Children's self-discipline is not innate, but depends on the guidance of their parents.

It is difficult for children to be self-disciplined and not make progress.

The first point: give up compulsion and give children an independent opportunity. When Mr. Tao Xingzhi gave a speech at Wuhan University, he specially brought a rooster and a rooster.

Put rice. He took the rice in his hand and forced the cock to eat it with his other hand. The rooster was frightened as a result. Instead of eating rice, he wandered around. Later, he sprinkled rice at will on the podium, and when he was away from the rooster, the rooster pecked the rice actively. Every child has a desire for autonomy and self, and educating children is like feeding chickens.

If we always control and force our children, it will not only destroy their inner motivation, but also easily arouse their rebellious psychology, which will make them run counter to our expectations. Give up all kinds of controls, orders and demands on children, respect their wishes, give them some independent opportunities, fully mobilize their subjective initiative, and let them actively do what they should do.

The second point: change the reward method and replace the material reward with spiritual reward, which can only play a temporary role. Most importantly, material rewards will change children's learning motivation and make them change from "I want to study" to "study for rewards". Once the reward stops, or the child's needs are not met, the child's interest and driving force in learning will disappear. Therefore, parents must learn to change the way of reward-give up material rewards and attach importance to spiritual rewards. Give children a satisfied smile, an appreciative look, a sincere encouragement and praise … Let them feel our love and attention.

Give your child a long-awaited trip, satisfy a child's wishes, watch a movie with your child, and play a football ... so that your child can get great satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. The richer the reward, the less bored the child will be. The more thoughtful the reward, the more lasting and effective the incentive for children.

It is difficult for children to be self-disciplined and not make progress.

The third point: explore the child's bright spot, less negative hints and give him more positive hints.

Rosenthal once wrote a "list of the most promising people" in a primary school, implying the famous Rosenthal effect. In fact, the students on this list are all randomly selected. Surprisingly, eight months later, all the students on the list got 10.

Everyone has made great progress and everything is better than before. If we always give our children some negative feedback or label them negatively: Why are you so careless? Why are you so lazy? Children will subconsciously accept such hints and prove with practical actions that "I am the person you said." If we often give our children some positive hints: you finished your homework in time today and wrote it carefully; You work hard;

You will be a very disciplined person in the future. Positive hints and positive expectations will warm children's hearts, promote their internal drive, and let them develop spontaneously in a good direction.

The fourth point: Don't nag, blame and urge, let the children experience the "natural consequences"

Children get up early and stay in bed, so let them taste the consequences of being late. If the child is careless in his homework, let him taste the taste of being criticized by the teacher. If children are greedy, let them taste the taste of hunger. As the story "Little Horse Crossing the River" tells us: No matter how many times others point out the danger to us, it is not as impressive as our own experience. Only by letting children gain experience from real experience and sum up lessons from experience can they truly understand what is right and what is wrong, and only then can they have the inner power of self-driving and self-control.

Fifth point: Don't rush for success, start with a small change.

American social psychologists Friedman and Fries made an experiment about "no pressure to yield". In the experiment, the experimenter went to two residential areas to do the same thing, and suggested that people put up "drive carefully" placards at their doorsteps. The difference is that the experimenter in the first residential area directly put forward this request to the residents, and the result was rejected by most residents, and only 17% residents agreed. The experimenter in the second residential area first asked the residents to sign a petition in favor of safe driving, and almost all the residents agreed.

A few weeks later, the experimenter asked the residents to post placards again, and 55% of the residents agreed. People are unwilling to accept higher and more difficult requirements, but are willing to accept smaller and easier requirements. Only after the easier requirements are realized will the bigger and more difficult requirements be accepted. The formation of good habits is not a day's work, and children can't be disciplined at once. Let's lower our demands on our children and start with a small change. When the child has done it, give the child positive praise in time, and then gradually raise the requirements so that the child can become a truly self-disciplined person.

Sixth point: first understand the child's psychological needs, and then solve the problem.

Once, I urged my child to do his homework, but the child dawdled for an hour and only wrote two questions. I saw her head down and kept picking her hands, and she didn't resist. "Why are you so lazy?" As soon as the voice fell, my daughter's tears fell down and she said very grievance: "Mom, it's not that I don't want to write. I don't know how to write next? " At that moment, I was suddenly surprised. It turns out that sometimes children don't want to do well, but ask us for help. When a child has bad behavior, the first thing we should do is not to criticize, blame and punish, but to accept the child's shortcomings, explore the child's psychological needs, and understand the reasons behind the child's behavior: Is it because the child is not self-disciplined in learning? Can't experience the joy of learning? Encountered insurmountable difficulties? Only by finding the real focus of the child can we prescribe the right medicine.