Do you believe in children with bad nature?
This is different from what we usually say about a person "this person has a good temperament" and "I want this temperament".
"Congenital temperament" refers to the child's innate psychological tendency, such as the child's psychological activities, psychological feelings, and what kind of behavioral reactions he will make. This is an innate genetic feature of children, which may be gradually formed during the fetal period. It is often influenced by genetic genes and has certain stability over time.
There are no exactly the same snowflakes in the world, and neither are children. From the moment of birth, the child's genes have been decided, in fact, his innate temperament has also been decided. And innate temperament itself is not good or bad.
When we are raising children, we always hear the voices of people around us: children are so introverted, what should we do in the future? Don't you want to do something? The child is so stubborn, you need to cultivate him more and make him cheerful and generous.
When we always treat children by our own standards, we will question their "bad temper", worry about their "unsociable", and even fail to see the bright spot behind their personality. These seemingly beautiful intentions are actually labeling children.
But in fact, different temperament dimensions cannot be distinguished by good or bad. For example, children with high persistence are liked by everyone and have strong learning ability, but when they are angry, they are persistent and difficult to appease. Isn't it a headache, too
When discovering the innate temperament of children, what we need is a dialectical way of thinking to guide children, which can also stabilize our mentality.
Every child's temperament is not a defect, but their unique characteristics. Therefore, respecting children's nature can actually help us better find a parenting style that suits each child's personality. Will the child's temperament change? Of course, temperament can be changed, and it is often influenced by our parents, families and society.
If innate temperament is the background color of children's personality, then the parenting style of parents and families, as well as the acquired living and growing environment, different temperament types need different parenting styles and different growing environments, and the result of mutual adjustment of these three will eventually constitute the final temperament result of our children, which will also directly affect their future development.
In psychology, one word will be particularly emphasized, that is, matching degree.
Generally speaking, the growth environment we set for children and the support and help we give them are just suitable for their own temperament characteristics, which can help children complement each other and give play to their unique characteristics. We call it "fit model". On the contrary, it is an "unsuitable model".
We need to help children develop and cultivate their own advantages. Because each child's temperament type is different, children always have different strengths and weaknesses. For example, many children who are highly distracted may be more interested in exploring things, creativity and curiosity because their coping mechanisms and reaction abilities are sensitive enough.
Therefore, providing creative and energetic children with more graffiti and exploration areas with greater freedom can also stimulate children to immerse themselves in this environment and enjoy the focused exploration process in their favorite world. By analogy, we can help children explore more and develop their own advantages according to their innate temperament.
One thing we need to keep in mind is that the difference in innate temperament is not a child's defect. Only by recognizing this can we explore and find a deployment direction that suits ourselves and our children. Moreover, in this process, it is actually the deployment of your self-growth. You will provide enough emotional support to your child more calmly and face a lot of pressure more calmly.