Father’s last moments (9)

Tuesday, January 2, 2018 (the 16th day of the winter lunar month)? Yin

? Dreams are sometimes a kind of foresight, a secret prediction of what is about to happen. One hint of the matter is the mutual induction of family affection.

? I woke up from my dream, rubbed my sleepy eyes, and touched my panicked chest. The scene from the dream appeared in my mind: I stood outside the door in the dark night, and there were shadowy buildings and dead trees under the Molan night. I suddenly heard my father calling me, but I could only hear his voice but not see him: "What a coincidence, send me to the south gate of the West Square." I didn't look back and asked: "Now?" After receiving the affirmative answer, I was naturally timid. I looked around at the dark surroundings, and seemed to see monsters hiding in the darkness with claws and claws. I was scared, so I refused: "It's so dark and the road is so long. I won't send you off now! I want to go during the day." Yes. The second sister told me about my dream. The second sister murmured to herself: "South Gate, South Gate, could it be Nantian Gate?" People in the countryside are superstitious. After a person dies, his soul will knock on the Nantian Gate and report to the Heavenly Palace. In an instant, an ominous premonition spread throughout his body like an electric current. I put on my cotton-padded jacket, got out of bed, and sat in front of my father's bed. He remained motionless with his eyes closed, breathing oxygen through his half-open mouth. But I clearly noticed that his breathing had become obviously weaker and shallower. The father in front of me is like a weak firework that will go out at any time. The second sister whispered to me that when my father was first hospitalized, the second brother dreamed that his father was carrying a bag and said to the second brother: "Ming, I went to the south and I will never come back again." At the same time, the eldest sister also dreamed, My father was tied up, and someone raised a seal on his chest, stamped a bright red circular mark, and said in an unquestionable tone: "That's it." These dreams seemed to be a series of family passwords, hints Parting through life and death is inevitable.

? My cousin-in-law (Guo) came to visit my father early in the morning and said, "Oh, it was not like this yesterday. Today, my breathing seems to be only inhaling and not exhaling, and the wrinkles on my forehead are flattened. Yes." Her words were like a sharp knife cutting through the things in my heart that I didn't want to reveal clearly. My mother was present at the time, but fortunately she was hard of hearing and did not hear. My second sister and I didn't answer her words, as if we didn't hear her, because we were worried that my mother would feel uncomfortable after hearing her words. My sisters and I took turns staying with my father throughout the day, never leaving him alone. Although each of us knows very well in our hearts that the hopeless outcome has been destined and cannot be changed. But we still hope to use our life and vitality to continuously transfer the energy of life to him, even if it is just to fight for a little bit more, to save his time bit by bit.

The eldest brother-in-law has to go to work tomorrow, and the eldest sister’s grandson is feeling a little unwell. So, at four o'clock in the afternoon, the eldest sister said: "I'll go back today." The second sister and I quickly exchanged a look, and we both thought that today was a critical moment. She is studying medicine, and she should know her father's condition better than anyone else. She shouldn't just leave like this, but neither of us said anything. We are not only worried that we will make mistakes in judgment, but also believe that filial piety depends on our own hearts and cannot be forced on anyone.

? Around six o'clock in the afternoon, the eldest brother walked around here and went out. The second sister said to me: "Qiao, you watch our dad while I go to cook." I felt sorry for the second sister, Said: "You take a rest, I'll do it." The second sister walked out and said: "Let me do it, I want to cut some shredded radish and fry it." The pot was placed on the stove, and Guoguo stood by the stove. Talking to the busy second sister. I waited by my father's side, watching him with guilt and sorrow. I didn't know if he sensed my mood. I just saw a line of tears slowly seeping out from under his closed eyelids, and gathered into a crystal teardrop at the corner of his eye. . My heart suddenly felt like something was tugging at me, my throat was tight, my nose was sore, and my eyes were soaked with moisture. As soon as I reached out and gently wiped away my father's tears, I felt that something was wrong with him. His breathing suddenly became very rapid, and after taking a hard breath, he seemed unable to come back. I almost held my breath and instinctively called softly: "Dad, dad, dad..." The second sister immediately put down the cutting knife in her hand and walked over.

The second sister said to me: "Qiao, hurry up, take the razor and shave dad's beard and hair cleanly." I turned around, took the electric razor that had been prepared and placed it on the windowsill, and started to give dad one last shave. shave. From now on, even if there is time and filial piety, there will be no chance. After shaving, it is customary to cover your face with a thin piece of yellow paper or white paper, commonly known as "thatch paper". It is to block dust and noise, and to allow the deceased to rest in peace. Nowadays, most people no longer use yellow paper, but instead use yellow silk square scarves embroidered with lotus flowers. If all the descendants and relatives of the deceased were there to watch him die, which is considered a rare "good death", then if we, my siblings, were there to watch my father die, he should have no regrets. Our faces were solemn, and no one had anything to say. We only occasionally exchanged glances or reminded each other of what we had to do. Our feelings suddenly froze for a moment, and we forgot about our sadness and grief.

The sister-in-law came in a hurry, supporting her mother. When the mother saw her father put on his shroud and lying on his back with no sign of life, she finally couldn't bear it anymore and wanted to throw herself at her father like a helpless child, crying loudly: "Xiao Xi Daddy, you are You are so cruel - how can I live alone if you leave -" Her crying sounded particularly heartbreaking in our silence. Brother Fulai said, "Why did you ask Xie Ma to come here?" They were afraid that their mother would be sad and unable to bear it, so they wanted to force her back. The eldest brother said: "Don't ask her to come to the meeting, ask her to see her off." I stood next to my mother and hugged her. I didn't want to comfort her not to cry, but just gently stroked her back with my hands. The pain of losing her lifelong partner was like a mountain pressing down on her internal organs. If she wasn't allowed to vent, it would easily crush her. The mother's mood gradually calmed down, and the second sister said with red eyes: "Mom, my dad passed away very peacefully, without suffering at all, and he was as kind as if he was asleep. You don't have to be too sad." Brother Fulai said again: " Aunt, you go home and rest." My mother didn't want to leave and wanted to stay with my father. I said, "Mom, if you don't leave, my sister-in-law will not dare to go home alone. My eldest brother will have to worry about you. You see, my eldest brother is not in good health. He has a lot of things to do these days!" Although my mother was reluctant to leave. , but she felt sorry for her son-in-law, so she followed her sister-in-law back. I know that even if she goes back, she won't be able to sleep, she will just lie in bed and be sad. The others also left, and the eldest brother lit up all the lights in the yard and at the door of the house so that his father's soul would not have to be afraid in the dark night. Then he brought a pocket Buddha machine from home and played the "Amitabha" mantra in a loop.

? The eldest brother is a devout believer. He repeatedly emphasized and told us that we must not cry. Because our cries and tears will make our father’s soul feel sad and nostalgic, making him unable to bear to leave. He once said that when his father-in-law passed away, a miraculous thing happened after a chanting group helped him chant. In my heart, I didn't believe what he said. I thought that helping the deceased with prayer groups was nothing more than a means of making a living, and the so-called miracles might just be an illusion. But I don’t want to refute my elder brother’s reputation. After all, his intentions are good. He wants his father’s soul to get rid of the suffering of reincarnation, follow “Amitabha” to the Western Paradise, and achieve enlightenment. If that's the case, that's my wish. So I suppressed the sadness in my heart and chanted along with Buddha and them. Sometimes as I read it, tears welled up in my eyes, blurring my vision, and I had to use my will to force them back. The eldest brother is still busy with outside matters. My two sisters and I could not help but follow the Buddha's instructions and recite Amitabha all night long, without any sleepiness or any verbal communication.