How to make marriage last?

How to maintain a long-term marriage? Rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, as well as those trivial matters and ramblings, will always erase the feelings of two people in the long river of time. Do you know how to keep a long marriage? What's the secret to a long marriage? Let's take a look. How to maintain a long-term marriage 1 Arthur Joramikali, a famous psychologist, said: Only when we become empathetic and can truly understand the feelings of others, will our hearts get the peace and happiness we have been looking for. Speaking of this sentence, these three words must have emerged automatically! That is empathy! ! ! That's right. People with empathy are very likely to be happy in marriage. In an unhappy marriage, people often say: Why can't ta understand me? Why is every quarrel deadlocked? In fact, because there is no empathy between husband and wife, the problems between husband and wife are just accusations and never try to understand each other. People without empathy can't touch each other's hearts. So I will never feel the beauty and love of marriage. The most terrible thing is that the husband and wife are angry because they don't understand each other, and the other party loses his temper and tries to obey. This can not only solve the problems existing in marriage itself, but also accelerate the consumption of each other's feelings. There is a saying in the book Cold Violence: Without empathy, you will not respect others, let alone treat others as human beings and know the pain you may bring to others. People who have no empathy, no matter who they marry or have problems, can't live in harmony. Maybe after seeing this, what is empathy? Empathy is a psychological concept put forward by psychologist carl rogers. Specifically, it is the ability to understand other people's feelings, understand other people's positions, and think and deal with problems from the perspective of others. No matter what kind of emotional problems you face in marriage, even trivial matters such as daily necessities, as long as you look at them in your heart, you will not be accused; As long as you give what you need, love can be sublimated. One thing is fresh in my memory. I'm going to Shanghai on business this Valentine's Day. In the evening, a former colleague and his wife in Shanghai invited me to their home. On entering the door, I saw a big bouquet of roses in the living room. So I congratulate my colleague, my wife: you are so lucky! Your husband is so busy at work that he doesn't forget to send you flowers on Valentine's Day. When I said this, my colleague immediately smiled: He is so busy, how can I let him buy me flowers again! Every Valentine's Day, I buy flowers for myself and give them to him. A colleague's husband went on to say: shameless! It's not that I don't want to buy a bunch of flowers for my wife in person, but because I'm busy, I can't spare time. Thank your wife for understanding. You can feel the romance of our family every Valentine's Day. After listening to my husband's confession, my colleague was as happy as a little girl: my husband is very tolerant and he is satisfied with everything I do. As the saying goes, if you live in empathy, you won't get the Qian Qian knot. People with empathy can fully understand and appreciate each other and understand each other's thoughts and needs, so they can give them accurately. My colleague is like this: she not only understands the difficulties behind her husband's glamorous day, but also buys flowers to share his difficulties; Not only does she think she likes the romance of Valentine's Day, but she also thinks that her husband is no exception. Not only did she not have any dissatisfaction, but she heard tolerance from her husband's words. Through her empathetic care, she not only eased the other person's uneasy heart, but also ignited the power of love in his heart. Daniel Gauterie, an American psychologist, said: I know everyone is eager for fair treatment, and I hope you can fight for yourself, but further, I hope you can turn your anger into the ability of others to fight for justice. This sentence tells us that the true meaning of a happy marriage is to accept each other as you accept yourself. Years are long, and there are no couples without problems in the world. Only by empathizing can two people appreciate each other and move forward hand in hand. Tony Leung Ka Fai and his wife Jiang Jianian are still inseparable after 30 years of marriage, which is a typical example. When Tony Leung Ka Fai was in financial difficulties, she took her wife for coffee to celebrate her birthday. I found it very cheap when I settled, and I felt that the store was very warm. Later, I learned that it was my wife who greeted the store in advance: when he came to spend, she would be responsible for all the 50% off balance. She understands his heart and the nobility behind his poverty. The most important thing is that she should fulfill his nobility. It turns out that poor couples with empathy can get along so well! Tony Leung Ka Fai holds her hand every time she goes out with her wife. No matter how others say that her looks don't match him, what he tells her is the same: my wife is the best woman in the world; I think my wife is getting more and more beautiful ... he knows her heart, and she knows the extraordinary essence behind her no longer beautiful appearance. The most important thing is that he will make her extraordinary. How to maintain a long-term marriage 2 Spiritual fit Speaking of spiritual fit, it seems more challenging. It is not easy to find a spiritual lover, and it is even more difficult to keep the spirit growing synchronously after finding it. The so-called spiritual harmony has two meanings: lovers' values are similar, and their thoughts keep growing synchronously; Both sides are willing to talk and listen. In a pluralistic society, it is really not easy to put words together. Education, family environment and growth experience have shaped different life backgrounds and values. If the values are very different, it will be more difficult to communicate. What's more, time is passing, society is progressing, and everyone will continue to grow. Looking back, they may not know themselves ten years ago. In such a change and growth, how to keep pace with it is also worth pondering. But in the final analysis, the core of these problems lies in communication, speaking and listening. However, if there is no love, will you talk to each other as the most trusted person? Are you willing to listen to each other's complaints and troubles? Are you willing to comfort ta softly when she is sad? Don't try to anesthetize yourself with the golden sentence "Marriage is affection, love is love" to find a loveless person to marry. Love is based on lust, and kinship is based on blood, and there is no transformation between them. Life without love in marriage is like making a living in a job you don't like. There is a time limit for this patience. As long as you have a chance to find a job you like, you will want to leave. Remember to ask yourself when making a choice, how long can you live without love? The magnetic field of rolling sheets has different benefits, such as strengthening the body, prolonging life, reducing the risk of heart disease, hypertension, cancer, depression and other diseases, and regulating human hormone secretion. However, it should be noted that the difference between human beings and other animals is that "human beings are advanced animals with mental activities". Human sexuality is not only physical communication, but also spiritual communication. Rolling sheets has only a narrow sense of sex, and a broad sense of sex also includes kissing, hugging, holding hands, eye contact and so on. After a hard day, I took it home for ten minutes and buried my head in my lover's neck. When the lover washes the dishes, he hugs ta's waist and sticks his face on ta's back. Sitting hand in hand on the sofa watching movies ... these intimate behaviors that happen anytime and anywhere make life interesting. Sex is so beautiful, but the reality is not optimistic. Some marriage psychologists have pointed out that the reason for divorce in China is personality incompatibility. In fact, 50% are sexual incompatibility, but I am embarrassed to point it out in the divorce agreement. I have a friend who is a young medical expert in assisted reproductive research. According to his clinical experience, 90% of patients whose sexual life disorder affects fertility are actually psychogenic. In the outpatient clinic, he has to convince many couples that you are not suffering from fertility caused by physical illness, but should look at the root of the problem from the relationship between husband and wife. You need to look at your marriage. Is there love in it? Do you really need a child to maintain your marriage? The premise of making love is love. How can you make good love without love? Living habits are in line with popular family dramas in recent years, which has told us that it is not easy to eat together. Taste is cultivated from an early age, and the cultural differences between north and south are vividly reflected. Southerners like to eat light food, while northerners have heavy taste; You like salt and I like cooking with sugar. Your Dragon Boat Festival Zongzi is sweet. I have loved to eat big meat dumplings wrapped by my mother since I was a child, and so on. The struggle on the dining table will extend to the kitchen, and the struggle in the kitchen will also spread to the living room, bedroom, bathroom and balcony … everywhere. Divorce caused by different ways of squeezing toothpaste and different opinions on the color of paint for painting walls can be brought to court. If there is no love, can you stand your other half being so different from you in living habits? Are you willing to spend time and energy running in with ta? Tips: If you want to have a long-term marriage, you need to have enough tacit understanding with your partner and fit in with each other's living habits. Maintaining a marriage requires the efforts of both parties. How to maintain a long-term marriage 3 "seven killers" that hinder a long-term marriage 1. The lack of corners in the house is the first killer leading to the "seven-year itch". If the house you live in lacks corners, especially the northwest corner or southwest corner, it is very unfavorable for couples. 2. The sitting direction of the house is the second killer leading to the "seven-year itch". Dr. Zheng once said that if the sitting direction is north to east 15 degrees (south to west 15 degrees), the house will step on the ghost gate line, and the main murderer will not only affect feelings, but also affect health and fortune. 3. The poor structure of the house is the third biggest killer leading to the "seven-year itch". For example, whether the bedroom is in the northwest or southwest of the house, whether the door of the bedroom faces the bathroom, the kitchen door or other doors, whether there is a mirror in the bedroom, and whether there are things that should not be put in the bedroom, such as masks; Whether there are beams and furniture in the room are placed according to the principle of left high and right low; Whether the kitchen stove and the vegetable sink are in the same line, etc. , will greatly affect each other's feelings. 4. Improper placement of indoor plants is the fourth killer plant that leads to the "seven-year itch". Not all families can put it, and there is also a sense of where to put it. For example, couples playing Wang Mu are not suitable for placing plants; If you encounter a lack of wood, you need to put plants, but also broad-leaved plants, not vines and prickly plants. Moreover, it should be noted that usually a plant cannot be placed alone in a room to prevent it from falling into a "trapped" environment. Inadvertently placing a fish tank is the fifth biggest killer leading to the "seven-year itch". Dr. Zheng said that fish tanks should usually be placed in the descending position of the house, not in the prosperous position. Moreover, the texture, shape, height, color, species and quantity of fish in the fish tank should be matched. 6. Calligraphy, painting and handicrafts hanging at home are the sixth biggest killer of the "seven-year itch". As the saying goes, everything is animistic, and the content of calligraphy and painting is inappropriate or carelessly placed, which will also lead to the problem of emotional marriage. 7. The environment around the house is the seventh killer of the "seven-year itch". In addition to the structural layout of the house, you should also pay attention to whether the surrounding environment outside your house is beneficial to you. For example, there are viaducts, high-voltage lines, busy streets, curved roads and civil works under construction outside the house, which will affect feelings and marriage.