How to use dry humor to describe how cold the weather is?

As follows:

1. Winter is the most hooligan, always likes to freeze my hands and feet.

2. If you are tall, your clothes are not suitable for cold weather. It is better to go to bed early and get up early.

3. The weather is so cold. I went to the playground to bake the fruits and heat them up. Finally, I can eat them.

4. The weather is nice, I drink hot and cold water one cup after another, but I feel bitter inside, and no one gives me candy.

5. It’s cold, don’t act cool, remember to wear more clothes, after all, I’m not with you.

6. If I get lost, then you are my eyes. The weather is so cold that I can’t even think of going out.