Every year, every year, every year composition

I still remember that those New Years filled with firecrackers and colorful lanterns were accompanied by a person named Leng Zeng. She always has a smile on her face and says to her grandchildren, "My children, it's great to be one year older again."

Yes, that’s great. The bright smile covered the wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, making her look particularly beautiful.

1

First fall into the world. It was still the name given by grandma, who took care of her for the first year.

Beep beep, there was just a busy sound on the other end of the phone.

He said that he would not come back this year. Ask her to take good care of his wife and children Tian Xin and have a good New Year. However, without him, how can we live a good year this year? When Tian Xin has no husband, what kind of year can be considered a good year? Not to mention that she, a little old lady, had to live without a son, just... Thinking of this, she dialed the phone number she had just called again, and it kept beeping. Once, it was very busy, second time, it was very busy, and third time, it was still very busy.

Hey, it’s been a lot quieter this year.

This is the only canteen with a telephone in the village. There is a weak lamp hanging outside the eaves. An old man dressed in green linen could be vaguely seen sighing slightly, putting on a somewhat tattered cloak, and a few strands of white silk appeared faintly in the dim light. Turning around, we entered a heavy downpour again.

This rain only lasted one day. We stopped the next morning, and the dirt road was much dry in the afternoon. Tian Xin had been sitting on a small stool outside the eaves since December, looking at the straight gravel road with expectant eyes. The road is very narrow and can only accommodate a tricycle. She still remembers that the happiest year of her life was when her husband rode a tricycle in her direction from that road. The car was filled with half a car full of fish, which were frozen fish that my husband picked up from the river.

She always cried thinking about it. The old lady did not tell her daughter-in-law that her son would not come back for the New Year, so Tian Xin was still waiting, waiting patiently. On the 15th, I heard that Wang Er from Wang's wife's family on the other side of the river was back, and he brought a lot of new year's goods from other places. When I turned 20, my neighbor Brother Zhu also came back and brought many products from other places. In fact, Tian Xin didn't want him to bring back anything precious or strange, he just wanted him to come back to celebrate the New Year and give the baby in his belly a name. That's all she needs.

Seeing Tian Xin’s disappointed look, the old lady felt uncomfortable in her heart, so she went to the canteen to make phone calls every day. Walking on the muddy path, my legs and feet feel uncomfortable after half a hundred people, but I still insist on going every day. That day, she originally wanted to say that Tian Xin's baby was about to be born, and she wanted him to change his mind and come back to see the mother and son, but she was so busy that she forgot what he said last year that he would definitely come back to celebrate the New Year.

Finally the 26th arrived. During the day, my wife Tian Xin was still fine. In the middle of the night, she complained of stomachache and said her amniotic water had broken, which made the old lady very anxious. The king's wife on the other side of the river also groped the dark road in the middle of the night and rushed over. The neighbor's sister-in-law Zhu also came, busy boiling water and preparing scissors. The old lady looked outside the house and saw heavy fluffy snow. The snow was falling so strangely, like little fairies landing on the Leng family's house.

On December 27, 1993, at two o'clock in the morning, I heard the sound of a baby crying in the house. Tian Xin's child was born, and it was a normal delivery. The old lady held the newborn baby in her arms, lifted the wrapping cloth, narrowed her eyes with a smile, and said cheerfully: "My granddaughter, granddaughter. Hahahaha."

The snow stopped at dawn, and a fiery red ball appeared in the east. The sun rose, shining brilliantly on a ruined house. The old lady killed an old hen that she had raised for several years and stewed it in a pot to make soup. When she was bringing it to her daughter-in-law, she saw the sunrise in the east, colorful. He happily ran to his wife's room and told her his idea of ​​naming the child. Ever since, the child was named Leng Xueqing. The implication is, bleak redemption. It was deserted yesterday, but it is lively today. Just like that snow, the weather cleared up the next day.

In a few days, the New Year will be celebrated. This year, the birth of Xue Qing added a bit of color. The old lady held her granddaughter in her arms and looked at her facial features, which looked very much like her son's. The two eyes are big and black, full of hope for everything.

The child blinked and looked at the old lady, giggling, and the laughter seemed to spread thousands of miles away.

2

Youthful years. She said she saw a big red dress filled with happiness. That was the most beautiful year.

This is December, more than a month before the Chinese New Year, and it has started to snow. Xueya is six years old and has grown into a girl. She stood outside the house, raising her head and spreading her arms, as if she wanted to embrace the earth and enjoy the virtual warmth of the snow elf. Grandma was busy gathering firewood under the eaves. She turned around and saw Xue Ya's little head, with two horn braids, which looked very much like Nezha from the Heavenly Palace.

The snow girl suddenly turned her little head, moved her curious little mouth, and asked: "Grandma, why is the shape of the snow so much like the wild flowers on the field ridge? Why did it fall on my hand? Just disappeared? Why is it snowing now? ”

Grandma doesn’t know so much, she’s just saying what she thinks. "Because our snow girl is like a wild flower on the field ridge, not strange but beautiful. If the snow falls on your hand and disappears, it is because she is naughty playing hide and seek with you. Xue'er was born in such snowflakes , so it starts to snow every time you are born."

When Xue Ya heard this, her two big spiritual eyes flashed with surprise, is that so? It turns out to be like this. So I kept nodding my head and looked at grandma with reverence, feeling that grandma was really a knowledgeable grandma. And in this absent-minded state, I seemed to hear the voice of my neighbor’s sister Xiaoyang. When she came to her senses, she saw that her neighbor was actually waving to her from outside the eaves. At this time, everything was forgotten again. Even grandma had forgotten where she wanted to go to see someone later. Grandma watched as Xue Yatou’s figure disappeared in a burst of jumping. She cried out: "Girl, where are you going? Be careful and your feet will slip on the snow on the road."

She didn't care about this, she just ran towards the path. She still responded, saying that she was going to tell Sister Zhu Yang the answers to many questions about Xue. She wants to go hide-and-seek with the snow with Sister Xiaoyang, and look for the snow elves hiding in her hands.

The day passed like this. Snow girl looked everywhere for the hidden snow, but she couldn't find it for a long time. When I got home at night, I was bored and didn't speak. After eating, I climbed into bed and fell asleep soon.

On a bright day, the rooster crows. Grandma got up early. It was a sunny day, and the snow gradually melted under the sunshine. Grandma is busy cooking and doing laundry. His hands were in the ice water and turned red from the cold. Xueer didn't get up until noon. Still bored, not saying anything. Grandma cooked the rice and she ate it hastily. She didn't respond when grandma called her, and just sat outside the house with a small stool. There are five pine trees outside the house, with lush branches and leaves, still dripping water from melted snow. Her eyes were staring at the end of the small road, lost in thought.

Grandma looked at her silence, she must be thinking about them again. In the second year after she was born, her father came back to see her once. When he happily held her in his arms, she burst into tears. But when she saw other people with fathers, she still wondered what her own father was like. When she was three years old, her mother also went out with her father, and she has not come back to see her until now. Grandma knew that Xueer was going to school at the beginning of the new year, and her family was not rich, so they had to save their travel expenses for her to go to school.

Xue Yatou vaguely heard the sound of crying behind her. She turned around and saw two lines of tears like rivers hanging on her grandma's face. Seeing that she was also crying, grandma immediately wiped away the tears on her face. Her voice sounded a little hoarse, and she said, "Girl, let's go. Let's call them."

On the surface, Xueer was She nodded, but the secret in her heart made her heart hurt a little. She understood that Uncle Zhu from Sister Xiaoyang's house came back every year and bought many things she had never seen before. And grandma has already worked very hard, so she understands, even though she is only six years old.

Another month has passed, and in a few days, it will be the Chinese New Year. Grandma cooked the marinated fish and smoked meat at home and put them on the table. Xue'er had just come back from playing outside. She was still wearing a plain dress without flowers and looked a little disappointed. But when she saw grandma, she smiled. Grandma actually saw Xue'er's unhappy expression, so she just let her go. While eating, grandma quietly ran into the house and took out a bright red dress.

She actually knew the reason for her bad mood. Zhu Yang came to her that day and asked if she had bought new clothes, but Xueer happened to go out to play. She thought about it alone in the room for a long time, and then she thought of the wedding dress she wore back then, and changed it, planning to give Xue Yatou a surprise.

Xue Yatou couldn’t help crying when she looked at this bright red dress. Looking at Hongyi, she saw happiness in an instant. This year has been a bit special, and another bright red has been added to her happiness, a very beautiful bright red.

Xueer turned her head and looked at her grandma's face, inexplicably feeling that she was so beautiful.

三

She actually understands. Every time she will say silently in her heart, "Please forgive me for being willful, because I just want to retain the same respect for you as before. . ”

He’s grown up. When you grow up, can you not care about grandma's feelings and talk unscrupulously? Xueer is no longer the child who was always around her grandma. No longer do I run over to my grandma to hug her and say a lot of words of comfort when I see her crying. I no longer think that grandma is the most knowledgeable person in the world.

She hates grandma, hates grandma’s random fabrications, hates grandma’s nagging, hates those snow stories, the color of the snow, and the temperature of the snow, and even hates that grandma stood in the snow and let her I can't tell where is grandma's hair and where is the snow that only falls at this age. Grandma, it makes her so annoying and makes her feel so distressed.

In 2005, Xueer was twelve years old and had grown very tall. She also has a pretty face, and the villagers say she must be from the city. She was naturally happy, and she never noticed the dazed expression on her grandma's face after hearing this. In 2005, grandma became old, very old. It is said that as people age, their eyes become less useful and most of them are blind. Grandma Chaer, unfortunately, became one of the majority.

She didn’t know why her grandma was blind, but she just thought it was caused by the Chinese New Year. I hate the Chinese New Year. I hate that when the Chinese New Year is over, grandma gets even older. This is invisible to the eyes, and I don’t know where it will be useless next year or after the new year. This feeling is very complicated. Maybe my parents will come back during the New Year, just maybe. But grandma will definitely become one year older.

Grandma is blind, and everyone knows it. When Xueer was twelve years old, her grandmother became blind. There was a white veil in her eyes. Xueer didn't know what it was, so she asked, why is grandma blind? Grandma always said that because of your grandma, she can see happiness. Because grandma has seen enough, God will not let grandma see it. Every time she heard this, she always asked in a hypocritical voice of belief, right? Afterwards, I would run to my room and cry alone, saying in my heart that it was because of the New Year, just because of the New Year.

Grandma can’t see anything anymore, so naturally she can’t take Xueer to school in her hometown. Even though grandma felt extremely reluctant to give up, she made a phone call to a distant place and asked her son to pick up Xueer. She didn't say that she would be picked up, so she only asked Xue'er to be picked up. She planned to spend her remaining years at her daughter's home.

She didn’t tell Xue’er, because she knew that she would definitely refuse. December 27th was Xueer’s birthday. It's amazing, it's snowing all over the sky again. Grandma couldn't see Xue'er, so she moved a stool and sat in the corridor under the eaves, listening to the sound of her laughing and playing with the children who came to congratulate her. The voice was full of innocence and contentment, and it sounded like she was about to fall asleep. My thoughts go back to twelve years ago, and that baby's cry is still as warm as ever.

On the night of New Year’s Eve, Xueer was surprised and surprised when her parents suddenly returned home. But when her parents said straight to the point that they would take her to the place where they worked, she froze there and looked back at her grandma. Her grandma looked calm and without any mental preparation, she ran into the room and wiped her tears with a bamboo board. At this moment, a lot of it was flowing out.

Since then, she has run away from her grandma when she saw her, and she would not listen to her grandma’s words to her. She felt that her favorite grandma would betray her in this way, and her image in her mind had changed. She no longer recognizes him. But no matter how she resisted or cursed like this, she could not change the fact that she went with her parents. As soon as the new year was over, she left. When I got into Murakami's car, I didn't say a word of farewell to my grandma. Carrying grandma's lonely figure on her back, tears slipped quietly from the corners of her eyes.

Sitting in the car, after traveling a long way, she still saw her grandma's figure standing there, looking at the place where she was going.

She suddenly remembered what her grandma said to her six years ago. "Xue Ya, you should study hard, go to college in the future, and be a useful person. In this way, you won't have to work so hard like grandma or your parents." She remembered it very well, really very well. She will definitely study hard and heal grandma's eyes.

She began to regret it. During the last time she spent with her grandma, she was still angry. She had already figured it out in her heart. She didn't want her grandma's great status in her mind to disappear in the end. She is so willful and just wants to keep it. Here, she could only say over and over again in her heart, "Grandma, I'm sorry."

At this time, a little bird flew in the sky, and it was flying to a very distant place. Xue'er's head came out of the window, looking up and smiling, one day she would come back. Grandma also raised her head, as if she had also seen the bird, heard Xue'er's cry, and said that she would definitely wait for her return.

Four

When I became an adult, I didn’t see the prosperity I had during the New Year. Grandma, can you see happiness?

This is a visit without a destination. When Xueer and her parents boarded the train from Shanghai to Sichuan, it was destined to be a visit without a purpose. This is the saddest year, starting from a phone call that went unanswered for a long time at 2 o'clock in the morning on January 28, 2011. Xueer did not choose to go back to visit her grandma this year, which ultimately became a mistake that she will never forgive.

Leng Xueqing, how could she forget what she said when she left, that she would definitely come back and that her grandma’s eyes would be cured? Grandma, how can you forget Nuo who said you must wait for Xueer to come back? Grandma, how can you wait for Xueer? What grandma was talking about, she seemed to have said that she wanted to see Xueer go to college and have a successful career, and start a family, so how could she... leave her alone?

The journey home was long and long, and Xueer’s heart wandered to nowhere with her thoughts. From the cry when she fell to the ground that year when she saw her grandma quietly wiping her sweat, to the new red dress filled with happiness, to when she recited the text, her grandma stayed with her every night until she could memorize it. Finally, I saw that lonely, helpless and reluctant figure standing by the bridge looking at the car driving away for a long time, unable to recover. All this comfort was given by an old man named Leng Zeng. She still remembered that when she first learned to write, she asked her grandma, "Xue'er's name is Leng Xueqing, what about grandma?" Grandma chuckled and said, "Grandma's name is Leng Zengshi." I didn’t understand it at first, but I understand it now. Grandma has been a member of the Leng family all her life, so she even changed her surname.

This road seems to have no end. She didn't know where her grandma would be waiting for her. Every moment, she dared not close her eyes, because as soon as she closed her eyes, she would see her grandma's retreating back, and she could not chase her. When I close my eyes, I see my grandma’s lonely back.

The bumps along the way reminded her of her grandma’s goodness. Her little hard work was nothing. She lived to be eighteen years old, and her grandma loved her for eighteen years. In the future, it will be the same as before.

She thought she just didn’t mean it. But if your heart is numb with pain after hearing the news that you have passed away, if your heart is already numb, then where should you go to find it?

This is a year that is sad to the core, as if there is no joy but only lamentation. It seems that the color of the snow has become darker and colder. Xueer can't cry or laugh, just like a wooden person without feelings. It was the early morning of December 27th, the 30th day of the first lunar month. Xueer knelt in front of her grandma's body and said nothing for a long time. Just watching, not crying sadly. Grandma's face was very peaceful and her eyes were closed very easily. Xueer looked at it and thought of the time when she asked her why her eyes could not see. Grandma said that it was because of Xueer that she saw happiness. She saw too much, so God didn't want to show her any more. Then, does grandma know why Xueer can still see happiness even though she has already seen it? Because Xueer has not finished watching grandma’s happiness, because grandma’s happiness is not enough.

Grandma, I finally know the reason why you are blind. Do you still remember that every deep night, a weak oil lamp in the center of the room still illuminated your outline very brightly and clearly, as if you were in a painting? You mended countless clothes for me to keep me warm, but you exchanged them for the light of your life.

You once said that you love this nature, you love the arc of birds flying in the blue sky, you love the mellow fragrance of wheat and millet, but you can no longer see a piece of green, you can’t see To the vast blue sky.

The birth of a child and the existence of an old man must be like this: the child is getting older and older, but the old man is getting older and older. Year after year, year after year. It seems that the age of the child is increased by the grandmother, and the age of the grandmother is increased by the child.

On this day, grandma was buried. She watched with her own eyes the process of her grandma dying in the loess forever, and her heart ached a little, but only in this way could her grandma gain eternal life. Xueer knelt in front of her grandma's new grave, kowtowed countless times and shed countless tears. I also said it and asked it countless times in my heart:

When you left, did you come to my window to see me?

Have you seen heaven?

You must go to heaven. Be a shining star in the night and light my way.

I know that you can only go to heaven. Because you are, the best person.

Blessings to you. You must smile no matter what.

Postscript

This is what I wrote to you. I don't want those memories to sink into the water and never see the light of day. I want to write it down and write a novel for my wonderful grandma. Just for you, my grandma.

I will always remember that there was heavy snow on the day you left. I must have sensed it, because I couldn't sleep the night before. However, at 5 a.m. on January 28, 20XX, it was your call to leave. Beep, beep, it rang for a long time. Yao Dad said to Dad, Mom is gone. I didn't understand and asked, where have you gone? What came over was Yaoba's pitiful cry. It took a long, long time to die. The phone hung up, and my father was busy buying train tickets. I lay on the bed, looking at the ceiling, not knowing what to feel.

20××, January 28th, oh, it is actually a day to celebrate the New Year.

What you can’t understand is that I had two grandmothers who passed away within half a month of each other.

It seemed like centuries had passed, and I asked my mother about interesting stories about you and me when we were young. My eyes got wet as I listened. There is a scene of an old man carrying a bamboo pole on his back, and standing in the bamboo pole is a girl with pigtails. The old man stood by the wheat field and chatted with another mother-in-law who was weeding in the wheat field. The girl looked bored, so she swayed around in the basket and kept saying, "Grandma, let's go, let's go quickly." Faced with the girl's willfulness, the old man smiled and walked forward again. There was a green field in front of him, and the wheat was growing so abundantly.