Who has one-on-one lines in this year's crosstalk contest!
This number caught your attention. Ah, some people are happy when they see him, so they shout yes.
B: Yes.
Do you know why?
B: Hey, hey, hey, hey. ................................................................................................................................................................
A: Because you didn't come out, your stomach came out first.
I am fatter.
Yes, I can't blame him for being so fat.
B: Ah.
A: It runs in the family.
B: That's right.
A: Alas, his wife is fat.
B: Hey, is it so hereditary?
A: Oh, no, no, no, it's because your father is fat and inherited it from you. Then you married a daughter-in-law and gained weight.
B: Well, you have to make it clear.
A: Yes. You, wow, here, you, you, you don't move, you laugh. There are so many wrinkles on this face. Ah, from a distance, it looks like a dumpling patting my face.
It's not that serious.
A: It is good to have wrinkles on your face. He is not afraid of mosquitoes in summer. Hey ~ ~ ~, there is a mosquito left here. Oh, people don't have to pat them with their hands.
B: Then how can I solve it?
A: Laugh hard, haha, it's so crowded. ...
B: You, you, you exaggerate.
You must have been raised by your parents, cramming education.
No, I'm fat. What's the matter with you? Hmm? I'm fat, fat, fat!
Today, your exhaust exceeded the standard.
B: Not you.
A: What qualities and attitudes? Typical lack of family education. You, you, you came to see me before. You already have a mentor.
B: Who are you?
A: I am a tutor!
B: What kind of tutor?
A: On-site teaching and one-on-one tutoring.
Oh, a tutor?
You should know me.
Where did I meet you?
A: Hey ~ ~ ~ One-on-one tutoring! Have you ever confiscated my text messages on your mobile phone? Didn't pay attention to my online messages? Didn't you see my flyer nearby? Didn't you see my picture in the ladies' room?
B: Why are they all posted in the ladies' room?
A: Mothers usually worry about finding a tutor for their children. My photos are so cool, hehe, very handsome.
Can you wait a minute?
A: English. Describe beautiful posture and beautiful shape.
B: that's called pose.
A: Oh, yes, yes, pose, there is a meaning, this, this, this.
(Garber modeling)
What does that mean?
A: This represents one-on-one. This is me, and this is what I teach my children.
Oh, that. What do you mean by pouting at the back?
You ask this?
B: Hmm. ...
A: Directional culture ~ ~ ~
B: Still ... this orientation training?
ah ...
B: No one is looking for you where you are trapped.
You can call me. I will go to your home to give you a lecture tomorrow.
B: tutoring for what?
A: Vocal dancing, painting and bathing, cooking and pedicure.
B: Can we teach together?
A: Of course, my focus is on orientation training for junior high school students. Ha ha ha ha, aren't you junior high school students?
B: Huh? My education is very important.
A: At the beginning of the Great Sage?
B: Big ... Are you still in junior high school after graduating from college?
A: I am very cheap.
No one will use you for nothing.
Who said that? I go to four houses a day, but I'm too busy.
B: Can there be so many parents looking for you?
A: Of course. Nowadays, parents are looking forward to the success of their children and their daughters. Other families are looking for tutors. Otherwise, we will fall behind, so parents are afraid.
B: What are you afraid of?
A: I am afraid of children and fall under the starting gun.
Did you shoot the kid?
No, no, it's not. How to describe it?
B: Don't let the children lose at the starting line?
Yes, you see, you remember everything. Do you agree?
I don't agree! How much pressure does this broken starting line put on children? If you ask me, life is like a long-distance race, not a sprint, not a 100-meter sprint, not to mention a Liu Xiang hurdle! You got it?
I see. You mean Liu Xiang needs a tutor?
I said it for nothing. Don't let children lose at the starting line, this sentence is wrong!
A: I live by this sentence. My parents' desire for success is the capital for me to get rich!
B: I think it's the capital to cheat money.
A: Remember, where there is demand, there is a market!
I won't argue with you.
A: Hum.
B: Can you teach everything you just said?
A: I mainly teach beginners.
B: what is a beginner?
A: Just before the class was over, my parents told me, "Get out!"
Well, that was a slap in the face.
Gnome male-",gnome male-",he is joking with me. I'll come back tomorrow. Ha ha.
Hey, hey, that's generous of you.
A: That's right.
B: You must have taught it wrong!
A: Ask the child which sentence I have taught wrong.
What did you teach?
A: As soon as I entered the door, the child came to me and said, "Teacher, I haven't slept well for several days. Please explain the Analects of Confucius to me today. Ah ~ ~ ~ "
B: How sleepy the child is.
A: His mother came over and said, "Teacher, ignore him. Do you still want to sleep after you got the second place in the Chinese exam? You are quick to tell him something about the Analects of Confucius, er, ah ~ ~ ~ "
B: My parents can't stand it either.
A: After listening to the Analects of Confucius, hmm ~ ~ ~
Is it contagious through breathing? No, can you speak the Analects of Confucius?
A: Well, teaching will do.
B: What?
A: er, no, can you teach? No, can't you teach? !
B: Oh, which passage of The Analects do you teach?
A: Of course, it is to find a passage that everyone is familiar with.
Oh, what's the first sentence?
A: Zili. .....
B: OK, oh, yo ... and then read the words.
A: Ah, yes, yes, sometimes.
B: It says!
Ah, whatever you say.
What do you mean, listen to me?
A: Confucius said that sometimes, five, learn from what you know.
Wow. This is laborious.
A: At the age of 30, you can stand until four or ten.
B: Stand at thirty, but don't be confused at forty!
A: Ah, yes, yes, yes, just these two paragraphs. There is still a difference between the 560 and the back. Right?
B: Right, right, right.
A: I can't remember 70. Don't worry, I'll think about it. Seven, seventy, and seventy are the keys. What's behind seventy and what's behind seventy? Hey? What is seventy's tail?
B: Leo?
A: Yes, you are a Leo in the prelude to August.
B: It's really a mess. It should be, as Confucius said, when there are five, as for learning, you can stand at thirty, be puzzled at forty, know your destiny at fifty, be obedient at sixty, and be lucky at seventy!
A: Yes! That's it!
B: How did you explain it to the children?
It's easy to explain. The Analects of Confucius was said by Confucius, so ...
What about Confucius? Confucius!
A: What?
B: Confucius! !
A: Disyllabic words.
B: It's just a reading hole!
A: An old man like Confucius also ran such private kitchens in ancient times. Oh, that smell. ...
B: It's called a private school!
A: Er, yes, a private school. Confucius is an old teacher.
B: not that.
A: These words are its charging standard.
B: Huh? This is Confucius' philosophy of life, and there is no money.
A: In the first sentence. As for the school, you can come to my school for fifteen yuan.
B: Huh? How about standing at thirty?
A: Oh, Confucius' class is very big, with many students and few seats. Pay thirty dollars and you can only stand outside and listen, and stand at thirty!
Understand?
Who told you to save money? Don't you have no doubt after sitting in the room for forty days?
How?
A: Forty is not confused.
B: how do you explain it? ! Fifty knows the destiny.
What is fate?
B: the fate of a lifetime.
A: Here is fifty yuan. Confucius will read your palm.
There is also a fortune teller?
A: Of course.
B: Sixty tones.
You can whisper in class.
B: It will be shipped again at seventy.
Answer: Copy as much as you want when you give the 70 exam! Hmm?
I haven't heard of it.
A: Yes, I, I work hard and have a class in 50 yuan. This hole, ah, is not.
B: Huh?
A: Confucius takes 70 here. The old man is dark enough.
Who is black? When you were teaching, your parents had to kick you out.
Hey, how can I get out without money?
How dare you ask for money?
A: Confucius is neither arrogant nor impetuous. You treat me like a grandson. Wow. As soon as I get fifty dollars, I'll leave and go straight to the next one. I'll be one-on-one. (Continue to pose)
B: Hehe, again?
A: Hey!
B: What do you want to tutor?
A: English!
B: yes, keep collecting.
A: Oh, the child got out of bed as soon as I entered the door. Oh, teacher, I have a cold and a fever and just finished taking medicine. Today, please tell me something about the International Phonetic Alphabet, A Qian … ..
Sick.
Teacher, I'm his father. Ignore him, let alone burn it. It's worth burning at 56 degrees for the first place. Please tell him about the International Phonetic Alphabet, Archie!
B: Parents, why bother?
A: As soon as I listened to the International Phonetic Alphabet, I started ... Archie! Go!
You caught a cold too fast.
A: I can't let consumers feel that I have a distance from them.
B: How do you teach English with phonetic symbols?
Come and learn from me. oh ...
B: Oh. ...
You, you speak louder.
B: Oh. ...
A: Say it again, louder.
B: Oh. ...
Do you feel anything?
B: Yes.
A: How do you feel?
B: Disgusting.
Well, take your time. I just taught you the opening sound, and now I'll teach you the nasal consonants. Ni ~ ~ ~ ~
B: Ni ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A: Hi ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
B: Hi ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Answer: mercaptan ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
B: mercaptan ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A: OK, the last sound is more complicated. Pay attention to the teacher's mouth. Ouch ~ ~ ~ ~
B: Ouch ~ ~ ~
A: No, you, you, you pout a little more.
B: big ~ ~ ~
A: Speak louder.
Yao ~ ~ ~ ~
Do you remember everything?
I remember everything!
Let's learn English from scratch!
B: Oh, Nihaza ~ ~ ~ Korean?
A: Korean English!
B: I have never heard of it!
A: Isn't it?
B: Get out!
A: Huh? How can I get out without paying?
How dare you ask for money?
A: Ingley is not arrogant. You think I'm Kawaii? hahaha. As soon as I get fifty dollars, I'll leave and go straight to the next one. I'll be one-on-one. (Continue to pose)
B: isn't it annoying to pout?
Hey, this is my signature pose.
B: I think you are a black tutor. Just lying.
A: Alas, alas, alas. Cheating? You don't know.
B: What's the matter?
A: I work hard to teach my next child.
Really?
A: Because of family reasons, I found too many tutors for him, which caused the child's psychological barrier.
What obstacles?
A: In front of him, you can't mention the word tutor, and you want to go to the bathroom when you mention it.
B: What's wrong with that?
I also want to know? I asked his mother in front of the child, why can't I mention tutoring? Look at this kid again, hehe ~ ~ ~
B: I have to pee.
A: I am a tutor. Ouch ~ ~ ~ What happened to the tutor? Oh, hehe ~ ~ ~
What did mother say?
A: Teacher, please don't say these two words again. If you say that again, our child's prostate will be out of order.
B: Well, then don't learn.
A: Well, well, I won't say these two words. Let's begin our class. Parents are requested to avoid.
B: Why?
A: Ah. We are one-on-one.
What do you teach?
A: Art!
B: Would you like to?
A: I've had five classes, gnome male-".
What did you teach in the first class?
A: The first class, the use of pencils! 、
Hey, this. How is this pencil used in teaching? Now all the children use computers.
So, remember, kid, good calligraphy was destroyed by computers, good singers were destroyed by lip-synching, good bosses were destroyed by fake diplomas, and good mung beans were destroyed by Zhang Wuben! Ah ~ ~
Why did you mention him?
Didn't you listen to him? What is diabetes? It's either an incurable disease or a raging fire. Why not drink more mung bean soup to reduce internal heat?
B: What do you say to people and children?
A: A class lasts 60 minutes. How can I live without it?
B: Hey ~ ~ second class!
Answer: Maintenance of pencils.
B: The third quarter.
A: Draw a circle.
B: how to draw a circle?
A: Well, drawing a circle is the foundation. You tell your child to draw the circle well, and then you tell him that dyeing the circle red means tomatoes, dyeing it green means watermelons, and dyeing it yellow means potatoes. Add eyebrows, eyes, mouth and big nose to potatoes and you can look at them again.
What is this?
A: Li Jindou.
Where are all these places? The fourth quarter!
A: The dialectical relationship between art and oral cavity.
B: Section 5.
Answer: Repair and maintenance of dentures.
B: Stop it! No, why teach art to lift false teeth?
A: Buy it for me!
B: Huh?
A: Buy it for me! Now that the children are rich, I can sell this denture to them while their parents are away and earn some extra money. Hehehehehehehehehe ~ ~
B: the tutor can't do this.
Who said that? Other doctors can sell medicine, and I can also sell dentures.
B: Can children buy dentures?
A: It depends on how you coax him.
What did you say?/Sorry?
A: Remember, my son, people may be eccentric, eccentric and greedy in this life, but you must never be without filial piety. There is an ancient family like a treasure. Think of your grandparents, grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters. Because there are no dentures, I can't eat well and sleep well. Look at these dentures recommended by the teacher. They are as white as jade, crystal clear, with white inside and white outside.
B: Hey ~ ~ ~
A: Its material is not gypsum, plastic, ceramic tile or sheet metal. It's really imported porcelain, 32 pieces, big, small, thick, steel, round, pointed and flat. It's full of front teeth, teeth, teeth, teeth.
B: Good! This word is much more familiar than the Analects!
Do you want to buy it? If you don't buy it, I'll ask your mother to find you three more, Jia and Jiao!
Ouch.
A: I'll have three tutors tutor you at home every day just like my tutor!
What about this child?
Teacher, I peed my pants. Can I buy it?
You are too bad.
A: Hey hey, Picasso is not arrogant. You think I'm Bi Fujian? hahaha
I'll leave as soon as I get the money.
B: If you don't leave, your parents will hit you when they come back.
A: What? In a hurry, the next child is waiting for me one by one (continue to pose)
If you pout again, you will have a herniated disc. How can you teach?
A: Singing.
It's not over, is it?
A: Oh, I can't teach this boy.
B: What's the matter?
I was born with a good voice. When you saw me, you shouted. Oh, what a sweet voice.
B: What's its name?
A: Hello, teacher!
B: Decepticons?
A: Optimus Prime.
B: how old is the child?
A: Seven years old!
Why is it so loud?
A: A little precocious! I told him, good boy, you can start with your figure.
Transformers. With this condition, he still learns to sing?
Do you care? Do you care? Parents are willing, and besides, I teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Don't look at the child's condition. I can turn him into a little Tengger singer singer in less than one class.
Hey, who would believe it? Hey, now that I'm a child, you teach me and I'll see how you teach students in accordance with their aptitude.
Oh, dear.
Hello. Hello.
You said you were a child now.
Oh, yes. Teacher, I want to learn from Tengger Singh.
A: Well, if you want to learn from Tengger singer singers, you must first find a feeling of pain.
B: Er, why, why does it hurt?
A: Let the teacher give you an example.
B: Ah.
For example, how would you feel if someone stepped on your foot?
B: Nothing.
A: The child is still a little stupid. I must help him. Say someone stepped on your foot.
B: Ouch ~ ~ ~ Ouch, you really stepped on it.
A: Well, teaching students by stepping on them.
Hello!
A: Otherwise, you can't find pain. Do you have it now?
I see.
A: ok, now sing with the teacher, heaven. Blue sky ~ ~ ~
Blue sky ~ ~ ~
A: Looking for a feeling of pain.
A green lake ~ ~ ~
A: No way.
B: water ~ ~ ~
A: Yes!
B: That's my hometown ~ ~ ~
A: Come again!
B: My hometown ~ ~ ~
A: OK ~ ~ ~
B: I love you, my home ~ ~ ~ My home, my God ~ ~ ~
Why are you crying?
My feet are swollen. Will you stop crying? You are misleading children! Get out of here!
A: I can't get out this time. His mother pushed the door in and grabbed my collar. The child jumped up and pinched me, and his father came down to sweep his legs. I was on the ground.
B: Yes!
A: The three of us went together, and I cried when I got up. What are you doing here? Bullying people. What? Call the child out if you can. I will fight him. How can three people hit me? We reached an agreement.
B: Huh? What?
A: One to one.
This is what I played in front of the video all afternoon.