been eaten almost, but the "spicy vermicelli pot" is still full. The man thought that a gentleman had wasted delicious food, so he went up to the gentleman and pointed to the "spicy vermicelli pot" and politely asked, "Do you want more, sir?" The gentleman shook his head gracefully. So the man immediately sat down, picked up the spoon and wolfed it down. After a while, he swallowed half. Suddenly, he found a little mouse lying at the bottom of the casserole with all its hair. In a fit of nausea, the man vomited all the fans he had eaten back into the casserole. When he had a stomachache there, the gentleman looked at him sympathetically and said, "It's disgusting, isn't it?" I was just the same.
Nine, Xiaomei especially likes to eat pig blood cake. Every time I see a stall selling pig blood cakes on the roadside, she will definitely buy them. One day, she saw a woman in her sixties selling on the road and went to buy food. After eating, she found that the pig blood cake was extremely delicious, so she wanted to pay her highest respects to her grandmother.
(Answer in Taiwanese) `
May: "Grandma, why does your pig blood cake smell so good?" 」
Grandma: "the materials are very expensive, and they can only be sold for a few days a month." 」
America: "Wow! Where did you get such precious materials? 」
Grandma: "Alas, mine has been used for decades, and now it's old and gone." Now it's my daughter's turn. 」
Beauty: "*&; %@」
10. For the first time, medical students wrapped their bodies in white cloth in real anatomy class. The professor began to lecture. "As a doctor, you must have two important qualities. First, you must not be afraid of nausea. " . After that, the professor uncovered the white cloth, inserted his finger into the anus of the corpse, then pulled it out and put it in his mouth to suck. "Learn to do it," he told his classmates. The students felt sick and hesitated for a long time, and finally they had to do it in turn. When the last person finished, the professor added, "The second quality is observation. I inserted my middle finger, but sucked it. Students, pay attention to observation! "