Want to joke! ! ~~~~
There is a wedding in the church. Someone is whispering in private.
A: "Why do the bride and groom hold hands at the wedding?"
B: "Well, that's a custom, just like two boxers shaking hands before a match."
Buddha's fortune telling
One day, a giant Buddha outside Mengwai was telling fortune to the masses and cheated a lot of money. Sue and Aisi crowded into the crowd and said to the Buddha, "Buddha, we two brothers beg you to tell your fortune. I wonder how many years our elderly parents can live? " Say, deliberately waved the wallet. Hearing the sound of knocking money, the Buddha pretended to recite the scriptures and said, "With the blessing of the Buddha, your family will be rich for your children and grandchildren." It will be 50 years before your parents can ascend to heaven. Now you two are going to give Buddha 20 silver dollars as a souvenir of his parents' ascension to heaven in the future. "
Su Ai and Ai Si said with a smile, "The great Buddha knows God, heaven and earth. If we listen to what you just said, we will go hungry tomorrow! Thank god for his blessing. Unfortunately, our parents ascended to heaven 10 years ago. Your magical method is really wonderful! " Say that finish two people turn round and then walk. People present at this time also understand the truth, dispersed in a hubbub.
Inversion (2)
The market is crowded.
The driver packed up the goods and was ready to leave, and began to reverse the car. Not far behind the car is a farmer selling pears.
"Reverse ... reverse ..." A warning signal from a female voice came from the car. I don't want the car to fall too hard. The old man behind the car was knocked down and the pear was crushed.
The driver hurried out of the car to help the old man and apologized again and again. "Get out of the way!"
The old man pushed the driver away. "I'm looking for that woman. Where did it all fall? She still called it down, down ... "
Year of the Monkey
A few years ago, it was rumored that Wang, the minister of examination department, would take over as invigilator. Mr. Wang joked that only the year of the monkey is possible (when the monkey is emperor, there will be a year of the monkey, but it is impossible for the monkey. So he won't have a chance. However, in recent days, the concern of the upper class shows great signs of appointing Mr. Wang as a supervisor. Is there really no Year of the Monkey? I'm going to check Mr. Li's zodiac ... or did the newspaper do it on purpose? ...
Love and respect each other.
My parents-in-law have been married for 30 years. They respect and love each other and never quarrel. So, when I got married, I consulted my parents-in-law. My father-in-law said, "When I got married, my father-in-law told me not to criticize your wife's shortcomings or blame her for what she did wrong. You know, because she has shortcomings and sometimes does something wrong, she didn't find a more ideal husband. "You should remember this sentence."
Question and answer of "online dating"
Wife: What is the authenticity of "online dating"?
Me: There is a hundred-dollar bill on the expressway thousands of miles away. Whether you can find it depends on whether the people there are blind, crazy or normal.
Wife: It is reported on TV that a man and a woman have succeeded in online dating, which is true.
Me: Can you promise not to pick up money on the highway all your life?
Wife: Why do you use "money" as a metaphor?
Me: Because every hour of online dating, I have to pay 5.80 yuan to the telecommunications bureau.
Wife: Can "online dating" be understood as platonic love?
Me: No, because the other person may be an old man or an old lady, which will form a huge generation gap. There is no generation gap between Plato and his lover.
Wife: Is "online dating" really completely ridiculous?
Me: What exists is reasonable. So it's not funny.
Wife: Before you got married, did you consider "online dating"?
Me: Yes.
Wife: The effect?
Me: When I used the screen name "Little Lion", no girls chased me; When I changed my name to "Blue Rose", my brother in a company fell madly in love with me.
Wife: Marquez said: A man needs two women, one for love, the other for sewing buttons or polishing shoes.
Me: Byron said: tragedy ends in death and comedy ends in marriage.
Wife: Do you feel mature?
Me: You know, I surf every noon and night because I am curious. Curious people are immature. Including old Einstein.
Wife: I want to surf the Internet in the next room and have a heart-to-heart exchange with you. How's it going?
Me: Who will mop the floor, wash clothes, wash vegetables and cook?