Mother-in-law is a natural enemy? Of course. Hold your ground and you will live in peace.
At that time, I would never have thought that the struggle between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was actually the most controversial power struggle in the family field. Its core is actually the invisible power struggle in the relationship between husband and wife.
When each couple forms a new family, they are branded with the brand of family origin, which seems to be manifested through family concepts, consumption habits, living habits, communication patterns and other factors, commonly known as "three views." In the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the two sides are often not evenly matched. The most likely situation is that the mother courted her son, or the son used her mother to defend and stabilize their long-term accustomed family order, so as to counter the family order brought to her by new family members.
What is even more frightening is that people are often unaware of this confrontation.
The star in the dormitory next door is the earliest among our girls. She met her current husband when she was an intern in her senior year. The star is a gentle woman in Jiangnan water town. Wu Nong speaks softly. And her husband, a rough man in North China Plain, is tall and powerful. They got their certificates as soon as the stars graduated.
Then the star got pregnant. My mother-in-law specially came from her hometown in Hebei to take care of her. In the past, two young people lived together, ordered takeout most of the time, and basically took care of their own lives. The star never thought that after her mother-in-law came, even if she just ate something, there would be countless family grudges.
When my mother-in-law arrived at her house, she brought a big bag of luggage, weighing 30 Jin. First of all, I declare that my future battlefield will be the kitchen. According to my own habits, I tidied up the kitchen, took a bunch of enamel bowls as big as dead ringer, and replaced the set of bone China tableware carefully selected by the stars when they got married. He also took out a large oil-proof and waterproof flower tablecloth from his bag to protect the dining table of piano baking process at home. Finally, I don't forget to take out a big jar of soy sauce from my bag and say to my son, are you greedy for this?
The star was dumbfounded. Before she could speak, her husband whispered in her ear. My mother is used to it. That's what happens when she's at home. She also came all the way out of kindness. Please forgive me.
So the star swallowed what he wanted to say.
Stars can see the changes in their small homes every day, such as the European sofa at home, which is tightly covered with old sheets because it has to cover the dust. For example, the goldfish bowl at home moved out of its original position unconsciously on the grounds that it was not conducive to Feng Shui. Everything at home has deviated from the habits of stars.
There are two things that stars can't stand most.
First, eating habits, not eating noodles or pancakes every day. Either green onions or soy sauce. And every time my husband only has one sentence, my mother is used to it. That's what happens when she's at home. As he spoke, he took the green onion dipped in soy sauce and said it was still cool. At this time, the star just wants to eat a bowl of white rice and a bowl of sparerib soup stewed by his mother.
Second, my husband suddenly became lazy, and he began to do nothing, while my mother-in-law would wash clothes for her husband and her, leaving the stars alone in the dirty clothes basket, and reminding them to wash them when she was free, otherwise bacteria would breed.
A month after her mother-in-law came, Xing Xing became ill. She felt that her abdominal muscles were about to cough up and her lungs were wet. It feels like someone stuffed a wet rag into her lungs, but her mother-in-law said she didn't agree to see a doctor and said pregnant women couldn't take medicine. Her husband didn't say a word
The stars finally broke out. She had a big fight with her mother-in-law and moved out alone.
In the whole process, the star husband never said a word.
I wrote this story, not to say that the star is too melodramatic, but because I deeply realized the sense of powerlessness when I just entered the marriage and faced the completely different living habits of my husband's family. If your husband can't see his predicament and helplessness at this time, he will remain silent. Silence is not necessarily "helping others to abuse", but it will certainly bring isolation and depression. I don't want to say that the star mother-in-law lacks a sense of boundaries, doesn't know how to respect her daughter-in-law's living habits and concepts, and has a strong desire for control.
Because this discussion is meaningless.
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are natural enemies.
They have their own familiar security fields and different living habits. In English, the word mother-in-law has three expressions: mother-in-law; Mother; Husband's mother; It is because the original mother-in-law and daughter-in-law became formal mother and daughter only because of her husband's existence. A "mom" is always not as refreshing as a "mom". Without the suffix "in-laws", even the possibility of contact is slim.
Of course, there is another possibility, that is, after years of baptism and seeking common ground while reserving differences, these two originally strange women, because of years of getting along, finally found that this relative around them, although not as close as mother and daughter, is also an important relative.
What's the point?
If you are stuck in the dispute between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law like a star, you have only one way to go-retreat to your position. Your position will always be your marriage itself.
Never pin your hopes for a happy marriage on your mother-in-law.
In your small family, you are the hostess and your husband is the master. You two are the core of this family.
Please take your attention back from your mother-in-law and put it on yourself and your husband.
Instead of caring that your mother-in-law ignores your preferences and tastes and only prepares the dishes that your husband likes, take some time to treat yourself to a beautiful private kitchen or enjoy a candlelight dinner for two with your husband.
Instead of hating your mother-in-law for taking care of everything and ignoring your status as a housewife, it is better to fall in love with your husband and make the family full of laughter. You know, the mother-in-law who intervenes in everything is worried that you are not good to her son.
Instead of obsessing over the big family life of her husband's family, it is better to manage your own small family so that both of them can grow up in close relationship.
Instead of Mr. Sad always loving his mother more than you, it is better to regard this part of loving his mother as part of your husband. True love means complete acceptance.
There is not an old man who doesn't want his son to live a happy life. When she sees that her son and your newly formed small family can live in harmony, and the husband and wife live in harmony, she will also refrain from touching your small family.
One day, the two women in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will gradually get along well in the process of family building by seeking common ground while reserving differences. If they are lucky, they may be able to appreciate each other.
Honey, as smart as you are, you just have to make a choice.