Why do families have so many conflicts and dissatisfaction? It was only after reading this that I suddenly understood
As the saying goes: if the old man is immoral, the family will suffer disaster; if the children are unfilial, there will be no blessings; if the man has no ambition, the family will be unhappy; if the woman is not gentle, the wealth will be driven away.
The elderly should promote the family tradition, the parents should model the family tradition, the husband and wife should control the family tradition, the children should inherit the family tradition, the grandchildren should obey the family tradition, and the brothers and sisters should compete with each other in family tradition.
Only if you have the Tao can you have virtue; if you don’t have the Tao, you will have no virtue; if you have virtue, you will have happiness; if you have no virtue, there will be no happiness.
1. The Tao of the Old Man
① The old man is the virtuous star of the family, with virtue as his root. "Virtue" means taking responsibility for one's faults and maintaining peace for one's faults.
② The old man is as gray as ashes, gentle and without anger. He talks less, does not nag, and does not talk about family members. He must take the lead and see each other's interests, and he must take care of the whole family.
③ Be content and happy, and take care of your destiny at home. Promote family traditions, praise ancestors' virtues, and educate children and grandchildren to know how to appreciate, be grateful, and repay kindness.
④ Don’t meddle in other people’s business and don’t worry too much about your children and grandchildren. “Children and grandchildren will have their own blessings.”
⑤ Don’t interfere in your children’s affairs, let your children take charge of the family, and don’t pretend to be senior.
⑥ If there are problems at home, the first thing to do is that there are loopholes in the behavior of the elderly. The first is failure to abide by one's duty, and the second is excessiveness.
⑦ When there are problems at home, the elderly should feel ashamed: I am the elderly who did not do well, had some bad qualities, and failed to educate my family well.
⑧ How does the old man make his family prosperous? That is to do more good deeds and accumulate negative virtues. On the one hand, you can cultivate virtue and avoid sin, on the other hand, you can cultivate virtue for your descendants and take root in them.
⑨ It is the best Feng Shui and the highest Feng Shui for the elderly to be virtuous.
2. Parental teachings
① Respect the elders above and love the young below. Use gratitude to improve everything and make the family harmonious.
② Promote the merits of the elderly and ancestors to their children, set an example of filial piety by respecting the elderly, and enlighten future generations by being grateful for the kindness of their ancestors.
③ Don’t arrange things for the elderly. They can do whatever they like. However, you should pay more attention to the elderly and always advise them to rest more.
④ Parents are the beginning of human relations, the way of yin and yang, yin is the mother and yang is the father. Only when yin and yang are in harmony can all things grow. If yin and yang are not in harmony, mental pain will occur, and if emotions are not in harmony, the children born will definitely be of bad nature, or there will be a lack of children.
⑤ Whether a child is healthy has a lot to do with the mother, and whether the child has wisdom has a lot to do with the father. Whether the child has good merit and solemnity depends on whether the parents often act with joy and love.
⑥ If your children are disobedient and unfilial, you must first ask yourself whether you are also unfilial to the elderly and whether you have done something wrong. The superiors do not recognize the merits of the parents (the elderly), and the inferiors (the children) do not educate them well.
⑦ Don’t resent your children, let alone beat or scold them, because the success or failure of your children is also related to the parents’ own moral character. Secondly, you must consider whether your own education methods are inappropriate.
⑧ Control means that parents let their own tempers go, find faults in their children, and go against their temper. Therefore, the more they control, the worse they become. Because using temper to control children not only fails to control them well, but also arouses their children's tempers, conflicts, and even father and son become enemies. This is all because parents do not understand the truth.
⑨ There is no need to control the children, it all depends on the influence of virtue. Understand his personality, help him cut small branches and leave big branches. Don't spoil, don't spoil, don't hit, don't scold. Encourage more, affirm often, criticize less, and use no material temptations.
3. The way of husband and wife
① The establishment of the entire family is based on love. Without love, a family cannot be established. Love is the first condition for starting a family.
② Fraternity is unconditional: it does not care about the person and does not bind the other person. Give the other person freedom.
③ Husbands and wives should make up for each other’s mistakes instead of blaming each other.
④ If it is the husband’s business, but he forgets to do it, the wife should not complain, but should do the job seriously; conversely, the husband should do the same. Make up for what the other party cannot do. This is to make up for each other's mistakes.
⑤ After the family, if a man cannot lead a woman to the right way, be filial to his parents-in-law, be a close friend to his brothers and sisters, and be kind to his children, even if he is very filial, the elderly will not be at ease. If a woman cannot help her husband become a virtuous person after marriage, she will be filial to her parents-in-law, and the old man will not feel at ease.
⑥ As an adult, a husband should take care of his father-in-law and mother-in-law, and a wife should be filial to her father-in-law and mother-in-law. For example, when buying things for the elderly, the son-in-law should give it to his father-in-law and mother-in-law in person, and the daughter-in-law should give it to her father-in-law and mother-in-law in person.
⑦ Men have their duties as men, and women have their duties as women. Yin and Yang each have their place. Men are based on uprightness; women are based on gentleness. "Strength" means immobility (not losing your temper), and "zheng" means conforming to the right principles. "Softness" must be like water, and "harmony" must be reasonable. Therefore, uprightness means softness, and softness means uprightness. Although the terms are different, the spirit is the same.
⑧ When husband and wife have conflicts, firstly, they violate the grace bestowed by heaven and earth; secondly, they violate the love bestowed by parents; thirdly, they violate the karma and destiny of their own destiny of many lives and calamities. If one violates the destiny of life, life will lose its reliance on positive rewards. The division between husband and wife is the division of life.
⑨ The way of husband and wife, that is, the way of yin and yang, if the husband and wife are obedient, the yin and yang qi are in harmony, and they do not restrain each other, not only will they not get sick or die young, but they will also have a healthy family and prosperous descendants. Therefore, men must understand women's ways, and women must understand men's ways, so that the family can be happy.
4. Husband’s Way
① A man must mean what he says, one means one, two means two, and he must do what he says.
② If you can’t do it, don’t say it. There is no dignity if your words don’t count.
③ If you are selfish, you will secretly do things that go against your conscience and make the whole family troubled. This kind of person is not a good man.
④ Rigidity means not only not hitting or scolding others, but also not answering, retorting, or getting upset when being scolded, and being inflexible (not losing your temper) even when scolded. Take advantage of prosperity and adversity, be at ease and at ease, and be a man if you do it.
⑤ Men are divided into three types of husbands: weak husbands, violent husbands, and husbands.
⑥ The husband has the courage to take on the responsibilities of the family and persuade others with reason. If the family makes mistakes, he will feel guilty.
⑦ As a husband, you must base your position on the "three cardinal principles". The three cardinal principles refer to the sex cardinal guide, the heart cardinal cardinal guide, and the physical cardinal cardinal cardinal cardinal guide; being immobile (not losing your temper) is the sex cardinal guide; The heart is the guideline; the absence of bad habits is the body guideline. Being angry is a violation of one's nature; swearing is a violation of one's heart; hitting someone is a violation of one's body. "Gang" means to lead, and a woman must be led on the road, filial to her parents-in-law at the top, harmonious to the sisters-in-law at the middle, and loving to the children at the bottom.
⑧ A man is the backbone of the family. He must be sensible, ambitious, and take care of his wife regardless of his wife.
⑨ If a man does his job well, there will be fewer disasters in the family; if a man does not do his job well, there will be many disasters in the family.
5. The Way of Wife
① Women are the mother of the country, the wife of the family, and the wife of people.
② A woman should be gentle, have a peaceful smile, and be popular with the family.
③ Like water, it follows the circle and squares it. It combines the five colors and does not compete with all things. It is at the lowest place. It is the duty of a woman to stay low and always think it is wrong.
④ If a woman is busy, a man will be silent; if a woman is not gentle, the family will not be prosperous.
⑤ Don’t be violent, impatient, wordy, and don’t meddle in men’s affairs. You should help your husband without tiring him out.
⑥ A woman has three wives: a strong woman, a weak woman, and a daughter-in-law. Women are violent, control men, bully men mentally, speak like thunder, and are called shrews. In such a family, if the yin is strong and the yang is weak, the husband will become prematurely old or even die young, and the children born will be useless. A woman who does nothing and relies entirely on her husband and parents is called a weak woman. A woman who is lazy, complains about everything and worries about others is the spoiler of the family, and neither a strong woman nor a weak woman is a daughter-in-law. The meaning of a daughter-in-law is to calm down the discord in the family, to be the auspicious messenger of a harmonious family, to be equal and harmonious to others, and to bring blessings to the whole family.
⑦ A daughter-in-law’s nature should be like water. Her nature is like water, she should be content and always happy. She means to be the root, to support the whole family, and to be harmonious and cheerful. As the happy star of the family, she is filial to her parents, harmonious to her sisters-in-law, and kind to her children, who can help her husband become a virtuous person. So that the husband has no internal worries, can contribute to the society, establish himself in the right way, and become famous and show his family. Not only in running a family, but also in social work, one can abide by one's duties and make contributions. Only then can you have a long-lasting family fortune and long-term happiness.
⑧ Whether a family is happy, quiet, and prosperous, the role of the wife is very important. If a woman can be a wife who is as good as water, she will surely have a son, help her husband become a virtuous person, and have a happy family.
6. The way of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
① The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the family are all from other surnames. When they come to the same home, they are like mother and daughter.
② The Tao lies in the combination of kindness and righteousness, and if you live in harmony with the Tao, you can serve for life. If they are not in harmony with the Tao, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not get along, causing disagreements in housework and living separately, the family will fall apart, and the family will not be prosperous.
③ Mother-in-law has been a daughter-in-law for many years. When she marries a daughter-in-law, she becomes a mother-in-law. The daughter-in-law is a girl at home, and as soon as she leaves the palace and goes to her mother-in-law's house, she becomes a daughter-in-law.
④ The mother-in-law comes early and understands everything; the daughter-in-law comes late and doesn’t understand everything. The mother-in-law will lead her daughter-in-law to the road, treat her as a daughter, tell her what she doesn't know, guide her, and don't make things difficult for her.
⑤ Originally, the daughter-in-law was not born to the mother-in-law. If the mother-in-law does not understand the truth, she does not show kindness first, highlights her shortcomings first, or uses the big one to suppress the small ones, and uses her temper to control her, her words will always cause evil. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will How can good feelings happen?
⑥ Every family should imagine that their daughter is marrying into the family, and the mother-in-law should love her daughter-in-law as she loves her own daughter. If this is not possible, the daughter-in-law will treat her future daughters-in-law in the same way, creating a vicious cycle.
⑦ A daughter-in-law should respect her parents-in-law as her own parents. The ancients said: Everyone in life has double parents. So both parents should be treated equally.
⑧ If you are unfilial to your parents-in-law and sow the seeds, when your children grow up, they will definitely receive the consequences of their unfilial parents.
⑨ The family will be harmonious and everything will be prosperous. If you want your husband to be noble and your children to be virtuous, you must be filial to your parents-in-law, and your life will be prosperous. Otherwise, the dew among the flowers and the frost on the grass will not last long. Learning the Tao is not to ask others, but to improve oneself.
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