Humorous joke

A young man received a dear John letter from his girlfriend, which said, "Although.

Our relationship is over, but you must compensate me for the loss of my youth for four years.

Lost ... "

The young man replied with a short message: "Honey, I can't afford this money."

Yes, because you have no insurance. "

Intergenerational friendship

A man said to his new girlfriend, "If you insist.

Tell me your age, so I have to tell others that you are a friend who has forgotten the year. "

Chemistry fan

A young man and a young woman fell in love. This man is studying chemistry at the moment.

Study and work very hard. In the park, other lovers are talking about love, but he is there.

Write a chemical formula for your girlfriend on the grass. Girlfriend in order to get his attention

Italy, one day deliberately wore a bright flower dress. As soon as they meet, he will definitely

He looked enviously at his girlfriend's dress and shouted, "This dress is really beautiful.

Beauty. "

The girlfriend thought, "It's hard to impress him." However, I didn't expect

Then he said, "The pictures above are all desirable benzene rings."

blow/throw a kiss (at)

The angry father scolded his daughter, "Clara, why do you study in a big school?"

Blow a kiss to that strange young man in public? What a pity! "

"Why? He blew me a kiss first, if I didn't let go.

Throw it back. Don't you want me to keep it? "

Freeze for seven days

A couple was very angry and decided to "punish" each other for a week.

I can't get through.

A week later, the woman spoke first: "Since you can endure seven."

If I don't call tomorrow, I won't answer the phone for seven days. "

The sun and the ocean

A couple of lovers are at the seaside.

Man: "I remember a poet who wrote,' Warm the sun is selfless'.

Kiss the blue ocean. Dear, I want to be a selfless sun, and you?

It's a blue ocean. "

Woman: "What about after sunset?"

Jiazhuang

The two beggars are very close. They met in front of a restaurant this morning.

Yes One of them said, "congratulate me quickly!" " I finally got engaged for my daughter.

Yes! "

"Heartfelt congratulations! Who is the groom? "

"Bigger's left ear is a little deaf. “

"Good boy! How much dowry did you give him? "

"Don't ask that! I'm going to take the whole Mill Street and half a cow.

Give him Ning Street, and I will never beg there again. "

I do

Director: "Miss Wang! The young man was anxious to shoot this scene.

Rush into your room, hug you, tie you with a rope, and then

He kissed you madly. "

Heroine: "Is this man tall and beautiful?"

Director: "Of course! Hey, why do you ask this? "

Heroine: "Then, he doesn't have to tie me up."

I don't know

The girl asked her boyfriend who was almost fifty years old, "Honey, how many do you have?"

Years old, you look very young. "

Boyfriend: "I don't know. You can be as old as you say. "

Girl: "Then what year were you born?"

Boyfriend: "I was confused when I was born." Who knows which one? "

Years! "

Monocular aiming

Woman: "Why do you use one eye every time you look at me?"

Man: "You don't know? This is clearer. "

Woman: "Why?"

Man: "It's very simple. We aim with one eye when shooting. "

Quasi? "

saviour

On the boat, a beautiful girl proudly said to the passengers, "I am today."

God saved the lives of more than 800 of you. Do you think greatness is not great? "

Passenger: "How did you save it?"

Girl: "because the captain threatened me if I didn't agree with his request."

If he gets married, he will sink a boat and let everyone die at the bottom of the sea, so I have to answer.

Answer him. "

lower the standard

Woman: "You have good conditions in all aspects. Why didn't you find a woman before? "

Friends? "

Man: "Because my eyes are too high."

Woman: "Then I am honored to be your girlfriend now."

Man: "No, but now I have lowered my eyes."

The difference of a word

A young woman on a farm wrote to her boyfriend in the city and said, "In everyone's home.

With the help, my stomach is getting bigger and bigger. ……"

After reading the letter, her boyfriend was confused and couldn't sleep all night, muttering to himself.

Whispered: "childhood friends, meet unexpectedly ..."

The next day, he came to his girlfriend's farm. He froze as soon as they met.

Look at her carefully. Because of the cold weather, she is wearing a thick cotton-padded coat, and her body is really weak.

Looks a little bloated. After a long time, he said stupefied, "Let's break up."

All right! "

"Break up? ! What does this mean? "

"What do you mean? ! You know it yourself! "

"Do you understand? What do I know? " She asked incredulously.

"In your belly, don't you get it?"

"What belly, say it again!"

"The belly is what you said in your letter, don't you forget?"

"oh! What I said in my letter is that my courage is growing. "

I hate asking this question.

Man: "Honey, how old are you?"

Woman: "I hate it when you ask that."

Man: "Why?"

Woman: "Nothing! Just like I asked you how much money you had in your wallet.

Sample! "

Love grave

There is a man who wants to end his long-distance love run for more than ten years and is happy.

The groom. After the auspicious day was determined, he was idle and found through the Gregorian calendar

This day turned out to be "only suitable for burial", so he had to laugh at himself and say, "This is really called burial.

Marriage is the grave of love! "

Diplomatic temperament

Son: "Dad, what is a diplomat?"

Father: "A diplomat remembers his girlfriend's birthday, but forgets her age."

People. "

Worship the elderly

The New Year has passed 10 days, and a young man forgot to give it to his daughter.

My friend wrote a love letter during the New Year's greetings. At the end of the letter, he wrote: "Good luck.

I wish you happiness in your later years! "

A butterfly in love with flowers

In summer, a young man and a young woman are in love, and the man points to Qiang.

The flower said, "Dear, you are as beautiful as this blooming flower."

The woman said, "Then I am a flower. What are you? "

The man said, "I am a butterfly with flowers!" " "

The woman said, "I don't like butterflies!" " "

The man said, "Why?"

The woman said unhappily, "Look, that butterfly has flown to the Chinese rose again."

Yes "

Eyes of love

A pair of lovestruck men and women meet. At the time of appointment, Gu.

Mother was very angry when waiting for the young man to arrive. In hindsight.

Tao, the young man postponed his appointment in order to see off a lost old woman.

Yes

When she got home, the girl cried to her mother sadly and said, "He has no idea.

Love me and forget me for an old woman! "

Mother stroked her daughter's head and smiled and advised, "Silly boy,

He can care so much about an old woman he doesn't know, and he can still not love her in the future.

What about you? ! "

The more the better.

The young man wants to choose a New Year card for his fiancee.

"That's right, it's beautifully painted! It says,' The only thing for me.

Best wishes from my sweetheart! ""The salesgirl gave it to him.

An idea.

"That's great! Give me a dozen ... "

Let me do it.

In the shade of a tree, a couple are hugging and kissing. A doctor saw it,

In the past, he said to the man, "You are so confused. You should give artificial respiration. "

Put her flat on the ground. Go away and let me do it. I am a doctor. "

Cupid

One day, Xiao Chen saw this sentence in his girlfriend's love letter.

Saying, "Cupid's arrow hit me ..." I couldn't help being furious. he

I immediately found my girlfriend and asked, "Where did Cupid shoot you? this

Which unit is this boy from? I want to teach him a lesson! "

marry

Because of their son's marriage, the father and son quarreled fiercely.

At this time, the son's mother came in to stop the fight. The son took his mother,

Say, "Mom, I have never interfered in your marriage, but why did Dad do it?"

Why do you always interfere in my marriage? ! "

Rear riots

A young couple stood quietly in front of the door. After a while, he was afraid.

"If I kiss you now, will you call your mother?" She asked.

She asked inexplicably, "What? Do you still want to kiss her? "

Enthusiastic you

A man asked after donating blood, "Is my blood hot?"

Really? "

The nurse nodded yes. The man said, "Give me a certificate."

Really? "

The nurse looked at him doubtfully. The man explained, "My girlfriend often scolds me.

I am a cold-blooded animal. I want to prove to her that I am not! "

Know the time.

The etiquette teacher of the YWCA teaches students how to make great contributions to their male partners.

A chance to concentrate. She said, "Sit still in the car and let him call you."

Open the door. "Then she added," but if he has left.

Don't wait until you enter the restaurant before ordering. "

The chemist proposed marriage.

The chemist wrote to his girlfriend: "I am oxygen atom O, and you are hydrogen atom."

Our union is as stable as water (H2O). "

Girlfriend wrote back: "Where is the other H?"

More hope

"I came to you to propose to your daughter." The young man said.

"Have you talked to my wife?" Father asked.

"Yes, but I prefer to marry your daughter."

Have no chance to have children

A young woman who was about to get married decided to give it a try at the last minute.

Explore her sweetheart. So, she chose a beautiful girlfriend

Although she knew it was an adventure, she said to her, "I'll arrange it tonight."

Jack takes you out-take a walk by the sea in the moonlight and enjoy a dragon meal.

Shrimp dinner. To test his loyalty, I want you to ask him for a kiss. "

My girlfriend smiled and blushed and agreed. The dangerous plan began.

The next day, the woman in love went to see her girlfriend and was very anxious.

Quietly asked, "Have you asked him?"

"No."

"No? Why not? "

"I don't have a chance. He asked me first. "

Play the real thing and pretend to do it

Jiali brought her new boyfriend to her home and got home.

In her mouth, Belle said to her boyfriend, "You can kiss me now, but I must kiss you later."

Give you a slap in the face because my father is looking out of the window. "

Selecting female teachers

A young man has three good girlfriends, one is a doctor,

One is a telephone operator, and the other is a teacher.

One day, the young man asked his mother which of them was suitable for the job.

His partner. The mother immediately replied, "Of course my child is a female teacher."

Teacher! "

"Why?"

"It's not clear? Because doctors always say,' It's next.

Telephone operators often say things like "please be brief".

Female teachers are different from them. She always said so kindly, "I

Let's try again, we might as well try again, don't lose heart, we will succeed in the end.

Gong. "

Yang Biao

A: "Yesterday, my fiancee praised me in front of everyone."

B: "What did she praise you for?"

A: "She said I was good at solving problems. I won't wash my socks when they are dirty. I turned them over.

I wore it for another week. "

A shy man

A shy man will never have the courage to be with the woman he loves.

Love. Although she likes him very much, she often creates opportunities to make him look good.

Express his love, but he can't use all the machines she makes.

Yes

One night, he sat with her on a bench in the park. As usual, he

There's nothing more to say. She couldn't help hinting at him: "It is said that one of men."

The length of an arm is equal to a woman's waist. Do you believe it or not? "

"Is it true?" He replied? Unfortunately, I didn't bring a rope.

Let's measure it. "

Fortunately, we haven't dated yet.

Man: "Hello, dear!" " "

Woman: "Who's calling, please?"

Man: "What do you think?"

Woman: "I can't see!" " "

Man: "Do you recognize who it is?"

Woman: "I don't recognize it either."

Man: "Goodbye (put down the phone), deaf and blind. So is my cousin.

Yes, how to introduce such a person? Fortunately, we haven't had a blind date yet. "

Mark what?

Man: "I dreamed last night that I proposed to you." You said this offer

What's your goal? "

Woman: "It shows that you are more emotional when you sleep than when you are awake."

jump

"Xiao Chen, tell me, what's the progress of your relationship with Lily?

Really? "

"No .. whenever I tell her that I love her, she quickly puts

Let's talk about marriage. "

elegant

Woman: "My boyfriend is very gentlemanly."

Girlfriend: "How is he?"

Woman: "When he kisses me, he always takes the cigarette out of his mouth."

Girlfriend: ". . 。”

inner beauty

A young man dressed in very fashionable clothes went to find his girlfriend. Nvpeng

Friends are disgusted with his affectation, neither male nor female, so they are very dissatisfied.

He said, "I hate your external beauty and like your internal beauty."

Hearing this, the young man quickly unbuttoned his coat and pointed to the embroidery on his chest.

Danhua's green sweater said, "Look, it's beautiful in me, too."

fish in troubled 【muddied】waters

A couple is traveling together. When the train they took passed for a long time.

When the tunnel came out, the man said, "If I had known that the tunnel was so long,

I will give you a kiss! "

"My God!" The woman exclaimed, "It wasn't you who kissed me just now.

Really? "

Beware of being fooled.

Qing Qing said to her mother, "Mom, I found Amin was really my choice."

Man, every time he hugs me, I can hear his heartbeat. "

Mother warned, "Look out! Your father used one in those days.

The pocket watch cheated me! "

I am no exception.

My girlfriend bought a new pen for her boyfriend. She tentatively asked, "Buy it!" "

Whose name will you write first with this pen? "

My boyfriend asked, "Do you want me to tell the truth?"

The girlfriend said, "Of course, to tell the truth."

The boyfriend replied, "97% of men try to write their own pens first."

My name, and I am no exception. "

Cut and dry

A well-dressed young man came to an upscale hotel.

On entering the door, he handed the usher a shilling.

The usher weighed the shilling with his hand in confusion and said wryly, "Why?"

Yao, are you going to use this money to order food? "

The young man quickly explained, "no, no, I will live with an aunt later."

Mom, please tell us loudly:' Today is full, please go somewhere else'.

Thank you! "

I am really hurt.

A young man and a young woman are strolling along the boulevard.

Woman: "We were shot by Cupid's arrow."

Man: "it doesn't matter if you shoot me, but I can't shoot you." As long as I am here, I am sure.

I can't let you get hurt. "

Woman: "I'm really hurt."

I'll die of heat.

Man: "honey, if I take a good look at your face, I will."

I'll buy you a pair of mink gloves; If you let me shake your hand, I will

I'll buy you a silver fox skin scarf; If I kiss you, I will.

Buy you an otter skin shawl; Ah, if I were to ... "

Woman: "Enough, enough! I will die of heat! "

Yuanyang

By the pool in the zoo, a young man is holding the girl's hand.

Said, "Let's live together forever like a pair of mandarin ducks, shall we?"

The girl replied regretfully, "It's fine, but I haven't learned to swim yet."

So what! "

Pay attention to packaging when exporting.

My brother and sister are old enough to love beauty. They are not interested in their clothes.

Very particular. But mother often buys new clothes for her sister and ignores her brother.

To this end, the younger brother was very unhappy and said that his mother was eccentric. Mom has her reasons.

Meat, said: "For export, we should pay special attention to packaging."

Andrew advertisement

one

"Are you my sweetheart? I have been in business for many years, and I am very smart.

Very rich. Although he is forty years old, he is still young and handsome. Disadvantages, or

Xu is a little richer. I sincerely hope that women with beautiful and warm knots will not smoke.

Alcoholic, aged between 20 and 35. If you are interested, please send it.

Biography with Xiaoyu's photo and phone number. Note: don't forget to attach it.

Zhao Yu! "

two

22 years old, virgin, flight attendant. Gentle and handsome.

Li Tong is reasonable and a good cook. Once touched, it will surprise you.

Surprise. Looking for a man with rich economy, regardless of age or race, but he must

Treat people sincerely. I hope you can accompany me to go shopping in Paris and eat in Rome. such as

From the moment we met, if he can attract me for three months, I will marry him. hope

Good luck and wait for good news. "

pure love

A pair of lovers snuggled up to each other. The man said, "Dear.

Dear, I want to dedicate all my pure love to you! "The woman listened to one leng,

I said, "which one of those impure children are you going to give it to?"

Find a husband

Introducer: "What do you think of each other?"

Young woman: "I know nothing about him."

Introducer: "Getting married is a big deal, you should think it over."

Young woman: "No need! Anyway, I am looking for my husband's family. "

Not yet a master.

A young man went to XX University to visit his girlfriend, and the doorman asked.

He filled in the visitor list. Name, gender, address, age ... until.

In the last column "relationship", I saw the young man think for a long time and fill in "Shang"

It didn't happen.

General-purpose language

Mom: "This young man is very beautiful, with a high salary and a good job, but you are different."

It means, what are you looking for? "

Daughter: "I want to find someone who has a common language."

Mom: "He is not a foreigner. How can he not have a common language?"

Words? "

Marriage advertisement

A farmer wanted to label his daughter's marriage "personals".

There will be a cow in the makeup. In order to save words, farmers put "marriage"

The number of words of "things" is reduced to a minimum. As a result, the changes published in the newspaper

Like this: "The man who marries my daughter Emma will have a good cow!" " "

Obey mother's instruction.

Woman: "Mom always tells me that no matter what you ask me before you get married.

Yao, I should answer' no'. "

Man (thinking): "Do you mind if I shake your hand?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "Don't you object to my kissing you?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "So, you won't refuse to have sex with us, will you?"

Woman: "No."

Man: "ah! Long live your mother! "

Serious problem

A young man and a woman were sitting on a park bench, snuggling up to each other.

Gaze thoughtfully. After a long time, the girl whispered to her boyfriend:

"Angus, if you tell me what you are thinking, I will give you a hand.

Stone. "

The young man replied, "I was thinking, if you give me a small one."

Kiss, it's perfect. "

The girl blushed and kissed him. After a while, she added, "I ...

Angus, spend another penny on what you think now. "

"This time I am thinking about a serious problem." The young man said.

"Is there a problem, Angus?" The girl asked shyly.

"I was thinking, now you should pay me that penny."

Understand people's hearts

Man: "dear! Do you know my heart? "

Woman: "You should know me before I know your heart."

Heart, why ask more? "

Speak a foreign language

A young man who loves watching foreign movies decided to meet for the first time.

Show the art of speaking in front of your girlfriend. So, the young man said:

"Good morning, nice to meet you. You are so beautiful. Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

Coffee? "

Girlfriend said, "No, thanks. Let's eat western food together!" " "

An incomprehensible letter

A girl went to a drugstore full of customers. She waited patiently.

She stayed until everyone bought the medicine and went out, then she went to the pharmacist.

Give him a letter and ask him to read it. She said, "This is my boyfriend.

From. He is a doctor, and only a pharmacist can read his handwriting. "

Professional instinct

A young lady who works as a clerk in a department store talked about it for the first time.

Love. After the first kiss with her boyfriend, she asked, "What else do you want?"

What? "

Are all the same color.

At the marriage agency.

"Young lady, do you like men with yellow hair or men with black hair?

People? "

"I want a man with red hair! You know, everything in my family.

The furniture is all red! "