Please give me the lines for the three-person cross talk!

(A came on stage, looked back while walking, and almost fell down. He walked to the middle of the stage to calm down, then took out a fan from his pocket, opened and closed it with a "snap")

A: Today, I will tell you a cross talk. The name of the cross talk is "One Master and Two Servants". What did you say? Where have the two maids gone? To be honest, the two servants are busy doing housework for me? Can't come. I'm sorry, everyone (clasps fists). Like this? Today I will tell you about a stand-up comedy. What do you think? (At this time, the two ladies walked onto the stage) Let me give you a closing poem first, "The heroic figure is not armed with a gun, and the dawn is shining on the stage. Today, while the two women are not here, I want to throw the man ('slap' Xingmu) Take it for granted."

(At this time, two ladies are standing next to A, A is imitating Shan Tianfang's commentary) Speaking of today's cross talk, it is quite pleasant, just say this" "One master, two servants", no need to ask? That definitely means the servants stand on both sides and the master stands in the center. What is the master's last name? (I woke up with a "pop", turned around and saw the ladies on both sides, pretending to be timid)

Yi Bing: Go on, go on.

A: (hesitating) I said, what did I just say?

B: You said, the servants stand on both sides, and the master stands in the center.

C: I want to ask the master’s surname? Bang, (slamming the wood to wake him up) What's your last name? Tell me?

A: Do you still need to ask? Haven't you guys noticed this a long time ago?

B: C: (hesitant)

A: Huh? Think about it, isn't this just "one master and two servants"? No, it's "one servant and two masters"?

B and C: (patting A on the shoulder) He changed his mouth quite quickly, do you have one? (Standing back to his position)

A: Well, these two aunts came out of nowhere and almost scared me to death.

B: Huh? What to say? C: Louder?

A: Ah, didn’t you say anything? I said: In the past two days... my grandma came to the countryside... and almost... couldn't find her home. I was scared to death. (Wipes sweat) Okay? What kind of ears do they have?

B: Let me tell you, I am on stage today, so you have to be careful when you speak.

A: I know, I know.

C: Listen carefully, I am here today, so you must prioritize your speech.

A: I understand, I understand

B: Now that you understand, why don’t you introduce me to everyone

C: Now that you understand, you are still stunned. What are you doing? Why don't you introduce me to everyone?

A: Okay? Are they more anxious than me? Well, let me introduce to you first. Introduce, (walking to B) this lady is

C: (cough)

A: Ah, this princess is (walking to C)

B: (cough)

A: This lady is (walking to B)

C: (cough)

A: Ah, this princess is (walks to C)

B: (cough)

A: I can’t introduce her. Are you two suffering from "asthma" disease? ah? You can tell yourself who I should introduce first.

B: Who do you want to introduce first?

C: Who do you think should be introduced first?

A: Okay, okay, okay, that’s it? (To the audience) Who among them makes more money? Who makes more money? Let me introduce you first. (Turns to B and C) Are you two listening? Let me ask you now, how much money do you earn per month?

B: Eight thousand.

A: What? Eight, eight thousand yuan. And you?

C: One thousand

A: One thousand? Bah, you still have the nerve to say it? They have 8,000 yuan, you have 1,000 yuan...

C: US ​​dollars...

A: Ah, beautiful, US dollars. 1 U.S. dollar is equal to 8 yuan, and 1,000 U.S. dollars is equal to 8,000 yuan...RMB is...just currency. Isn't that the same amount?

B and C: (looked at each other)

A: Let me ask you again, do you listen? What's your job?

B: Let me tell you this, I have the final say on everyone in the unit.

A: Cadre? OK, right? good. And you?

C: Anatomist.

A: Doctor? Angels in white, okay, let me ask you again, how old are you this year

B: This lady is 23 years old this year

C: This princess is 24 years old this year

A: That’s her big...

C: 365 days difference.

A: Isn’t this nonsense? (To the audience) I don’t think it’s okay to ask this? Why don't I just ask them what their last name is? What position? (Turns to B) Hey, let me ask you? What's your last name?

B: Me? The surname is "Dan" (dan)

A: The surname is Dan? What's it called?

B: Single person aside

A: Is there anyone who calls for single person aside? Well, this emotion is a radical in Chinese characters. Let me tell you, my surname is Shan, isn’t it good?

B: Why is it bad?

A: You think about it, my surname is Shan, right? ah? "To be single is to be alone, to be alone is to be alone, to be alone is to be widowed."

B: How do you speak?

A: Anyway, it’s not good to have a single surname, so please change it quickly.

B: Then my parents must agree.

A: Huh? Just now you said, what do you do here?

B: I have the final say over all employees in the unit.

A: Look at you? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Haha...

B: This person’s feelings are based on people’s opinions.

A: You said that you have the final say over the personnel in the unit.

B: Yes, and if I tell him to come up, he has to come up. If I tell him to come down, He has to go down.

A: Look at my bad mouth. Are you a cadre? The cadre’s surname is Shan, okay, okay.

B: The cadre’s surname is Shan? That’s it.

A: Okay, the cadre’s surname is Shan, right? Ah, "Shan is the person, the person is the head, and the head is the official." The surname is Shan? OK.

B: What kind of character is it?

A: Huh? Let me ask you again, what are you specifically responsible for in your unit?

B: Me? There are many people in charge.

A: That’s great, the person in charge of human affairs will be needed in the future. Hey, let me ask you, are personnel transfers your responsibility?

B: Personnel transfer? You're talking about job transfers.

A: Yes, yes, that’s so right.

B: I can’t control it. It doesn’t belong to the Human Resources Department.

A: Which department are you in?

B: I am the elevator department.

A: Well, you said you drive an elevator when there is such a lively relationship. Go, go...

B: A dog’s eye sees a person

A: (Going to C) Princess, hello. Ignore that one, I'm telling you, (laughing) she drives the elevator.

C: I’ve seen it a long time ago.

A: Yes. Let me ask you, what is your last name?

C: Me? The last name is "Shuang"

A: Why do they all have such strange last names? What is your name?

C: Zwilling

A: Zwilling? Well, it’s still a radical in Chinese characters. Tell you, my surname is Shuang? not good.

C: What’s wrong?

A: You think about it, my surname is Shuang, right? Ah, "Double means right, right means eyes, right eyes means defects."

C: Who has right eyes? You can speak after seeing clearly

A: Aren’t you cross-eyed? Oh, then you have corns.

C: Are you the one with the corns? Do you have corns on your head?

A: Huh? What did you just say you did here?

C: Anatomist

A: The one who operates the knife, the anatomist?

C: Yes, where do you want to dissect?

A: I don’t want to dissect anywhere. Well, why should I dissect myself when I’m such a good living person?

Anatomy? The surname is Shuang, okay, okay.

C: What a good idea

A: Think about it, the anatomist’s last name is Shuang, right? Ah, "Double is an idol, idol is an image, idol is a celebrity."

C: What a mess.

A: Huh? Let me ask you, how many dissections do you need in a day?

C: How much? I haven't counted this, it's all piece-rate anyway.

A: Anatomy? Also piece-rate?

C: Yes, not only do we count the pieces, we also pack the heart, liver, and lungs separately.

A: Wait, you are planning to sell human organs. Let me tell you, this is illegal.

C: What law is it breaking? Who are you trying to scare? Our prices are set by the Price Bureau. The heart is priced according to the heart, the liver is priced according to the liver, and the lungs are priced according to the lungs. Even the bones are divided into large and small rows.

A: Your words confused me. Let me ask you, what do you do?

C: I am the butcher at the meat factory.

A: Pig butcher, bah, is that called an anatomist?

C: It’s all a knife anyway? Doctors dissect patients, and we dissect pigs, is that more or less the same?

A: Much worse? Go, go. This person's feelings are not as good as that of the elevator driver? (Turns to B). Did you hear me tell you? Who is opposite, (laughing) she is the butcher of pigs in a meat factory.

B: I have seen it a long time ago.

A: You can see it.

B: It looks like raw pork. To tell you the truth, I don’t drive the elevator now, I got a lift.

A: Have you been promoted?

B: Yes, it has been adjusted up.

A: Has it been adjusted? You mean, instead of operating an elevator, you now operate a crane.

B: Well, I mean, I have been promoted to director now.

A: What? Say it again?

B: I have been promoted to director

A: Auntie, congratulations to you. (Shakes hands excitedly)

B: Okay. This time, he is even a generation older.

A: Auntie, actually, I have long seen that you do not drive an elevator. I'm so happy and excited to meet you, so what? (Take B’s hand to wipe tears)

B: Hey, whose hand should I use to wipe that?

A: Sorry, didn’t I bring a handkerchief?

B: You can’t wipe it with my hands even if you don’t bring a handkerchief?

A: What about my hand?

B: Well, I can’t even find it with my own hand.

A: Auntie, I feel like we've hit it off since I saw you. I hate seeing you so late. When I see you, I see money...

B: Ah

A: No, I mean when I see you, I will--the future of money is bright, the future of money is boundless, but the skills are exhausted

B: What word?

A: Auntie, let us get to know each other? Let's hug, let me kiss you.

B: Go. You've been talking for a long time, but I still don't know your last name?

A: What is my last name? Guess?

B: Then how can I guess?

A: Guess, whatever you guess counts?

B: Ah

A: I mean you guessed it correctly.

B: Can I guess? I guess? Is your surname Wang?

A: Oh? What if you were the director? You guessed it right away, my surname is Wang, is my surname Wang? (whispering) Hey, should I complain or not?

B: I guess? You will be 60 this year.

A: Oh? You guessed it right, I am exactly 60 years old this year, and I just completed the retirement procedures yesterday. (whispers) I don’t even have a job?

B: I guess you are a man, right?

A: Oh? Auntie, you can even tell that I'm a boy, that's really amazing. (whispering) Is this a guess?

B: I guess you are a shrimp, right?

A: Am I a shrimp?

B: Yes, huh? Are you a river shrimp? Or is it a shrimp?

A: Me? Auntie, you forgot, what do I have? Am I not a "choking shrimp"? (Whispering) Even if I choke, I will choke you to death first.

B: I still guess,

A: Auntie, please stop guessing, I have to go, over there?

B: Which way?

A: That’s which way. Well, if she guesses again, she might guess something? (Come to C) Let me tell you: "Which one is there? See it."

"

B: I saw it,

A: She was promoted,

C: "She gave birth? "You gave birth so soon, is it a boy or a girl?

A: What kind of boy or girl? She has been promoted.

C: Well, she has been promoted. What does this mean? Tell me You and I have also been promoted.

A: You have been promoted too?

C: Yes, I will not kill pigs now.

A: I will kill cows instead.

C: Are you the one who kills the cow?

A: Isn’t this the same thing?

C : I am now the director of the slaughterhouse.

A: What? Say it again?

C: I am now the director of the slaughterhouse.

A: Auntie! Congratulations. (Shake hands)

C: Here we go again

A: Auntie, I have long seen that you are not a pig killer. I’m so happy and excited, so what? (Wipes tears with hands, then wipes them on C’s clothes)

B: Hey, where should I wipe them?

A: Sorry, Didn’t I bring a handkerchief?

B: Why don’t you wipe it on your clothes?

What do I need? Do you want to wash it yourself?

B: Okay, this one is quite damaging.

A: Auntie, when I see you, it feels like we feel like old friends at first sight. You and I have seen money,

B: Ah

A: No, I mean that after seeing you, my future is bright, my money is boundless, and I am exhausted. < /p>

B: What’s the word?

A: Auntie, let’s get to know each other. Let me hug you.

B. : Go. You’ve been talking for a long time, but I still don’t know your last name?

A: What’s my last name?

B: How can I guess it?

A: Guess what you want.

B: Can I guess? Your surname is Wu.

A: Oh, what if you are the director? You guessed it right away. My surname is Wu since I was a child. (Whispered) Am I still a man?

B: I guess? You are 5 years old this year, right?

A: Oh, you guessed it right. I just took off my crotchless pants yesterday. This time I went to the nursery again.

B: I guess you are a girl, right?

A: Oh, aunt? Women can see it, you are really amazing. (whispering) What’s wrong with this look?

B: I guess you are a hairtail, right?

A: Am I a hairtail?

B: Yes, are you a braised hairtail?

A: Me? Auntie, you forgot, what am I? Am I not a "salty hairtail fish"? (Whispering) I'm going to kill you first.

C: I guess you...

B: "Xiao Wang, come here."

A: Call me that? Alas, here I come.

C: "Wu, please come here."

A: Call me that, alas, here I come.

B: "Xiao Wang, did I ask you to come over?"

A: Alas, (ran to B)

C: "Surname Wu, did I ask you to come back?"

A: Oh, where are these silly boys? .

(Standing still in the center)

B: Xiao Wang, didn’t you tell me your surname is Wang?

A: Yes

C: Xiao Wu, didn’t you tell me your surname is Wu?

A: Yes

B: So is your surname Wang? Is your surname still Wu?

C: Is your surname Wu? Is your surname still Wang?

A: That’s what happened to me, I, my surname is both "Wang" and "Wu"

B and B: How do you say it?

A: I have a compound surname, "Wu Wangshi" and "Wu Wang Goujian", have you heard of it?

Yi Bing: Sounds a bit familiar...

A: I think back in the Eastern Zhou Dynasty, when Wu and Yue were fighting for hegemony, there was a story about King Gou Jian of Wu.

Yi Bing: King Gou Jian of Wu? I only remember that there was a man named "King Goujian of Yue"?

A: Right? King Goujian of Yue, that is Goujian whose surname is Yue and King. I am talking about Goujian whose surname is Wu and Wang, so he is called "King Goujian of Wu". Okay, I'm not exhausted.

B: Xiao Wang, tell me, you are 60 years old this year and just retired yesterday, right?

A: That’s right

C: Xiao Wu, tell me, you are just 5 years old this year and you just took off your crotchless pants yesterday. Is it true?

A: It’s absolutely true.

Yi Bing: Then are you 60 years old? Still 5 years old?

A: What do I mean? My virtual age is 60, but my actual age is 5 years old. It sounds awkward to me.

B: Xiao Wang, you told me that you are a "shrimp", and you are also a "choking shrimp", right?

A: Yes

C: Xiao Wu, you told me that you are a "hairtail", and you are also a "salty hairtail", right?

A: Yes

B and C: So are you a "choking shrimp"? Or is it a "salty hairtail fish"?

A: I am both a "choking shrimp" and a "salty hairtail fish".

B: I understand, you belong to the category of "shrimps and salty hairtails",

C: I understand, you belong to the salty hairtails and shrimps.

A: Does it have this attribute?

B: I guess you are a boy,

A: You guessed so right

C: I guess you are a girl,

A: You guessed so accurately

B and C: Are you a man? Still a woman?

A: You guess I am a boy,

B: Yes

A: You guess I am a girl

C: Right

A: In other words, if you look at me on the left, I am a man?

B: Yes

A: Look on the right, am I a woman?

C: That’s right

A: That’s right,

B and C: Why is it right?

A: Think about it, if you look at me from the left, I’m a man, and from the right, I’m a woman. Doesn’t this just reflect the “men on the left and women on the right” side of me?

Yi C: He used this.