Solutions to children's fears or nightmares at night

All children, in their own beds at night or at night, occasionally have fears and nightmares. The reason for fear and nightmares is that the child's experience during the day suddenly caused him too much psychological burden.

Afraid of sleeping

Although your child looks peaceful and happy during the day-he may occasionally feel helpless and scared at night. This is not a contradiction. The night was dark and quiet, and the child was lying in bed alone, with no toys and playmates to distract him. Now he is alone, accompanied by only fantasies and feelings, and there are many things that must be dealt with in his heart: new impressions, quarrels between brothers and sisters, short separation from his parents and so on. Even if everything goes as usual during the day, children may feel overwhelmed, not to mention other major changes-such as moving, the birth of younger brothers and sisters, going to kindergarten, getting sick or quarreling at home. During the day, the child may not seem to be affected, but when a person lies in bed alone, he will feel very small and want to rely on it, as if he were suddenly two or three years younger. Maybe he will find an excuse or divert your attention and try to delay bedtime; Maybe he doesn't want you to leave at all.

All kinds of situations may make children feel fear and insecurity, and they often can't tell their feelings. In rare cases, they can tell exactly what makes them feel uneasy. What scares them is often not the real reason, but the monsters. The appearance of monsters or ghosts may be the result of children watching TV all afternoon. Not all children can digest the ugly cartoon characters in TV programs-although they have mastered the TV remote control. People who are harmless to us often make them feel scared.

However, the exceptions mentioned above may make children form new sleep habits. "Fear" will become a means for children to master the initiative of bedtime rituals. He might think, "If I were talking about monsters, my mother would stay in bed with me until I fell asleep." Because of the "added value" of fear, it is sometimes difficult to see whether children are really afraid or deliberately afraid. His body language can give you a clear boundary. If your child will have the same reaction to what he says he is afraid during the day and night, then he may be really afraid.

Basically-regardless of exceptions-bedtime rituals should always follow the same pattern. The best way for you to help your child is to listen to and face up to his anxiety and fear, and ensure that your care and love for him will never change.

scarey

So far, we have been talking about "normal" fears. This kind of fear makes children cry uneasily, but it is far less than the fear of panic.

A panicked child will hug his mother tightly, screaming, speechless and not wanting to be alone. A child in extreme fear needs special care from his parents. The problem of this kind of child is very serious. He needs help and support to find the cause and solve the problem. If you feel overwhelmed as a parent, please seek the help of professionals. Don't think this is a shameful thing.

horrible

Fear of nightmares can cause children to be afraid of sleeping. Nightmares are also caused by conflicts and experiences during the day, especially for children aged 3-6. Children are not yet able to think "rationally" about their emotions-such as anger, fear and guilt. In dreams, these emotions sometimes appear in strange ways. Nightmares are threatening young children, who still can't tell the difference between dreams and reality. When they wake up from a nightmare, they often feel threatened by the "horrible image" in their dreams. Their fears still exist, and they need comfort.

"There is a fish on the cupboard ..."

Ralph, who is almost four years old, has been tortured by the same nightmare every night for the past two weeks. Ralph woke up at two in the morning for the first time. He shouted in horror and pointed to the cupboard, insisting that he saw a fish on it. In any case, he doesn't want to stay in the room. He hugged his mother tightly and wanted to go to the living room. He burst into tears with fear.

Ralph couldn't sleep again that night. For the next two weeks, mother must sleep with him in his room. The light couldn't be turned off, and it took him a long time to fall asleep. Every night between 2: 00 and 3: 00, he wakes up and cries about fish. He can't sleep for hours. Then his mother will accompany him to the living room. He wants to drink water and listen to music. Ralph's mother is not sure what attitude she should take. In the first few nights, she was sure that Ralph was really scared. Gradually, she was not sure; Her reaction wavered between "there is no fish here" and "tell me what this fish looks like". In addition, she still swings between sympathy and anger. Because she can't improve the status quo wholeheartedly.

Ralph is also an easily frightened child during the day. Mosquitoes, spiders and other insects will arouse his fear. Therefore, the advice the mother got was, first of all, how to deal with her son's panic during the day more appropriately.

It is puzzling why fish played an important role in Ralph's dream. We made up a story about psychotherapy for Ralph. In this story, a child like Ralph and a lovely fish became good friends. The theme of the nightmare "fish" has gained a new meaning in the story, and it is no longer associated with fear. Ralph's mother began to tell this story to Ralph regularly every day.

It is difficult for us to judge whether Ralph's big sleep is really related to fear or whether it has become a habit. What helped Ralph the most was his mother's confident attitude and clear organization. She decided to let her son continue to sleep in his own bed. She installed a new nightlight in the room instead of a headlight. If Ralph wakes up at night, his mother will not mention the fish, but repeat the following sentence in a firm voice: "We don't turn on the headlights." "I am by your side, and nothing is wrong." "You lie down." "I'll watch you, so go back to sleep."

Mothers and sons are no longer allowed to leave the room or be distracted, such as drinking water or listening to music. Ralph will be woken up in the morning, so that he can't make up for the wasted sleep in the evening. The next night, Ralph was able to fall asleep quickly, and his sleeping habits improved obviously. Ralph cried for two hours on the first night. After that, for a while, he always woke up around two o'clock to report the fish dream, but fell asleep again within 10~30 minutes and stopped crying because of fear.

Is it a nightmare or a night terrors?

Dreams occur during dreaming. Children don't cry when they have nightmares, but when they are completely awake after the nightmare. Children will enter the first dream period about 3 hours after falling asleep, which mostly occurs in the middle of the night, and most nightmares appear at this time. The onset of night terrors is usually within 1~4 hours after falling asleep, which is the first 1/3 part of the night. At this point, the child will enter a semi-awake state from deep sleep. If this transition period cannot be successfully completed and the child stays half asleep and half awake for a long time, he will start shouting and struggling. In the table below, you can see the characteristics of nightmares and night terrors.

Focus on finishing

Some children behave differently when they sleep.

Three hours after falling asleep, the child will wake up from deep sleep 1~2 times. Some children stay in this state for a long time, and at the same time appear strange behaviors, such as talking in their sleep, sleepwalking quietly or night terrors accompanied by shouting and struggling.

Don't worry too much about most special behaviors while sleeping.

For children under 6 years old, special behaviors are usually not caused by psychological factors. Don't wake your child, observe him. If he refuses your comfort, leave him alone and don't ask him the next day. Make sure he has a regular schedule and gets enough sleep every day. Have confidence, the problem will disappear automatically with time.

Comfort after a nightmare

After the child has nightmares, he needs your comfort and assurance-you will always be there to protect him. Please avoid discussing fears and nightmares with your children at night. Try to find out the reason during the day.